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CIOs planning to snub Oracle for other cloudy vendors – analyst

STFC_JASMIN

Brit super-data-cluster JASMIN set to crank up capacity and capability

Phoenix rises from darkness, flames - illustration

End-to-end NVMe arrays poised to resurrect external storage

Smartphone falls in water

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Two beer glasses clash and splash frothy beer into the air. Cheers! Photo by Shutterstock

Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

eelo bliss launcher

Meet the Frenchman masterminding a Google-free Android

Google

G Suitened with helping of Google's App Maker

Man in blue shirt and tie raises face to the sky in bliss during double fist-pump. Photo by Shutterstock

Microsoft says Windows 10 April update is fit for business rollout

Thumbs up for Spectre-Meltdown protection

Boffins offer to make speculative execution great again with Spectre-Meltdown CPU fix

Secret service agent in silhouette on white background

Sir, you've been using Kaspersky Lab antivirus. Please come with us, sir

Former FBI boss Comey used private email for official business – DoJ

Xen Project patches Intel’s Lazy FPU flaw

container_ship_hamburg_shutterstock_648

Contain yourselves: Kubernetes for Azure unleashed on world+dog

A bunch of shadow people leg it across a backdrop of dollar bills (conceptual illustration)

Serverless Computing London: Blind bird offer finishes soon

Docker CEO Steve Singh

Docker Hub security dissed, dodgy container image data damned

Docker CEO Steve Singh

Docker seeks Golden State burnish for cloud container expansion

china hacking

Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

Hmmm illustration via Shutterstock

DeepMind Health told to explain business model, relationship to Google

A man reading a bad document

Universal Credit has never delivered bang for buck, but now there's no turning back – watchdog

ICANN pays to push Whois case to European Court of Justice

Someone wearing a Fitbit

Jawbone bods allegedly jogged off to Fitbit with secret gadget blueprints

Indiegogo lawyer asks ZX Spectrum reboot firm: Where's the cash?

Waiting

This HTC U12+ review page is left intentionally blank

MS patent paperback

Budget Surface 'spotted' in Microsoft's crystal ball

Geek's Guide

Ceres' bright spots Credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/UCLA/MPS/DLR/IDA

Geoboffins baffled as Ceres is crawling with carbon organics

CSIRO's Australia Telescope Compact Array

Astroboffins 'sprinkle iron filings' over remnant supernova

protoplanets

Astroboffins spot planets swimming in the mists of forming stars

Sun photo via Shutterstock

Solar winds will help ESA probe smell what Mercury's cookin'

tapplock

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

Parliament photo by Shutterstock

Drones Bill said to be ready for world+dog's crayons 'this summer'

AI is cool and all – but doctors and patients don't really need it

Image of woman holding mask of her own face

The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

Verity Stob

Tired football kid. Photo by Matt Ragen/Shutterstock

Swiss cops will 'tolerate' World Cup rabble-rousers – for 60 minutes

William Shatner plays Captain James Tiberius Kirk on Star Trek: The Original Series (1966-69)

Shatner's solar-powered Bitcoin gambit wouldn't power a deflector shield

Sharks with frikkin lasers.

PETA calls for fish friendly Swedish street signage

Saint_Paul_writing_his_epistles

ICO smites Bible Society, well fines it £100k...

Top stories

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Episode 10Oh, and sorry about your phone

User spent 20 minutes trying to move mouse cursor, without success

On-CallCitizen sysadmin saved the day after kids got lost without lasers

Meet the Frenchman masterminding a Google-free Android

InterviewWhat open-sourcery is this?

Boffins offer to make speculative execution great again with Spectre-Meltdown CPU fix

Thumbs up for Spectre-Meltdown protection

Boffins offer to make speculative execution great again with Spectre-Meltdown CPU fix

Good thing too because Intel's planned chip changes may break Google's Retpoline

Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

'You want a war? Well done, you've got one' replies China

Internet of Things

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

VideoTapplock: Once, twice, three times a screwup

Jawbone bods allegedly jogged off to Fitbit with secret gadget blueprints

Staffers accused of swiping trade secrets face criminal charges

Indiegogo lawyer asks ZX Spectrum reboot firm: Where's the cash?

