Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/06/26/picnic_table_sentence/

Ohio table-shag man gets six months

Hard time for hardened furniture worrier

By Lester Haines

Posted in Bootnotes, 26th June 2008 12:04 GMT

The Ohio man caught on camera having sex with a picnic table has been jailed for six months, NBC reports.

Art Price Jr, 40, of Bellvue, molested the round metal table on four occasions. The last garden furniture liaison was on 12 March, a day before an unnamed informant dropped off DVD video evidence with cops, showing the hardened perp on the job.

NBC explains: "Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck."

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, Price's proximity to Ridge Elementary School upped the outrage to a felony.

Price was cuffed on 20 March, and during questioning "admitted he had sex with the picnic table" and "confirmed the incidents caught on the DVD". He also "admitted to having sex with the table inside his home".

On 18 June, Price pleaded no contest to "disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency". The Huron County Department of Corrections confirmed he was sentenced to six months' jail. ®

Bootnote

Those of you who require technical details of how to make "the beast with one back and six legs", Police Captain Matt Johnson explained back in March: "He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."