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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
The Kardashians. Photo by Tinseltown/Shutterstock editorial use only MUST ATTRIBUTE

Sociology student gets a First for dissertation on Kardashians

A sociology student has scored a first class degree in sociology, in large part because of her mighty 10,000-word thesis on American reality TV "star" family the Kardashians. And if 10,000 words is enough to score you a Bachelors these days, there must be reams of show-biz journalists out there who just qualified for PhDs. …
Joe Fay, 06 Jul 2016
Linday Lohan

Lindsay Lohan ‘happy’ to turn on Kettering

Troubled wildchild turned Brexit commenter Lindsay Lohan has accepted the challenge of turning on Kettering for Christmas, in order to “redeem her political reputation”. Lindsay, who is currently having a rest in the UK, displayed a hitherto unknown talent for political analysis as the referendum results poured in last week, …
Joe Fay, 01 Jul 2016
Pulling the plug

Bank tech boss: Where we're going, we don't need mainframes

Dutch finance giant ING is moving away from mainframes as “aggressively” as it can, rejecting vendors’ hopes that a little sprinkling of Agile dust will give the venerable platform a new lease of life. Speaking at the DevOps Enterprise Summit in London on Thursday, Ron van Kemenade, CIO ING Bank, detailed the bank’s …
Joe Fay, 01 Jul 2016

Cubesats, balloons, and rockets: Top prof takes us to new space

Reg Lecture If you fancy leaving the turmoil of Earth for a bit, don’t worry. Leaving the planet may be about to get much much easier – so long as you don’t mind the company of Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos. That was one conclusion from last week’s splendid Reg Summer Lecture, courtesy of International Space University’s Professor Chris Welch …
Joe Fay, 29 Jun 2016

Gun-jumping French pols demand rapid end to English in EU

Brexit A brace of French politicians has demanded a rapid post-Brexit de-anglicisation of EU business, potentially leaving the English-speaking majority of Ireland scrabbling for their Gaelic phrase books. The Gallic complaints about the English language came as the Irish Language Commissioner detailed Irish Irish speakers' …
Joe Fay, 27 Jun 2016
 CRAY-1 on display in the hallways of the EPFL in Lausanne.

Cray explores options for supercomputing-as-a-service

Cray is exploring options to offer supercomputing "as a service", but don’t expect AWS to be offering the venerable vendor’s number-crunching monsters online anytime soon. Rather, the company is looking at ways it can offer its technology as a service, which if nothing else potentially relieves customers of at least some of …
Joe Fay, 27 Jun 2016
(Another) One of These Things is Not Like the Other, JD Hancock, Flickr, CC-2.0

Things ain't what they used to be... Find out how at The Reg Lecture

However it might look today, the world is not actually full of dumb, inanimate objects. Things might not be alive, but they are certainly digital, and this has profound implications for all of us. That's why on July 5, IBM inventor and Newcastle Uni visiting prof Andy Stanford-Clark will be joining The Register to explain what …
Joe Fay, 24 Jun 2016
Scones with jam and cream. Photo by Shutterstock

Patriotic Brits rush into streets to celebrate… National Cream Tea Day

A storm-tossed Britain woke up this morning to the heart-warming news that…it’s National Cream tea day. You've probably noticed that the country has recently been subjected to a series of rancorous debates on fundamental issues such as whether it's pronounced “scone” or “scone”. Well the debate is over, and the answers are in …
Joe Fay, 24 Jun 2016
Snake oil salesman

Deploying software every day is... actually... OK – what devs tell their real-life friends

“High-performing organisations” which have employed agile and devops methodologies are decisively pulling away from their fuddy-duddy peers in the number of software deployments they can manage. But while the idea of deploying software 200 times more frequently than low performing companies might fill some developers with …
Joe Fay, 23 Jun 2016

Utah sheriffs blow $10,000 on smut-sniffing Labrador

A sheriff’s department in Utah has spent $10,000 on black Labrador they say can sniff out porn and other illicit digital materials. The deployment of the black Lab, dubbed URL but pronounced Earl, in Weber County comes just months after Utah became the first state in the US to declare pornography a full-fledged public health …
Joe Fay, 23 Jun 2016

Late night smartphone use makes women go blind

Taking your smartphone to bed won’t just leave you tossing and turning, it can actually make you go temporarily blind, a team of London-based doctors have warned. A letter to the New England Journal of Medicine from a London-based team of researchers and medics details two cases of “transient monocular vision loss” the team …
Joe Fay, 23 Jun 2016
Dog and fence, mage via Shutterstock

Chinese demand end to canine carvery festival

A whopping 8 million Chinese citizens have called on Beijing to call time on the country’s infamous Yulin Lychee Dog Meat Festival, saying it was harming the country’s image abroad. The 10-day festival begins this week, and an estimated 10,000 pooches – and a substantial side of cats – are set to be served up each day for the …
Joe Fay, 21 Jun 2016
china_future_648

