BOFH: I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know
Has no one noted how incredibly dangerous the windows are around here?
Health and safety gone mad
I could play "what if" for hours, but I don't want to. What I WANT to do lock him in the airlock with a CO2 extinguisher that has the grip taped open.
But I'm not going to do that either.
"So what brings you here?"
"I'm just following up on those hazards we identified yesterday."
"We didn't identify any hazards yesterday."
"Yes we did. We identified that your CO2 extinguishers aren't labelled with the fires that they are suitable for extinguishing. We identified that one of your fluorescent fittings has 2 out of the 3 lamps not working, meaning part of your workplace isn't receiving the minimum required light level. We also identified that your espresso machine has no routine maintenance schedule, which could lead to giardia, legionnaire's disease or a host of other illnesses."
"A," the PFY responds "WE did not identify any of those – YOU did. B, the CO2 extinguishers aren't labelled because they're suitable for any fire in this room..."
"NOT A FAT FIRE!" he counters.
"Well, if the Boss spontaneously combusts I'll keep that in mind," the PFY continues. "The fluros are in the corner, above a tape safe which blocks out most of the light anyway – and is the reason we can't get to the fitting to change them, and finally the expresso machine runs at a temperature which precludes any disease bar those caused by extremophiles and we don't get many of them here."
"Regulations state that all drinking water dispensing equipment must have a regular maintenance programme to prevent pathogen or bacteria build-up, AND that there must be a minimum lux level in ALL parts of the office. Not subject to discussion."
"I think you'll find that the worst light level in this office is actually over there," the PFY says, pointing over to the far side of the office.
"I doubt it, it's a couple of feet from a window," he says, wandering over.
"It may be," I say. "But when the sun goes down, you'll note that the entire area is blocked from overhead light by that..."
"Massive filing cabinet," he says, tapping on the aforementioned cabinet.
... ... ...
Looks like that email was a waste of my valuable time...
"Well that's a hazard!" I say moments later, gazing out the window at the gathering crowd below.
"What is?" the PFY asks.
"That window. It's supposed to be laminate, not safety glass."
"Well write it down," the PFY says, picking up a crumpled clipboard and handing it to me.