Data Centre > BOFH

Man holds out fistful of  crayons

BOFH: Is everybody ready for the meeting? Grab a crayon – let's get technical

Episode 11 So I'm doing some documentation – which we all know is a waste of my valuable time because everything I do is self-documenting – and the Boss walks in.
Simon Travaglia, 22 Jun 2018
Smartphone falls in water

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Episode 10 "You see!" the Boss says.
Simon Travaglia, 15 Jun 2018
Repairman in orange overalls threateningly wields tape measure

BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Episode 9 I'm already in a bit of a foul mood when the Boss calls me into his office for "a quick word". The office Health and Safety enthusiast is there too so I know the meeting will be neither quick nor a single word.
Simon Travaglia, 25 May 2018

BOFH: But I did log in to the portal, Dave

Episode 8At some point in every successful IT vendor's lifecycle, their infrastructure gets so vast and monolithic that navigating their support network is pretty much impossible for everyone but the vendor's people themselves – and sometimes not even them.
Simon Travaglia, 04 May 2018
old man wearing gold chain and sleeve tattoos

BOFH: Guys? Guys? We need blockchain... can you install blockchain?

Episode 7"I've got two words for you," the Boss says excitedly. "Block Chain!"
Simon Travaglia, 27 Apr 2018
man dressed as zombie doing accounts/audit

BOFH: We know where the bodies are buried

Episode 6We're having a company-wide operational audit. The Boss, bless him, thinks it's a routine process aimed at solidifying the company's position in the marketplace (blah, blah, blah), however the PFY and I know better having accidentally been bcc-ed in on a private email exchange discussing a possible company merger with a rival firm.
Simon Travaglia, 20 Apr 2018
Scared looking office consultant hides under desk

BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

Episode 5 "We put a fair amount of time into ideation sessions in an attempt to leverage your company's commercial value against the prevailing market perception," the suit says.
Simon Travaglia, 23 Mar 2018
Plants growing from a urinal

BOFH: Honourable misconduct

Episode 4 I’m on high alert in Mission Control. It’s 11:30am, I’ve not seen the PFY all morning and there’s a cold, half eaten chicken kebab sitting on the PFY’s keyboard.
Simon Travaglia, 02 Mar 2018
Cover of PUBG game with the PFY's head (complete with headset) superimposed on hero's shoulders

BOFH: Turn your server rack hotspot to a server rack notspot

Episode 3
Simon Travaglia, 16 Feb 2018
open window in an office building... just the right size for a person to fall out

BOFH: We want you to know you have our full support

Episode 2"NGGGGAAARRRGGGHHH!" the PFY says, slamming his mouse onto the desk several times.
Simon Travaglia, 09 Feb 2018

BOFH: Buttock And Departmental Defence ... As A Service

Episode 1The PFY is feeling a little unappreciated. APPARENTLY I’m not supporting him in his role very well and he feels a bit like a scapegoat.
Simon Travaglia, 12 Jan 2018
 builder installs window latch

BOFH: The trouble with, er, windows installs

Episode 16"What you're looking for is plausible deniability," I say to the Boss.
Simon Travaglia, 24 Nov 2017
Belt with antique looking cellphone strapped to it in a brass pouch

BOFH: But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?

Episode 15“I don’t know what to say,” the Boss says, looking confused.
Simon Travaglia, 10 Nov 2017
Tea mug wth buttered toast on a plate

BOFH: Do I smell burning toes, I mean burning toast?

Episode 14There's trouble in the state of Mission Control.
Simon Travaglia, 27 Oct 2017
Man gets tie stuck in paper shredder...

BOFH: Oh dear. Did someone get lost on the Audit Trail?

Episode 13So I'm walking down the corridor from Mission Control with about a ream of financial paperwork when I notice the Boss coming the other way with the IT Director in tow - never a good sign.
Simon Travaglia, 13 Oct 2017
Man and robot...

BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss

Episode 12"I don't think your reviews are overly helpful," the Director sulks.
Simon Travaglia, 29 Sep 2017
Tea with biscuits.

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

Episode 11"We just DID this!" the PFY snaps - before I can beat him to it.
Simon Travaglia, 15 Sep 2017

BOFH: Oh go on. Strap me to your Hell Desk, PFY

Episode 10"So what do you think?" the Boss asks. "You've had more experience than me at this."
Simon Travaglia, 28 Jul 2017
man in pain at workstation

BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

Episode 9"I wasn't built for user support, I know that now," I sigh.
Simon Travaglia, 07 Jul 2017

BOFH: Putting the commitment into committee

Episode 8I never cease to be amazed by the seemingly endless possibilities for forming a committee to not do something.
Simon Travaglia, 23 Jun 2017
Man with bun sucks on vape. Photo by shutterstock

BOFH: Halon is not a rad new vape flavour

Episode 7"Simon, Steven – a word?" the Boss burbles warmly.
Simon Travaglia, 16 Jun 2017
James has entered the bastardly matrix. Illustrations from SStock, text from The Reg

BOFH: This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back

Episode 6 "Ok James, I think it's time we released you into the wild," I say.
Simon Travaglia, 28 Apr 2017

