Original URL: http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/08/17/comments/
Man loses leg in bathtub romp
And dead men buy no ringtones
Comments Friday is here again, and we begin on a pious note. Good news for the ostentatiously religious among you: Gold River Productions has come out with a Christian ringtones service. Fellow commuters can be treated to a reading of a bible verse or a Christian rock ditty, among other choices, and you might want to hold off answering the call so they can get the full benefit. Answering "HELLO? I'M ON THE ARK. NO, THE ARK!" is discouraged.
I think I'll change my ring tone to a few screamed "Alllllllaaaaaaah"'s.
I imagine it would do wonders to clears queues in shops.
Dear god... Imagine the crazy frog version of 'the lord is my shephard'..
Islamic extremists could save a lot if you used Nokia's which screamed 'for Allah' or Allah is great' before the batteries self destructed.
Last I heard the Islam faith's higher-ups had stomped on an attempt at Koran-based ringtones as rather tacky and not with the spirit of the faith (in part because people tend to cut the ring-tone off mid-sentence which is just downright rude to Allah).
Ouch, mobile ringtons + religion = the two biggest annoyances in the world in one small box!
Need some atheist comeback ringtones: "There is no God. You have a call. There is no God. You have a call."
Or for the more open-minded: "There may be something out there but I'm undecided. Ring. There may be something out there but I'm undecided. Ring."
What about Richard Dawkins quotes? Could lead to a few righteous tussles.
A steamy three-in-a-bath romp led to the dismissal of a female Telstra employee on grounds of sexual harassment, but she has won her case for unfair dismissal. She has been compensated and got her job back. There were many facets of this story to discuss, and you covered quite a few:
Oh so what.
It was a Christmas party, that for 3 people, got a little out of hand. I'm sure we've all been there.
Just because her fellow female employee's clearly aren't getting any at home, there's no reason deprive somebody whose already going to feel terrible (if not, then she really should) in the morning, of their livelyhood. If she'd have done this actually during work time, then I could see why they'd want to fire her, but during a party...
Who wants to bet the re-hiring committee was made up exclusivly of men thinking of going to THIS year's Christmas bash
Sounds like this girl likes a good sacking.
My job is so boring. The best we get is someone puking in the toilets.
What are the positions that can be adopted for a three in a bath romp? Preferably ones that won't result in you slipping and breaking your neck or drowning. Tap shaped bruising is probably inevitable.
They probably used snorkels.
If you are in a hotel room with others and wake up and need to go to the bathroom, but it's occupied, what would you do?
I would use the public restroom on the same floor, or worst case, in the lobby. It would not even occur to me to enter a bathroom with three "busy" people and attempt to pee with them watching and then get upset enough about it to get someone fired afterwards. Who even does that??
Someone plainly very desperate for the loo.
A Japanese motorcyclist lost a leg in a collision with a motorway central reservation, and rode 2km farther before noticing something was amiss. Curious, you wondered what alerted him to his state of leglessness, as well as making many awful puns:
Presumably he might have twigged something was afoot (or not - sorry) by his inability either to apply the back brake, or change gears...
He was clearly legless when it happened.
Probably full of Kawa-saki.
That's what happens when you 'put the foot down'.
He obviously was in knee'd of help.
This certainly falls into the Bootnotes category
Was he riding a 'chopper'?
Sure it's not an urban leg-end?
Some of these comments have really gone out on a limb to be funny...
And so on. You lot really put the boot in.
In a case that may foresee mediums everywhere going electronic, Telekom Malaysia has billed a dead man $218 trillion. The missive, addressed to his upright-and-breathing son, demanded that he pay within 10 days and threatened court action. Clearly the cost of next-to-this plane communication is too high at the moment, but competition will doubtless bring prices down.
The cost of calling from beyond the grave is obviously a bit more than Verizon's standard roaming charges.
Phone companies are clearly no threat to mediums yet!
"The $218 trillion total is roughly 17 times the GDP of the United States."
Or this would take approximately 20 minutes downloading on most UK networks' 3G rates.
I can understand the '806,400,000,000,000' part but not '.01'.
Can't they just round it off to '.00' LOL
This is simply more proof that accountants are demon members of the legions of the undead. Evidently part of the process of becoming an undead accountant leads to total removal of all vestiges of imagination and sense of humour.
This reminds me of a situation that arose after my Father's death. I started receiving collection notices from some firm on behalf of the (then and still) defunct and out-of-business Montgomery Ward's department store. After some initial consternation, I decided to let it go, and see if a company that didn't exist any more could meet with any success collecting money from a person that didn't either. I viewed it as an interesting experiment. After several increasingly threatening notices, the problem went away on its own.
I once got a collection notice for a value of £0.00. Still got it somewhere. They were nice enough to drop the matter, leaving me free to spend that £0 on - you guessed it - more booze. It's Friday; do journalists think of anything else on Fridays? ®