Paul Kunert

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Paul Kunert is the editor of Channel Register
Redundancy

HPE sharpening the axe for 5,000 heads – report

Hewlett Packard Enterprise is about to release the trap door again with 5,000 employees, or almost 10 per cent of its workforce, expected to fall through it. The redundancies, first reported by Bloomberg, are part of the HPE Next initiative that CEO Meg Whitman hatched in June, a radical programme – the latest in a long line …
Paul Kunert, 22 Sep 2017
Exhausted looking business man on phone in from of laptop. Photo by Shutterstock

How's that 'turnaround' year going, Capita? ...Sheesh, sorry I asked

At the halfway point of a turnaround year for listing tech outsourcing ship Capita, the vital statistics are still moving in the wrong direction with top and bottom line slipping and major contract challenges noted. It's almost a year since UK-based Capita issued its first ever profit warning that forced a divisional …
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2017

UK data watchdog swots automated marketing call pest with £260k fine

Blighty's Information Commissioner's Office is claiming another big win after fining marketing firm Easyleads Ltd £260,000 for being a royal pain in the ass – or, more specifically, for making 16.7 million automated marketing calls. Illegally, the Coventry-based professional pesterers did not have the consent of unsuspecting …
Paul Kunert, 21 Sep 2017

UK PC prices have risen 30% in a year since the EU referendum

The average trade price of computers in Britain shot up by almost a third in the past year since the EU referendum, though a weakened pound might not tell the whole story. According to distributor data collated by channel analyst CONTEXT, average sales prices (ASPs) for desktops, notebooks and workstations reached £480 in July …
Paul Kunert, 20 Sep 2017

DXC squeezes suppliers for extra margin, issues ultimatum

The procurement team at DXC Technologies might consider giving courses on how not to win friends or influence people after sending suppliers an ultimatum: cough better financial terms or else. In a global initiative to bulk out margins, the outsourcing firm wrote to its traders warning them that if they wanted to remain on the …
Paul Kunert, 19 Sep 2017
Adriaen_brouwer_painting

A todger, a 2.5kg dumbbell, the fire brigade... and the inevitable angle grinder

A German chap is in recovery mode after firefighters battled tirelessly for three hours to free his member from a dumbbell weight. The unnamed gent based in Worms, a city nestled in the Rhineland-Palatinate, mid-west Germany, got his spawnhammer stuck in the 2.5kg metal disk on Friday and was transported, ever so gently, to …
Paul Kunert, 18 Sep 2017
A group of happy corporate looking types celebrate

DXC Technologies mails another corp message (gulp)

Repeated redundancy programmes and the imposition of penny pinching measures can make a workforce glum, no matter how many fancy dress days a company offers: DXC Technologies might have realised this. The outsourcing provider has this week informed its grunts in the UK who don’t qualify for existing bonus schemes that one is …
Paul Kunert, 18 Sep 2017

Dell EMC president David Goulden quits

Dell EMC president and boss of the Infrastructure Solutions Group, David Goulden, is leaving the business at the end of the company’s fiscal year, The Register can reveal. Goulden landed at EMC in 2002 and went on to run sales, marketing and was CEO of the Information Infrastructure division prior to the storage vendor being …
Paul Kunert, 15 Sep 2017

HPE slices and dices globo org chart

Hewlett Packard Enterprise is waving bye to another long standing exec as it puts more meat on the new structure that is part of a wider plan to make more money build a long term operational and financial blueprint. A radical initiative branded HPE Next was hatched by CEO Meg Whitman in June, as we exclusively revealed. It is …
Paul Kunert, 15 Sep 2017

Web crash and pricing errors hit Argos

Argos shoppers who prefer to buy online rather than in-store via the laminated catalogue of dreams were out of luck this morning as the website crashed intermittently and pricing errors showed up. The site was due to be down for routine maintenance from midnight, a spokeswoman at Argos told The Reg, but “there is a separate …
Paul Kunert, 14 Sep 2017
Piggy bank photo via Shutterstock

Ex-EDS bod at DXC Technologies? Sign up to new pension scheme - or else...

Frankenfirm DXC Technologies is proposing to kill off the final salary pension scheme for former EDS staff and will refuse to fund pay rises and bonuses to those affected who do not sign over to the new package. This will impact 99 active members of the EDS 1994 pension plan and 1,119 people that are on the EDS Retirement Plan …
Paul Kunert, 14 Sep 2017
open_door_648

Capita still hasn't found what its looking for: A CEO

Months after Capita commenced its search for a successor to outgoing chief exec Andy Parker, the company has yet to find anyone judged evil enough well suited to fill his boots - at least not one it can make public. The integrator suffered an annus horribilis in 2016 when it reported profits warnings that led to a middle- …
Paul Kunert, 11 Sep 2017
Parliament photo by Shutterstock

UK Home Office finds £20m to throw at Oracle cloudy ERP

The Home Office has tossed a paltry £20m of taxpayers' cash at Accenture and Oracle implementation outfit Certus Solutions to deploy a cloudy ERP system that hopefully works overhauls the way back-office services are provided. The aim of two-year contract, tendered on the UK.gov’s G-Cloud supplier framework, is to update …
Paul Kunert, 11 Sep 2017

