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USS Lexington's nameplate, as rediscovered by Paul Allen's team. Copyright Navigea Ltd
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Paul Allen's research vessel finds wreck of WWII US aircraft carrier

Pics Billionaire Microsoftie Paul Allen has found yet another sunken warship – an amazingly well-preserved Second World War US aircraft carrier. The USS Lexington was scuttled about 500 miles off the eastern coast of Australia in May 1942 after sustaining serious damage from Japanese aircraft. A series of secondary explosions after …
Gareth Corfield, 06 Mar 2018
Apple HQ
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Apple's new 'spaceship' HQ brings the pane for unobservant workers

Apple's $5bn Norman Foster-designed "spaceship" HQ isn't finished yet, but it's already taking out puny humans. Three calls reporting 911 medical emergencies were made about building-battered employees. The San Francisco Chronicle put in a FoI request to Santa Clara County and obtained the chilling details. One employee was …
Andrew Orlowski, 06 Mar 2018
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Hey girl, move a little closer. 'Cause you're too gun shy. Hush, hush, bye says Pai

Ajit Pai, the boss of America's communications watchdog, the FCC, says he won't be picking the collectable rifle awarded to him by the NRA as a prize for killing net neutrality. Pai has informed both the NRA and the American Conservative Union, which hosted the CPAC conference where Pai was given the award, of his decision, …
Shaun Nichols, 02 Mar 2018
65

OK, who is shooting at Apple staff buses in California? Knock it off

Over the past 45 days, a mystery sniper has been shooting the windows of 20 charter buses driving Apple staff and other geeks to work in Silicon Valley. The vehicles were shot at on Interstate 280, which runs from San Francisco down into the Valley. The situation has grown so worrisome that Apple has diverted its staff buses …
Iain Thomson, 02 Mar 2018
Soviet Alcohol Propaganda
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Britain ignores booze guidelines – heads for the pub

A University of Sheffield study has found that controversial new alcohol guidelines published in 2016 had no discernible effect on British drinking habits. "We cannot find any evidence of change in the COM-B determinants of drinking behaviour corresponding to the publication and promotion of the new lower risk drinking …
Andrew Orlowski, 02 Mar 2018
Buchon G-AWHC side view. Pic: Air Leasing Ltd via Platinum Fighter Sales
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Fancy owning a two-seat Second World War Messerschmitt fighter?

A super-rare Spanish copy of the Messerschmitt Me109 fighter of Second World War infamy, which was flown by both British and German aces, has gone up for auction. The Hispano Buchon, a licence-built copy of the Messerschmitt Me 109G, is the only surviving two-seat model in the world. The aircraft was flown by both Luftwaffe …
Gareth Corfield, 02 Mar 2018
48

Oh honey! Oxfordshire abuzz with reports of a MEEELLION bees stolen

The cops have been called in to investigate a major bee heist after 40 hives were reported stolen from an Oxfordshire farm. The thieves made away with about one million bees, which is likely to make it the biggest theft of its kind. According to The Times, Brackley-based Beekeeper Honey had 40 hives, each weighing 20kg, taken …
Rebecca Hill, 01 Mar 2018
Coton de Tulear dog breed
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Star Paws: Attack of the clones

In the ultimate barking mad diva act, Barbra Streisand has revealed she cloned her beloved dead dog Samantha, creating two more replicant canines. Streisand told Variety that her pets, Miss Violet and Miss Scarlett, were cloned from cells taken from the mouth and stomach of her beloved 14-year-old dog Samantha, who died in …
Kat Hall, 28 Feb 2018
People party in a nightclub. Photo by Shutterstock
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Chilly willies: Swedish nudie nightclub opens in -11°C to disgust of locals

A nightclub that spiritually stimulates dance zealots to peel off their clothes and shake their booty was branded a "breeding ground for broken souls" by a totally different sort of radical. Klubb Naket, based on the island of Södermalm near Stockholm, Sweden, hosted its first event on Saturday eve, clearly undeterred by the …
Paul Kunert, 27 Feb 2018
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Neil Young slams Google, after you log in to read his rant with Google or Facebook

Musician Neil Young has spent years railing against the poor quality of digital audio. And now he's taken aim at Google, Facebook and Amazon for having "figured out a way to use all the great music of everyone from all time, without reporting an artist's number of plays or paying a f*cking cent to the musicians." "Aren't they …
Simon Sharwood, 27 Feb 2018
181

NRA gives FCC boss Ajit Pai a gun as reward for killing net neutrality. Yeah, an actual gun

Ajit Pai – chairman of America's broadband watchdog, the FCC – is the proud new owner of a handmade Kentucky long gun from the US National Rifle Association (NRA) – thanks to his brave stance in favor of lining the pockets of billion-dollar telcos. The watchdog boss said he was surprised to receive the Charlton Heston Courage …
Shaun Nichols, 24 Feb 2018
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Billionaire's Babylon beach ban battle barrels toward Supreme Court

