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Inside Steve Ballmer’s fondleslab rear-guard action

Windows 8 is going down like a bucket of cold sick - but you're going to have to get used to it. It's not going away. If Microsoft has a future, this is it. Worse still, if you're a pro, you're going to have to support the thing. Microsoft had to make this desperate, poorly integrated attempt to foist a Version 1.0 touchscreen …
Liam Proven, 6 Dec 2013

Apple prepping 4K resolution 12.9-inch MaxiPad – report

New rumors that Apple will release a 12.9-inch "MaxiPad" to join its iPad Air and iPad mini lines have surfaced in Asia, with the added wrinkle being that Cupertino will likely offer two models of the big fella, one having a Retina-popping 4K resolution. According to a report on Monday in the Chinese-language website PadNews ( …
Rik Myslewski, 3 Dec 2013
Asus Transformer Book T100 separated tablet from keyboard

Asus Transformer Book T100: Xbox One? PS4? Nah, get a cute convertible for Christmas

Review The Asus Transformer Book T100 looks like it’s going to be surefire hit, but not because it runs a quad-core Intel "Bay Trail" Atom processor. And not because it’s a convertible taking on tablet form or becoming and touchscreen notebook in a snap. And not because it runs Windows 8.1 and not one of the original wishy-washy …
Bob Dormon, 29 Nov 2013
Photo of Microsoft Surface Windows 8 Pro, with Touch Cover

Microsoft Surface slabs borked by heat-induced DIM SCREEN OF DEATH

The latest generation of Microsoft Surface tablets are overheating, causing the screens to dim to the point they are unusable - but it's OK, people, Microsoft is onto it and a fix is coming. Frustrated customers have taken to the Microsoft community forums to complain that the device runs hot when playing games, or while running …
Paul Kunert, 28 Nov 2013
Microsoft Surface bomb

Hello! Still here! Surface 2! Way better than iPad! says slightly desperate Microsoft

Microsoft has attempted to revive the fortunes of its ailing fondleslab Surface 2 with a comparative ad campaign that pits the blue tablet against the latest iPad. In a pair of YouTube polemics, Redmond tells the world exactly what the iPad doesn't have: a kickstand, hands-free gestures and a way of monitoring your kids' online …
Jasper Hamill, 27 Nov 2013
Kobo Arc 10HD Android tablet

Kobo Arc 10HD: The bookworm's fondleslab?

Review If you’re in the tablets game, then delivering hi-res models in various form factors seems to have been this year’s preoccupation. Among the myriad hordes pushing out Android fondleslabs are those in the ebook sector – and Canadian e-ink vendor Kobo has done just that, with a screen that's even sharper than the new iPad Air. …
Bob Dormon, 27 Nov 2013
HP Slate 21

HP’s ENORMO-SLAB: The Slate 21 MONSTER tablet

Review Hewlett-Packard’s first attempt at an Android tablet, the Slate 7, was a cheap, wretched and irredeemably awful device. So when I heard that the Palm killer’s follow-up fondleslab was to be a 21-inch affair, my reaction was one of incredulity mixed with foreboding. HP Slate 21 Your new desktop? HP’s Android-based Slate 21 In …
Alun Taylor, 26 Nov 2013

Apple stalls iWatch, 12.9-inch iPad from Quanta rumored for mid-2014

Apple has reportedly chosen its manufacturing partner for a 12.9-inch "MaxiPad" that's scheduled for mass production in the second half of next year, and is presiding over a bidding war to determine which companies will get the lion's share of producing Cupertino's long-rumored iWatch. So say the rumormongers at DigiTimes, the …
Rik Myslewski, 25 Nov 2013
Apple iPad Mini 2013

Dear-ly beloved: Apple’s costly iPad Mini with Retina Display

Review Last year’s iPad Mini really was playing second fiddle to the regular iPad. Not merely smaller than its sibling, the Mini had a much lower resolution display. It had a less powerful processor too. It felt like a product Apple was obliged to make rather than one it actually wanted to. Twelve months on, and the Mini’s first update …
Tony Smith, 21 Nov 2013
Measuring up Apple

Apple's secret 12.9-inch MONSTER needs a good fondle, say biz sources

Apple may be planning to debut a new, larger iPad early next year, if murmurings from the fruity firm's Asian supply-chain partners are to be believed. According to a report in the Korea Times, Apple has placed an order for 12.9-inch high-resolution panels with a South Korean display manufacturer, with the goal of releasing a …
Neil McAllister, 19 Nov 2013
Apple iPad Air

