tag:theregister.com,2005:feed/theregister.com/offbeat/columnists/
The Register - Offbeat: Columnists
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Biting the hand that feeds IT — Enterprise Technology News and Analysis
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2023-01-16T16:32:15.00Z
tag:theregister.com,2005:story225623
2023-01-16T09:30:07.00Z
2023-01-16T16:32:15.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Time to study the classics: Vintage tech is the future of enterprise IT
<h4>Look back in wonder</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> Business IT is driven by the need for the new. Not necessarily your business's need, but certainly that of vendors and service providers desperate for new revenue, the dismissal of the old once it's done its real job, and the inevitable prying open of the corporate checkbook.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story225017
2022-12-05T09:31:06.00Z
2022-12-05T09:31:06.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Killing trees with lasers isn’t cool, says Epson. So why are inkjets any better?
<h4>Imagine there's no printer drivers. It's easy if you can...</h4> <p>Long-term dot matrix printer maker Epson has just announced it is ending its 35 year long experiment in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/2022/11/28/epson_ends_laser_printers/">selling laser-powered printer hardware</a>. From 2026, the company says it'll be inkjet only – although it will probably still sell you a new dot-matrix if you ask nicely.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story224259
2022-10-24T10:27:14.00Z
2022-10-24T10:27:14.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Firefox points the way to eradicating one of the rudest words online: PDF
<h4>The ghosts of dead trees haunt us still</h4> <p><strong>Comment</strong> It's not sexy but it is good. Mozilla deserves our love for implementing a better PDF reader in the new Firefox browser, 106. It takes away the pain, just a bit, by doing in-browser renderings that can be annotated, decreasing the chance you'll have to find a third-party reader that does what you need.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story223682
2022-09-26T08:30:10.00Z
2022-09-26T08:30:10.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Rust is eating into our systems, and it's a good thing
<h4>Language wars, huh, what are they good for?</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> Rust is eating into our systems. The first Rusted drivers are being welded into Linux, while Microsoft's Azure CTO Mark Russinovich said C/C++ – until now, the systems languages of choice – should be dropped in favor of Rust henceforth. …</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story223200
2022-08-30T08:33:08.00Z
2022-08-30T08:33:08.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
The International Space Station will deorbit in glory. How's your legacy tech doing?
<h4>Your past projects may be a pain, but can they rain fiery death from above?</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> The International Space Station is showing its age. It's older than a third of the population, over two and a half billion people who have never known a time without humans in orbit.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story223198
2022-08-29T09:31:11.00Z
2022-08-29T09:31:11.00Z
Matthew JC Powell
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Matthew%20JC%20Powell
You can never have too many backups. Also, you can never have too many backups
<h4>A Reg reader comes to appreciate the value of paper</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> In this modern era when massive amounts of storage can be had for pennies on the gigabyte, it's easy to forget that it was not always thus. Once upon a time, keeping business data safe was a cost- and labor-intensive process.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story223097
2022-08-22T09:30:48.00Z
2022-08-23T11:27:23.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Big Tech is building the metaverse of its own dreams. You don't want to go there
<h4>No country for old menus</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> A year ago, corporate VR sucked deep on the hype pipe and offered it around. <a href="https://www.theregister.com/2021/08/23/horizon_workrooms_promises_a_virtual/">We weren't convinced</a>. All that investment, all that technology, to recreate a drab pastiche of the very environments we'd gratefully escaped in the magical world of WFH.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story223072
2022-08-19T09:36:10.00Z
2022-08-26T20:01:10.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
We were promised integrated packages. Instead we got disintegrated apps
<h4>Not to mention the severely disadvantageous subscription model</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend</strong> I have an app whose sole purpose is to launch another app.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story222597
2022-07-29T08:30:12.00Z
2022-07-29T08:30:12.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Psst … Want to buy a used IBM Selectric? No questions asked
<h4>We would have got away with it too, if hadn't been for your perfectly reasonable user request</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> Do you know where that computer came from? Or that chair? Or that desk? Today's <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a> concerns another brush with the long arm of the law that all started with a simple call for help.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story222510
2022-07-21T17:00:04.00Z
2022-07-21T21:44:04.00Z
Liam Proven
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Liam%20Proven
Dell and Ubuntu certify latest model of XPS 13 ultrabook
<h4>Computer giant's Project Sputnik extends to the 2022 model series</h4> <p>Dell's latest XPS 13 ultrabook is now certified for version 22.04 of Ubuntu's operating system.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story222112
2022-07-04T08:42:10.00Z
