No sh*t, Sherlock! Bloke suspected of swallowing drug stash keeps colon schtum for 22 DAYS

Cops frustrated by lack of movement in the case


A suspected drug dealer accused of swallowing his stash has become internet famous – after refusing to take a dump, and thus provide the cops their evidence, for 22 DAYS and counting.

The 24-year-old fella was arrested by Essex police on January 17 in Harlow, England. He is believed to have wolfed down several packages of drugs, or otherwise inserted the gear into himself, and was supposed to be held in custody until the narcotics eased out of him.

However, the bloke – who has been charged with possession with intent to supply class A drugs – has refused to make use of the plod's facilities ever since his arrest. He has also been refusing food, presumably in an attempt to stop his bowels betraying him.

In short, he is in deep shit.

The Operation Raptor cops have been tweeting about the case under the hashtag #poowatch ever since he began his colonic campaign, and say the suspect is under the impression he will have to be released eventually and therefore he's going to hold on.

Sadly for the clenching criminal suspect, the British justice system thinks he's full of crap (as well as drugs, allegedly.)

The police went to a judge to get permission to continue to keep him behind bars, pointing out the prisoner is free to go once he goes but is choosing not to. The court agreed, and multiple extended detention orders have since been granted, keeping him in custody until there's a sphinctal solution.

In the meantime the suspect is being carefully monitored by officers to make sure he's not at risk of straining or hurting himself, although the suspect has refused to allow a doctor to lend a hand, or at least a finger. And so the bowel blockade continues into its turd, sorry, third week.

Medical professionals in the US contacted by The Register – the things we do for our readers – didn’t want to comment specifically on this shit storm, but did point out that the ring-piece resistor has a long way to go before he makes medical history.

There's the case of a Chinese woman who was constipated for 75 days before a combination of vegetable oil, the Middle Kingdom's traditional medicine, and enemas eased her to a more comfortable life. The consequences of a lack of anal activity can be fatal.

Essex police have said that they'll hold the suspect until he can't hold it in any longer. Spare a thought for the poor cleaner who has to fix the mess after the colonic caper comes to a natural conclusion. ®

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