Top Twenty Stories

1. Acorn founder: SIXTH WAVE of tech will wash away Apple, Intel

   'Violent event' to finally dethrone dead genius overlord Jobs

   Acorn co-founder Hermann Hauser has claimed the world is entering a new "sixth wave" of computing, driven by the arrival of omnipresent computers and machine-learning. Speaking at a Software East event this week, the celebrated computer whiz said we are entering an era where computers are everywhere and often undetectable - …

2. BlackBerry Messenger unleashed: Look out Twitter and Facebook

   Analysis Ignorant tech pundits just aren't down with the kids

   BlackBerry announced this week that its flagship messenger service, BBM, will no longer be tied to its proprietary handsets, potentially opening up a lucrative licensing stream which could rescue the beleaguered mobe-maker. Fan forums have been in meltdown after the announcement. From some, the pain appears to be personal. Odd …

3. Mobile tech destroys the case for the HS2 £multi-beellion train set

   Comment And robot cars will mean no need for new roads, too

   Finally people seem to be waking up to the dog's breakfast which is the economic case for the proposed High Speed Two London-Birmingham rail link. You know, this lovely train set that the politicians want to plonk down in the middle of England. I've never quite been sure why it is that politicians love such train sets: most of …

4. Nine-year-old Opportunity Mars rover sets NASA distance record

   All-time champ, however, remains 40-year-old Russki

   The never-say-die little rover that could, Opportunity, has set a new distance record for extraterrestrial NASA vehicles. Opportunity has bested larger and faster rovers (click to enlarge) On Thursday, Opportunity's handlers at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, received confirmation that the li'l …

5. Things that cost the same as coffee with Tim Cook - and are WAY more fun

   A force of heavily armed au pairs, for instance

   A coffee date with Tim Cook has sold for the whopping price of $610,000 to an anonymous bidder. The spendthrift Apple fan* will get half an hour with the fruity firm's CEO, during which tête-à-tête he or she will no doubt want to ask Mr Cook why Cupertino charges 65 quid for a Macbook power charger or perhaps explore the …

6. Google 'DOES DO EVIL', thunders British politician

   Parliamentary tax probe has leaked documents, say MPs

   Even as its I/O shindig in San Francisco dominated the headlines, Google was today accused of lying over its claims last year that it makes no sales in the UK - in order to justify its tiny UK corporation tax bill. The web giant keeps its vast UK ad revenues out of reach of Blighty's taxmen by insisting that a team in Ireland …

7. British LulzSec hackers hear jail doors slam shut for years

   'Latter day pirates' cop hefty servings of porridge

   Three British members of the notorious LulzSec hacktivist crew and a hacker affiliate were sentenced today for a series of attacks against targets including Sony, News International, the CIA and the UK's Serious Organised Crime Agency. The youngest of the four accused avoided jail with a suspended sentence while the other three …

8. Prankster 'Superhero' takes on robot traffic warden AND WINS

   'We are unable to accept your claim of super powers'

   A blogger claiming to have superpowers has exposed a flaw in a parking company's vehicle recognition system which could see innocent drivers wrongly hit with fines. Going under the name Parking Prankster, the activist set out to discover whether he could trick automated systems used by private parking companies into issuing …

9. IT bloke publishes comprehensive maps of CALL CENTRE menu HELL

   Seven year mission in the touch-tone catacombs

   Most people can't bear to use automated call centre phone lines for even a few minutes. But one former IT manager has spent seven years on the phone in a bid to produce a map of Britain's phone menus. Nigel Clarke, a self-confessed "call centre menu enthusiast", released details of his project today on a site called www. …

10. Congress: It's not the Glass that's scary - It's the GOOGLE

    Comment On-head TV, fine - but you can't skip the ads on this one

    Google Glass is wrapped around the faces of only a few thousand people right now. The company says the device is in very early beta mode. And yet lawmakers in the US have already pounced on the company demanding answers about how the privacy of netizens using the gizmo will be protected. But it would seem that Congress has …