Analysis Billionaire venture capitalist Vinod Khosla is taking his legal battle to control access to a piece of California coastline to the US Supreme Court. Here's the quick backstory. There is a public surfing beach south of San Francisco called Martins beach that's quite popular. To get to this seaside spot, you have to walk or …
Kieren McCarthy, 23 Feb 2018
Priest, image via Shutterstock
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Vatican sets up dedicated exorcism training course

The Vatican cannot be accused of lack of interest in the continued professional development of its staff. Just look at the dedicated exorcism training course it set out this week for clergy interested in advancing their skills. Apparently it was set up to cope with demand after the number of requests for such services tripled …
Kat Hall, 23 Feb 2018
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A dog DNA database? You must be barking

Police have revealed plans to take the lead on tracking down hounds that attack livestock - a dog DNA database. The National Police Chiefs’ Council’s working group on livestock worrying has issued a report (PDF) saying that 1,928 animals were killed and 1,614 injured by dogs between 2013 and 2017 in five English areas. The …
Rebecca Hill, 22 Feb 2018
Las Vegas - Circa July 2016: Microsoft Retail Technology Store Mall Location III Editorial credit: Jonathan Weiss / Shutterstock.com
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This job Win-blows! Microsoft made me pull '75-hour weeks' in a shopping mall kiosk

A former Microsoft retail manager is suing the software giant for making her work long hours without overtime and breaks. Her lawsuit, set to be heard by a US district court in northern California, alleged Redmond violated labor laws by unfairly classifying her, a retail worker, as a professional salaried employee to stiff her …
Shaun Nichols, 21 Feb 2018
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Japan's Robo-Bartenders point to a golden future

Not content with wowing the world with the posterior polishing wizardry of their electronic toilet seats, the Japanese have turned their attention to that other first world problem: pouring of the perfect pint. In the past, thirsty customers have had to rely on the vagaries of the human/beer interface (more commonly known as …
Richard Speed, 20 Feb 2018
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Farts away! Plane makes unscheduled stop after man won't stop guffing

An elderly man's flatulence forced his flight to make an emergency stop after a fight broke out over his barrage of bottom burps. Passengers flying with budget Dutch airline Transavia from Dubai to Amsterdam were reportedly put out by the man's continued farting, and asked him to stop. But the man failed to hold it in, and …
Rebecca Hill, 19 Feb 2018
Sheriff Woody
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HomePod, you say? Sex sex sex, that's all you think about

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My wife has a hairy tongue. At least, I think she may soon develop one. The source of this information is the package leaflet inserted into the box of capsules she's been prescribed for what the doctor reckoned was a bad case of Woman Flu. Fans of Japanese surreal fiction and body horror should spend more time reading these …
Alistair Dabbs, 16 Feb 2018
shutterstock_275045957
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Iran: We have defeated evil nuclear-sensing Western lizards!

Iran has gone full David Icke and accused lizards that "attract atomic waves" of spying for the West. Hassan Firouzabadi, a former chief of the Iranian general staff, told the country in a radio Q&A session that a group of pro-Palestinian campaigners had, for reasons not explained, brought lizards with them into Iran. They …
Gareth Corfield, 15 Feb 2018
24

Aching bad: 'Kingpin Granny' nicked in huge prescription drugs bust

Silver surfers are known to rattle from the numerous pills foisted on them by doctors as their health fails, but one Tennessee veteran stands accused of possessing drugs with an altogether different purpose. Dubbed "Kingpin Granny" by Decatur County cops, The Smoking Gun reported that 75 year-old wheelchair-bound Betty Jean …
Richard Currie, 14 Feb 2018
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You dopes! US state's pot dealer database pwned after security goes up in smoke

The US state of Washington says a miscreant was able to access the system it uses to track the manufacturing and sale of marijuana. The Evergreen State's Liquor and Cannabis Board – a job that sounds way cooler than it actually is – yesterday admitted that last weekend someone was able to exploit a vulnerability in one of its …
Shaun Nichols, 09 Feb 2018
clench
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No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

A suspected drug dealer accused of swallowing his stash has become internet famous – after refusing to take a dump, and thus provide the cops their evidence, for 22 DAYS and counting. The 24-year-old fella was arrested by Essex police on January 17 in Harlow, England. He is believed to have wolfed down several packages of …
Iain Thomson, 09 Feb 2018
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Remember the Yorkie pizza horror? Here's who won our exclusive Reg merch...

Giveaway The winner of our “what would you do with a terrible Morrisons Yorkshire Pudding Pizza concoction” competition can, at long last, be announced to Reg readers of the Great British Public and beyond. Almost five thousand gastronomically inclined Register readers voted in our poll about the very weird thing released by Morrisons …
Gareth Corfield, 09 Feb 2018
old Cassette Tape player and recorder on a white background... the play and record keys are blurred from use.
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Home taping revisited: A mic in each hand, pointing at speakers

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I once tried to do it standing on one leg, arms pressed against the wall for stability. On other occasions, I would do the business with arms and legs akimbo. In fact, I have variously tried it huddled in a corner, sitting on a ping-pong table, at both ends of a teak sideboard, straddling the back of a leather sofa and even …
Alistair Dabbs, 09 Feb 2018
planet of the apes
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It's been 50 years since those damn dirty apes took the planet by storm

