Paul Kunert

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Paul Kunert is the editor of Channel Register
Man counts pounds and pence. Photo by Shutterstock

UKIP doubled price of condoms for sale at party conference

UKIP screwed its members at the weekend by doubling the price of branded condoms for sale at the party's conference as supplies started to run dry. Sunnylvsfjorden Fjord in Norway with a cruise ship Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters READ MORE The youth wing – …
Paul Kunert, 24 Sep 2018

HPE UK shunts cloud biz into London hipster shack amid rebrand

Hewlett Packard Enterprise UK is grouping its disparate cloud businesses, scrapping the brands of services outfits it has bought and moving the whole thing to a hipster village in East London. The hardware giant had seemingly failed to get with the cloud programme: it ditched the public cloud service offered to customers some …
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2018
nigel farage

UKIP flogs latex love gloves: Because Brexit means Brexit

The UK Independence Party is flogging multi-packs of rubber johnnies bearing the mug of former leader Nigel Farage. It is also unloading single packs for those more realistic about their chances of bedding someone this weekend or beyond. The prophylactics, being peddled by UKIP’s youth wing - Young Independence – from their …
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2018
natwest atms

Fallover Friday: NatWest, RBS and Ulster Bank go TITSUP*

Updated Online and mobile banking services from RBS Group subsidiaries NatWest, Royal Bank of Scotland, and Ulster Bank crashed at around 5am this morning and remain down. Reports of the digital account blackout began surfacing on Downdetector early this morning (see here, here and here) and a mouthpiece at the Natwest ‘fessed up to …
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2018
OK, I've got a smoothie for Alistair, one organic orange for Dave and a whole pineapple for Dante. Dante?

Deliveroo to bike food to hungry fanbois queuing to buy iPhones

The most shameless press release of the week award goes to Deliveroo for trying to share the limelight with Apple by offering to bike food to fanbois queuing for the latest iPhones released tomorrow. “Forget crushed crisps and soggy sandwiches to snack on when waiting in the cold and rain to get the newest iPhone,” PR babble …
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2018
Fujitsu building  in the Czech Republic

Fujitsu says sayonara to UK exec heavyweights

Exclusive The exit of three senior executives at the top of Fujitsu's Europe, Middle East, India and Africa (EMEIA) management stack has unsettled the workforce who are braced for yet more restructuring. Back in 2015, Fujitsu carved up the business based on four divisions: products; managed infrastructure; application services; and …
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2018
Michael Dell

Dell in-houses production, dumps Celestica in Ireland

Exclusive Dell EMC is terminating the contract it had with electronics manufacturer Celestica to take production in-house at its Cork-based facility in Ireland, with hundreds of jobs said to be at risk. According to sources, Celestica was providing various services for Dell including server builds and labelling hard drives from its …
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2018
Huawei P8

Man cuffed for testing fruit with bum cheek pre-purchase

Anyone that’s ever had a penchant for using their buttocks to test the ripeness of a peach, plum or squash in a supermarket pre-purchase might have some sympathy for a US chap that was arrested for allegedly doing just that. The rest of the world will likely understand – if the charges are true – why the cuffs were slapped on …
Paul Kunert, 19 Sep 2018
Money cloud

On the edge of its seats: Cloud rains down even more cash on Adobe

Adobe, the maker of reassuringly expensive software for creative types that have limited tech alternatives, has again wrapped up another quarter of double-digit jumps in both the top and bottom lines. cloud killer Adobe kills Creative Suite – all future features online only READ MORE For the three months ended 31 August – …
Paul Kunert, 14 Sep 2018

Adobe chatting up Marketo – reports

Adobe, the developer of software clouds for creative types, is reportedly locked in talks to buy marketing software-as-a-service slinger Marketo. California-based Marketo, which writes B2B marketing applications, was taken private a little more than two years ago by private equity house Vista Equity Partner Management LLC in a …
Paul Kunert, 13 Sep 2018
Snap of London Waterloo Maplin store closing sale

Guess who just bought Maplin? Dragons' Den celebrity biz guy Peter Jones

Exclusive Irascible Dragons’ Den celebrity tycoon Peter Jones has scooped up the Maplin Electronics trading name, The Reg can reveal. An auction of the fallen retailer's intellectual property took place in the summer with PWC asking Morvan Fraser, senior manager for IP sales at Metis Partners to preside over the sell-off. Peter Jones, …
Paul Kunert, 13 Sep 2018
Aerial panorama of Bratislava, new bridge over Danube river with evening lights in capital city of Slovakia,Bratislava

Danube diss: Cloud spending to outstrip Slovakia's GDP this year

What sector of tech is forecast to grow fatter than the Slovakian economy or Elon Musk’s ego in 2018? The cloud. Global spending on the fluffy white stuff is predicted by mystics at Gartner to reach $175.8bn this year. If the House of Crystal Ball Strokers are right - they’ve been wrong before - then that will equate to a rise …
Paul Kunert, 12 Sep 2018
gas ring on a stove hob

Guess who's still in charge of your gas safety, Brits? Capita

Hard-pressed outsourcing biz Capita was today selected by the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) to manage the Gas Safe Register (GSR) for five years, including overseeing the competence of engineers listed. The five-year agreement kicks off from April Fools’ Day 2019 and is valued by London Stock Exchange-listed Capita as …
Paul Kunert, 11 Sep 2018
Transformer, photo by Wasan Ritthawon via Shutterstock

Capita onshores IBM transformer man as chief growth officer

Beleaguered outsourcing biz Capita is turning to IBM Global Business Services (GBS) – another beleaguered outsourcing biz – to onshore its managing partner for North America, hiring him as chief growth officer. Ismail Amla's recruitment was trumpeted by London Stock Exchange-listed Capita today: he fills a position that didn't …
Paul Kunert, 6 Sep 2018
France's footballer Paul Pogba with a ball during World Cup 2018 final match France vs Croatia. Luzhniki Stadium, 15th July 2018.

