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Innocent Spaniards roasted by experimental napalm mead

Pics Regular Reg readers will be aware that our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) rocket wrangler Paul "Lord Shax" Shackleton, when he's not lighting blue touchpapers, may be found brewing 18 per cent ABV mead or blowing his own head off with 1.5 million Scoville masala omelettes, featuring the awe-inspiring Carolina Reaper …
Lester Haines, 14 Jun 2015

Hold on to your hats: LOHAN'S PRATCHETT mission launch imminent

Our US allies at Edge Research Laboratory are as we speak on the ground at Colorado Springs East Airport preparing for the imminent launch of the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) PRATCHETT mission. Lift-off is scheduled for around 13:30 Mountain Daylight Time (19:30 GMT), and all being well, you should be able to …
Lester Haines, 13 Jun 2015

LOHAN'S PRATCHETT mission set to soar Saturday

Barring a last-minute change in the predicted weather, our US allies at Edge Research Laboratory will on Saturday dispatch the last Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) test payload into the stratosphere over Colorado. The mission – codenamed PRATCHETT in honour of the late Discworld author Sir Terry – is a final test of …
Lester Haines, 11 Jun 2015
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Virgin Galactic will get into space 'within 18 months to two years'

Virgin Galactic will be carrying aloft its first paying customers "within 18 months to two years", according to chief executive George Whitesides. Speaking to the BBC at the Mojave Air and Space Port, Whitesides said the company is on track for lift-off "maybe sooner, but not much longer", despite being some way off finishing …
Lester Haines, 4 Jun 2015

High-flying LOHAN fan raises ale-filled tankard

We like to take the opportunity this fine May morning to once again thank all of those who backed our Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) Kickstarter campaign, and in particular the discerning backers who opted for a tankard as a reward. As many of them will attest, we've had a few issues getting intact glassware into …
Lester Haines, 29 May 2015

Oz dad-and-son team rattle tin for homemade reusable spaceplane

Australian father and son team Robert and Jason Brand have taken to Kickstarter in search of funds for their ThunderStruck project, which they hope will eventually lead to a reusable spaceplane capable of carrying a 50kg payload into low Earth orbit. Robert and Jason Brand Before conquering space, the high-altitude …
Lester Haines, 27 May 2015

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Bog-standard boxty

"Really dad?" It was with a slightly exasperated raise of the eyebrow that my daughter Katarina greeted the news last weekend that we were about to tackle classic Irish spud-based nosh boxty, the better to increase her chances of acquiring a suitable husband* when the moment arises. In case you're wondering, as was Katarina, …
Lester Haines, 23 May 2015
Sir Terry Pratchett

LOHAN's final test flight set to honour PRATCHETT

Our search for a suitably snappy title for our forthcoming final Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) test flight has ended agreeably with a reader poll coming down firmly in support of PRATCHETT. Alex Carlton's "Planes Reactive Airborne Tests Checking Heuristically for Extreme Technological Tantrums" ran away with the …
Lester Haines, 19 May 2015

LOHAN's final test flight moniker: The people must decide

Poll As the Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team prepares for a forthcoming final test flight, we've put together the poll which will decide which talented reader walks away with a RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium satellite comms unit, courtesy of our chums at Rock Seven. The RockBLOCK Mk2 The RockBLOCK "allows you to send and …
Lester Haines, 15 May 2015

Drone penetrates Virgin's shapely space arse

Vid US UAV outfit 3D Robotics is about to unleash its much-anticipated Solo, and has prompted a bit a of a geekgasm with a vid showing the "the world's smartest drone" penetrating Virgin's shapely space arse. Yes indeed, that's the Virgin Galactic terminal/hangar at Spaceport America, a structure we described as "a huge pair of …
Lester Haines, 14 May 2015
Smash mash TV ad screen shot

HAHAHA! Go on, HOST YOUR NEWS on FACEBOOK, FOOLS!

