Torvalds – You've let us down

Linus Torvalds = Mould?

Let's face it - last week's motley collection of rhyming slang was enough to have your Pearly King reaching for the valium. It can't get any worse, can it? Oh yes indeedy, as MW Grossmann is about to prove:

Linus is a Finn, which rhymes with (and is how Naathanas say) 'thin' ('Such huge tits on a girl so Torvalds!')

The English pronounciation of his first name, LINE-us, almost rhymes with 'vaginas'[1], so calling someone a 'Torvalds' could be a bit more subtle than using Berkshire Hunt.

The proper pronounciation, LEEN-oos ('oo' as in 'book'), ==> 'between us.' 'Just Torvalds, I kinda like Windows.'[2]

I really ought to stop and go home now.

[1] assonance - getting the rhyme wrong ("Educating Rita")
[2] If it wasn't so bad and didn't need so much support, I'd have to get a real job.

We fully expect, nay demand, that our female readers take umbrage at Mr Grossman's anatomical allusions. Aficionados of rhyming slang might like to add their objections. Want more? Try these out:

Colin Cruikshank: Penguin Meat (Torvalds, like beef tournadoes????)

Geo: Brooding ('I got throughly miffed with the trouble-and-strife, so I sat down, drank a Britney, and did nothing but Linus for the rest of the evening').

Steven Sparks: linus torvalds = sinus trouble? ('I wanted to go for a walk in the park, but i've got some linus which makes it unbearable.')

Right, that's enough. We're taking a baseball bat to the Torvalds rhyming slang seal pup. Thank you and goodnight.