Teenagers are giving up cigarettes in preference to fashionable mobile phones according to an anti-smoking organisation and the tabloids - who know a good story when they see one.

The scurrilous claim is based on a survey that showed smoking levels were falling among teenagers. The survey was published in the British Medical Journal and a joint letter by Clive Bates, director of Action on Smoking and Health and Professor Anne Charlton of the University of Manchester appeared in the letters section. It was in this letter that the two said kids were stubbing out their fags in preference to mobiles.

It's just this kind misinformation that brings the country down. Kids love cigarettes. They would never swap them for a fancy walkie-talkie and it's disgraceful to suggest they would. According to the mad pair, "the mobile phone is an effective competitor to cigarettes in the market for products that offer teenagers adult style, individuality, sociability, rebellion, peer group bonding and adult aspiration."

We say: nonsense. It's just this kind of left-wing touchy-feely rubbish that has turned kids into whinging, spoilt brats. What's rebellious about mobiles? And anyone that starts talking about peer groups has read one too many sociology text books.

We were told at school that we smoked because of peer group pressure. No we didn't - we smoked because we loved it and everyone else hated us loving it. Can you honestly tell us that mobiles induce the same kind of hatred from respectable members of society?

Plus the whole idea that kids will swap one for the other is just plain daft. It's a piece of piss to smoke while you're on the phone. It's only when you're driving a car at the same time that it gets difficult. Keep puffing kids! ®