Red Devil assaults Burnley FC's stadium roof

Burnley FC has suspended all pre-match entertainments at its Turf Moor stadium after a member of the elite Red Devils parachute team performed an unscheduled assault on the roof of the ground's David Fishwick stand, the BBC reports.

In what Burnley described as a "major embarrassment", kick-off of Saturday's clash with Ipswich's Tractor Boys was delayed for an hour while emergency services "assured the safety" of the errant Para. A club statement explained: "Burnley FC tried to lay on some unique pre-match entertainment for the start of the season with the aim of making the first home game a spectacle.

"Unfortunately the Red Devils descent went sadly wrong and a parachutist landed on the roof of the David Fishwick Stand. The Red Devils, who are holding their own investigation, have accepted responsibility and informed the club that the incident was down to individual error.

"The organisation has also waived their fee and given the club and its fans their sincere apologies. The error made by the individual concerned had a significant impact on the match and caused major embarrassment to Burnley Football Club."

Fans of the Red Devils will recall the recent unseemly spat between the Parachute Regiment and our own Lewis Page - provoked by the hack's unfavourable comparison of the Maroon Machine's display outfit and flying Italian minxes the Shooting Stars.

This prompted one enraged Para to ill-advisedly demand: "Ask them [the Italian space babes] if they want to exit the aircraft from 3000 ft build a try by side downplane fly it vertically at the ground till 300 ft then land on a cross inside a stadium." ®