Pants-purveyor in plea for popularity: It's not just any pork push... it's an M&S 'love sausage'
Marks & Sparks marketeers decide straight-up innuendo's what you want for Valentine's
Dependable British pants*-seller Marks & Spencer is desperately seeking social media virality as it faces plummeting sales figures, and has decided the best way is to tread the thoroughly British route of innuendo.
Because today it has launched a heart-shaped, truffle-and-bacon-wrapped, pork product it named the "Love Sausage".
"Are you ready for our Love Sausage?" it asked not-at-all innocently on Twitter, along with a pic of the delicacy, with two fried eggs nestling within the banger's heart-shaped void for good measure.
Are you ready for our Love Sausage? Heart-shaped, lightly-truffled, wrapped in bacon and in store tomorrow. Say it with sausages – tag who you’ll be sharing your Love Sausage with this Valentine's Day! #MyMarksFave pic.twitter.com/VPQi4ENnsn— M&S (@marksandspencer) February 7, 2019
At this juncture, El Reg thinks it's worth pointing out that the Valentine's wurst appears to be two slightly bent sausages gently touching tips, rather than one single brat.
But this is clearly not M&S's main concern, as what it really wants is for social media users to distribute the pork pic across the internet** – although perhaps without fully considering the implications of doing so.
I'm sick of these unsolicited love-sausage pics appearing in my Twitter feed.— My name is Declan (@DeclanChellar) February 7, 2019
The stunt brought equal measures of mirth and disdain from the Twitterati, with some even complaining it risked getting in the way of their usual searches.
Well *this* isn't what I was expecting to find when I typed 'love-sausage' into my browser this morning..... https://t.co/GkMEiAiYHH— David Nicholls (@MrDavidNicholls) February 7, 2019
Yet, despite the blatant disregard for subtlety, some appeared to believe M&S wasn't well aware of what it was doing – but the cardigan-pushers quickly disabused them of that idea.
I don't know what you're talking about, Bruce.. 👀😉 - Chris pic.twitter.com/REg5wXBiO4— M&S (@marksandspencer) February 7, 2019
Meanwhile, another user decided to shame the size of M&S's sausage, using the handy new "hmm, it's a bit smaller than that" emoji, released this week.
Of course, one could argue that this isn't just any love sausage. This is an M&S love sausage.
But, as always, the proof of the porky pudding is in the eating – so if M&S wants to send some over to Vulture Towers, we'd be happy to put them to the test. ®
* If you're an English speaker anywhere else in the world, for the complete absence of doubt, we mean underwear...
** Yes, we know that this article is contributing to the spread of the wurst across the net, but El Reg has a long-standing commitment to comprehensive pork product coverage. And lest we forget: "Pastry in a manger: We're soz, Greggs man said... We swapped out Lord Jesus for meat in sweet bread..."
BREAKING NEWS (Updated to add at 1241 GMT):
One of our vultures visited a high street branch close by, collared a staffer, and asked for the love sausage. Once the unfortunate M&S drone got a slow blink or seven out of the way, he told our man: "Nah. That's only coming on Monday."