On a cold, dry evening of February 9, 1968, cinemagoers at New York's venerable Capitol Theatre were the first members of the public to be taken to a new but worryingly familiar world. Ahead of the film's nationwide April opening, patrons of the picture palace at 1645 Broadway half a century ago caught an early glimpse of the …
Michael Moran, 09 Feb 2018
Game of Thrones  cartoon
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Game of Thrones showrunners to make Star Wars flicks

Game of Thrones fans hoping that showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss might spend more time in Westeros will have to visit a galaxy far, far away instead after Disney signed the pair for a series of Star Wars flicks. Details are scarce: Disney's only said the pair will "write and produce" a "series" of indeterminate length …
Simon Sharwood, 09 Feb 2018
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No yolking matter: Google Translate cock-up gives Norwegians more than un œuf eggs

A group of Norwegian chefs blames Google Translate after the applications improperly ordered 1500 eggs to 15.000. The incident occurred a few days ago at the Olympic Village in Pyeongchang, where the chefs had been keen to cook for Norway's 109 Olympic athletes. The Winter Games are a big deal in Norway, a country of 5.23 …
Shaun Nichols, 09 Feb 2018
John Perry Barlow, founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation
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Electronic Frontier Foundation chap John Perry Barlow has died

Obit John Perry Barlow, a co-founder of the US Electronic Frontier Foundation, and also a lyricist for the Grateful Dead, has died aged 70. Barlow passed away "quietly in his sleep" yesterday, according to the EFF, which he helped set up in 1990. "It is no exaggeration to say that major parts of the Internet we all know and love …
Gareth Corfield, 08 Feb 2018
an elf with his back t the camera waits for a subway train
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ASA tells Poundland and its teabagging elf: Enough with the smutty social ninja sh*t

The UK's gummy-mouthed Advertising Standards Agency has given Poundland a gentle spank over a series of smutty tweets and posts on Facebook published over the Xmas period. The budget store positioned toy character Elfie at the centre of the double entendre laden #ElfBehavingBad* campaign, eliciting complaints from 85 people …
Paul Kunert, 07 Feb 2018
Edible Arrangements store
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Basket case lawsuit: Fancy fruit florists flail Google over rotten ads, demand $200m damages

Google is being sued for more than $200m (£143m) by makers of fruit bouquets – because the web giant unfairly prioritized competitors' wares over their arty produce in search results, allegedly. Edible Arrangements – which specializes in crafting and delivering baskets of fruit cut to look like flowers – claimed that when …
Shaun Nichols, 07 Feb 2018
woman eating crisps with both hands
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Dori-no! PepsiCo boss says biz is planning to sell lady crisps

Poll The boss of PepsiCo – the parent company of Doritos – has suggested women need their own lady crisps, apparently so they can keep their mouths quiet and their fingers clean. Indra Nooyi told Freakonomics Radio that "young guys" will happily lick the orange dust off their fingers and guzzle down the broken bits of crisps at the …
Rebecca Hill, 05 Feb 2018
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A tiny Ohio village turned itself into a $3m speed-cam trap. Now it has to pay back the fines

A tiny village in America has been ordered to pay back more than $3m in speeding fines it collected from motorists – after its claims of "sovereign immunity" were laughed out of court. The town of New Miami, an hour's drive from Cincinnati, Ohio, boasts a population of just 2,200, and an annual budget of $1.75m. That budget …
Kieren McCarthy, 02 Feb 2018
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Morrisons launches bizarre Yorkshire Pudding pizza thing

Giveaway Brit supermarket chain Morrisons has sacked 1,500 middle managers – but fear not, they’ve also vomited out an unholy creation that is part pizza, part Yorkshire pudding. The 6½” thing is made by filling an oversized Yorkie Pud with tomato sauce, cheese and typical pizza toppings. A photo of this strangely alluring monstrosity …
Gareth Corfield, 02 Feb 2018
angry bird
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Are you taking the peacock? United Airlines deny flight to 'emotional support' bird

An artist was left spitting feathers after United Airlines told her she couldn't board a plane with her "emotional support" peacock. In a video published by travel site JetSet, the woman is seen wheeling her case across the departures hall in Newark airport, New Jersey, with the large bird perched atop her shoulder, as …
Rebecca Hill, 31 Jan 2018
Toilet with smiling loo paper
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Borked bog forces flight carrying 83 plumbers to bug out back to base

A Norwegian airline flight carrying scores of plumbers was forced to make an unplanned break because of a persistent problem with the onboard water closet. The Munich-bound Boeing 737-800 left Oslo Gardermoen on Saturday morning but the plane returned to the airport north of Norway's capital to fix the malfunctioning loo. The …
Paul Kunert, 30 Jan 2018
milk production line. Photo by SHutterstock
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Tsk-tsk, fat cat Softcat: Milk-slurping reseller taken to court

London Stock Exchange-listed tech box-shifter Softcat was taken to courts by a Leeds newsagent after the £832m turnover company failed to settle its milk bill. The cream-scooping company, whose gross profits last year were a wallet-bulging £136.3m, was being chased over an unpaid invoice of £840 for its Leeds office. The …
Gareth Corfield, 30 Jan 2018

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