If, as a true Son of Ulster, you've ever spent fruitless days wandering around the province's shops trying to source Protestant holy water, Drumcree games for your Xbox or an oversized goat skin for that lambeg drum, there's some good news today in the shape of www.prodshopping.com.

This one-stop orange shop offers the discerning patriot a comprehensive range of products for the forthcoming marching season, including several must-have Drumcree accessories: T54 tank, B52 bomber and mediaeval trebuchet catapult.

If you can't be there in person, plug in your Xbox and pick your spot on the hill, negotiate your way from Protestant West Belfast to Drumcree without getting stopped by the police or trapped by a Loyalist barricade and then, once you arrive, try and pick your way down the Garvaghy Road....

However, it would be unfair to suggest that prodshopping.com is concerned only with the products of confrontation. On the contrary, its Protestant holy water, collected from the Boyne and blessed by no less than the Protestant Pope Rev. Ian Paisley, is claimed to have amazing healing powers. Indeed, if you have been out all night throwing bricks at the Fenians, and the PSNI, over the peace line in North Belfast this Holy Water is ideal to help heal those cuts and bruises.

And, as a final mark of the site's commitment to religious harmony, it offers a useful link to www.catholicshopper.com where those with alternative convictions can choose from an enormous range of quality merchandise from the House of the Church of Rome. ®

Bootnote

A lambeg drum is an enormous instrument beaten with great enthusiasm by orange marching bands.