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Alf Garnett and Else

Be your own Big Brother: Keeping an eye on Mum and Dad

Feature Time was, when relatives started to get old, they'd move into the spare bedroom. My grandmother's generation seemed to do a lot of that, with assorted great aunts taking up residence. But it's much less common now. Else and Alf Garnett, Mike and Rita Fancy an alternative to regular visits to Mum and Dad? Source: BBC, Till …
Nigel Whitfield, 27 Sep 2014

What the HEC? Microsoft resurrects its hardware engineering event – in CHINA

Microsoft is bringing back WinHEC – its erstwhile Windows Hardware Engineering Conference – and this time it's holding the event closer to where the action is. Redmond exec Matt Perry said on Friday that WinHEC 2015 will be held on March 18 and 19 in Shenzhen, China's booming tech capital, with a subsequent event to follow in …
Neil McAllister, 26 Sep 2014

Turn OFF your phone or WE'LL ALL DI... live? Europe OKs mobes, tabs non-stop on flights

If you fancy spending your next European airline flight sitting next to someone who's carrying on a protracted conversation via mobile phone, you're in luck. The European Aviation Safety Agency (EASA) has issued new guidance to European airlines allowing them to permit passengers to keep phones and other portable electronic …
Neil McAllister, 26 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 6 camera

Apple nurses HealthKit apps back to life, discharges iOS 8.0.2

Apple has released iOS 8.0.2 to iPhones, iPads and iPods a couple of days after its botched 8.0.1 deployment. The iGiant said the .2 update addresses a high-profile bug that broke apps using the operating system's new HealthKit feature – those applications were removed by Apple from the App Store when 8.0.0 was rolled out, but …
Shaun Nichols, 26 Sep 2014

How the FLAC do I tell MP3s from lossless audio?

Can people hear the difference between lossy MP3 digital music files and lossless ones? Opinions differ strongly, with much obfuscation around audio cables, mastering and hi-fi componentry muddying the waters. This article was prompted by commentard critiques of Sonos streaming Wi-Fi speaker/player reviews and audiophiles saying …
Chris Mellor, 26 Sep 2014
Parcelcopter

Cut-off North Sea island: Oh crap, ferry's been and gone. Need milk. SUMMON THE DRONE

A drone parcel delivery trial in Germany solves air traffic control problems by having nothing-but-drones airspace and no flying over buildings. The parcelcopter, a squat buggy-looking thing, is a four-engined remotely controlled helicopter with a parcel pod fixed to its belly between four curved landing struts. Parcelcopter …
Chris Mellor, 26 Sep 2014

If you can't beat 'em: Intel seeking stake in Chinese chipmaker Spreadtrum – report

Ever eager to gain ground in the mobile chip market from such rivals as Broadcom and Qualcomm, Intel is reportedly considering a substantial investment in Chinese smartphone chipmaker Spreadtrum. Reuters reports that Chipzilla is close to announcing a deal with the firm, citing anonymous sources. No specific figures have been …
Neil McAllister, 26 Sep 2014
FBI badge and gun

FBI boss: Apple's iPhone, iPad encryption puts people 'ABOVE THE LAW'

FBI Director James Comey has complained that Apple and Google's use of stronger encryption in smartphones and tablets makes it impossible for cops and g-men to collar criminals. "There will come a day – well it comes every day in this business – when it will matter a great, great deal to the lives of people of all kinds that we …
Iain Thomson, 25 Sep 2014

The Schmidt hits the brand: Apple's iPhone 6 is a year late, scoffs smug search supremo

With Apple under fire for its bendy, broken iPhone 6es, Eric Schmidt at arch-rival Google is only too happy to put his boot in Cupertino. In an interview with Bloomberg TV, the Google chairman and former CEO needled his competitor down the peninsula. When asked what he thought about the hyped up iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus, …
Shaun Nichols, 25 Sep 2014

Let it go, Steve: Ballmer bans iPads from his LA Clippers b-ball team

Steve Ballmer says he doesn't have huge changes planned for the Los Angeles Clippers, his newly acquired pro basketball team, but he does want them to quit using Apple products. "Most of the Clippers are on Windows, some of the players and coaches are not," the former Microsoft CEO told Reuters, without naming names. Although …
Neil McAllister, 25 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 6

