'Nun' drops goat head on pavement outside Cheltenham 'Spoons
Pretty f***ing metal tbh
Christians enjoy reminding the heathens, atheists and sinners who share this world that they're all going to Hell. Whether it's by peppering conversation with Bible quotes or just a little smug smile, we know what they're thinking.
For those closer to God, however, holding one's tongue can sometimes get too much. One den of iniquity, a Wetherspoon pub in Cheltenham, felt the burning eyes of judgement this week when someone "in a nun costume" upended a "duffel bag" and dumped a goat's head on the pavement outside.
We all know that Jesus turned water into wine just to keep the party pumping, but somewhere along the way the Church started to look down on getting soused.
Now, whether this was actually a holy woman sending a message of divine retribution or Mark the butcher's son pulling a hilarious if gory prank is unclear, but GloucestershireLive took a witness's statement.
"It was about 10:30pm Saturday night and the goat head was just on the path outside Wetherspoon; everyone was just acting like normal."
Typical 'Spoons crowd really. It'd have to be something big and life-endangering to interrupt those reasonably priced beverages.
"We did go past Sunday morning but it was gone," they added. Sunday, eh? A day of rest. Did the culprit feel remorse and return to the clean up the scene? Just as likely a passer-by could have put it in the bin.
The ever-reliable and detailed witness continued: "My friend also said there was someone in a nun costume who dropped it out of a duffel bag and ran off."
A Wetherspoon mouthpiece told the local news site: "Pub management at The Moon Under Water were aware of the incident, although it did not take place on the premises, occurring on the pavement outside."
It seems we will never know what truly happened that Saturday night beyond someone dropping a slab of offal on the pavement, and someone else having to pick it up.
But nuns are scary so your reporter is going to go with nun. ®
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