Feeds

Ohio table-shag man gets six months

Hard time for hardened furniture worrier

Gartner critical capabilities for enterprise endpoint backup

The Ohio man caught on camera having sex with a picnic table has been jailed for six months, NBC reports.

Art Price Jr, 40, of Bellvue, molested the round metal table on four occasions. The last garden furniture liaison was on 12 March, a day before an unnamed informant dropped off DVD video evidence with cops, showing the hardened perp on the job.

NBC explains: "Price is seen naked and masturbating in the rear room near the open doorway; he then comes out to the deck. He tilts the metal round picnic table on its side and lays up against it and has sexual intercourse with the table. Afterwards he cleans the table and the deck."

While sex with picnic tables is normally considered a misdemeanour, Price's proximity to Ridge Elementary School upped the outrage to a felony.

Price was cuffed on 20 March, and during questioning "admitted he had sex with the picnic table" and "confirmed the incidents caught on the DVD". He also "admitted to having sex with the table inside his home".

On 18 June, Price pleaded no contest to "disseminating harmful material to juveniles and public indecency". The Huron County Department of Corrections confirmed he was sentenced to six months' jail. ®

Bootnote

Those of you who require technical details of how to make "the beast with one back and six legs", Police Captain Matt Johnson explained back in March: "He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table."

Next gen security for virtualised datacentres

More from The Register

next story
Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD
'Officers were unable to determine Chicken's intent'
Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!
Put it away boys. Cover them up ladies. Your credit cards, we mean
Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?
Local UK gov outs most ridiculous FoI requests...
Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'
US court hears of cached browser image - not actual request
Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people
They're a future source of RENEWABLE ENERGY
Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty
Sales of traditional brekkie foods soar as hungry folk get their mitts greasy
Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE
Examining the frothy disconnect in indie cafe culture
Ex-Apple man Sam Sung - for it is he - sticks namebadge on eBay
Stump up via tat bazaar, do a good thing for ill kids
Check your Clungene, Irish women warned
Have a quick shufti, you may not be pregnant after all
prev story

Whitepapers

5 things you didn’t know about cloud backup
IT departments are embracing cloud backup, but there’s a lot you need to know before choosing a service provider. Learn all the critical things you need to know.
Implementing global e-invoicing with guaranteed legal certainty
Explaining the role local tax compliance plays in successful supply chain management and e-business and how leading global brands are addressing this.
Build a business case: developing custom apps
Learn how to maximize the value of custom applications by accelerating and simplifying their development.
Rethinking backup and recovery in the modern data center
Combining intelligence, operational analytics, and automation to enable efficient, data-driven IT organizations using the HP ABR approach.
Next gen security for virtualised datacentres
Legacy security solutions are inefficient due to the architectural differences between physical and virtual environments.