Arkansas Kum & Go onanist did just that

Arkansas state cops are trying to press the flesh with a local who took things slightly too literally when he opted for a five-knuckle shuffle outside a Kum & Go convenience store ... and then legged it without even leaving a phone number.

Springdale Police Department put a call out on Facebook for anyone that can identify the as-yet-unnamed bishop-bashing blaggard, who was spotted in the town next to a Ford Ranger truck.

“Callers stated that the male did not have any pants on and appeared to be masturbating,” the police stated, and when “the suspect realised he was being watched ... quickly left the area.”

The fuzz didn’t confirm if the man took things to their logical conclusion. Presumably he’s now holed up at the Hotel Kuntz after a light lunch at The Golden Shower Restaurant.

Should anyone recognise the suspect, snapped by a witness, they are encouraged to contact the Springdale Criminal Investigation Division, or SCID for short. ®