Apple BIGGEST LOSER in Blighty's Battle of Fondlers

A tear in the space time continuum caused slab sales growth to slip in Q3 – or perhaps it was just that retailers and distributors decided to order fewer ageing devices ahead of planned product refreshes. It is indeed more likely the second issue: limited tablet shipments into the UK channel meant that we saw just 2.63 million …
Paul Kunert, 19 Nov 2013
iPad and iPad mini

APPLE EATS ITSELF: iPad Mini set to wolf Air's market share

Shipments of Apple's latest bijoux fondleslab are expected to double next year as sales of other models dwindle. According to a report from KGI analyst Ming-Chi Kuo circulating on Apple blogs, shipments of the iPad Mini Retina will shoot up by 101 per cent in the first quarter of 2014 at the expense of the iPad Air. Meanwhile, …
Jasper Hamill, 14 Nov 2013

High-end Samsung slabs, cheapie Androids take healthy BITE out of Apple's market share

The rise of entry-level slabs coupled with an "ageing" portfolio caused Apple iPad sales growth to flatline in calendar Q3 and market share to crash, analyst figures have confirmed. Global sales-in numbers – shipments to retailers and distributors – show that 51.5 million slabs were rolled out in the three months, up 113 per …
Paul Kunert, 13 Nov 2013
Apple iPad Air

Apple's new iPad Mini: ALREADY set for Black Friday PRICE SLASH

The new iPad Mini Retina has barely been available to buy for a few hours but already retailers are talking about discounts. Target has jumped ahead of the pack, by including the Mini in its Black Friday sale. Anyone who buys the fun-sized fondleslab will be handed a $75 gift card to spend on anything else they fancy. Buy the …
Jasper Hamill, 12 Nov 2013

New Retina iPad Mini not sold out HOURS after launch - world REELS

Analysts worldwide are increasingly dumfounded today as it appears that the new Retina iPad Mini from Apple has not, according to Apple's online stores, sold out within hours of becoming available. As this article is written the UK Apple Store website still shows all models of Retina Mini available for delivery within just days …
Team Register, 12 Nov 2013
Apple iPad Air

AIR TIME! Our expert cosies up with the new top-end iPad

Review The reception that greeted the launch of the iPad Air was rather more muted than the gangbusting opening weekend of the iPhone 5S. Sure, it was slimmer and lighter than its predecessor, and had a faster processor, but that’s the sort of thing you take for granted with any update. Apple iPad Air Apple’s iPad Air: it’s the ( …
Stephen Dean, 12 Nov 2013
Surface Pro 2 with keyboard, photo Gavin Clarke

'Daddy, can I use the BLACK iPAD?': Life with the Surface Pro 2

Review “Daddy, can I use the black iPad?” my four-year-old daughter asks as she spots the Surface Pro 2 I'm reviewing for The Reg. She has, without knowing it, encapsulated Microsoft's problem on Surface in a nutshell. I’d been passing the Surface Pro 2 around to friends and family at a weekend gathering to garner their feedback. …
Gavin Clarke, 12 Nov 2013
iPad mini with Retina display

HUMANITY STUNNED - Apple Retina iPad Mini arrives. A solemn moment

OMFG! It's true! All the signs and portents have borne fruit. After the ritual disembowelling of an Apple support tool, auguries foretold that on this day a new iPad should come forth, and lo, the Apple stores verily did shut down. Then as the day dawned, behold, even such an iPad did appear. It is the Retina iPad Mini, which - …
Team Register, 12 Nov 2013
The block of flats at Coronation Avenue, seen after the bombing

KRAKOOM! iPad Air EXPLODES in FIREBALL, terrified fanbois FLEE Apple store

Apple fanbois around the world are on red alert after one of the latest fruity fondleslabs caught fire and exploded in an Australian Vodafone shop. A demonstration model of the new iPad Air caused a fire so intense that the fire brigade were called. Although no-one was hurt in the fire, fanbois around the world will be sleeping …
Jasper Hamill, 8 Nov 2013
Samsung coins the term 'Foblet' to describe the Galaxy Note

We've invented the FONBLET, says Samsung

Samsung has thrown an analyst day in Korea and the deck of slides shown to the rune-casters has found its way onto The Reg's hard drive. The deck contains pretty much what one would expect, including a pledge to make Samsung the world's “most beloved company” in part by making sure its products are seen to be used by the …
Samsung Galaxy Round

Samsung: Get ready to BEND OVER – foldable fondleslabs 'by 2016'...