2022-07-04T08:42:10.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Getting that syncing feeling after an Exchange restore
<h4>We've got the whole weekend. What could go wrong?</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> It's Monday, and this week's column contains another reminder to check that those backups really have worked in an unfortunately synchronized episode of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/Who,%20Me?/">Who, Me?</a>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story221151
2022-05-20T08:30:10.00Z
2022-05-20T08:30:10.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Seriously, you do not want to make that cable your earth
<h4>Network? What's that when it's at home?</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> This week we bring you a shocking incident for a <i>Register</i> reader who was party to an electrical engineer's earthly delights.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story221141
2022-05-16T13:00:09.00Z
2022-05-16T13:00:09.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
RISC-V needs more than an open architecture to compete
<h4>Arm shows us that even total domination doesn't always make stupid levels of money</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> Interviews with chip company CEOs are invariably enlightening. On top of the usual market-related subjects of success and failure, revenues and competition, plans and pitfalls, the highly paid victim knows that there's a large audience of unusually competent critics eager for technical details. That's you.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story221125
2022-05-16T08:43:14.00Z
2022-05-16T08:43:14.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
September 16, 1992, was not a good day to be overly enthusiastic about your job
<h4>If I get in early and work hard, everyone will notice, right?</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> "The early bird trashes the business" is a saying that we've just made up, but could easily apply to the <i>Register</i> reader behind a currency calamity in today's episode of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/Who,%20Me?/">Who, Me?</a>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story221123
2022-05-13T11:25:06.00Z
2022-05-13T13:37:45.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
Confirmation dialog Groundhog Day: I click OK and it keeps coming back
<h4>Yes/No/Cancel culture at its worst</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend</strong> "We all know what we're doing today? Good. Do your best!"…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story220749
2022-04-25T09:12:11.00Z
2022-04-25T09:12:11.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Your AI can't tell you it's lying if it thinks it's telling the truth. That's a problem
<h4>Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of ML? Er, nobody</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> Machine learning's abiding weakness is verification. Is your AI telling the truth? How can you tell?…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story220754
2022-04-25T08:34:10.00Z
2022-04-25T08:34:10.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
In IT, no good deed ever goes unpunished
<h4>When being helpful can mean being shown the door</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Going above and beyond in IT can sometimes lead to also going directly out of the door, as one <i>Register</i> reader found when discovering that sometimes efficiencies can be less than rewarding.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story220372
2022-04-01T11:05:06.00Z
2022-04-01T16:14:41.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
The month I worked for DEADHEAD: Yes, that was their job title
<h4>We can't have that contractor making us look bad</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend?</strong> I nearly choked when I read the email. "Your eBay auction has ended. Your NFT has sold for $1 million." That's about $0.999999 million more than I thought it was worth, hence the surprise. Oh, and becoming comfortably well off was a bit of a jolt, I suppose.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story219583
2022-02-21T08:27:08.00Z
2022-02-21T08:51:32.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Beware the techie who takes things literally
<h4>'If it works already, why pay' says the boss... because of course he does</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Time bombs and shareware feature in today's edition of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/Who,%20Me?/">Who, Me?</a> as a boss's big spendy vehicle leaves a coder out of pocket.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story219559
2022-02-18T10:16:05.00Z
2022-03-04T18:30:50.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
Food for thought on the return to the office
<h4>Quality time with human beings? Nah. Gimme some free Monster Munch</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend?</strong> How is your Great Resignation coming along? Still toying with that CV/résumé? Me too!…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story219564
2022-02-18T08:30:12.00Z
2022-02-18T08:30:12.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
File suffixes: Who needs them? Well, this guy did
<h4>He followed the instructions... blindly</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> Welcome to another edition of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a> in which minnows get munched and a <i>Register</i> reader recalls the headaches caused by the file extension shenanigans of a certain tech giant.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218895
2022-01-07T08:35:05.00Z
2022-01-07T08:35:05.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Nothing's working, and I've checked everything, so it must be YOUR fault
<h4>Yes, but are you sure? Really sure?</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> The customer is always right. Except when they're not. Here we have a story from the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a> archives concerning connectors, telephones, and a user blessed with a little too much confidence.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218856
