Something For The Weekend

'No' does not mean 'yes'... unless you are a scriptwriter for software user interfaces

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The circle is complete. Now I am the master… er, I mean 'the source'

Software12 Mar 2021 | 181

The sooner AI stops trying to mimic human intelligence, the better – as there isn't any

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Still waiting for neuroscientists to work out why

AI + ML05 Mar 2021 | 120

Half a million stolen French medical records, drowned in feeble excuses

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A bitter pill best swallowed with eight gallons of swimming pool water

Security26 Feb 2021 | 86

You want me to do WHAT in that prepaid envelope?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Not quite the data dump I thought you meant

Bootnotes19 Feb 2021 | 112

Dept of If I'd Known 20 Years Ago: Call centres, roosting chickens, and Bitcoin

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Getting it half-right means you got it half-wrong

Science12 Feb 2021 | 72

My bad! So you're saying that redacting an on-screen PDF with Tipp-Ex won't work?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I tried calling all 27 countries for some help with Acrobat but their mums said they were out

Bootnotes05 Feb 2021 | 72

Transcribe-my-thoughts app would prevent everyone knowing what I actually said during meetings

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Welcome to another edition of Just A Minute, live from Scunthorpe

On-Prem29 Jan 2021 | 107

Nothing new since the microwave: Let's get those home tech inventors cooking

Something for the Weekend, Sir? You might want to wash the rolling pin first

Edge + IoT22 Jan 2021 | 164

How to avoid pesky border controls: Be a robot truck driver… or insanely rich

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Have you finished that sandwich? If not, it’s classified as contraband

Science15 Jan 2021 | 54

Two wrongs don't make a right: They make a successful project sign-off

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Don't worry your pretty little head about it or I'll shoot it off

Bootnotes08 Jan 2021 | 135

What can the 1944 OSS manual teach us before we all return to sabotage the office?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Tell you what, let’s have a meeting about it

On-Prem01 Jan 2021 | 74

My website has raised its anchor and set sail into the internet oceans without me

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A ghost-ship story for Christmas

SaaS25 Dec 2020 | 88

This product is terrible. Can you deliver it in 20 years’ time when it becomes popular?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? How to always be on the wrong side of tech fashion

Science18 Dec 2020 | 105

What does my neighbour's Tesla have in common with a stairlift?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Both are driving me up the wall

Science11 Dec 2020 | 273

Running joke: That fitness gadget? It's, er, run out

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'd plug it back in but the cable's not long enough for a jog

Personal Tech04 Dec 2020 | 78

If I pedal faster and feed it spinach, my robot barman might pull more pints

Something for the Weekend, Sir? When I dreamt of a sci-fi future, I'm pretty sure this wasn't it

Science27 Nov 2020 | 63

Not sunshine, moonlight or good times – blame it on the buggy

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The system's playing up again. Infamy! Infamy!

Personal Tech20 Nov 2020 | 72

[Checks meeting agenda...] Where does it say 'Talk cr*p and waste everyone's time'?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Don't turn on the camera, don't turn on... Oh hi!

SaaS13 Nov 2020 | 80

Shopping online for Xmas? AI chatbots know whether you want to be naughty or nice

Something for the Weekend, Sir? 'What are you buying, Dave? We should talk about this'

AI + ML06 Nov 2020 | 75

Return of the flying car, just when we all need to escape

Something for the Weekend, Sir? From pasta to teleporting robots: something to chew on

Science30 Oct 2020 | 61

Ho hum: If you're so artificially intelligent, name this song while my videos go viral

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My careful plan to save the economy

Bootnotes23 Oct 2020 | 49

From the Department of WCGW: An app-controlled polycarbonate lock with no manual override/physical key

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Did we mention where it goes? Plus: LinkedIn trolling and other lockdown fun

Bootnotes09 Oct 2020 | 83

Tinfoil hat brigade switches brand allegiance to bog paper

Something for the Weekend, Sir? It's environmentally friendlier, you see

Bootnotes13 Mar 2020 | 158

What's inside a tech freelancer's backpack? That's right, EVERYTHING

Something for the Weekend, Sir? You might have free coffee pods but I've got pen and paper

Bootnotes06 Mar 2020 | 123

Sure, check through my background records… but why are you looking at my record collection?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Where do I see myself in five years' time? On parole with a bit of luck

Bootnotes28 Feb 2020 | 150

'Don't tell anyone but I have a secret.' There, that's my security sorted

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The inevitable return of Norbert Spankmonkey

Security21 Feb 2020 | 74

Can AI-enhanced virtual sports presenters do the job? It's a big ask

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The ball's in your park and I'm just happy for the team

AI + ML14 Feb 2020 | 93

Hear, hear: The first to invent idiot-cancelling headphones gets my cash

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Listen to me, Palmer, I said listen to me

Personal Tech07 Feb 2020 | 126

Will Asimov fix my doorbell? There should be a law about this

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Computer systems must do no harm? ... Ha ha ha...

