Jocks in shock as Irn-Bru set to slash sugar and girder content

They may take our lives, but they will never take our fizzy drink

Scots as Braveheart photo Cintia Erdens Paiva via Shutterstock
The scene outside A.G. Barr headquarters following the news

Angry Scots are protesting against plans to slash the sugar content of their beloved national soft drink Irn-Bru and folk have begun stockpiling the beverage said to be a hangover cure.

As of this month, Irn-Bru will be made with 50 per cent less sugar. Currently a can of has just under 140 calories, which will reduced to 65.

A spokesperson for A.G. Barr, owner of the soft drink, said it will continue to be made using the same flavour essence, but with less sugar. "The vast majority of our drinkers want to consume less sugar so that's what we're now offering.

"We know that our loyal drinkers love Irn-Bru for its unique great taste and we've worked hard to deliver this. We ran lots of taste tests that showed most people can't tell the difference – 9 out of 10 regular Irn-Bru drinkers told us we had a good or excellent taste match."

However, it seems many would disagree. A petition entitled "Hands off our IRN BRU" has so far gained more than 7,000 signatures.

Petitioner Ryan Allen wrote: "It is a national treasure in Scotland and really is part of our culture with its unique taste, branding and marketing. Its also well known to alleviate the effects of a hangover and is many a persons' craving, saviour or go-to drink after a night on the tiles. I think to deny people in that condition their crutch would be a crime."

Since the announcement, reports have emerged of fans stockpiling this soon-to-be precious commodity. Meanwhile, the Twittersphere has expressed its disgust with typical restraint, saying 2018 can "gettae fuck".

For Sassenach readers who have yet to experience the delights of this ambrosia-like elixir, one Scottish Redditor described it thus: "A bubbling highland stream mixed with casual violence. But in a good way." ®

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