Columnists

Need the toilet? Wanna watch a video ad about erectile dysfunction?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Please now wash your hands
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Apr 10:22

Victory! The smell of skunkworks in your office in the morning

Adios, the Canny Guru solving Sphinx-level COBOL riddles
Michael Coté, 26 Apr 09:05

(You can't) buy one now! The flying car makes its perennial return

Something for the Weekend, Sir? There's a steering wheel in my pants. It's driving me nuts
Alistair Dabbs, 21 Apr 08:01

Why Firefox? Because not everybody is a web designer, silly

Open Source Insider Do we really want Chrome hegemony?
Scott Gilbertson, 19 Apr 09:06

Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Come as you are (every seed is sacred)
Alistair Dabbs, 14 Apr 08:00

Columnist Roll

Alistair Dabbs

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Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing.
Monty Python TV viewer

Life is... pushing all the right buttons on the wrong remote control

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Mrs Dabbsy is getting cross. I know this because she has said "grrrr". People don't often say "grrrr" in everyday conversation so it's noticeable when they do. Either that or you are inadvertently chatting with Tony the Tiger over a bowl of over-sugared breakfast cereal. The target of The Glowing One's ire (this time) is the …
Alistair Dabbs, 26 May 2017
banksy_hmv_nipper_bazooka_648

Bye bye MP3: You sucked the life out of music. But vinyl is just as warped

Something for the Weekend, Sir? When I was younger, I had a chronic problem with fluff gathering in awkward-to-reach places. What can I say? My personal grooves acquired dirt very easily. It was a teenage thing, I suppose. Neither sterile wipes nor the careful application of a vacuum cleaner seemed to help so I ended up seeking professional advice. A man-in …
Alistair Dabbs, 19 May 2017
Lefty's Bar from Leisure Suit Larry

What augmented reality was created for: An ugly drink with a balloon

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Dabbs (Mrs) and I are in bed. She is shaking my shoulder to wake me up. “Not again,” I groan. “I’ve done it three times already.” Disappointed, she slips out from under the duvet, dons a dressing gown and heads off by herself to locate the source of “the noise downstairs”. Hearing bumps and creaks during the hours of …
Alistair Dabbs, 05 May 2017
Surprised man photo via Shutterstock

Need the toilet? Wanna watch a video ad about erectile dysfunction?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'm off to the toilet. Would you like to join me? Sorry, that's a silly question. Of course you won't join me – I'm a bloke. Young women often go to the washroom in pairs but dudes generally don't, at least not for the purposes that the washroom was originally designed. And if you are a woman, or non-specific gender, I can …
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Apr 2017
The Jetsons Food Machine

(You can't) buy one now! The flying car makes its perennial return

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Stop squeezing my knob. No seriously, I've had enough. "Then you give it a squeeze." OK but not until I'm ready. "You won't get any benefit until you squeeze it," he announces to the dark, crowded room before turning back to me. "Do it now. Go on, give it a quarter-turn to the right." Reluctantly, while everyone else …
Alistair Dabbs, 21 Apr 2017

Switch on your smartphone camera and look how fertile I am

Something for the Weekend, Sir? I have cheerful sperm. This will come as a great relief to Register readers, I'm sure, but no doubt you're wondering: how do I know? Ah well, I have an app for that. Medical researchers at Harvard have developed an inexpensive smartphone attachment that measures male fertility. You can appreciate how facile it must be to …
Alistair Dabbs, 14 Apr 2017

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