Apple 'Genius': iPhone 6? We've had NO COMPLAINTS about our BENDY iThing

Apple has told El Reg that the risk of an iPhone 6 Plus bending in the pocket of a fanboi has been greatly overstated. The fruity firm's British support service told us they had received no calls about the issue and criticised Apple rumour sites for stoking an atmosphere of fear. Fanbois have been tying themselves in knots over …
Jasper Hamill, 25 Sep 2014
Broadcom Tomahawk chip

Broadcom looks to 25/50/100 G to drive new chip

Broadcom is lining up its next assault on the cloud-scale Ethernet market, announcing the next iteration of its high-performance switch silicon due to appear in products in 2015. Now sampling with customers, the StrataXGS Tomahawk has a couple of different aims in mind: delivering very high performance and high density switching …
Galaxy Note 4

Galaxy Note 4 latest: Samsung rushes iPhone 6 Plus rival to China as Apple flails in dark

Perhaps looking to cut Apple's iPhone 6 Plus phablet off at the pass, Samsung is rushing out its 5.6-inch Galaxy Note 4 smartphone in China and South Korea ahead of schedule. Sammy said on Wednesday that its large screen Android phone will be available in South Korea on 26 September, with the Associated Press reporting China …
Shaun Nichols, 25 Sep 2014

Amazon shovels cash into hush-hush Lab126 despite Fire Phone fizzle

Amazon's much-hyped Fire Phone met a cool reception from consumers, but that won't stop CEO Jeff Bezos from doubling down on his consumer electronics ambitions, industry insiders claim. Citing anonymous sources, Reuters reports that the e-commerce giant plans to invest another $55m into its secretive Lab126 division, which …
Neil McAllister, 24 Sep 2014

Speaking in Tech: I swear I didn't fall for the iPhone 6 microwave charger hoax...

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela… except this week, the show gets hijacked by The Geek Whisperers crew - John Troyer, Amy Lewis and Matt Brender - at SpiceWorld in Austin, Texas. No, it's not a Spice Girls reunion. This week we discuss... Mutiny on the …
Team Register, 24 Sep 2014

Good grief! Have you SEEN BlackBerry's SQUARE smartphone?

First look Unveiled on Wednesday and already shipping, BlackBerry’s square-shaped Passport is a Marmite device – people will either love it or hate it. It’s quite uncompromisingly the most unusual smartphone in modern times. BlackBerry may as well have called it the “WTF”. Trackpad-cum-keyboard on square phone – you'll love it or you just …
Andrew Orlowski, 24 Sep 2014
Apple Watch

AVOID the Apple Watch. Buy a drone or robot instead, techies told

Channels Forum 2014 Resellers should start investigating drones and robots, but needn’t bother swapping their Rolexes for Apple watches anytime soon, channel consultants Canalys warned today. Kicking off the firm’s European shindig today, CEO Steve Brazier refused to get wound up about the Apple Watch, saying there was little in the first …
Joe Fay, 24 Sep 2014
BrickArms' Toy taliban figure

Ukrainian separatists threaten surge in *gasp*... dealers, PCs

Channels Forum 2014 The IT industry has pulled back from the brink of disaster but conflicts in Russia and the Middle East have the potential to push it back to the edge, resellers and distributors were warned today. Kicking off the Channels Forum conference in Cannes, Canalys CEO Steve Brazier declared the victory of the channel, the revival of …
Joe Fay, 24 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 6 and 6 Plus

NSFW: Click here, watch iPhone 6 being TORTURED

Apple claims its latest device is bigger and better than any other mobile phone, but the iOS 8 sporting iPhone 6 Plus has already been criticised for supposedly bending in fanbois' pockets. So if it can't survive the flaming heat of an Apple lover's crotch, what hope has it got against a hammer or a large calibre rifle? Not a …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Sep 2014
DTS interactive audio

Fake tape detectors, 'from the stands' footie and UGH! Internet of Things in my set-top box

IBC 2014 At this time of year, the tech press is often focused on IFA, the massive electronics show in Berlin where many companies unveil their latest products, including smartphones, flatter, curvier TVs than ever before, and all manner of other things. Taking place a week later in Amsterdam, IBC, the International Broadcasting …
Nigel Whitfield, 24 Sep 2014
This is the patriotic edition because it's red and white

Range Rover to fit trendy new SUV with FRIKKIN' LASER HUDs

Yummy Mummies of Chelsea, rejoice. No more getting lost taking the nanny back to the station when you are visiting the country cottage. Keep your eyes on the road Range Rover is to fit frikkin' lasers to its cars. The iconic car company claims its new Heads Up Display to be the first to have used lasers and says it will …
Simon Rockman, 24 Sep 2014

