Feeds

Ohio table-shag man gets six months

Hard time for hardened furniture worrier

Intelligent flash storage arrays

The Ohio man caught on camera having sex with a picnic table has been jailed for six months, NBC reports.

Art Price Jr, 40, of Bellvue, molested the round metal table on four occasions. The last garden furniture liaison was on 12 March, a day before an unnamed informant dropped off DVD video evidence with cops, showing the hardened perp on the job.

NBC explains: "Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck."

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, Price's proximity to Ridge Elementary School upped the outrage to a felony.

Price was cuffed on 20 March, and during questioning "admitted he had sex with the picnic table" and "confirmed the incidents caught on the DVD". He also "admitted to having sex with the table inside his home".

On 18 June, Price pleaded no contest to "disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency". The Huron County Department of Corrections confirmed he was sentenced to six months' jail. ®

Bootnote

Those of you who require technical details of how to make "the beast with one back and six legs", Police Captain Matt Johnson explained back in March: "He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

Secure remote control for conventional and virtual desktops

More from The Register

next story
Holy vintage vehicles! Earliest known official Batmobile goes on sale
Riddle me this: are you prepared to pay US$180k?
Criticism of Uber's journo-Data Analytics plan is an Attack on DIGITAL FREEDOM
First they came for Emil – and I'm damn well SPEAKING OUT
'Open source just means big companies can steal your code.' O RLY?
Plus: Flame of the Week returns, for one night only!
'It is comforting to know where your data centres are.' UK.GOV does NOT
Plus: Anons are 'wannabes', KKK says, before being pwned
NEWSFLASH: It's time to ditch dullard Facebook chums
Everything hot in tech, courtesy of avian anchor Regina Eggbert
Hey, you, PHONE-FACE! Kickstarter in-car mobe mount will EMBED your phone into your MUG
Stick it on the steering wheel and wait for the airbag to fire
Bible THUMP: Good Book beats Darwin to most influential tome title
Folio Society crowns fittest of surviving volumes
U wot? Silicon Roundabout set to become Silicon U-BEND
Crap-spouting London upstarts to get permanent road closure
prev story

Whitepapers

Choosing cloud Backup services
Demystify how you can address your data protection needs in your small- to medium-sized business and select the best online backup service to meet your needs.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
5 critical considerations for enterprise cloud backup
Key considerations when evaluating cloud backup solutions to ensure adequate protection security and availability of enterprise data.
High Performance for All
While HPC is not new, it has traditionally been seen as a specialist area – is it now geared up to meet more mainstream requirements?
How to simplify SSL certificate management
Simple steps to take control of SSL certificates across the enterprise, and recommendations centralizing certificate management throughout their lifecycle.