Facebook has inked news-hosting deals with nine media outfits, including the BBC and Buzzfeed, in a move to slurp ad revenue from publishers and keep netizens locked into its site for even longer. The Mark Zuckerberg-run company said that its free content ad network would initially offer Apple iOS users of the Facebook app a …
Kelly Fiveash, 13 May 2015

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Cuy Chactado – Deep-fried guinea pig

We at the El Reg post-pub nosh team are taking a break from the kitchen this week, and bringing instead a report from deepest Peru on classic cuy chactado (deep-fried guinea pig), courtesy of my old pal Gavin Wright. Gavin has a penchant for tackling challenging routes worldwide atop his bicycle, and was recently in Bolivia …
Lester Haines, 10 May 2015

Traumatised Reg SPB team barely survives movie unwatchablathon

The vital question as to whether it is humanly possible to watch celluloid trainwrecks Gigli, Pearl Harbor and Battlefield Earth back-to-back was answered last weekend when a crack El Reg Special Projects Bureau squad endured 403 minutes of continuous cinematic outrage and emerged alive, if somewhat shaken. As part of its pre- …
Lester Haines, 8 May 2015

It's beers and bacon all round for our Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

Dietary normality has returned for the members of the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse, who last Friday completed the Live Below the Line challenge to live for five days on just one pound sterling a day for food. Yes indeed, give it up if you will for Neil Barnes and Anita Wegner, Toby Sibley and Rosalind Griffin, Chris Wilkinson, …
Lester Haines, 6 May 2015

Bonny Scottish post-pub nosh neckfiller: Rumbledethumps

It's been far too long since we at the El Reg post-pub nosh team ventured north of the border in search of the very best wobbly dining haute cuisine, and indeed it was way back in 2012 that we served readers the very pinnacle of Scottish fusion cuisine – the quite remarkable haggis pakora. This simply won't do, so at the behest …
Lester Haines, 3 May 2015

Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse chap in 'desperate' cash shortage

As the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse nears the finishing line of the Live Below the Line challenge, Stateside member Richard Jacob reports that he and his family are "desperately short of money", reduced to just $1.52 to fuel them to the finishing line. It's been quite an adventure for the Jacobs over the last week, and with a …
Lester Haines, 1 May 2015

El Reg merch tentacle mulls retro LOHAN T-shirt

The chaps and chapettes at El Reg merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion have been strapping a few ideas to the apparel ducking stool to see if they float, and have just sent over a couple of pics of a proposed Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) T-shirt in a retro comic book stylee. It's pretty fetching, we reckon, …
Lester Haines, 1 May 2015

Heroic Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse tighten their belts

It's day four of the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse's five-day Live Below the Line challenge, and while everyone is on course to triumphantly cross the finishing line tomorrow night, it's not all plain sailing. We've got 13 people tightening their belts in support of Malaria No More UK. I'm doing the challenge for the third …
Lester Haines, 30 Apr 2015

Brits send Star Wars X-wing fighter to the stratosphere

A couple of Brits have made a cheeky pitch for tickets to the premiere of forthcoming Star Wars flick The Force Awakens by sending a model X-wing fighter into the stratosphere. Essex boys Matt Kingsnorth and Phil St. Pier, of Project Helium Tears (motto "For Essex, for Earth, for all mankind") hit 36,190m with their …
Lester Haines, 30 Apr 2015

Anonymous benefactor to match today's Quid-A-Day donations

A Register reader who wishes to remain anonymous has said he will match all donations today to the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse's 2015 Live Below the Line fundraising total in aid of Malaria No More UK, up to a maximum of £750. This piece of generosity was apparently prompted by the belief that other fans of Vulture Central have …
Lester Haines, 29 Apr 2015

Quid-A-Day kids chow down on foraged weed salad

We at the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse headquarters received the first full report from team member Nathan Dennis yesterday afternoon, shortly after he got stuck into the Live Below the Line challenge in aid of Malaria No More UK. Regarding his basic line of attack as to how to survive on £1 a day for food, he said: "Given I do …
Lester Haines, 28 Apr 2015