Samsung has stuck a timeline on its introduction of foldable screens on phones and tablets at its Analyst Day in Korea today, aiming to bring the tech out in late 2015 or early 2016. Youtube Video The electronics firm had already teased its vision for foldable phones in a rather terrible advert it aired at CES earlier this year …
iPad Air

iPad 4 is so OVER: 5 times as many fanbois now using iPad Air - survey

App design and research firm Fiksu has claimed that five times more fanbois are using iPad Airs than the iPad 4 after their release late last week. Fiksu measured the numbers of people who were using apps designed using its platform. It found that 0.88 percent of the people using its apps were accessing them on an iPad Air, …
Jasper Hamill, 4 Nov 2013
Julian Assange as Blofeld

Assange anounces candidacy for possible WA Senate by-election

The Wikileaks party, which suffered public division over its decision to direct preferences away from the Australian Greens' very tech-savvy Senator Scott Ludlam in the recent Australian federal election, has caught wind of yet another electoral branding opportunity. The new chance comes courtesy of an omnishambles in the state …

iPad Air BARES ALL, reveals she's a high maintenance lady

Teardown According to the teardown fanatics at iFixit, Apple's new iPad Air is twice as easy to repair as Microsoft's equally new Surface 2 – which received an as-low-as-you-can-go repairability rating of 1 out of a possible 10. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that the iPad Air is only one small step away from being as …
Rik Myslewski, 1 Nov 2013

iPad Air not very hot: Apple fanbois SHUN London fondleslab launch

Peak Apple Apple's new iPad Air has fallen to earth with a thud following a dismal launch day in London. The new fondleslab went on sale today and was met with unimpressive crowds which had entirely dissipated by the early morning. Normally, huge throngs of fanbois descend on Apple stores at the merest hint of a new product launch, but …
Jasper Hamill, 1 Nov 2013

iPAD AIR WORLD DEBUT: Our Australian team gets an early fondle

Apple's iPad Air is beautifully light, so much so you can handle it with one hand. The Reg makes this assertion after sending operatives from its Sydney office to a nearby Jobsian store to take advantage of timezone accidents, and thereby bring you news of the new fondleslab before it goes on sale elsewhere. Yes, we know, less …
Simon Sharwood, 31 Oct 2013
Photo of a US KitKat wrapper advertising an Android contest giveaway

'Tablet' no longer means 'iPad': Apple share PLUMMETS below 30%

Apple's fondleslab market share falls below 30 per cent for first time IDC says iPad shipments stalled in Q3 as Samsung and Lenovo surged Pundits partial to peak Apple prognostications have new data to fuel their ideas: IDC's newest report on global fondleslab sales has Apple's market share slipping markedly. The analyst does …
Simon Sharwood, 31 Oct 2013
Lenovo Yoga Tablet

Lenovo stands up rinky-dinky new Yoga tablet

Lenovo is extending its foldable laptop-cum-tablet Yoga line with an even more flexible model. The Chinese computer giant claims this one sports three usage modes to its predecessors’ two, but we think that’s, er, stretching the point. Past Yoga devices could sit on your knees or a desk as a laptop or, with the display folded …
Tony Smith, 30 Oct 2013

Like iPads? Like stuff called AIR? Here's our REVIEW ROUNDUP-squared

Apple fans, if you’ve an ounce, make that 6.9 ounces of fanboi credibility, you’ll be reading this from your tired old iPad that you now don't really like any more or shiny new iPhone 5C – yes, the 5C, the one you bought out of loyalty to show everyone that it was cool despite the price. OK, so maybe the fact that when you …
Bob Dormon, 30 Oct 2013
Brando USB Flash drive 'pill'

Why did Nokia bosses wait so long to pop THAT Lumia tab?

Analysis Nokia waited a long, long time before finally launching a tablet last week. The Lumia 2520 unveiled in Abu Dhabi last week is aggressively priced and surprisingly functional. But why the wait? Rumours of a Nokia tablet have been circulating for two years, since CEO Stephen Elop said that Nokia saw an opportunity in the market. …
Andrew Orlowski, 28 Oct 2013

Does Apple make you puke? Take this iOS 7.0.3 update with your tablets

Apple has released an iOS 7 update that will be welcomed by iPhone and iPad owners who were sickened by the mobile operating system's user interface. We hasten to point out that we're referring to those users actually sickened – made nauseous, dizzy, or given headaches – by their gadgets' zoom-happy interface. For those of you …
Rik Myslewski, 25 Oct 2013
iPad mini with Retina display

TWO THIRDS of Retina iPad mini shoppers will weep this holiday season

If someone on your holiday shopping list is a-hankerin' for Apple's just-released iPad mini with Retina display, you may want to get in line with the fanbois on the morning when the li'l fellas finally appear on store shelves sometime in November – there won't be many of them to go around. According to the market-watchers at IHS …
Rik Myslewski, 24 Oct 2013
Apple iPad 3 aka new iPad

