The Register Columnists

Robin Lettice

Contact Mail Follow RSS feed
The Register breaking news

Sat nav blunder places The Rock in Skegness

In an epic, multinational sat nav cock-up, a Syrian lorry driver aiming for Gibraltar left Turkey and ended up in Skegness. Only as Necdet Bakimci inched his 32-ton car transporter down a narrow Lincolnshire lane leading to Gibraltar Point nature reserve did he twig that he might have taken a wrong turn, but by this point the …
Robin Lettice, 22 Jul 2008
The Register breaking news

US stops Optimus Prime at the border

Comments Air travel was a major theme last week, starting with the news that the US is to require those travelling under the Visa Waiver Program to register their details at least 72 hours prior to leaving for the States. At present citizens of participant countries can enter the US without first obtaining a visa, but from January next …
Robin Lettice, 9 Jun 2008
The Register breaking news

Vista isn't crap but the 'leccy is

Comments On Tuesday the UK's electricity network was shaken by the failure of two major power stations within minutes of each other and a further seven succumbed as the day went on. The crisis is over, but there's chatter over power-rationing, only made stronger by these events. Cospiracy Theories will no doubt abound. (Nice to see the …
Robin Lettice, 1 Jun 2008
The Register breaking news

Scientologist ASBOed for being over 36

Comments A man dubbed "Leeds’s dumbest criminal" has been served with an ASBO forbidding him from posting videos of criminal activity on the internet. Andrew Kellett, 23, had been in the habit of showing off his exploits on YouTube, which made some of you wonder why he hadn't been convicted of the acts he seemed so proud of, and why he'd …
Robin Lettice, 27 May 2008
The Register breaking news

Aliens, astronauts and Pope partition PC World

Comments It's been a while since astronauts were last in the public eye, but recently a bunch of them have been quoted as saying that aliens exist. Well, they should know, having undoubtedly exchanged glances with little green men through the windows of their space station. The government suppressed news of these encounters, naturally. …
Robin Lettice, 19 May 2008
The Register breaking news

Extreme porn, hard drives and election strain

Comments Windows XP Service Pack 3 dropped this week, later than expected but finally here. This triggered an unending litany of cynicism and doubt from you. Keep up the good work. Very well tested by those redmond jerks then. I just downloaded the iso and the faq.htm linked in by the installer says: More information about installing …
Robin Lettice, 10 May 2008
The Register breaking news

Lesbian lesbians fight extreme porn law

Comments The UK Criminal Justice Bill is quietly making its way into law, and its uncertain scope raises some worrying questions. Clause 63 of the Bill could criminalise viewing or owning "extreme pornography" - whatever that is. It's not made clear. This threat brought a lot of you out of the woodwork, with nearly 200 comments at the …
Robin Lettice, 3 May 2008
The Register breaking news

Brown fingerprints wanted as Phorm bungles again

Comments In an effort to calm the European Union's anti-trust concerns, Microsoft has released 14,000 pages of coding secrets. The documentation for the first time publicly shows the underlying protocols for Office 2007, Office SharePoint Server 2007 and Exchange Server 2007. It's going to get really fun when the US Supreme Court looks …
Robin Lettice, 15 Apr 2008
The Register breaking news

Ubuntu unpwned as CERN prepares to destroy Earth

Comments Distressingly-named Los Angeles law firm Kabateck Brown Kellner is suing Apple for "deceptively" marketing the new 20-inch iMac. This provoked a spray of Apple spittle from readers, and a bit of a tussle: Apple is a corporation. The entire goal of any large corporation is to rape customers just enough to make the most money …
Robin Lettice, 6 Apr 2008
The Register breaking news

Heathrow fingered over prints as Apple bungles EULA

Comments Apple cocked up the licence agreement for its Safari browser by forbidding installation on Windows PCs. The EULA only allowed users to install the browser on "a single Apple-labeled computer at a time." Apple quickly changed the licence agreement to say that you can install it on "each computer owned or controlled by you." But …
Robin Lettice, 30 Mar 2008
The Register breaking news

SP1 drops, iPlayer falls over and Phorm is less than legal

Comments On Friday the BBC's iPlayer went down because of a back-end database failure. It has since come back online, but the Beeb nevertheless earned your scorn: The irony is that while they are doing all they can to stop the likes of me from using an illicit method to get the programmes, if they produced a Linux version, with the 30 …
Robin Lettice, 21 Mar 2008
The Register breaking news

Naked old pilot executes unauthorised barrel roll

Comments A brash Cathay Pacific pilot has been sacked after an unauthorised wheels-up, low-level flypast in a new Boeing 777-300ER. Well, he did get permission from the air traffic control tower, but the sacking was based on the fact that he didn't get it from his employers. You lot had a good old argy-bargy over whether it was fair, and …
Robin Lettice, 1 Mar 2008
The Register breaking news

