Trump? Terror? Turkey? Whoa, there's a Tentacool in that Bush...

BBC captures Jeremy Corbyn capturing Krabby

Pokemon toys

If terror attacks, coups and the prospect of a Trump presidency aren’t enough to convince the end of days might just be at hand, a brief review of the weekend’s Pokemon Go related news should tip the balance.

As the augmented reality monster hunting smartphone game rolled out across the real world, players were shot at and robbed, asked to help police with their inquiries, attacked by cybercriminals, and joined by the UK Labour party’s bean-munching beard in chief, Jeremy Corbyn.

It was inevitable that cyber miscreants would target the game, and hacking team OurMine claimed the laurels with a DDoS attack of the weekend, according to TechCrunch. Or maybe it was PoodleCorp. Perhaps the rival groups could settle it like gentlemen in the traditional manner – by standing in a park staring at smartphone screens.

Either way, the apparent cyber attacks didn’t faze the embattled leader of the opposition, who took time off from hunting Blairites by hunting Pokemons in Finsbury Park, North London.

According to The Telegraph, a BBC reporter enticed Jeremy Corbyn out of his own little world and into the Pokemon world, and together, they quickly snagged one of the elusive characters.

“We caught Krabby – OK. Our work this morning has not been in vain,” the serial Labour rebel told reporters. He also informed them that his “allotment is tended” and he’d had a good crop of beans, which he’d already consumed. “We have a lovely bean soup.” Allotment and Krabby taken care of, Corbyn will back in the Commons today to inspire his troops on the future of Britain's nuclear deterrent.

Corbyn’s allotment and Pokemon weekend was in stark contrast to other players’ experience.

In Florida, a trio of players were shot at by a householder who decided that they were clearly burglars, what with them sitting in a car staring at smartphones.

In the UK, three students were robbed at knifepoint in Hulme Manchester on Friday, The Telegraph reported, with Manchester Police warning of the dangers of using the app. Apparently the cops reckon players should “be aware of their surroundings” and they have also asked parents to speak to their kids about the dangers of wandering around staring at a screen in built-up areas.

Sussex Police have taken a slightly different view, targeting Pokemon players as potential witnesses to a break-in at a petrol station near a Pokemon stop at a community centre. Because a bunch of screen-staring Pokemon trainers are precisely the people to notice a professional burglar on a post midnight job.

In the US, Manchester New Hampshire’s police have gone even further by using the apparent presence of a Charizard in the booking area of their HQ to ensnare 500 of their more wanted persons.

Apparently, the New Hampshire cops have yet to actually achieve any arrests using the strategy, suggesting that the Granite State’s crims are slightly less likely to distracted by imaginary monsters as the man in charge of holding HM Gov to account. ®

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