Crowdfunder asks to be reimbursed on behalf of backers

Sir, you've been using Kaspersky Lab antivirus. Please come with us, sir

US govt bans agencies from using Russian outfit's wares

Don't miss Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

DeepMind Health told to explain business model, relationship to Google

Review panel: We don't think AI firm has a hidden agenda, but…

Former FBI boss Comey used private email for official business – DoJ

'I did not have an unclassified FBI connection at home that worked'

Swiss cops will 'tolerate' World Cup rabble-rousers – for 60 minutes

The land of the cuckoo clock brings you more endearingly cuckoo rules

Cloud

CIOs planning to snub Oracle for other cloudy vendors – analyst

Drop for Big Red shares as biz prepares to announce Q4 financial results

Two beer glasses clash and splash frothy beer into the air. Cheers! Photo by Shutterstock

Office 365 celebrates National Beer Day by popping out for a pint

UK users waiting for emails to download ponder early start to weekend

Parliament photo by Shutterstock

Drones Bill said to be ready for world+dog's crayons 'this summer'

Public consultation for Blighty's skeletal law inches closer

STFC_JASMIN

Brit super-data-cluster JASMIN set to crank up capacity and capability

Quobyte, Pure Storage and Caringo all helping out

Shatner's solar-powered Bitcoin gambit wouldn't power a deflector shield

The dilithium crystals cannae take it, Captain

End-to-end NVMe arrays poised to resurrect external storage

AnalysisWho needs DAS with RDMA?

BOFH

BOFH: Got that syncing feeling, hm? I've looked at your computer and the Outlook isn't great

Episode 10Oh, and sorry about your phone

Universal Credit has never delivered bang for buck, but now there's no turning back – watchdog

UK's National Audit Office slams delays, overestimation of Verify, attitude to claimants

Meet the Frenchman masterminding a Google-free Android

InterviewWhat open-sourcery is this?

ICANN pays to push Whois case to European Court of Justice

Just has to lose GDPR rulings in other courts first

User spent 20 minutes trying to move mouse cursor, without success

On-CallCitizen sysadmin saved the day after kids got lost without lasers

G Suitened with helping of Google's App Maker

Google pours simple coding tools to deepen dev pool

Xen Project patches Intel’s Lazy FPU flaw

Guest register states are readable, but the patch cavalry has arrived

Cloud

Would you rather health data or finance data in the cloud?

Hint: health outspends finance outfits two to one, but all vertical IT is heading cloudy. Fast

Man in blue shirt and tie raises face to the sky in bliss during double fist-pump. Photo by Shutterstock

Microsoft says Windows 10 April update is fit for business rollout

Claims it’s the least complaint-generating Windows ever

Artificial Intelligence

AI is cool and all – but doctors and patients don't really need it

According to the American Medical Association at least

Cisco opens its network automation system to the unwashed masses

Wants to move into the application business

Huawei unveils bigger iron KunLun server at CeBIT

A bigger splash from big freaking box of a server, with up to 32 CPUs in a rack

The eyes have it: 'DeepFakes' bogus AI-meddled videos outed by unblinking gaze

Phony vids generated by machine-learning models can be detected

Quantum cryptography demo shows no need for ritzy new infrastructure

Telefónica and Huawei shoot freakin' lasers down existing optical networks for QKD

Artificial Intelligence

Creepy software knows what you are about to do... to that poor salad

Code good for passing the salt, but it won't win you the lottery

Bank of England to set new standards for when IT goes bad

What, you didn't do this already?

Cops fined £80,000 for revealing childhood abuse victims' names

Bulk email error blabs 56 identities and email addresses

Contain yourselves: Kubernetes for Azure unleashed on world+dog

Microsoft: Plz park your containers in our cloud K thx

Internet of Things

... Aaaand that's a fifth Brit Army Watchkeeper drone to crash in Wales

Troubled surveillance craft has taken a shine to terra firma

Ex-Rolls-Royce engineer nicked on suspicion of giving F-35 info to China

73-year-old taken in by counter-terror cops – report

Apple will throw forensics cops off the iPhone Lightning port every hour

Cops unlikely to be the only grumblers

HP PC boss quits tech for fur baby future

Ron Coughlin will no longer doorstep fanbois outside Apple stores

UK passport control photo via Shutterstock

Scrapping Brit cap on nurses, doctors means more room for IT folk

UK.gov expected to take health workers off immigration limit

A bunch of shadow people leg it across a backdrop of dollar bills (conceptual illustration)

Serverless Computing London: Blind bird offer finishes soon

EventsWhen we put up the schedule, we’ll put up the price

Tesla photo via Shutterstock

Keep your hands on the f*cking wheel! New Tesla update like being taught to drive by your dad

Plus: Brit driver claims Autopilot almost took car off the road

The only way is ethics: UK.gov emphasises moral compass amid deluge of data plans

Civil servants get cheat sheet for procuring analytics

HPC

Waiting to exascale: Now that IBM has Summit-ed, who's to node what comes next?

CommentBig Blue's rig with Nvidia grunt looks to be first truly exascale system

Tech firms, come to Blighty! Everything is brill! Brexit schmexit, Galileo schmalileo

Desperate times at Downing Street

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