BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard
Please refer to the procedures, I like things just the way they are
Episode 8 "It's just a small change!" the Boss whines.
"It's not a small change, it's a Friday afternoon change," I say. "We don't do those. We do Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday afternoon changes if you want, but not Friday. If it's urgent we might do a Friday morning change, but it has to be pretty urgent. Lives must be at stake."
"But it won't affect anything!" the Boss simpers.
"It COULD affect SOMETHING. Anyway, Friday afternoon changes are in our Standard Operations Procedures book as a no-no."
"What Standard Operations Procedure book?" he asks.
"THE Standard Operations Procedure book. For the Company. We had to create one several years ago as part of our auditor requirements and our contracted obligations – 'To ensure that we documented routine operations, procedures and company guidelines to avoid unscheduled outages, interruptions or degradation of services'. It was audited by the company risk assessors!"
"This is the first I've heard of it," the Boss argues.
"Well, you are newish in the role, but we've always had it."
"It's our Bible," the PFY adds. "The way we make sure everything is done by the book."
"Without it we'd be lost," I agree. "It details the steps we take in routine operations, but also outlines considerations that should be made when making changes to things."
"So it's a change control system?" the Boss asks.
"It's more than a change control system, it's a constant companion!" I say.
"So can I see a copy?"
"Of course you can!" I say, rolling open my desk drawer and ferreting around for a bit – to no avail.
I look to the PFY expectantly and he too does an alien probe into the bowels of his drawer to find a copy.
"There's one around here somewhere," I say, moving the crap on my desk around a bit, before working my way over to the bookshelves.
"Got it!" the PFY says, pulling a copy of the aforementioned document from underneath the espresso machine.
"The pages are all stuck together with coffee!" the Boss snaps.
"Yes, well, the machine has a leak."
"And you didn't notice that it was leaking onto your 'constant companion'?" he chips back with a tinge of sarcasm.
"Oh we've got about 10 copies of it floating around the place," the PFY says, which reminds me...
"Here's one!" I say, pulling a copy from inside a ceiling tile.
"What's it doing up there?"
"Oh it's just holding the fresh air inlet fan off the wall, so it doesn't rattle," I say.
"Why's it so thin?"
"This one's probably an early version," I say, while the Boss leafs through the pages.
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