Lindsay Lohan released from screaming lesbian ordeal

Bespeckled thespiatrix Lindsay Lohan has been released from jail after serving just 13 days of her 90-day sentence for breaching parole.

According to the BBC, Lohan walked from Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California earlier today, having survived screaming lesbian gangs, malevolent screws and turkey with apple sauce and broccoli.

The talented actress was caged on 20 July for violating her probation on a 2007 drink-driving charge. The inside word was that she was unlikely to survive the ordeal, but she's apparently none the worse for wear and can now get down to the serious business of attending a 90-day rehab programme.

Assuming she doesn't fall off the wagon and land herself back in chokey, Lohan is due to get to grips with Linda Lovelace in upcoming biopic Inferno. We assume the role will also involve getting to grips with other meaty challenges, and we look forward to the thesp's throaty, full-frontal performance in due course. ®