Bladerunner chases VAT robot through Web 2.0

No Natalie Portman though, sadly

Here's one you won't find on eBay yet - the forthcoming final, definitive, that's all folks version of Bladerunner:

Interesting article. However, I don't know of any Bladerunner aficionados who look forward to another release of the "Director's cut".

The Director's Cut hacked off the original ending and took out the Harrison Ford voice-over. I'm not sure what the director was smoking that day when he made these hack 'n' whacks.

Having the original release on the new DVD will be most welcome.


Ridley Scott smokes cigars, we gather. Really, really big rich bloke Cuban cigars.

You can't re-release a re-release! What a joke! What happens when they release it on UMD and then in a few months time on Blu-Ray and then HD? They would be better off just remaking the damn thing and being done with it. It was a crap film anyway!


No doubt the "Final Cut" will include scenes of a recently widowed blacksmith, who in a fit of depression builds himself his own replicant bride, then fleeing to Minas Tirith battles an army of Bladerunners lead by Frodo for the Kingdom of Heaven* in a 4 hour, Can't Find Any More Discarded Film Clippings, We Want More Money From Old Movies Cut.

*Admit it, who else bought the 3 hour 14 minute extended edition of Kingdom of Heaven, complete with such marvels as an actual Intermission scene and the obligatory introduction from the man himself (apparently he felt outdone by Peter Jackson and took the war scenes from the LOTR as a personal challenge to his previous work).


You left out a naked Natlie Portman. No sci-fi mashup is complete without our Nat with her kit off.

Or what about Jacqueline Pearce, for example?

One does not have to be a Linux programmer to have an appreciation of cinema-frozen moments of lust. But why Linux programmers in particular. Do COBOL programmers seek out DVDs of Barbarella? Are these things regionalised, so that American programmers have fantasies of Erin Gray while their British contemporaries still dream of Jan Chappell? Or possibly Jacqueline Pearce?

Though the essential timelessness of cinema means that Lauren Bacall persuaded me to practice whistling. You know how to whistle, dont you?


We reckon the average Linux programmer wasn't even born when Jacqueline graced our TV screens in Blake's Seven. Happy days...

...and while we've still got an image of Ms Pearce in our minds, let's consider the fact that Rochdale council's pesky email filtering system doesn't much like the word "erection":

Perhaps the cue for an article on why there are so many clueless f***wits who think filtering is a good idea ?

There are far superior techniques, which are both more effective, and more importantly as this article shows, do not silently drop mail (the sender will get a non-delivery notice if it is blocked).


More abysmal local authority performance, more abysmal local authority excuses trying to pass the buck onto someone else. What halfwit puts an e-mail filter in place without a) being able to monitor the e-mails coming in and going out and b) being unable to amend the naughty words list?

Answer: Rochdale Council. What utter crap they spout in this case. There are plenty of words used in construction which would trigger off an e-mail monitor - cock, butt, and screw being three of them. Had they put someone in place to manage the system sensibly they would know this.

"Manchester United" and "Wayne Rooney" should also be added to any e-mail monitor's profanity list, IMHO.

Jamie D

There are plenty of Liverpudlians who'd agree with you on that latter point.

Hi Lester, I recently bought a pen from ebay. I tried to leave feedback, commenting that "the pen is great". Ebay asked me to try again, removing the disallowed words. After careful scrutiny I realised that they didn't like my penis.


Well, that's their prerogative as far as we're concerned. Are you sure you aren't being a little hard on eBay?

Ok, you know the drill: it's Friday, so let's get down to some further top-notch frivolity, starting with the launch of MS's OneCare:


OneCare, reminds me of the hilarity caused when Wang called their customer service, WangCare...

Of course it could just be my Bedfordshire accent


Nope, it works for us too.

In the usual tradition of mocking Bill's latest efforts (hey, he can take it), I would like to claim that the best way to undermine the, no doubt, painstakingly researched product name "Microsoft OneCare" is by pronouncing it in a comedy French accent.

Think Clouseau, Kenny Everett's "Marcel Wave" etc.

Good clean fun.


Yes, we can imagine Peter Sellers turing up at Redmond with a "Alo, I am looking for ze wan care..." Delicious.

Speaking of films, it's time for a bit of "spot the classic line" in last week's letters - snappily entitled "For you, Tommy, ze warez is over":

Dear Mr. Haines,

intesting article! For me it was new that Britons call Germans "Tommy". Is "Kraut" no longer en vogue? The same word, "Tommy", is in German a nickname for British soldiers. We Germans call the British "Inselaffen". You don't want to know what that means.

It is true, though, that many Germans have difficulties in pronunciating the "th" correctly (ze). At least Germans learn one, two or even more foreign languages. Not many British people to that. When I listen to BFBS (British Forces Broadcasting Service) it is ridiculous how German city names are being pronounced by the speakers. Especially the German Umlauts (ä, ö, ü, ß) are never ever been pronounced correctly. For certain cities like München and Köln different names were introduced by the British because of their inability to speak that out correctly.

I think Germany is the only nation worldwide that made an intense and long lasting impression to British people.

German police, which is internationally been regarded as one of the most efficient ones (Scotland Yard is still better, though) found out some 40,000 IP adresses. But only 3,500 were from German users. That means 36,500 were from non-German eDonkey users. These are most certainly from countries located near to Germany. (Would a Japanese user connect to server located some 15,000 km away? Not!). You can imagine that a lot of users were British. After the German police will have passed that list to Scotland Yard, any Schadenfreude will vanish.


Martin Grotegut, Essen, Germany

As it happens, we do know what Inselaffen means, you cheeky continental monkey.

Regarding this Tommy business, we'd normally patiently explain where the reference comes from for the benefit of our German friends, but since you've been so bloody rude about the average Brit's excellent command of German, you can just go and look it up for yourselves.

Anyone fancy a quick poll? You've already consigned "mobe" and "lappy" to the dustbin of linguistic history, so what about the following outrage?:

Now, I know that readers of El Reg regularly rail against certain words which they feel should be expunged from the sphere of humanity and I'm sure many are rather trivial, but this time, the problem goes further and I think you Reg hacks should take note.

In the article about junk science and the wisdom of chimps by Andrew Orlowski, he uses the alleged word 'groupthink'. This is not the first time I have come across this bastard hybrid but at last the last person I saw use it was an 18 year goth who had taken a short psychology course and therefore thought he knew everything there was to know about everything. What's your excuse?

It's not a word, it's a hideous mutant spawned by people who want to appear intelligent when in fact they are trying to hide the fact that they have no idea what they're talking about. It does not exist. Do not use it. In fact, the author denigrates his own article, rubbishing junk science but using the very words that are spawned by it in his well-intentioned dismissal of such pseudo-scientific fluff.

I believe that this should immediately be put to a vote of readers of the legendary Reg and let their sensibilities decide.

Yours in head shaking disappointment

Steve Pettifer

Well, what do you think?

And finally, a couple of quickies on the farmer's huge arse spotted on Google Earth:

Okay he google thingy, ARSE what is the translation?

The Yake In Seattle

You mean you couldn't be bothered getting off your fanny to look it up? For shame.

My favourite story concerns another farmer in Cumbria* who was so tired of low level RAF training flights over his farmhouse he painted in large white letters across the roof of a barn 'FUCK OFF BIGGLES'


Good show old chap. The Reg Inselaffen will be back next week with more from the Vulture Central postbag. Have a lovely weekend. ®


*Actually, the Biggles thing was apparently in Wales, and the message slightly less rude. There's a lovely picture here, and ta very much to Bill Longley for the clarification.

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