Feeds

Tennessee bloke cuffed for attempting to shag ATM – police

Also wooed wooden picnic table, cops claim

Internet Security Threat Report 2014

A Tennessee man earned himself an appointment with the beak last Friday night after police claimed that he'd walked into bar, dropped his trousers and tried to have his evil way with a cash machine.

According to a police report quoted by the Tennessean, 49-year-old Lonnie J. Hutton entered the Murfreesboro hostelry "and walked to the ATM".

Officer Michael Rickard reported: "Once at the ATM, Mr. Hutton pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals, Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM."

Having then paraded around the bar "wearing no pants while he thrust his hips in the air", Hutton was escorted outside by staff where he "again exposed himself and (attempted to) engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table", cops alleged.

Hutton, whom cops claimed "appeared intoxicated and smelled of alcohol", was whisked to jail, where he was held on $250 bail on a charge of "public intoxication".

He's due in court on 1 July.

Long-term Reg readers will no doubt be aware that sex with picnic tables has until now been largely restricted to Ohio, where locals also have a penchant for inflatable pool rafts. ®

Bootnote

Thanks to Daz Disley for the money shot.

Remote control for virtualized desktops

More from The Register

next story
Bladerunner sequel might actually be good. Harrison Ford is in it
Go ahead, you're all clear, kid... Sorry, wrong film
Euro Parliament VOTES to BREAK UP GOOGLE. Er, OK then
It CANNA do it, captain.They DON'T have the POWER!
Musicians sue UK.gov over 'zero pay' copyright fix
Everyone else in Europe compensates us - why can't you?
I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations
Quick, call the Time Cops to sort out this paradox!
Megaupload overlord Kim Dotcom: The US HAS RADICALISED ME!
Now my lawyers have bailed 'cos I'm 'OFFICIALLY' BROKE
Forget Hillary, HP's ex CARLY FIORINA 'wants to be next US Prez'
Former CEO has political ambitions again, according to Washington DC sources
prev story

Whitepapers

10 ways wire data helps conquer IT complexity
IT teams can automatically detect problems across the IT environment, spot data theft, select unique pieces of transaction payloads to send to a data source, and more.
Getting started with customer-focused identity management
Learn why identity is a fundamental requirement to digital growth, and how without it there is no way to identify and engage customers in a meaningful way.
How to determine if cloud backup is right for your servers
Two key factors, technical feasibility and TCO economics, that backup and IT operations managers should consider when assessing cloud backup.
Reg Reader Research: SaaS based Email and Office Productivity Tools
Read this Reg reader report which provides advice and guidance for SMBs towards the use of SaaS based email and Office productivity tools.
Security and trust: The backbone of doing business over the internet
Explores the current state of website security and the contributions Symantec is making to help organizations protect critical data and build trust with customers.