Data Centre > BOFH
BOFH: Follow the paper trail
Episode 8
"We were wondering.. what you were doing with... the storeroom?" the Boss asks.
BOFH: What's your point, caller?
Episode 7
Episode 7
"Well I'm... pretty sure I didn't get it!" the PFY says, motioning his mouse aimlessly around the screen for a bit while lazing back in his chair. "Have you tried rebooting your machine?"
BOFH: Thermo-electric funeral
Episode 6
Episode 6
"So all I need is the data from yesterday and maybe the day before," the Boss says, handing over his pride and joy.
BOFH: Sure, I could make your cheapo printer perform miracles
Episode 4
It's yet another one of those Fridays where ALL I NEED TO DO IS MAKE IT TO 4pm..
BOFH: This laptop has ceased to be. And it's pub o'clock soon
Episode 3
Episode 3
You know what it's like. The Boss asks you some technical question, you give him a non-technical answer and he suddenly thinks you're lying to him – or worse – that you don't know what you're talking about.
BOFH: We're miracle workers. But you want us to fix THAT in 10 minutes?
Episode 16
"What do you mean 'why's it not working'," the PFY asks.
BOFH: I'm not doing this for the benefit of your health, you know
Episode 15
Episode 15
"Is he still there?" I ask the PFY, maintaining direct eye contact with him so that I can truthfully claim that I didn't see the Health and Safety guy hanging around the hallway to Mission Control like a bad smell.
BOFH: Press 1. Press 2. Press whatever you damn well LIKE
Episode 14
Episode 14
"You're the one who wanted it," I tell the Boss in response to his fuming.
BOFH: Power corrupts, uninterrupted power corrupts absolutely
Episode 13
Episode 13
"THE POWER'S OUT!" the Boss shouts, blundering into Mission Control like a robotic vacuum in super-random turbo mode. "THE TRANSFORMER DOWN THE ROAD HAS EXPLO... hey, why are your lights still on?"
BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!
Episode 11
Episode 11
"... and so we thought that you might like to attend this two-day workshop in effective leadership techniques," the Boss burbles, rounding off the professional goal-setting exercise that company policy obliges him to do with me and any other contractor with a contract that's rolled over for more than five years.
BOFH: Knitting bobble hats on the steps of the guillotine
Episode 10
Episode 10
"Good news!" the Boss blurts, rocketing into Mission Control in a frenzy, “I’m going to be heading a new working party to improve website usability."
BOFH: My diary is MINE and mine alone, you petty HR gimps
Episode 9
Episode 9
"Wow, that's like the Matrix!" the Director's PA gasps.
BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard
Episode 8
Episode 8
"It's just a small change!" the Boss whines.
BOFH: Getting to the brown, nutty heart of the water cooler matter
Episode 6
Episode 6
"..and so we just mix all the ingredients together like this, tip it out onto a surface like so, and roll it into a roughly cylindrical shape. Now we just push in the extras and then pop it into the freezer for a few hours till it's nice and hard and easy to handle. And we're done," the PFY says with a flourish.
BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...
Episode 5
The PFY has crossed the line. Even though he knows better, he's attempted to explain something technical to management.
BOFH: Never mind that old brick, look at this ink-stained BEAUTY
Episode 4
Episode 4
*Crash!*
"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, I appear to have accidentally nudged it off the table" I say, as tears well up in the owner's eyes.
BOFH: Mmm, gotta love me some fresh BYOD dog roll
Episode 3
Episode 3
"Oh, Bring Your Own DEVICE!" the PFY blurts in mock realisation.
BOFH: We CAN do that with a Raspberry Pi, but think of the BODIES
Episode 8
Episode 8
"So what we'd like to do is have the lights turn on in the foyer when people come into the office," the Health and Safety rep says.