Nude Marilyn Monroe flambés dog, serves atop fire extinguisher

Comments A particularly militant anti-smoker doused his girlfriend with the contents of a fire extinguisher on Sunday. The 42-year-old German lost it after his squeeze refused to stop smoking in his apartment. You applauded and derided him: I gave up the weed years ago and have periodically felt smugly superior for my triumph. Alas, …
Robin Lettice, 22 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

Exploding moose steals copper cables

Comments An illegal immigrant evaded security at Heathrow airport by having it away on her legs,. Later, she worked as a cleaner at the House of Commons. You cheered her on: Absolutely hilarious. I think she should be given a visa and allowed to stay indefinitely. She has done an invaluable service to this country, she has exposed a …
Robin Lettice, 16 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

NHS Direct launches text message service

NHS Direct has launched a text messaging service providing details of local health services. The pilot is linked to the already-available information service on Freeview digital TV, which was launched in December. Send a text message to 61121 containing the name of the service required and a postcode and a response will be …
Robin Lettice, 13 Feb 2008
plaster_75

Microsoft dishes out six critical updates

Microsoft released eleven patches yesterday, with six of them meriting a critical rating. The critical updates affect the WebDAV Mini-Redirector, Object Linking and Embedding Automation, Microsoft Word, Internet Explorer, Microsoft Office 2000, XP and 2003, and Microsoft Office 2004 for Mac. They all focus on flaws in the …
Robin Lettice, 13 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

Microsoft acquires Sidekick designer

Microsoft has agreed to purchase mobile software developer Danger Inc. for an undisclosed sum. The deal, which has not yet been finalised, means the software vendor has closed at least one bid this week - its unsolicited bid for web search competitor Yahoo! was officially snubbed earlier today. Danger designed the popular T- …
Robin Lettice, 11 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

Fermented fish symbiotically pollinate model's hardwood feet

Comments Swedish police are investigating a case of an open can of surströmming which was hurled through the bedroom window of a 52-year-old Motala man. The strong-smelling local delicacy has a deserved reputation as a potent biological terror agent, so the offence is a very serious one. Just as serious as the comments: Had a swedish …
Robin Lettice, 9 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

Blue-eyed schoolgirls headshot vegetarians

Comments Ryanair has come under fire from the Advertising Standards Agency for an ad featuring a "saucy schoolgirl". Despite being ordered to, Ryanair refused to withdraw the ad. You were disbelieving and appreciative: So, let me get this straight... they placed an advert in a few newspapers, which a couple of people complained about. …
Robin Lettice, 1 Feb 2008
The Register breaking news

The internet's up sh*t creek, but at least we have aliens

Comments Alien hunters trawling NASA images for evidence of life have posted what appears to be a little green humanoid in a snapshot taken by the Spirit rover on Mars. The image has since been the focus of a great deal of debate, both informed and otherwise, and you lot were full of interesting theories: It's the Virgin Mary! How long …
Robin Lettice, 28 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Alcohol where the sun doesn't shine, and nanotubes darker than that

Comments Polish limb boffins have concluded that 'perfect' legs are 5 per cent longer than average. They had volunteers rate silhouettes according to attractiveness, and found that a bit of legginess went a long way. Unfortunately for the lanky among us, however, limbs 10 per cent longer than average were considered even less attractive …
Robin Lettice, 20 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Elephants take over transport network, mandate sex parties

Comments Researchers at San Diego State University have found that, contrary to the general rule that men get more heavily plastered at parties, women tend to booze more if the parties involve sexual themes and fancy dress. Why? They don't know, but you all agree that they must have had fun trying to find out: Dr Clapp ? Investigating …
Robin Lettice, 12 Jan 2008
The Register breaking news

Paris Hilton goes for gold while crims are pretty in pink

Comments Hello and welcome to the last comments roundup of the year. It's been a good one, with many wits and twits showing how wise or otherwise they are. We start with the latest news on a person who has become something of an institution around here (no, not amanfromMars). Everyone's favourite heiress is reaching for new heights of …
Robin Lettice, 14 Dec 2007
vulture tv reporter

Never use an internet translator to hire a gorilla

Comments In a possible bid for Mum of the Year (or the intervention of social services, depending on your views on such things), a Nottinghamshire woman sent a stripper to her son's school for his 16th birthday. So stunned was the teacher that she allowed the show to continue, as the boy was whipped and led around on a leash, until the …
Robin Lettice, 10 Nov 2007
The Register breaking news

Ming the clam battles wolfman over Jordan's jubs

Comments Boffins have dredged up what is thought to be the world's oldest animal - a 405-year-old clam - and rather satisfyingly named it Ming. Unfortunately the clam seems to have since copped it, but the culpable scientists hope that studying it will lead to a greater understanding of the aging process - good news for current and …
Robin Lettice, 3 Nov 2007

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2017