Microsoft: You've got it all WRONG. It's Apple's iPad playing catch-up with our Surface

Microsoft's corporate mouthpiece and score-settler Frank Shaw has launched a war of words against the iPad, saying that compared to the Surface's pricing and productivity potential, Apple's slablet is "playing catch-up". Blogging from Nokia World in Abu Dhabi, Shaw - who is perhaps best known for griping about what he saw as …
Paul Kunert, 24 Oct 2013
Steve Wozniak

Wozniak: Please, whatever you do, DON'T buy me an iPad Air

Apps World If you're wondering what Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak wants for Christmas, here's a clue: anything except one of the latest iPads. The beardy boffin has slammed Cupertino's new iPad Air and the new Mini Retina, which is fitted with the hi-res screen which was once only used in larger models. Shockingly, Woz also admitted he …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Oct 2013
Microsoft Surface bomb

Surface 2 and iPad Air: Prepare to meet YOUR DOOM under a 'Landfill Android' AVALANCHE

Analysis Within just 24 hours, both Microsoft and Apple have refreshed their tablet lineups for Christmas. Microsoft tried to steal a march on Apple by launching Surface Pro 2 and the rebranded Surface RT, now called Surface 2. Dropping the RT from the outside, not the inside Apple dutifully followed suit on Tuesday night with two new …
Gavin Clarke, 24 Oct 2013
Electronic waste dump in China

Surface Pro 2: It's TOOL-PROOF and ultimately destined for LANDFILL

Teardown We knew that Microsoft's Surface Pro 2 tablets wouldn't stray too far from the original Surface Pro design - but according to the tool-and-part masters at iFixit, the new tablets are virtually identical to the old ones – meaning they're just as difficult to repair. Surface Pro 2 with docking station The Surface Pro 2 looks a …
Neil McAllister, 23 Oct 2013
Surface 2 teaser

It's NOT an iPad - but that's FINE: I learned to LOVE Microsoft's Surface 2

Review Microsoft’s first take on Surface RT was a disaster, culminating in a $900m stock write-down in July. Curious then that the company has now produced the Surface 2 with a similar design, and also running Windows RT, the locked-down ARM build on which you cannot install desktop applications – only new-style apps from the Windows …
Tim Anderson, 23 Oct 2013
Apple iPad 3 aka new iPad

It's the '90s all over again: Apple repeats mistakes as low-cost tablets pile up

Canalys Channels Forum Apple risks repeating the mistakes of the 1990s as it sticks to a high price strategy on its iPads and other products, even as the surging tablet market heads for excess inventory in the fourth quarter. Kicking off its Asian channels forum, Canalys CEO Steve Brazier said that tablets currently took 35 per cent of the device …
Joe Fay, 23 Oct 2013

New iPad mini gobbles Retina display, 64-bit brain, puts on little weight

Proving yet again that there's no such thing as a secret in the tech world anymore, Apple has – as widely rumored – produced a new iPad mini with a Retina display. iPad mini with Retina display The new iPad mini with Retina display benefits from a prodigious processor power pop "The one most-requested feature to add to iPad …
Rik Myslewski, 22 Oct 2013

While world drools over Apple, Microsoft fixes Windows RT 8.1 update

Microsoft has once again made the Windows RT 8.1 update available via the Windows Store, following an earlier boondoggle that left some owners of ARM-based Surface RT tablets unable to boot their devices. According to Microsoft, about one in 1,000 Surface RT owners who tried to install the update ended up with their fondleslabs …
Neil McAllister, 22 Oct 2013
Apple iPad 3 aka new iPad

You like iPads, you like things called 'Air'. You will LOVE this puppy

As expected, Apple refreshed its iPad lineup on Tuesday morning. Unexpectedly, it renamed its top-of-the-line 9.7-inch tablet to the iPad Air. Seeing as how the MacBook Air has been one of Apple's most successful products in recent years, it's perhaps no surprise that Cook & Co.'s marketing folks decided to borrow some of that …
Rik Myslewski, 22 Oct 2013

Lumia 2520: Our Vulture gets his claws on Nokia's first Windows RT slab

Review Nokia's first Windows RT tablet – the 10.1in 2520 – was unveiled today, showing how wise the company was to bide its time. The Finnish firm has watched while first-generation Surface RT tablets and convertible laptop-slabs crashed and burned, and today's offering shows what it learned. The Lumia 2520 stands out on both price …
Andrew Orlowski, 22 Oct 2013