11. My god, what's that STENCH belching from your iPhone?

    I love the smell of freshly squashed pig in the mornin'

    A new prototype iPhone peripheral pumps out smells based on user interaction, allowing devs to add an aromatic dimension to games and messaging as long as users keep their reservoir stocked. ChatPerf slips onto the bottom of an iPhone and comes with an SDK allowing anyone to scent-enable their application. Some variation in …

12. Steve JOBS finally DEFEATS the PC - from BEYOND THE GRAVE

    Slablets hurtle off UK shelves as PC mountains moulder

    So it's official - the lifelong battle of legendary Apple CEO Steve Jobs is finally won, now that he has toppled the PC platform from beyond the grave: well, in the UK, at least. During Q1 this year more slablets were shipped into consumer and business channels than PCs - that's notebooks AND desktops COMBINED. Beancounting …

13. Microsoft conceals job ad in Bing homepage

    Use Internet Explorer with debug on? You're our kinda guy

    Microsoft are looking for a new Bing developer - but you'll need to be pretty smart to apply. Oh, and you can only use Internet Explorer, which rules a fair number of applicants out. Visitors to the Bing homepage are currently greeted with a weird blue environment of some sort as the background to the search bar. But rich …

14. NASA and Google team up to buy into quantumish computing

    Hoping to crack machine-learning conundrum

    A consortium of researchers from Google and NASA are planning to crack the issue of machine learning with a $15m quantum computer that will form the basis of a new Quantum Artificial Intelligence Lab. The new facility, which will be sited at Silicon Valley's NASA Ames Research Center, will host a 10 square meter shielded room …

15. Life on Mars means subsisting on grim diet of turd-garden spinach

    Space yokel shit-kickers needed to colonise Red Planet

    Farmers are often heard singing about their desire for a brand new combine harvester, but they might not even need one if they fancy going to Mars. NASA bods have said the valuable skills of growing veggies and nurturing plantlife are vital to any Mars colonisation. Indeed, according to a talk given at the Human 2 Mars …

16. Who is the mystery sixth member of LulzSec?

    Analysis And, hang on, what happened to all the loot...

    Thursday's sentencing of three core members of hacktivist crew LulzSec and an accomplice hacker who gave them access to a botnet closes an important chapter in the history of activism. But it also leaves a number of questions unanswered. One of the most interesting of these puzzlers is the identity of the mysterious sixth …

17. Senators: You - Cook. Apple guy. Get in here and bring your tax books

    No, don't sit down. Where's all our damn money?

    Apple head honcho Tim Cook looks set to be hauled in front of a Senate committee to explain why his firm dodges taxes by keeping its cash overseas. Cook is expected to appear in front of the Senate's Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations to explain why Apple has failed to repatriate up to $100bn in cash stashed in foreign …

18. Honey, I BLEW UP the International SPACE STATION - in full 3D

    CTO's radical rig blasts Sandra Bullock into Spaaace

    A few years ago the idea of accelerating a BlueArc filer would have seemed bizarre; it's got its own hardware acceleration. But now media special effects processing can be so mind-blowingly intensive that the hardware accelerated filer itself needs accelerating. The case that's illustrating this point is the new George Clooney …

19. Dark blue side of the Force used to quell Star Wars nerd clash

    Dr Who are you looking at, mate?

    It was a conflict that didn't take place in a galaxy far, far away, but a little known corner of Norwich University. Organisers of a sci-fi convention held in Alan Partridge's home town had to use the power of the (police) force after a barney erupted between two groups of furious nerds. Officers were called after the …

20. Congress asks Google to explain Glass privacy policies

    Pesky laws and governments interfering yet again

    The pilot phase of Google Glass is barely off the ground, but the Chocolate Factory's high-tech specs have already drawn the scrutiny of the US Congress over concerns that they could infringe individual privacy. In a letter addressed to Google CEO Larry Page, eight members of the Bipartisan Congressional Privacy Caucus called …