AI + ML31 Jan 2020 | 162

Clunk, whirr, buzz, whine. Shared office space can be a riot and sounds like one too

Something for the Weekend, Sir? And what about my buttocks, eh?

Legal24 Jan 2020 | 149

Help! I'm trapped on Schrodinger's runaway train! Or am I..?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? There's an app for that, and it's utter pants

Bootnotes17 Jan 2020 | 129

Flying taxis? That'll be AFTER you've launched light sabres and anti-gravity skateboards

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Sorry, I've misplaced my ticket again. Where's my head at?

Science10 Jan 2020 | 201

We live so fast I can't even finish this sent...

Something for the Weekend, Sir? And she wore Pantone 19-4052 TPG Velvet

Science03 Jan 2020 | 135

Greetings from the future where it's all pole-dancing robots and Pokemon passports

NSFW: Something for the New Year, Sir? If you must know, 2020 was a blast

Personal Tech01 Jan 2020 | 82

How do you ascertain user acceptability if you keep killing off the users?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'm ready to throw it all in

Science25 Dec 2019 | 64

Why can't passport biometrics see through my cunning disguise?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? You can't leave your hat on

Science29 Nov 2019 | 139

Close the windows, it's coming through the walls: Copper Cthulu invades Dabbsy's living room

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I dream of wires

Personal Tech22 Nov 2019 | 120

Can't you hear me knocking? But I installed a smart knocker

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'll huff and I'll puff...

Science15 Nov 2019 | 193

Here are some deadhead jobs any chatbot could take over right now

Something for the Weekend, Sir? And how I got blackmailed by a computerised French lesson

AI + ML08 Nov 2019 | 108

Bet you can't guess what I'm wearing, or where I'm wearing it

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Look in my eye and say that

Bootnotes01 Nov 2019 | 71

We're late and we're unreliable but we won't invalidate your warranty: We're engineers!

Something for the Weekend, Sir? All we know is hate and machinery

Bootnotes25 Oct 2019 | 159

I discovered the world's last video rental kiosk and it would make a great spaceship

Something for the Weekend, Sir? It's cool to be retro

Bootnotes18 Oct 2019 | 155

Not a death spiral, I'm trapped in a closed loop of customer experience

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Much, much worse than a vicious circle

Bootnotes11 Oct 2019 | 226

Linky revisited: How the evil French smart meter escaped Hell to taunt me

Something for the Weekend, Sir? The sulphurous green demon has set up home on my doorstep

Personal Tech04 Oct 2019 | 176

Multitasking is a myth: It means doing lots of things equally badly

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Some people just like to take the p*ss

Bootnotes27 Sep 2019 | 109

Imagine if Facebook could read your mind: Er, I have some bad news for you...

Something for the Weekend, Sir? These things can mess with your brain

Science20 Sep 2019 | 114

Are you who you say you are, sir? You are? That's all fine then

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Stop asking difficult questions and stick to the script, pal

On-Prem13 Sep 2019 | 146

Can you download it to me – in an envelope with a stamp?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Email got easier. Ordinary mail got worse

Legal06 Sep 2019 | 221

Summer vacations put an end to rampant desktop crimewave

Something for the Weekend, Sir? At last I feel infused with the write stuff

On-Prem26 Jul 2019 | 98

Guess who reserved their seat on the first Moon flight? My mum, that's who

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Of course the ticket's real: it says 'Pan Am' at the top, doesn't it?

Science19 Jul 2019 | 107

Loose tongues and oily seamen: Lost in machine translation yet again

Something for the Weekend, Sir? While I’m at it, another punch at Bitcoin

Science12 Jul 2019 | 157

Could an AI android live forever? What, like your other IT devices?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? You'd be lucky if it survives until next Thursday

AI + ML28 Jun 2019 | 131

Queue baa, Libra: People will buy what Facebook's selling. They shouldn't, but they will

Something for the Weekend, Sir? God money I’ll do anything for you

Science21 Jun 2019 | 118

Those darn users don't know what they're doing (not like us, of course)

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Click on the toothbrush, toggle the flange and press 'Harp'. It's obvious

Personal Tech14 Jun 2019 | 167

There's a reason why my cat doesn't need two-factor authentication

Something for the Weekend, Sir? A rinky tinky tinky

Security07 Jun 2019 | 162

Sex and drugs and auto-tune: What motivates a millennial perp?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? One for the money, two for the blow

Science31 May 2019 | 107