Software News and Views for the World • The Register

No stormy weather on Microsoft's horizon – as quarterly commercial cloud cash balloons 41%

Databricks launches open-source project to drain all your data swamps into info lakes

IT sales star wins $660k lawsuit against Oracle in Qatar – but can't collect, because the Oracle he sued suddenly vanished

UK cautiously gives Huawei the nod for 5G network gear sales

It's an Easter Jesus miracle: MS Paint back from the dead (ish) and in Windows 10 'for now'

SAP's cloud revenues swell 45% – just don't ask about the gaping €136m hole in profits

Remember Windows Media Center? Well, the SDK is now on GitHub to be poked at your leisure

Windows 10 May 2019 Update thwarted by obscure tech known as 'external storage'

FYI: Yeah, the cops can force your finger onto a suspect's iPhone to see if it unlocks, says judge

Sophos antivirus tools. Working Windows box. Latest Patch Tuesday fixes. Pick two: 'Puters knackered by bad combo

'We're not omnipotent,' trills National Cyber Security Centre in open-armed pitch to UK biz

Brit spy chief: We need trust or we won't have a 'licence to operate in cyberspace'

DevOps grandpa Electric Cloud absorbed into youthful CloudBees

We can help you get on top of DevOps, CI/CD and containers, all in one month's time...

What exactly is everyone doing with DevOps, Containers, Kubernetes and Serverless?

Chaos? We’ll show you how to make it work for your software org

Samsung to invest $115bn in logic chip biz over next 11 years as volatile memory mart cools

Clear Ventures does an Electric Boogaloo with sequel fund to splash $180m on 'Industry 4.0'

High Court confirms the way UK banned GSM gateways was illegal

Double trouble for Lyft after share price drop sparks class action lawsuits claiming hype

ood new, fanbys. Apple spds up n-str McBook latop kyboad rpairs, ccrding t hs leakd mmo

Facebook: Not saying we've done anything wrong but... we're just putting $3bn profit aside for an FTC privacy fine

5G is Chinese firms' foot in the door to Europe as Oppo launches flagship Reno mobe in Zurich

Behold, the insides of Samsung's Galaxy Fold: The phone that tears down all on its own

Geek's Guide

Rising sea levels? How about the rising risk of someone using a nuke?

Thanks to the NASA InSight probe (and British tools), you can now listen to the sound of a Martian earthquake

It was that gosh-darn anomaly again, says SpaceX as smoke billows from Crew Dragon test site

Absolute mad lads are teaching physics to AI because how else will it learn to solve real-world problems (like humans)

Docker raises Arm to make itself handier for IoT edge data pushing

Baffling tale of Apple shops' 'non-facial' 'facial recognition', a stolen ID, and a $1bn lawsuit after a wrongful arrest

FYI: Get ready for face scans on leaving the US because 1.2% of visitors overstayed their visas

Tesla touts totally safe, not at all worrying self-driving cars – this time using custom chips

Verity Stob

President Trump sits down with Twitter boss for crunch talks: Why am I losing followers?

Not another pro-Brexit demo... though easy to confuse: Each Union Jack marks a pile of poo

Bloke faces up to 20 years in the clink after gun held to dot-com owner's head in robbery

Aussies, Yanks may think they're big drinkers – but Brits easily booze them under the table

Software

You've heard of programmer art. Now witness journalist art

It's an Easter Jesus miracle: MS Paint back from the dead (ish) and in Windows 10 'for now'

Aging awful art app to remain in May 2019 OS upgrade after its, wait for it, wait for it... brush with death

24 Apr 18:59 | 14

Glory hole

SAP's cloud revenues swell 45% – just don't ask about the gaping €136m hole in profits

Qualtrics slurp and restructure aren't making any money yet

24 Apr 15:30 | 3

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Remember Windows Media Center? Well, the SDK is now on GitHub to be poked at your leisure

If you ever wanted to write an extension for Microsoft's long-dead media hub, you can

24 Apr 14:03 | 13

Windows 10 May 2019 Update thwarted by obscure tech known as 'external storage'

USBs and SD cards can result in a drive-letter switcheroo

24 Apr 09:15 | 96

Accenture sued over website redesign so bad it Hertz: Car hire biz demands $32m+ for 'defective' cyber-revamp

Rental firm fuming after consultancy 'never delivered a functional site or mobile app'

23 Apr 21:12 | 119

Node.js version 12 is now out: Let's pop the hood and see what's inside this JS runtime

TLS 1.3, speedups, reduced memory overhead, and more

23 Apr 19:03 | 6

Microsoft fans celebrate the Easter weekend with some Sets-based upsets

RoundupPlus: Windows 10 May 2019 Update on MSDN, Surface Hub 2S has a trolley

23 Apr 11:15 | 15

Fed up with 72-hour, six-day working weeks, IT workers emit cries for help via GitHub repo

Help! Help! We're being held prisoner in a software factory!

23 Apr 05:56 | 47

NPM is Not Particularly Magnanimous? Staff fired after trying to unionize – complaints

Special reportPlus: Employee diversity, harassment brouhahas within Microsoft, Google

22 Apr 20:33 | 54

badger

Hands off Brock! EFF pleads with Google not to kill its Privacy Badger with its Manifest destiny

It's not hard, we just need some coding tweaks to make sure Privacy Badger stays sane

19 Apr 08:31 | 31

Disco Dingo fever: Ubuntu 19.04 has an infrastructure bent, snappier GNOME and another stupid name

New Linux kernel, new build

18 Apr 09:37 | 39

Misty woods picture via Shutterstock

Microsoft debuts Bosque – a new programming language with no loops, inspired by TypeScript

InterviewHere's that regularized programming you wanted. Bish, bash, er, Bosque

18 Apr 07:04 | 194

car

Hey criminals, need a getaway vehicle? There's an app for that... Car share tool halts ops amid crime wave, arrests

You wouldn't download a car – oh actually...