ARM gives Internet of Things a piece of its mind – the Cortex-M7

ARM has had a look at the fridges, speakers and robots that use its Cortex-M series processor cores and decided they need a few maths lessons. The Cortex-M7's block diagram The Brit CPU designer has today revealed its new 32-bit Cortex-M7, which will sit at the top of its its microcontroller-grade family of cores in terms of …
Chris Williams, 24 Sep 2014
Uncov chronicles the failure of Web 2.0

Titan falls! Blizzard cancels World of Warcraft successor

Games developer Blizzard has confirmed it is cancelling its massively multiplayer online (MMO) game Titan because after spending seven years and an estimated $50m or more developing the title, it just wasn't working out. "We had created World of Warcraft, and we felt really confident that we knew how to make MMOs. So we set out …
Iain Thomson, 24 Sep 2014

My TIGHT PANTS made my HUGE iPHONE go all BENDY!

Apple's new embiggened iPhone 6 Plus has been snapped up by buyers for, among other things, its thin case and its 5.5-inch touchscreen. But Apple didn't mention that it also appears to be the company's most flexible handset – whether you like it or not. A handful of early adopters have reported that after carrying the phablet …
Shaun Nichols, 23 Sep 2014
Detail from Chaos Computer Club video

Apple's new iPhone 6 vulnerable to last year's TouchID fingerprint hack

Apple’s shiny new iPhone 6 can be spoofed with the same fake fingerprints that tricked its older sibling, the iPhone 5S. That's according to mobile security firm Lookout, which said it discovered that it is possible to create a fake fingerprint that's capable of fooling the TouchID fingerprint sensor of the latest iPhones (6 and …
John Leyden, 23 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 4s, 5s, 6 and 6 Plus

Apple iPhone 6 Plus: GORGEOUS FAT pixel density - but it's WASTED

Review + Vid Samsung doesn’t invent anything: it just "copies Apple." Even judges say so. The only explanation for the new iPhone 6 Plus, then, is that Samsung copied it early. Apple iPhone 6 and 6 Plus Fatboy Slim: Apple's iPhone 6 and 6 Plus side by side As the South Koreans have been quick to point out, Cupertino’s 5.5-inch …
Call of Duty: Black Ops 2

BLAM, BLAM, BLAM... nooooo! Hacker crew Lizard Squad spits DDoS venom on Call of Duty

Hackers from the group Lizard Squad have reneged on their promise to quit earlier this month, apparently launching distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attacks on major gaming industry websites. After an attack on the Playstation Network in August, Lizard Squad has added two uber-popular shoot-'em-up games from Activision …
John Leyden, 23 Sep 2014
iOS 8

Apple slaps a passcode lock on iOS 8 devices, but cops can still inhale your iCloud

Improved security features in iOS 8 prevent Apple from unlocking phones – even when requested to by law enforcement. But search warrant-holding cops can still get almost everything through iCloud backups, according to ElcomSoft. The consumer device manufacturer's attempts at upgrading iOS encryption to "defeat lawful search …
John Leyden, 23 Sep 2014
The Colias robot

Colias robots SWARMING out of the lab

Video Greybeards of the IT industry will remember RoboCode, the Java programming teaching game that let you set virtual robots in battle with each other. How about teaching a bunch of real robots how to swarm? That's the aim of the University of Lincoln's Colias project, which provides relatively low-cost – £25 a pop – micro-robot …
Slide from Tim Cook's presentation at the Apple product roll-out event of October 22, 2013, indicating the competition's confusion

Ab phab: Apple is Britain's coolest brand YET AGAIN

It might be news to anyone who watched queues of rabid fanbois queue for days to buy the iPhone 6, but apparently Apple is still Britain's coolest brand. In spite of its association with the heinously unhip U2, Apple's own trendiness is "untouchable", an organisation called CoolBrands has claimed. It has put Apple on the top of …
Jasper Hamill, 23 Sep 2014
Mediatek Linkit Logo

MediaTek takes aim at Arduino with IoT wearables project

MediaTek is dipping its toe in the murky waters of the Internet of Things, announcing a lab initiative with software and hardware development kits targeting the wearables market. The MediaTek Labs program is based on the Linkit Developer Platform, which puts the Aster MT2502 system-on-chip together with an operating system ( …
DisplayPort

