'We have NO IDEA who put those ads on our TVs', Sammy simpers
Plus: The UN fears rogue mayo slingers
We were also furnished with a handful of excellent quotes. Here are some of the best:
Samsung was absolutely flummoxed this week when it found out that *someone* had been slipping advertisements into the middle of movies on its smart TVs. A company spokesperson vowed that the firm would most definitely be getting to the bottom of the matter real soon now.
We are aware of a situation that has caused some Smart TV users in Australia to experience program interruption in the form of an advertisement. This seems to be caused by an error, and we are currently conducting a full and thorough investigation into the cause as our top priority.
It came after Sammy tweaked the wording of its policy from this ...
Please be aware that if your spoken words include personal or other sensitive information, that information will be among the data captured and transmitted to a third party through your use of Voice Recognition.
... to this:
To provide you the Voice Recognition feature, some interactive voice commands may be transmitted (along with information about your device, including device identifiers) to a third-party service provider (currently, Nuance Communications, Inc.) that converts your interactive voice commands to text and to the extent necessary to provide the Voice Recognition features to you.
Meanwhile, the CFO of AMD had an astonishingly obvious answer for what was wrong with the company: nobody wants their chips. Speaking about channel inventory, vice president Devinder Kumar offered the following explanation.
If you're selling and it's not somehow getting consumed by the end customer at some point, that's a problem.
Apple boss Tim Cook, meanwhile, has a pretty high opinion of what his company does. The head of the $700bn firm opened for President Obama with a 15-minute spiel that touched on, among other things, how great Apple was with privacy.
Information can make the difference between life and death. If those of use fail to do everything in our power to protect privacy then we risk something more valuable than money – we risk our way of life. Luckily, technology gives us the tools to avoid these risks.
Google, however, has more pressing matters. The Chocolate Factory has been hard at work developing an automated BO detector and route planner for when you don't want friends to know you smell like a bloomin' onion. From the patent filing:
The route suggesting portion may additionally provide an alternate route for the user to take to increase the chances of avoiding an unpleasant odorous meeting with his social contacts.
And if you do want to offend your peers, it seems Microsoft is making it easier than ever to be a pest. The company's Xbox Live service has been beset with spam and you don't even need a console to take part. Chris Boyd of Malwarebytes explains:
A big problem for Microsoft is that spammers can spam whether they own a console or not – if you have a free account, which is easy enough to set up, you can simply sign into the Xbox website and fire spam messages from there instead.
And finally, the United Nations took time earlier this week to address the ever-present spectre of naked ladies armed with condiments. Addressing a concern raised by delegates from Belarus over the dangers of protesters, Mexico's Jorge Lomonaco told mayo-phobic diplomats that we have nothing to fear but Miracle Whip itself.
[Mr Lomonaco] replied that he heard Belarus’s concerns but did not understand because members of the public were already entitled to attend plenary meetings of the conference and sit in the public gallery, and so in theory could already drop mayonnaise onto delegates.
Thankfully, no such diplomatic incident occurred. ®
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