Stop fondling that slab and shag, says Durex

SFW It used to be said that where there's muck, there's brass - and never has that phrase been truer than in the world of condom sales.

Durex is a company which wants people to have as much sex as possible, as long as they buy a few more rubber johnnies to circumvent the unfortunate baby-making and disease-spreading aspects of the dirty deed.

They have a PR department which is dedicated to telling us how to do it (wear a condom, obviously), when to do it (as often as possible) and where to do it (near a shop/machine which sells its goods).

Now Durex's prurient public relations mob have decided to target the slab-fondlers of this world with a call to put down the gizmo and start shagging.

According to one of Durex's less than reliable surveys, some 12 per cent of people had answered a phone during sex, while one in 10 had read a text.

Apparently, more than 5 per cent of respondents had even checked Facebook while making love, although we're sure this number is dwindling along with the popularity of Zuck's advertising empire.

In the sexual world, Durex makes a play of the fact it stops nasty sexually transmitted diseases. However, on the internet it is obsessed with spreading unwelcome viral content.

The latest piece of crapvertising by the latex pusher is dubiously linked with Earth Hour, which takes place on 29 March. During this short-lived celebration of all things ecological, greeny-meanies are urged to turn off the lights for an hour and do something which comes naturally. And no, they don't mean sleep.

Durex, unsurprising, wants you to get down and dirty during this eco-hour. But not the natural way, because the world would become even more overpopulated. Oh, and Durex wouldn't earn any money.

Anyone who wants to spend Earth Hour having sex should tell the world about it using the hashtag #turnofftoturnon.

As a "call to action", Durex has released a rubbish short film designed to encourage us all to fondle each other, instead of our tech.

Ukonwa Ojo, who leads global brand equity marketing for Durex, said: "Earth Hour provides the perfect opportunity for couples to switch off for an hour and focus exclusively on reconnecting with each other. What else is as much fun to do in the dark that is as energy efficient as it is energetic?"

The most famous person to answer a phone during sex (we're told) is Paris Hilton. The coitus depicted in her sex tape, One Night In Paris, was prematurely interrupted by a badly timed call. Since you're asking, her partner wasn't wearing a condom either. Or so we understand. ®