BOFH: Defenestration, a solution to Solutions To Problems We Don't Have

Episode 5"The thing is," I explain to James, "the vast majority of management bright ideas aren't – they're just stuff which keeps the Boss occupied till lunchtime firing off urgent emails about problems we don't have."
Simon Travaglia, 07 Apr 2017

BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

Episode 4 "Ah! Simon, Steven - this is James," the Boss burbles, pushing a young lad forward like a ritual sacrifice candidate. "James is doing a 2 week placement with us as part of his further studies."
Simon Travaglia, 31 Mar 2017
It's beer o clock for sysadmins. Photo by SHutterstock

BOFH: Don't back up in anger

Episode 3Backups.
Simon Travaglia, 17 Mar 2017
Man with clipboard, hardhat and concerned expression next to a pressure gauge in an industrial setting. Pic by Shutterstock

BOFH: Elf of Safety? Orc of Admin. Pleased to meet you

Episode 2There's a small-scale war going on between me, the PFY and the folk in Health and Safety.
Simon Travaglia, 24 Feb 2017
shouting at laptop 2 via shutterstock.jpg

BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me

Episode 1"Okay, I'll just need your username and password to verify this," the customer rep tells me.
Simon Travaglia, 03 Feb 2017
Scientist says nope. Photo by SHutterstock

BOFH: The Hypochondriac Boss and the non-random sample

Episode 14 "It's called Selection Bias," I say to the Boss.
Simon Travaglia, 25 Nov 2016
Man with YOLO tattooed on his knuckles prepares to punch the viewer (of the pic). Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: The Idiot-ware Project and the Meaningless Acronym

Episode 13"So I just need a bit of help with the O.I.A.A.P." the new Boss blurts, bowling into Mission Control with a folder tucked under his arm.
Simon Travaglia, 07 Oct 2016

BOFH: There are no wrong answers, just wrong questions. Mmm, really wrong ones

Episode 12"Look, all we want you to do is take this simple test which will tell us your personality type and the things you respond to," the Boss burbles.
Simon Travaglia, 30 Sep 2016
PRIVATE investigator on the phone, smoking a cigar, looks around suspiciously. Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: The case of the suspicious red icon

Episode 11 So I'm in the office by myself while the PFY is out doing... something... I guess... when one of our atypical difficult users comes in.
Simon Travaglia, 16 Sep 2016
Two beer glasses clash and splash frothy beer into the air. Cheers! Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: Free as in free beer or... Oh. 'Free Upgrade'

Episode 10"I TOLD you, I HATE working on printers!" I seethe at the Boss.
Simon Travaglia, 22 Jul 2016
Smiling man wears VR headset against backdrop of city. Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: I found a flying Dragonite on a Windows 2003 domain

Episode 9 Hell hath no fury like a Boss who has taken umbrage - and in this case he happened to hear the PFY discussing how he'd "upgraded" the Boss's Pokémon Go to a full augmented-reality app with a "feature" that made large moving vehicles invisible - just before giving him a virtual reality headset and suggesting that there were some great possibilities at the roundabout at the end of the street. Still, it's not like the PFY borrowed the company van and waited at the roundabout or anything...
Simon Travaglia, 15 Jul 2016
Man shreds documents. Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: Follow the paper trail

Episode 8 "We were wondering.. what you were doing with... the storeroom?" the Boss asks.
Simon Travaglia, 17 Jun 2016
Techie wields circular saw while standing over the innards of a workstation. Photo by Shutterstock

BOFH: What's your point, caller?

Episode 7"Well I'm... pretty sure I didn't get it!" the PFY says, motioning his mouse aimlessly around the screen for a bit while lazing back in his chair. "Have you tried rebooting your machine?"
Simon Travaglia, 03 Jun 2016
Ozzy Osbourne performing live with his bassist Blasko in 2013. Photo by Harmony Gerber,  Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic

BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral

Episode 6 "So all I need is the data from yesterday and maybe the day before," the Boss says, handing over his pride and joy.
Simon Travaglia, 22 Apr 2016

BOFH: If you liked it then you should've put the internet in it

Episode 5"Wah wah wah wah wah..."
Simon Travaglia, 15 Apr 2016
Angry man yelling on phone while reading vintage printer paper report. Photo by SHutterstock

BOFH: Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles

Episode 4It's yet another one of those Fridays where ALL I NEED TO DO IS MAKE IT TO 4pm..
Simon Travaglia, 08 Apr 2016

BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon

Episode 3
Simon Travaglia, 26 Feb 2016
Kevin Steen hitting Adam Cole with a superkick at the Ring of Honor tapings held at the Ted Reeve Arena in Toronto. Pic by Tabercil, licensed under CC 3.0

BOFH: In-depth IT training needs a single-malt distillery

Episode 2 There's a bit of a scramble on.
Simon Travaglia, 29 Jan 2016

BOFH: I want no memory of this pointless conversation. Alcohol please

Episode 1"Why does it always have to be so difficult with you guys?" the new Boss asks.
Simon Travaglia, 22 Jan 2016

BOFH: Taking a spin in a decommissioned racer? On your own grill cam be it

Episode 18 "You know what Google has that we don't have?" the new Boss asks, wandering around Mission Control like the lord of all he surveys.
Simon Travaglia, 04 Dec 2015

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