Supercomputers in 2030: Lots of exaflops and LOTS of DRAM

Supercomputers will overcome the predicted crumbling of Moore’s Law over the next few years to show massive leaps in performance between now and 2030 – but will still look pretty familiar to today’s compute power junkies. In a series of sessions at ISC this morning covering exascale architectures, speakers predicted a rapid …
Joe Fay, 21 Jun 2016
Terminator head

Baidu tech chief: AI smart enough to take our jobs, not our lives. Yet

ISC (RotM) Artificial intelligence is about to transform society in the same way electricity did 100 years ago, but researchers are nowhere near producing the sort of self-aware sociopathic systems beloved of sci-fi writers. At least that’s what Andrew Ng, Silicon Valley-based chief scientist at Chinese Web giant Baidu, when he kicked …
Joe Fay, 20 Jun 2016
Space, image via shutterstock

Grab a pick: Space mining's the next generation gold rush

Space may be the final frontier, but it’s also site of the next landrush for the more buccaneering end of humanity, as new technology and new money change the dynamics of space exploration. Whether the prospect of Bezos and Musk reaching out beyond the planet thrills or appals you, it’s unquestionable that space is becoming a …
Joe Fay, 20 Jun 2016
Protestor barricade image via Shutterstock

Workers rejoice! Marx’s vision will become reality, argues SAP veep

Marx’s vision of the lumpen proleteriat casting off their alienating shackles to become masters of their own destiny could be about to become a reality – just as soon as they sign up as Uber and Airbnb vendors. That was the argument put forward by SAP's Eric Verniaut, senior vice president for industries EMEA, at Huawei’s …
Joe Fay, 15 Jun 2016
Internet-enabled baseball

JFrog's marriage made in ... well: Internet of Things, meet DevOps

CD vendor JFrog has proclaimed the Internet of Things (IoT) is the next frontier in DevOps as it ponders how to spend the $50m investment shot it received earlier this year. The vendor announced a raft of alliances and product tweaks at its user conference in Napa at the end of last month, including binary and container …
Joe Fay, 14 Jun 2016

Queen's birthday honours shower knighthoods and gongs on tech's finest

The UK IT industry was plunged into paroxysms of modesty, humility and genuine self-effacement today, as the PRs got to work in the wake of the Queen’s birthday honours list. Tech luminaries made a good showing this year, from the lower rungs of BEMs and MBEs right up to dizzying heights of knighthoods. On which note, arise …
Joe Fay, 13 Jun 2016
Hand painted with EU flag shakes robot hand. Photo by Shutterstock

Forget about Brexit – let's talk Orbits, Digits, Robots

If you’ve had it up to here with politicos arguing how we should redefine our relationship with Europe, join El Reg at our summer lectures where we’ll be discussing how to redefine the relationship between Earth, space, technology and humanity itself. This year’s run will be kicked off by International Space University’s Prof …
Joe Fay, 13 Jun 2016
Ireland and Great Britain map, image via Shutterstock

Cork data centre will offer super-speedy US to Europe data times

An Irish property company is expected to secure planning permission for a 25,550 square meter facility on the outskirts of Cork City that will offer much reduced data latency times between the US and Europe. JCD Group’s rapid movement with plans for the centre on the site of a disused electronics factory in the city is in …
Joe Fay, 10 Jun 2016

DevOps is for all, says DevOps pundit-in-chief. He doesn't have it in for the BOFH, honest

One of the architects of DevOps has said being a 900-year-old organisation with a mainframe is no barrier to overhauling your technology operations, even if you're a European outfit that hasn’t seen a green field development since the 19th century. However, Gene Kim, author of DevOps cult classic The Phoenix Project, did give …
Joe Fay, 09 Jun 2016

Space exploration: Are Musk and Bezos about to eclipse Gagarin and Armstrong?

Once upon a time exploring space required a mix of the “right stuff” and some serious aeronautical chops. Nowadays you’re as likely to need an out of this world ego and background in Silicon Valley financing. At least that’s one take on the modern era of space exploration - and you can explore the subject in depth and enjoy a …
Joe Fay, 07 Jun 2016

Should space be a biz-free zone? Join us on June 22 to find out

Wait. Can you hear it? Yes, it’s final countdown for The Register Summer lecture series, bringing space and robots to a connected home near you. Actually, the venue is the Yorkshire Grey, just down the road from the Reg offices. But we can definitely guarantee spending an evening with us will leave you a lot more clued up our …
Joe Fay, 27 May 2016
red_hat_648

Ansible adds .1 to Ansible 2.0, de-betas networking

Ansible has pushed out version 2.1 of its eponymous automation platform, with a large part of the update consisting of peeling off beta stickers on features it announced earlier this year. The vendor unveiled a foray into networking back in February at its London AnsibleFest. That technical preview has now been formalised as a …
Joe Fay, 27 May 2016

Trad software sales type looking for a break? Atlassian shrugs

Most new companies are likely to opt for cloud-based software, the president of Atlassian said today. And that might just bring a tear to the eye of traditional IT sales bods, given that the company had grown to its $117.9m Q3 revenue off 57,000 companies, without ever having a fleet of besuited sales types. The JIRA and …
Joe Fay, 24 May 2016