Feeds

Ohio man cuffed for shagging picnic table

Furniture-based public indecency caught on camera

Choosing a cloud hosting partner with confidence

An Ohio man has admitted to four felony counts of public indecency after a neighbour caught him on camera having sex with a picnic table, local news outfit WTOL11 reports.

Bellevue resident Art Price Jr, 40, molested the round metal table on four occasions "between the hours of 10:30 am and noon". A video of his last furniture liaison, on 14 March, provided police with hard evidence of Price's perversion.

Police Captain Matt Johnson said: "The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, the fact that Price got down and dirty "in close proximity to a school" makes the outrage rather more serious. Johnson explained: "What boosts it up to a felony is that the statute says if it's likely to be viewed by a minor."

Some neighbours are reportedly worried that Price's three school-age kids might take some stick if their school friends get wind of the scandal, although others are rather more concerned that he was released "on his own recognisance". One said: "He shouldn't be allowed just for the fact that he could do that again - and nude that close to a school. That should be zero tolerance."

Captain Johnson concluded: "Once you think you've seen it all, something else comes around." ®

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
WRISTJOB LOVE BONANZA: justWatch sex app promises blind date hookups
Mankind shuffles into the future, five fingers at a time
Oz carrier Tiger Air takes terror alerts to new heights
Don't doodle, it might cost you your flight
Every billionaire needs a PANZER TANK, right? STOP THERE, Paul Allen
Angry Microsoftie hauls auctioneers to court over stalled Pzkw. IV 'deal'
Oi, London thief. We KNOW what you're doing - our PRECRIME system warned us
Aye, shipmate, it be just like that Minority Report
Apple's Mr Havisham: Tim Cook says dead Steve Jobs' office has remained untouched
'I literally think about him every day' says biz baron's old friend
Cops apologise for leaving EXPLOSIVES in suitcase at airport
'Canine training exercise' SNAFU sees woman take home booming baggage
prev story

Whitepapers

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops
Balancing user privacy and privileged access, in accordance with compliance frameworks and legislation. Evaluating any potential remote control choice.
Intelligent flash storage arrays
Tegile Intelligent Storage Arrays with IntelliFlash helps IT boost storage utilization and effciency while delivering unmatched storage savings and performance.
WIN a very cool portable ZX Spectrum
Win a one-off portable Spectrum built by legendary hardware hacker Ben Heck
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
Beginner's guide to SSL certificates
De-mystify the technology involved and give you the information you need to make the best decision when considering your online security options.