2022-01-05T09:32:07.00Z
2022-01-07T14:56:15.00Z
Richard Currie
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Currie
<i>Halo Infinite</i> ups the nostalgia factor for fans of the originals, but it's not without limits
<h4>343 Industries brings open world to the long-running military sci-fi epic</h4> <p><strong>The RPG</strong> <i>Greetings, traveller, and welcome back to</i> The Register Plays Games<i>, our monthly gaming column. Although the outside world keeps going to shit, at least the closing months of 2021 saw the biggest shooter properties duke it out in time for the festive period.</i> <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/2021/12/04/battlefield_2042/">Battlefield 2042 <i>was void of</i> Battlefield <i>feeling</i></a> while Call of Duty: Vanguard <i>was similarly said to be "meh" – though I wouldn't really know, I stopped playing the franchise over a decade ago. However, in terms of quality at the point of release,</i> Halo Infinite <i>has stepped out as the clear winner.</i>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218798
2022-01-04T09:02:07.00Z
2022-01-04T09:02:07.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
The year ahead in technology fail: You knew they were bad, now they're going to prove it
<h4>Stock up on schadenfreude, it may be 2022's most popular commodity</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> We've had nearly two years of the type of uncertainty that could make even the most avant-garde quantitative analyst fiddling with a risk management model weep. And now we're all on board for another trip around the Sun.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218800
2021-12-31T09:07:04.00Z
2021-12-31T09:07:04.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
Predictive Dirty Dozen: What will and won't happen in 2022 (unless it doesn’t/does)
<h4>We confidently predict that the predictions in this article will turn out wrong</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> I have been looking intently at my ball again and I'm about to reveal everything.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218699
2021-12-26T09:01:11.00Z
2021-12-26T09:01:11.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Microsoft Paint + car park touchscreen = You already know where this is going
<h4>I'll just pay the- OH MY GOD</h4> <p><strong>12BoC</strong> We take a trip to the seaside in our 12 Borks of Christmas as a parking machine touchscreen goes rogue... with inevitable consequences.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218681
2021-12-25T09:01:07.00Z
2021-12-25T09:01:07.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Not the kind of note you want to see fluttering from an ATM
<h4>This won't buy me beer</h4> <p><strong>12BoC</strong> Welcome to <i>The Register's</i> Twelve Borks of Christmas (12BoC), a final festive hurrah for digital signage silage and, behind today's window, a reminder that wherever Windows might turn up, Notepad has always got your back.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218701
2021-12-24T10:28:09.00Z
2022-01-10T12:06:52.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Who you gonna call? Premium numbers, but a not-so-premium service
<h4>Let me take you back – way back – to 1998</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> Welcome to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a>, and a telephone mystery solved only after an innocent party found themselves on the receiving end of a most unexpected conversation.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218788
2021-12-20T10:33:06.00Z
2021-12-20T10:33:06.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Log4j and Omicron: Brothers in harm, mothers of invention
<h4>That which does not kill us can still ruin our Christmas</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> Infosec takes many cues from the human immune system. The analogies and metaphors are useful and apt: viruses, vectors, evolving a defence where learning is part of the response...…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story218526
2021-12-03T10:27:08.00Z
2021-12-03T10:27:08.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
A smarter alternative to password recognition could be right in front of us: Unique, invisible, maybe even deadly
<h4>Take your breath awayyyyyyyy</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> "Breathe into the tube, sir." Oh yes, dear reader, I am being breathalysed.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story217912
2021-10-30T09:38:07.00Z
2022-01-29T03:13:09.00Z
Richard Currie
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Currie
<i>New World</i>: Grindy? Check. Repetitive? Check. Fun? We hate to say it... but check
<h4>Goddamn it, Jeff Bezos' lot can make a passable MMORPG after all</h4> <p><strong>The RPG</strong> <i>Greetings, traveller, and welcome back to</i> The Register Plays Games<i>, our (sometimes) monthly gaming column. At long last,</i> New World <i>is out and we've been diligently grinding our faces off to answer the question: Can Jeff "mountains of cash" Bezos make a decent MMO?</i>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story217561
2021-10-11T08:32:10.00Z
2021-10-12T04:28:30.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Config cockup leaves <i>Reg</i> reader reaching for the phone
<h4>Yet another thing that was really not better in the old days</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Facebook went down and Twitch flashed its privates last week thanks to alleged config cockups. However, who among us has not suffered the stomach-dropping fear that follows the ill-advised submission of a seemingly innocuous command?…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story217547
2021-10-08T10:14:05.00Z
2021-10-08T10:14:05.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
Get real: Say what you like about your app but don't be surprised if I trollsplain