Quid-A-Day veteran fuelled by vastly improved nosh stash

We're pleased to report that El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse member and 2014 Live Below the Line veteran Toby Sibley has resurfaced, fuelled by a vastly superior diet to that which saw him subsist on a meagre 780 calories per day last year. Toby did the challenge in the immediate run-up to his getting hitched to Rosalind Griffin, …
Lester Haines, 28 Apr 2015

Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse taunted with sausage sarnie snap

The El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse's Live Below the Line challenge got off to a provocative start today, as Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team member Paul "Lord Shax" Shackleton sent over a snap of what we certainly weren't getting our laughing gear round this morning. Paul Shackleton's sausage sarnie Careful not to …
Lester Haines, 27 Apr 2015

Quid-A-Day Nosh Challenge kicks off early for starvation veteran

The El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse has attracted two last minute members for the 2015 Live Below the Line challenge, and we're delighted to welcome back on board 2014 participant Toby Sibley, who's joined by his better half Ros Griffin. Readers who followed last year's budget nosh entertainment will recall that Toby survived on an …
Lester Haines, 26 Apr 2015

El Reg assembles mighty Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

El Reg's participation next week in the 2015 Live Below the Line challenge – to survive for five days on one pound a day for food – is set to be more entertaining than ever as we've assembled a mighty Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse featuring no fewer than 11 brave souls. I first did the challenge back in 2013, in support of Malaria No …
Lester Haines, 22 Apr 2015

Flying giant octopus menaces New York

The New Statesman has pulled off a bit of a blinder by whipping out a giant octopus to helpfully explain to readers just how much a manhole cover weighs. The good burghers of Buffalo, New York, were recently menaced by a flying metal disk as the result of an underground explosion, apparently prompted by an electrical cable …
Lester Haines, 21 Apr 2015

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Tortilla de patatas

As regular readers know, the Special Projects Bureau's headquarters is a mountaintop redoubt in a sleepy corner of rural Spain, so it was inevitable that we'd eventually turn our wobbly dining attention to the legendary "tortilla de patatas" (potato omelette). This no-frills classic – comprising just eggs, spuds and onion – is …
Lester Haines, 18 Apr 2015

Gwyneth Paltrow flubs $29 food stamp dare, swallows pride instead

A not particularly shamefaced Gwyneth Paltrow has admitted she failed to survive for seven days on $29 (20 quid) for food as part of the #FoodBankNYCChallenge, which invites participants "to walk in the shoes of 1.7 million New Yorkers who rely on SNAP (formerly Food Stamps)." At the behest of celebrity food-botherer Mario …
Lester Haines, 17 Apr 2015

SPB brews up fetching beer + bacon t-shirt design

Those who live by the motto Ad Astra Tabernamque ("To The Stars And The Pub") – with the possible addition of "...and then home for a bacon sarnie"* – should proceed forthwith to El Reg's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion to feast their eyes on our limited edition "SPB Equation" t-shirt. The artwork for our SPB Equation t- …
Lester Haines, 15 Apr 2015
The Wirliyatjarrayi Learning Centre

Help! We need to pick a platform for our desert adventure

Things have slowed down a bit in our efforts to build a super network-groomer for the remote Australian community of Willowra, because there's been a changing of the guard at the Wirliyajarrayi Learning Centre. While we wait for new staff to arrive and to help us out with some ping tests and better photos of the network cabinet …
Simon Sharwood, 14 Apr 2015

Iridium sat comms module comp goes completely TITSUP

Competition Inventive readers still have until 5pm UK time on Friday to brew up a suitably inspired acronym/backronym for our forthcoming final Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) test flight, and the best suggestion will earn its creator a spanking-new RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium satellite comms unit, courtesy of our mates at Rock Seven …
Lester Haines, 8 Apr 2015

WIN a RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium sat comms unit

Competition As promised earlier this week, today we're giving readers the chance to win an all-new RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium satellite comms unit, courtesy of our chums at Rock Seven. The RockBLOCK "allows you to send and receive short messages from anywhere on Earth with a clear view of the sky" via Iridium Short Burst Data (SBD), offering the …
Lester Haines, 3 Apr 2015

El Reg lays claws on RockBLOCK Mk2 Iridium sat comms unit

Heads up Our chums at Rock Seven – supplier of Iridium satellite comms units to our audacious spaceplane ballocket mission – have announced the release of the RockBLOCK Mk2. The RockBLOCK MK2 In common with its predecessor, the new kit can "send messages of 340 bytes and receive messages of 270 bytes using Iridium Short Burst Data (SBD …
Lester Haines, 31 Mar 2015
My bowls of stew and rice

A Quid A Day for NOSH? Luxury!