What the 4K: High-def DisplayPort vid meets reversible USB Type C

The new Type C USB connector is causing a lot of excitement, thanks in part to its reversibility (you can plug it in either way up) and high rates of data and power transfer. But there's now another reason to buy into in: DisplayPort support. The Video Electronics Standards Association (VESA) on Monday finalized DisplayPort …
Iain Thomson, 22 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 6

Apple iPhone 6: Looking good, slim. AW... your battery died

Review When Apple released the first commercially available multi-touch phone in 2007, it had to decide how big it should be. And it got it right first time. Yet this year’s new models – the iPhone 6 and the iPhone 6 Plus – both break that mould. The iPhone 6 Plus, which we review tomorrow, makes a feature of its bigness; but the …
Adam Banks, 22 Sep 2014

Huawei buys Cambridge Internet of Things pioneer Neul

Thirty-person company Neul has been bought by Huawei for a reported $25m to turn the UK into a centre of excellence for Internet of Things. The deal will have proved to be hugely profitable for the lead investors DFJ Esprit and IQ Capital as well as a long tail of smaller investors. CEO Stan Boland – whose CV includes stints at …
Simon Rockman, 22 Sep 2014
Apple iPhone 6

I sold 10 MILLION iPhone 6es at the weekend, says Tim Cook. What did you do?

Apple has claimed to have broken its sales records yet again after shifting 10 million iPhone 6 and 6 Plus units at the weekend. Tim Cook said he was basically as chuffed as he could possibly be by the sales figures of the new mobes, which went on sale this week. “Sales for iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus exceeded our expectations …
Jasper Hamill, 22 Sep 2014
Denmark Minecraft map

The British Museum plonks digital bricks on world of Minecraft

The British Museum has enlisted the help of Redditors to get a model of the museum and its exhibits into the highly popular Minecraft game universe. An employee from the organisation’s Museum of the Future project said in a post to the site that the museum had agreed to back an effort to recreate itself in Minecraft and asked …
BlackBerry Passport

Man, its smartphones are SQUARE. But will BlackBerry make a comeback with them?

Analysis BlackBerry, which recently suffered one of the most sudden and catastrophic crashes of any technology company, begins its comeback on Wednesday. For John Chen's firm, it marks the end of almost 18 months in the wilderness and out of the public eye. But the Canadian mobile firm is still going, and just about breaking even – it's …
Andrew Orlowski, 22 Sep 2014

Jesus phone RAISED from DEAD. Watch iPhone 6 get BURNED, DROWNED, SMASHED

Vid Apple's latest iPhones are the toughest mobes ever made, if the results of a sadistic insurer's torture test are to be believed. SquareTrade used a cruel robot to inflict all manner of pain on the two models of the iPhone 6, which can be bought in the normal size or as a well-endowed, ab-phab version with a 5.5-inch face. The …
Jasper Hamill, 22 Sep 2014
SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD

SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD – courting speed freaks and gamers

Review Typical. Just when we've gotten over the shock of a SSD drive being offered with a 10-year warranty, namely Samsung’s SSD850 PRO (reviewed recently), when another appears on the block, this time from SanDisk. SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD SanDisk Extreme Pro SSD I wonder if you asked the man in the street to name his top four SSD …
Simon Crisp, 22 Sep 2014
Ear anatomy

Soundbites: News in brief from the Wi-Fi audiophile files

Listen up! Here are some soundbites - so to speak - from Wi-FIispeaker/player suppliers. Sonos is intending to provide access to Deezer Elite streaming lossless audio for its US customers. It was announced in a Sonos blog and beta testing started on September 15 with a 30-day free trial. Deezer, it says, is only available on …
Chris Mellor, 22 Sep 2014
The iconic Buzz Aldrin image

Moon landing was real and WE CAN PROVE IT, says Nvidia

It's only a product promo, but it's a smart one: Nvidia reckons the judicious application of its graphics technology can debunk one of the world's favourite “moon landing was a hoax conspiracies”. As a demo of the VXGI – voxel based global illumination – technology included in the company's new Maxwell graphics architecture, a …
Rotten apple

Apple's iPhone 6 first-day sales are MEANINGLESS, mutters analyst

Record iPhone 6 and iPhone 6 Plus sales trumpeted by Apple reveal very little about demand, says an analyst, this is because of the limited supplies of the mobes provided to stores in the initial few days. That's the conclusion of Barclay's Ben Reitzes, who said that while "response to the launch has been stronger than expected …
Team Register, 21 Sep 2014