Assange catgate hearing halted as Ecuador hunts around for someone who speaks Australian
World's worst housemate is so misunderstood
According to reports, the world's most annoying housemate reckoned that the court-appointed interpreter was not up to snuff. Alas, Judge Karina Martinez insisted that Assange testify so called for a replacement fluent in Australian, perhaps misunderstanding that the former British colony still speaks the language of the Pom.
The Aussie has been a houseguest at Ecuador's pad in Knightsbridge, London since 2012, when he was granted political asylum – thus allowing him to avoid extradition to Sweden, which at the time was investigating allegations of sexual assault against him. Sweden has since abandoned its investigation, but, since Assange breached UK bail conditions, the bobbies are waiting to pounce if he tries to pop out to Patisserie Valerie for a croissant. He's staying holed up due to fears that if he's taken in, he'll be swiftly handed over to American agents crouching in an unmarked helicopter.
It may be that the restrictions placed on Assange's internet access are so severe that he cannot access the wide variety of Aussieficators available. Putting something he's likely often heard into an American English to Australian English translator gives the following:
playse stawp yoah caht crahppin in ahh embahssy
Bonzer! The Register is always happy to ensure the wheels of justice turn smoothly.
At issue is Saint Assange's complaint that his Ecuadorian hosts are allegedly stomping over his human rights by being able to censor his more awkward tirades and demanding the details of those fortunate enough to breathe the same hallowed air as the martyred one.
That hallowed air may actually be a little fetid, since a lengthy memo also required Assange deal with the state of the bathroom and look after his cat. Assange was granted political asylum by the Ecuadorian Government in 2012 and has been closeted within its London walls ever since. ®