WiF It's that time of year as El Reg limbers up for the Quid A Day Nosh campaign and I'm here to point out that in context this is actually a pretty easy challenge. It must be, in technical terms, if one billion mostly illiterate peasants manage it all year round every year. Which is rather the point of the challenge in fact, to …
Tim Worstall, 26 Mar 2015

El Reg reforms the Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse

We're pleased to announce that we've reformed the El Reg Quid-A-Day Nosh Posse to tackle the 2015 Live Below the Line challenge to exist for five days on just £1 per day for food. Over the last couple of years, we've raised a good wedge of wonga in support of Malaria No More UK, and we hope to do the same from 27 April to 1 May …
Lester Haines, 24 Mar 2015
The finished hot chana masala

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Chana masala

Regular readers will know that we at the Special Projects Bureau have a bit of previous form when it comes to chickpeas – from boiling enormous cauldrons of the things as part of the Live Below the Line challenge to creating rather more appetising winter-warmer stews – so it was only a matter of time before we turned our wobbly …
Lester Haines, 22 Mar 2015

LOHAN chap serves up 'tenner a week' e-cookbook

In response to reader demands following the recent release of his "Food For a Tenner a Week" cookbook, Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) team member Neil Barnes is offering the same budget nosh tome in ePub format for a mere £2.99. Matt with Neil's cookbook As with the hard copy (seen above getting the once-over by …
Lester Haines, 20 Mar 2015

Atomic keyrings: Just how bright are they?

Since El Reg's merchandising tentacle Cash'n'Carrion responded to reader demand for atomic keyrings and took delivery of a big crate of Nite Glowrings and Mini Glowrings, we've had a few emails asking how bright they actually are. Three colours of Nite Glowring Indeed, a couple of customers who flashed the plastic for these …
Team Register, 18 Mar 2015

LOHAN chap compiles 'tenner a week' cookbook

It's a tip of the chef's hat today to Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) chap Neil Barnes, who's released a cookbook inspired by his participation in the Live Below the Line challenge, with all profits going to Malaria No More UK. Neil Barnes in his flight suit with LOHAN patch Last year, paragliding aficionado Neil …
Lester Haines, 15 Mar 2015

LOHAN unleashes 'waiting for the FAA' collector mug

It's fair to say that waiting for US Federal Aviation Authority approval for our Vulture 2 spaceplane launch is a bit like sitting blindfolded in a room twiddling your thumbs while trying to imagine what paint drying on the wall of an adjacent room looks like. Suffice to say, we're doing our best to gee up the FAA snail - but in …
Lester Haines, 13 Mar 2015
Our playmonaut tries out a jetpack, watched by a circling vulture

LOHAN leaps aloft & ports into virtual flight logger

Last October, our US allies at Edge Research Laboratory sent up a Low Orbit Helium Assisted Navigator (LOHAN) avionics package to determine just how our Vulture 2 spaceplane's servos and batteries would handle the cold way up in the stratsophere. Shortly afterwards, the chaps from "Drone Flight Logbook" outfit Exmaps got in …
Lester Haines, 10 Mar 2015

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Smažený sýr

It's back to basics this time around for our post-pub nosh neckfiller, following an audacious leap into the challenging waters of English muffins and hollandaise sauce. Say hello, then, to classic Czech wobbly dining delicacy smažený sýr ("fried cheese") – aka "smazak" to its mates – which has for years been dispensed by street …
Lester Haines, 8 Mar 2015