Apple hypegasm countdown. What will the new, big iPad ACTUALLY be called?

New Channel 5 news tool probed

Much of the world is poised on the edge of its collective seat this week, awaiting the scheduled moment tomorrow when mighty Apple - the fruitchomp-branded love/hate Wall Street darling of the technology world - will unveil its latest offerings.

But what will these be? Just how will the great brains of Cupertino seek to maintain their capitalist miracle of charging people high prices with fat margins for equipment which is either nice but unexceptional in spec (Macs) or deliberately evil and crippled (iOS kit) ... and yet, at the same time, sustaining colossal hype-fuelled demand?

The very phenomenon itself is a puzzler, generating on the one hand hope that perhaps we need not all wear ourselves out clawing and scrabbling desperately for ever thinner margins only to one day inevitably slip and plunge over the rim into the lavatory bowl of market death-spiral despair - and yet on the other hand hatred for the colossal arrogance and exceptionalism of the Cupertino idiot tax operation and its legions of sycophantic zealots.

Nobody, perhaps not even the brains of Cupertino themselves, can truly say how the miracle/cult is sustained. Thus it is that even non-fanbois are interested in what will come out tomorrow - and what its future might be. In particular, this being the Register, we are also interested in what unofficial names or terms might be coined for the perhaps category-setting new hardware offerings that could be unwrapped.

For instance, internet mumblings from within the fanboiosphere suggest that the long-whispered big iPad may at last be seen, aimed perhaps at such markets as Channel 5 TV newsreaders walking about reading the news in high heels. We here at the Reg, being largely outside the Apple circle of trust, have no solid information on this - but as ever we are keen to know what our readers think, especially with regard to what the embiggened fondleslab might be dubbed as an alternative to its official name. We also have other important important questions for our readers around this and related issues.

Hence, it's time for a new readerbase collective AI neural network experiment - herewith:

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