World Cup TV sales offset dip in computing demand says Dixons Carphone

Data-breach-hit Dixons Carphone is on track to meet its profit expectations for the current fiscal year as the World Cup beefed up sales of TVs to more than offset crappier demand for computing kit and white box goods. The group said like-for-like sales were flat for the 13 weeks ended 28 July, the firm’s first quarter of …
Paul Kunert, 6 Sep 2018
man points and laughs

Everything DM gets direct message slap: Marketing biz cops £60k ICO fine

A scurrilous marketing agency that fired 1.42 million emails at prospective customers was today saddled with a £60,000 fine by the UK’s data watchdog. The Information Commissioner’s Office said Stevenage-based Everything DM Ltd (EDML) pestered people for a year from May 2016 via its direct marketing system, Touchpoint. EDML, …
Paul Kunert, 5 Sep 2018

Dell EMC plucks Tech Data distie man Tomlin to run UK channels

Updated Dell EMC has poached a channel veteran to lead its UK partner biz, sources have told The Register. Rob Tomlin, currently boss of Tech Data's Advanced Solutions unit, which houses the Dell EMC enterprise franchise, is to take up the post, Dell told its senior management team on Friday. The move has been well received in some …
Paul Kunert, 3 Sep 2018

Computacenter goes Dutch, picks up Misco's Netherlands biz

The cash reserves at Computacenter (CC) – one of Europe's largest tech resellers – are a little lighter today after it slurped Misco Netherlands. The buy will see some 200 people transfer from Misco Solutions BV in Amstelveen to the new parent, and will add a chunk of sales to CC's top line: €134m in 2017, according to Misco's …
Paul Kunert, 3 Sep 2018

AIM-listed iomart inhales third cloud biz in 4 months

Exclusive AIM-listed iomart has carved out the umpteenth notch on its bedpost, so to speak, buying UK managed hosting and cloud minnow Bytemark. North Yorkshire-based Bytemark is the third slurp in four months for iomart following deals with cloud services outfits Dediserve, Tier 9 Ltd, which trades as Simply Servers. The latest …
Paul Kunert, 30 Aug 2018

Respected Wall St analyst snips HPE's share price rating

An influential Wall Street analyst has downgraded its rating for Hewlett Packard Enterprise's stock, citing fears about the supplier's small footprint in cloud computing and ceding share in servers. "We are lowering our rating on HPE from Outperform to Market-Perform and our price is $20 to $18," said Toni Sacconaghi Jr, …
Paul Kunert, 24 Aug 2018
Super-villain Dr Evil puts finger to lip in scheming manner, asks for one million dollars. Pic: New Line Cinema

Butcher by name, Butcher by nature? Capita finds new CFO

It may be a case of nominative determinism that in the midst of its expense purge Capita has hired a man called Butcher to take control of the finance function. It might just be coincidence. Patrick Butcher will inherit the wooden abacus at Capita by the end of the calendar year, the sickly outsourcing badass confirmed to the …
Paul Kunert, 22 Aug 2018

Super-mugs: Hackers claim to have snatched 20k customer records from Brit biz Superdrug

Hackers claim to have grabbed the personal details of almost 20,000 bods who shopped online at Superdrug, the British cosmetics retailer has confirmed. Payment card details are not said to be among the haul. The biz has emailed customers, El Reg can confirm, advising them of the “possible disclosure of your personal data, but …
Paul Kunert, 21 Aug 2018
A large hand flicks an icon of a little red man. Image via shutterstock (Lasse Kristensen)

DXC Technology asks field-based techies if they'd like to leave

Just as DXC Technology workers thought they’d escaped a summer redundancy session the perennial cost-cutter has asked for volunteers to form an orderly queue to the exit door. Peter Hands, DXC UK and Ireland veep of the Deliver organisation - the unit that actually provides field services to customers - delivered the news to …
Paul Kunert, 17 Aug 2018

Don't you just love Windows 10 refreshes, yells Lenovo

Windows 10 PC refreshes in business land helped Lenovo report double digit sales growth for the first quarter of its fiscal 2019 earnings - the Chinese giant made hay while the sun shone. Revenue bounced 19 per cent year-on-year to $11.91bn, but two thirds of this came from PC sales, which went up 19.8 per cent in the quarter …
Paul Kunert, 16 Aug 2018

Quantiq slurps asset of Profile Enterprise Solutions

Quantiq has snaffled certain assets of fellow Microsoft Dynamics boutique Profile Enterprise Solutions. The trade buy includes support contracts for roughly 40 customers that had projects on the go with PES, the Hemel Hempstead-based biz that has now formally shuttered its Dynamics NAV practice. A small number of staff have …
Paul Kunert, 15 Aug 2018

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