Episode 13 BOFH 2000: Chapter 13 (THAT's unlucky...)

The Bastard wants to know: how're your interpretation skills?

Interpret the following:

1. You get called by the most recent in a looooong line of saleswomen for a large software company. Judging from past experience, she'll be absolutely gorgeous and know as much about computing as Sonny Bono did about skiing through trees. She proceeds to tell you that the product she's just received, which, believe it or not, is the best thing that she's ever seen. You know immediately:
A. It's an excellent and well-researched product
B. It's probably a fairly good product
C. It's crap
D. There is no product, they're selling vaporware, but you're going to buy one anyway.

2. An Engineer visits your site and, after setting a new speed record for ripping the guts out of your kit and stuffing most of it back in the box, pronounces it fixed and ready for action. This means:
A. It'll work till he gets back to the office
B. It'll work till he gets to his car
C. It'll work till he gets in the lift
D. He's turned it off at the wall so that it won't catch fire till he's out of the building

3. One of your users calls up to see what sort of back-ups you keep. He assures you that he has NOT deleted any files at all, and his system is sound. This means:
A. He's just checking on back-up policy out of interest
B. He's deleted a file that it would take a small amount of time to recreate
C. He's deleted a file that it would take a large amount of time to recreate
D. He's deleted someone ELSE's file, and now knows not to own up to it

4. The beancounters deep-six one of your equipment purchase orders because they say it's too expensive. What they REALLY mean is:
A. It's too expensive
B. It's slightly expensive, and more research might find a less expensive option.
C. They say that to anything over 50 quid.
D. They want a morning of power surges and file share outages.

5. Your Boss rolls into your office with a fist full of Purchase orders that haven't yet been signed. He tells you that he's going to need justification documents for the kit you've proposed to buy. He obviously means:
A. He has to answer to the Head of Department like everyone else
B. He has to justify expenditure like everyone else
C. He's no what the kit IS, but doesn't want to look stupid.
D. He's got his eyes set on a new laptop+desktop combo, which your purchases are going to put the kybosh on.

6. Security sends a memo around informing everyone that they'll be running their usual site-safety workplace/office check in the next few days. What they really mean is:
A. Office safety is paramount and they're concerned about accidents
B. Office security is paramount and they're concerned about break-ins
C. They've noticed the similarity between the marks on the door of the vending machines and the pry bar that you keep for "floor tile removal"
D. The head of security wants his safe back.

7. You're reading a trade mag which tells you that a certain popular operating system of the 80s is making a comeback. In plain terms this means:
A. Serious development has produced results at OS/2 central
B. Serious money has produced results at VMS central
C. Guru Meditation has produced results at Amiga central
D. Alcohol has produced results at the editorial office

8. You're looking for new staff when a slave trader rings you with a fantastic person to join your team. From your experience with slave traders, you know:
A. The applicant will be perfect for your needs
B. The applicant will probably be OK
C. The applicant will probably recognise a computer if they see one
D. The applicant won't find their way to your office

9. You're at a trade show where the latest and greatest hardware is available for perusal. The demonstrator of the kit in front of you (which looks EXACTLY like the kit the boss bought last year) tells you that their product is the new version with twice the performance for half the cost!!! You realise:
A. The kit is AMAZING!
B. The kit sounds amazing
C. The boss would think it was amazing
D. It's amazing they had the balls to turn up at the show!

How did you do?

Mostly A
You are green aren't you? Are you sure you're not Management reading forbidden literature? Meantime I have an attractive land package in Leeds known for it's tourist draw-card mini-putt course...

Mostly B

Or maybe YOU'RE the Manager in the pie. I know there's one in here somewhere, sniffing about.

Mostly C

That's more like it. The tinge of cynicism and worldly experience. With a little bit of practice you could become and asset to society.

Mostly D

COME ON DOWN! We have a winner! You're not fooled by the thin veil of lies used so often by other parties to obscure their real purpose (trying to take you for a ride). Congratulations. Now, about that Leeds investment... ®

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