Tulsa woman bludgeons man mercilessly with laptop

Gobbles genitals, but not in a good way

This is not a good way to come out of deep sleep. A US man was awoken from his drunken stupor by the pain of his girlfriend sinking her fangs into his gentleman’s sausage and bludgeoning him with her laptop.

The incident took place in Tulsa, Oklahoma on 19 February, following a boozy session and subsequent argument between Amber Ellis, 31, and her beau, who (probably for the best) has not been named.

Ellis, charged this week with attempted maiming, is accused of chomping down so hard on his tackle that he required five stitches. The damage caused by the laptop was not detailed.

The relatively lucky chap – remember what happened to poor ol’ John Wayne Bobbitt – began to argue with the muncher while they were out and the blow-up continued back at their apartment.

Ellis went into a bedroom and the man – an amputee – feel asleep, only to fully gain consciousness when he entered a whole new world of pain, the police report states.

She also bit his finger, which presumably in her state of inebriation, she mistook for something else ... depending on how talented he is, in certain areas.

Ellis also faces a charge of domestic assault with a dangerous weapon – the brand of laptop is unknown – as well as domestic assault and battery, and threatening an act of violence. She remains in custody, with bail set at $45,000. ®

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