Bootnotes Long-distance dildo devotee deploys ding-dong over data deceit Chinese sex company wants to (wire)tap that... 20 May 05:03 | 56
AI + ML Cosmoboffins use neural networks to build dark matter maps the easy way Ah yes, maybe generative adversarial models can be useful after all 20 May 06:13 | 16
Who, Me? Exclusive: Windows for Workgroups terror the Tartan Bandit confesses all to The Register It was the nerd, with the wallpaper, in the .ini file 20 May 07:02 | 192
Updated Pushed around and kicked around, always a lonely boy: Run Huawei, Google Play, turns away, from Huawei... turns away Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face 20 May 08:15 | 178
Roundup Google's cunning AI linguist, Uncle Sam drills ML skills into .mil, Intel's iffy CPU claims Plus: AI-generated whisky – I'm sorry Dave, I can't drink that 20 May 08:40 | 13
SaaS Microsoft's Azure Portal: A boat load of updates, but is it too ambitious? The spiritual successor to the Windows GUI 20 May 09:12 | 4
Analysis Let adware be treated as malware, Canuck boffins declare after breaking open Wajam ad injector If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then... 20 May 10:05 | 45
Roundup Whisky business: Microsoft's spirited attempt to develop hooch with AI Plus: Azure galore, and Your Phone app can now munch through mobile data 20 May 10:52 | 5
Storage EMEA mortal: UK NetApp boss Thurlow has split UK head honcho swap follows European shakeup 20 May 11:26 | 3
Roundup When two become one: 200 boffins contribute to first Ultima Thule paper China adds to Beidou constellation while India preps radar-imaging satellite 20 May 11:59 | 5
Legal Swedish prosecutors request Assange detention: First step to European arrest warrant Swedes' EAW could be a starter or a main 20 May 12:29 | 55
OSes Mind the crane: Windows Server containers loaded up on the Azure Kubernetes Service Let's lift again, like we did last summer, let's shift again, like we did last year 20 May 12:58 | 4
On-Prem SoftIron unleashes the Accepherator. Geddit? It's an erasure coding accelerator for Ceph FPGAs bring sweet relief to overworked CPUs 20 May 13:30 | 3
Networks UK mobile companies score £220m cashback from Ofcom over spectrum fee dispute Court rules regulator should cough for 'wrongful' increase 20 May 13:58 | 14
Security Boeing admits 737 Max sims didn't accurately reproduce what flying without MCAS was like Turning off trim control software in training wouldn't give realistic results – report 20 May 14:28 | 206
Security Sophos tells users to roll back Microsoft's Patch Tuesday run if they want PC to boot Yes, the one with the critical security fixes 20 May 15:15 | 52
Legal UK's planned Espionage Act will crack down on Snowden-style Brit whistleblowers, suspected backdoored gear (cough, Huawei) Obscure legal doc catapulted to prominence by Home Sec 20 May 17:29 | 118
Servers All nodes lead to Rome: Epyc leak spills deets on second-gen Zen 32-core AMD server chippery But what is the significance of lower clock speeds? 20 May 18:24 | 11
SaaS Salesfarce to Failsforce: Salesforce database blunder outage enters day three as fix falters El Reg tunes into customer conference calls to hear SVP of engineering apologize 20 May 19:25 | 29
Analysis FCC boss blesses T-Mobile US-Sprint merger amid sketchy promises, lashings of incoherency American tech regulation reduced to: If the telcos want it, it must be a good thing 20 May 20:27 | 14
Analysis Do Not Track is back in the US Senate. And this time it means business. As in, fining businesses that stalk you online Republican Senator preps proposed legislation ahead of hearing 20 May 21:16 | 44
Analysis Lyft, Uber drivers boost app surge prices by turning off, tuning out – and cashing in Cyber-cabbies bag more dosh from fares by gaming demand versus supply 20 May 23:48 | 57