HPE waves bye-bye to 36 years of executive experience

Exclusive The first implementation of a planned major reorg at Hewlett Packard Enterprise was outlined last night with a new chief sales officer named and the heads of the Americas and EMEA ops confirmed as exiting the business. In a message to the workforce – seen by us – president Antonio Neri said Phil Davis will move from his post …
Paul Kunert, 07 Sep 2017
recruitment_hired

London Mayor hires former PR man as Chief Digi Officer

London Mayor Sadiq Khan has slotted former PR man and public sector tech policy specialist Theo Blackwell into the chief digital officer slot that opened up months ago. Back in May, El Reg reported the role was advertised with a tidy salary of £107,000 a year - enough to keep ten of our journalists in booze and ciggies for a …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2017
Green light

Enterprises gooey for Windows 10 as OS helps Computacenter rake it in

Computacenter is paying £100m in dividends to shareholders after reporting a double-digit rise in profits on the back of a sales spike that was in part boosted by Windows 10 implementations. According to unaudited numbers for the first half of 2017, revenue leaped 15 per cent year-on-year to £1.7bn with a 12.9 per cent upward …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2017
a HUSKY DOG DIGS A HOLE ON THE BEACH. pHOTO BY shUTTERSTOCK

San Franciscans unite to smite alt-right with minefield of doggy shite

A shit storm awaits a bunch of far-right protestors when they convene in San Francisco this weekend – locals are storing up their doggy do-do and plan to distribute it in the area the protestors are holding the rally. People of the Rainbow City will heavily pepper Crissy Field and the white beach next to the Golden Gate bridge …
Paul Kunert, 25 Aug 2017
Facepalm from Shutterstock

Reality strikes Dixons Carphone's profits after laughing off Brexit threat

Pricier smartphones and lower EU roaming charges will dampen Dixons Carphone's bottom line, the retailer's CEO warned today in an unscheduled trading update that sent its share price crashing by 30 per cent. The company had dismissed the Brexit effect on its business in previous communications with investors some months ago, …
Paul Kunert, 24 Aug 2017

Paris nightclub red-faced after booze-for-boobs offer exposed

Bar staff at a nightclub in Paris have hit upon a two-for-one idea to boost custom by promising female patrons that dare to bare their boobs a small, free drink. Wanderlust, an open-air club billed on TripAdvisor as the best in the French capital by one punter, displayed a sign that stated "tits = shots". It was spotted, …
Paul Kunert, 23 Aug 2017
Trump

Kraut coppers seize 5,000 Donald Trump-shaped dance biscuits

Cops in northwestern Germany have seized 5,000 ecstasy tabs fashioned in the image of Donald J Trump's head, indicating the prez continues to inspire people to seek out an alternative reality. The haul of Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, MDMA for short, was discovered in Osnabrück, Lower Saxony, during a routine road check on …
Paul Kunert, 22 Aug 2017
A closed sign

IT reseller Misco UK shutters warehouse and distie centre

Misco is shuttering its UK warehouse and distribution centre in Greenock, Scotland, in a bid to drag the P&L accounts out of the red. The company was owned by US parent Systemax until it, along with operations in the Netherlands, Italy, Spain and Sweden, was sold to private equity outfit Hilco Capital in March – the firm that …
Paul Kunert, 21 Aug 2017
Ronald McDonald character sitting on the couch at Mccafe Star Avenue  in Bangkok ,Thailand

Drive-thru drive-by at McDs after ice cream no-show, say cops

An irate McDonald’s drive-thru punter was so pissed that he couldn’t get his Sunday morning ice cream fix due to a broken dispenser that he pulled out a replica AR-15 rifle from his car boot in protest. A BMW driven by Michael Delhomme arrived at the fast food destroyer of diet’s drive-thru intercom at the Delray Beach branch …
Paul Kunert, 18 Aug 2017
No, just stop. Nope. photo by shutterstock

Ads regulator raps PC repair biz for massaging malware infection rates

An online PC repair shop was yesterday given a small ticking off by the Advertising Standards Agency – the UK's notoriously gummy marketing watchdog – for claiming that one in three PCs are blighted by malware on a daily basis. The web shop ReimagePlus published a promo on April 21 warning prospective customers: "Don't be part …
Paul Kunert, 17 Aug 2017

The cheek of it! Beach bar owner shoots nude bather in the booty

A bar owner in southern Corsica stands accused of firing a pellet into the booty of a nudist who refused to cover up during a beach bathing session. The Italian holidaymaker was relaxing with a bunch of similarly un-attired pals on the Mediterranean island, one of the 18 administrative regions of France, when all were told by …
Paul Kunert, 15 Aug 2017
Cops with guns, image via Shutterstock

London cops bust fake Cisco hardware chain

City of London cops today confirmed they have confiscated hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of counterfeit Cisco networking gear. Officers from the Intellectual Property Crime Unit (PIPCU) raided a premises in Herne Bay, Kent, on 25 July and discovered more than 1,000 counterfeit items of networking kit. Several …
Paul Kunert, 28 Jul 2017

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