<h4>My next column will be written in spaaaaaace</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> Look deep into my soil. Hold it, feel it, <i>smell</i> my soil.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216812
2021-08-31T08:36:03.00Z
2021-08-31T08:36:03.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
How to stop a content filter becoming a career-shortening network component
<h4>He's not just a Big Cheese. He's a very naughty boy</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> "Be careful what you wish for." Words that might strike a chord with the IT boss in today's edition of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/who-me">Who, Me?</a>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216799
2021-08-27T11:24:04.00Z
2021-08-27T14:33:18.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
When everyone else is on vacation, it's time to whip out the tiny screwdrivers
<h4>Fixing laptops and solving UX conundra – all in a night’s work</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> Having a screw on the kitchen table is an everyday thing in our household. The problem is not having a dedicated workbench for those small hardware repair jobs.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216807
2021-08-27T07:47:06.00Z
2021-08-27T07:47:06.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Fix five days of server failure with this one weird trick
<h4>When you have eliminated the impossible...</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> Welcome to another in <i>The Register's</i> series of confessions from readers who were either possessed by the pager or all too happy to fire off a demand for <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a> support.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216713
2021-08-23T09:26:12.00Z
2021-08-23T09:26:12.00Z
Rupert Goodwins
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Rupert%20Goodwins
Horizon Workrooms promises a virtual future of teal despair
<h4>Only one company can make VR so bad it makes MS Teams look good – Facebook</h4> <p><strong>Opinion</strong> You can say a lot about Facebook's insane parasitism of human society. Like the fungus that infects an ant and takes over its nervous system, making it climb to the top of a plant and erupt in an explosion of spores, Facebook has mindlessly evolved to exploit us with maximal efficiency.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216701
2021-08-23T08:25:08.00Z
2021-08-23T08:25:08.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Hacking the computer with wirewraps and soldering irons: Just fix the issues as they come up, right?
<h4>The neverending battle betweeen youthful optimism and aged cyncism</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Start your Monday with a cautionary tale from the files of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/who-me">Who, Me?</a> and a warning (if one were needed) that hiring a teenager to write your operating system might not go so well.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216698
2021-08-20T07:36:05.00Z
2021-08-20T07:36:05.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
So the data centre's 'getting a little hot' – at 57°C, that's quite the understatement
<h4>You know that thing that's supposed to put out the fire?</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> Welcome to another edition of <i>The Register's</i> <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a> in which incompetence saves a reader's bacon from a close encounter with the frying pan.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216552
2021-08-11T10:04:12.00Z
2021-08-11T12:07:11.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Come fly with me. But first we need to find a boot device
<h4>An unexpected bork in the boarding area</h4> <p><strong>Bork!Bork!Bork!</strong> We're all a bit jittery about travel as things in the UK open up. Paperwork is needed and there's always that worry that a surprise visit to one of Her Majesty's Hotels might be needed. Still, at least you aren't the person responsible for today's instalment of signage silage.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216516
2021-08-11T08:01:09.00Z
2021-08-11T08:01:09.00Z
Mark Pesce
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Mark%20Pesce
The web was done right the first time. An ancient 3D banana shows Microsoft does a lot right, too
<h4>It's wonderful that code written for Windows 3.1 still works well today</h4> <p><strong>Column</strong> In preparation for <a href="https://s2021.siggraph.org/presentation/?id=ftlk_102&sess=sess240" target="_blank">a big SIGGRAPH talk</a> about all of the ways augmented reality will convert us into data-gathering drones for Mark Zuckerberg – if we're not careful – I scoured through some old archives.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story216134
2021-07-19T07:30:09.00Z
2021-07-19T07:30:09.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
How to keep your enterprise up to date by deploying the very latest malware
<h4>Salesmen suffer after suspicious surfing</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Start your week with a trip back to the early days of the World Wide Web with a tale of imaging peril and malware malarky from the files of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/who-me">Who, Me?</a>…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215981
2021-07-09T10:01:12.00Z
2021-07-09T10:01:12.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
The world is chaos but my Zoom background is control-freak perfection
<h4>Nudge that potted plant a little to the left aaaaand… action!</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> Take a good look at my junk. Nice, isn’t it? OK you can stop staring at it now. No, really, stop. Hey, my eyes are right <i>here</i>, pal.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215428
2021-06-14T10:47:04.00Z
2021-06-14T13:23:14.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
If HAL did digital signage. I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that...
