Bootnotes

Remember the Yorkie pizza horror? Here's who won our exclusive Reg merch...

Top suggestion: eat the thing!

By Gareth Corfield

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Giveaway The winner of our “what would you do with a terrible Morrisons Yorkshire Pudding Pizza concoction” competition can, at long last, be announced to Reg readers of the Great British Public and beyond.

Almost five thousand gastronomically inclined Register readers voted in our poll about the very weird thing released by Morrisons last week, in which they combined a pizza and a Yorkshire pudding.

Two thousand of you said you’d eat it “because it looks reet tasty like”, while 1,600 of you confessed that you would eat this thing purely because you are “deviants” (audience demographic and profiling team, are you getting this down?).

The Yorkie mashup was allegedly created in support of National Yorkshire Pudding Day on 5 February and was nothing at all to do with Morrisons sacking 1,500 middle managers the day before, oh no siree.

A source familiar with El Reg said, of the Morrisons pizza horror: “My expectation of the Yorkshire Pudding pizza was very, very low but now I've had it I declare that whoever came up with this is a culinary genius. This was a meeting of two of my favourite foods and it was amazing.”

This stands at direct odds with the views of Vulture Central’s finest, who (with one strong-stomached exception) think this is blasphemy unto Saint Nigella and all who worship her.

As we said last week, the top three most inventive suggestions of what to do with the Morrisons pizza horror would win your choice of old tat we’re getting rid of the finest El Reg merchandise known to man.

We on the Reg gastronomy desk have pondered your nuggets of wisdom, and our decisions on first, second and third places are as follows...

Winners are cordially invited to email us on news@theregister.co.uk with the subject line "Yorkie pizza horror competition", using their registered Reg commentard email address, to claim one of the prizes as set out in the original story.

Third place: the sensible suggestion

Silver-badged commentard Alistair slammed his fellow ‘tards, declaring “Lester would be HORRIBLY disappointed in you all today.” He then gave us this alternative take on the Yorkie pizza:

Looks like a fantastic start on a meal. What we need here:

1) on the side, prep a fusion of mustard, horseradish and BBQ sauce. Hotter, better, thicker, stronger.

2) top the gap in the rim off with spiced sausage, herbs of your choosing (me? Thai Basil and ginger)

3) Wrap the pie in woven bacon mat. Secure bacon to the pie.

4) prep "Salad" - fried 'taters, fried yams, onion rings, breaded garlic pickles, if you'd like to go all hoitee toitee, go full on tempura.

5) toss the bacon bomb in the deep fryer (set to hot as hell) and wait for sizzling golden perfection.

6) accompany with loud, aggressive porter or stout.

The seventh step, naturally, is: “contact local ambulance service for transport to local Emergency/A&E for cardiac resuscitation.” Very sensible.

Second place: the poem

Kryptonaut waxed lyrical about the Yorkie pizza won respect from our jaded hacks, particularly for its dual-limerick structure. We’ll give you the first few lines of it here...

The pizza they put on my platter

Was like a deep-pan only fatter.

I muttered "Lord save me, They've served it with gravy...

...and you can read the rest here. We say: “This contestant showed fantastic commitment to the cause, but lost out because a couple of extra syllables ruined the rhythm.”

And finally, the winner

Described by the judgiest of our judging team as a “Good, solid solution to the pizza pie problem,” we bring you Individual #6/42’s offering:

Fill remaining space with doner kebab meat and garnish with ¼ tomato and chilli sauce. Serve with that beer that you keep meaning to try but it sounds horrible so you had a few pints of proper beer first to give yourself a run up. Alka-seltzer for dessert.

Though some in the team claimed this was “less imaginative” than other suggestions, we heartily endorse this suggestion as being in the true spirit of the late Lester Haines’ post-pub nosh neckfiller recipes. Lester sadly died in 2016, aged 55.

And in the “highly commended” category we must commend Mycho’s suggestion of the best thing to do with the Yorkie pizza horror:

I would eat it post pub in memory of Lester Haines' tremendous "Post-pub nosh neckfiller" articles on the subject of weird, wonderful and varyingly edible things to demolish in such a manner.

Bit early for the first pint but I can start planning it.

Spot on, and the best suggestion for lunchtime on a Friday that we can think of. Ad astra tabernamque. ®

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