18 Apr 00:58 | 32

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App-y now? UK health secretary spammed with pics of flowers that look like ladies' private parts

Social media hits back at suggestion women are too shy to get a smear test

15 Apr 12:51 | 22

Firefox arrives for Snapdragon Windows and Slack sidles up to Office 365

RoundupAlso: Azure goes big in Britain, Bletchley Park to teach tech and Skype shares some more

15 Apr 10:03 | 20

Motion detectors: say hello, wave goodbye and… flushhhhhh

Something for the Weekend, Sir?Some things are better left without a video greeting

12 Apr 08:07 | 165

My HPE-funded lawyer wrote my witness statement, reseller boss tells High Court

Autonomy trialAutonomy helped Capax Discovery repay its own contracts, he added

11 Apr 18:30 | 48

Be wary, traveller: There is no going back if you step over the Windows 10 20H1 threshold

Insiders play 'Where's 19H2?' and every day is an Edge day

11 Apr 12:10 | 20

Do you want salt with that? Salesforce phallus 'shopped out' of Oracle Park calendar cover

Nah, it's just an old photo, claims spokesborg

10 Apr 18:01 | 16

Jamf Nation Roadshow aims to cure your Apple device management headaches

PromoSoftware provider tackles growing market sector

RIP: Microsoft finally pulls plug on last XP survivor... POSReady 2009

Welcome to Day One of the post NT 5.1 era

10 Apr 12:41 | 148

MOST READ

Accenture sued over website redesign so bad it Hertz: Car hire biz demands $32m+ for 'defective' cyber-revamp

SpaceX Demo-1 Recovery (credit: NASA/Isaac Watson)

It was that gosh-darn anomaly again, says SpaceX as smoke billows from Crew Dragon test site

Windows 10 May 2019 Update thwarted by obscure tech known as 'external storage'

Image by Mark Bennetts http://www.shutterstock.com/gallery-2389319p1.html

Cheapskate Brits appear to love their Poundland MVNOs as UK's big four snubbed in survey again

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Windows Subsystem for Linux distro gets a preening, updated version waddles into Microsoft's app store

If you're feeling a little bit Linux, p-p-p-pick up a p-p-p-Pengwin...1.2

10 Apr 11:31 | 71

Rust never sleeps: C++-alike language tops Stack Overflow survey for fourth year in a row

Python still popular. Visual Basic for Applications liked about as much as meetings

09 Apr 19:00 | 100

Microsoft realises more testing wouldn't hurt and plonks Windows 10 May update into Preview ring

You can take the plunge a bit early... if you dare

09 Apr 15:15 | 9

hiker walks over edge (to somewhere nice? could go either way...)

The Reg takes a trip over the New Edge. Mmmm... New Coke with extra fizz

The Vulture hooks a talon into Microsoft's Edge-y take on Chromium

09 Apr 11:40 | 28

Thomas Di Giacomo

Karma chameleon: Reg hack takes SUSE mascot plushy right in the kisser

InterviewThen talks cloud, devs and Functions as a Service with engineering boss

09 Apr 10:14 | 8

polygonal canary

It's alive! Hands on with Microsoft's Chromium Edge browser

Hands onYou say Edgium, they say Chredge, we say Chrexplorer – let's call the whole thing off

08 Apr 18:46 | 91

crying baby in ring

Microsoft buffs its rings, emits Code and goes global with Kaizala

For those moments when four rings just aren't quite enough

08 Apr 10:00 | 11

One step forward and one step back for Apple's privacy campaign with latest Safari build

Intelligent Tracking protection arrives as off switch for website tattling trait is removed

06 Apr 17:47 | 30

Raise some horns: Red Hat's MetalKube aims to make Kubernetes on bare machines simple

OpenInfra Days UK 2019Open-source project borrows bits of OpenStack

Prepare yourselves for Windows 10 May-hem. Or is it June, no, July?

Microsoft's latest update for its ageing OS due to hit Soon™

05 Apr 10:49 | 77

Xen 4.12 shrinks code, beefs up security, rethinks x86 support

Plus, it’s now actually two hypervisors in one

smashed phone

Google pholds! Just kidding. But Android Q Beta 2 drop supports those cool bendy mobes

Toying with UI, burstin' bubbles

04 Apr 16:58 | 21

Google faces antitrust charges in the European Union

No Widevine DRM for you! Developer left with two years of work stymied by Google snub

Take your media viewing ideas somewhere else

03 Apr 06:04 | 58

NPM clings to its cuddly image – as senior staff vote with their feet: Now longtime product boss quits JS package biz

npm uninstall iarna

03 Apr 00:49 | 8

Australia in a frame

GA'day, mate: Open the plonk, turn up a banger, Visual Studio 2019 is officially here (don't get too excited, Mac devs)

Striding into its third decade, dev suite is now ready to Share

02 Apr 21:37 | 21

We don't know whether 737 Max MCAS update is coming or Boeing: Anti-stall safety fix delayed

Airlines will have to wait few more weeks to get new code as engineers need more time

02 Apr 20:22 | 107

Amazon consumer biz celebrates ridding itself of last Oracle database with tame staff party... and a Big Red piñata

Fulfilment promise fulfilled

02 Apr 13:05 | 55

Autonomy was a 'pure-play software company', testifies former HP chief exec Léo Apotheker

Autonomy TrialAnd that's a quote from its 2010 accounts

02 Apr 10:10 | 36

Nice People Matter? NPM may stand for Not Politely Managed – job cuts leave staff sore

Layoffs at JavaScript package registry raise questions about fate of community resource

01 Apr 20:45 | 42

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