<h4>My God! It's full of Bork!</h4> <p><strong>Bork!Bork!Bork!</strong> A black oblong of purest bork glares balefully over shoppers in Plymouth, southwest England. An echo from an alternative future or just big-screen borkage?…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215156
2021-06-07T07:31:07.00Z
2021-06-08T11:10:30.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Thanks, boss. The accidental creation of a lights-out data centre – what a fun surprise
<h4>At least nobody said 'watch this!'</h4> <p><strong>Who, Me?</strong> Another tale involving buttons of the big and red variety arrives for today's deposit in the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/who-me">Who, Me?</a> archives. There are some things that are best left unsaid. And unpressed.…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215244
2021-06-04T10:25:04.00Z
2021-06-04T10:25:04.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
How many remote controls do you really need? Answer: about a bowl-ful
<h4>I don’t care if the football’s on, we’ll have to watch whatever the TV wants us to</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> My television wants me dead. It’s doing this by playing dead itself. Only one of us will get out of this alive.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215154
2021-06-04T07:30:13.00Z
2021-06-04T08:24:07.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Today I shall explain how dual monitors work using the medium of interpretive dance
<h4>You want the truth? You can't handle the truth!</h4> <p><strong>On Call</strong> What's worse than having to deal with an idiot over the phone? Having to drive thousands of miles to deal with the same idiot, face to face. Welcome to another <i>Register</i> reader's experience of helping those who won't help themselves in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theregister.com/Tag/on-call">On Call</a>.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215047
2021-05-28T11:30:13.00Z
2021-05-28T11:30:13.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Nobody expects the borkish bank-wisition: When I said I wanted some notes from the ATM, I never thought I'd see...
<h4>...the vast emptiness of Notepad</h4> <p><strong>Bork!Bork!Bork!</strong> A novel way of entering your PIN features in today's entry into the pantheon of problem-hit computers as a veteran Windows application makes its presence felt in the modern world.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story215027
2021-05-25T11:44:13.00Z
2021-05-25T16:09:37.00Z
Richard Speed
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Richard%20Speed
Nature is healing: Shhh. It's a lesser spotted Pi Bork nesting behind the bushes at IKEA
<h4>Hålp, I äm stuck in emergency möde</h4> <p><strong>Bork!Bork!Bork!</strong> Nature is healing and bork has returned to the wild. Or at least nestled within the plastic greenery in a Birmingham Ikea.…</p>
tag:theregister.com,2005:story214867
2021-05-14T08:30:06.00Z
2021-05-14T20:05:03.00Z
Alistair Dabbs
https://search.theregister.com/?author=Alistair%20Dabbs
Your private data has been nabbed: Please update your life as soon as possible while we deflect responsibility
<h4>Because our golf-obsessed boss has wandered off fondling his balls</h4> <p><strong>Something for the Weekend, Sir?</strong> "I am writing with regard to a data security incident relating to you."…</p> <p><!--#include virtual='/data_centre/_whitepaper_textlinks_top.html' --></p>