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Boris: Look on 'London's digital tentacles', ye mighty, and despair!

London mayor Boris Johnson and ex-New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg have today opened the inaugural London Technology Week. It's estimated 30,000 people will attend 200 talks and workshops over the next five days, covering everything from big data to "digital ladies". The confabs and demos will be held in locations sprinkled …
Jasper Hamill, 16 Jun 2014
Monty Python

I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Alistair Dabbs is recovering from the dreaded lurgy, but still none too chipper this week, so we’re happy to let him linger in his bath chair and tartan blanket once again. No doubt his neighbours will be concerned though, if this repeat publication from 2013 is anything to go by. “My nephew bought me one of those iPad things …
A class enjoying the early stages of Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL (BUD/S) training.

'Failure is not an option... Never give up.' Not in Silicon Valley, mate

Blocks and Files Consider these two things: "Failure is not an option," the famous words of the Apollo 13 mission controller in Houston, and a college speech by a US Navy SEAL commander in which he recommended that people never, ever give up. Yet Admiral McRaven would say that, wouldn't he – it worked for him. But he appeared to forget that it …
Chris Mellor, 31 May 2014
TX4 Black Cab

London officials declare cabbie-bothering Uber is legal – for now

Transport for London (TfL) has said that it doesn’t think that the app used by Uber drivers is in breach of the law by allowing them to use GPS and navigation to calculate charges, but it wants to refer the issue to the UK High Court. The capital’s transport authority said it didn’t agree that smartphones used by private hire …
Amazon Kindle 3

Amazon turns screws on French publisher: Don't feel sorry for Hachette, it's just 'negotiation'

Amazon has admitted that it’s restricting the sales of books from publisher Hachette over a contract dispute and defended the restrictions as a legitimate negotiating tactic. The online marketplace has been facing criticism from users, authors and publishing houses as it became apparent it was changing how it sold Hachette books …
HP ZBook 17 mobile workstation

Chuh. Heavy, dude: HP ZBook 17 mobile workstation

Review I don’t know which is going to kick in first: pins and needles or deep vein thrombosis. One thing I do know is that having a mobile workstation on your lap makes its presence felt in no time at all. HP ZBook 17 mobile workstation Making a big impression: HP's ZBook 17 mobile workstation As I sit here typing on HP’s ZBook 17, …
Bob Dormon, 26 May 2014
gavel_judgment_channel

Customer sues Nimbus Data for 'breach of contract' over arrays

Updated Flash array vendor Nimbus Data is being sued by a customer for breach of contract over two Gemini arrays that the purchaser alleges failed to meet "four conditions of sale". The customer is Maximus Inc, a publicly traded company headquartered in Reston, Virginia. It is an operator of government health and human services …
Chris Mellor, 19 May 2014

Be the next tech hotshot – by staying the hell away from regulators

Column Little else is requisite to carry a state to the highest degree of opulence from the lowest barbarism, but peace, easy taxes, and a tolerable administration of justice: all the rest being brought about by the natural course of things – that's Adam Smith, by the way. I'm often left rather scratching my head as I read the latest …
Tim Worstall, 15 May 2014
Marissa Meyer

Whoa! NUDE! SELFIES! for! Marissa! Mayer's! Blink-gobbling! Yahoo!

Yahoo! has bought Blink, a Snapchat-style app whose messages, in theory at least, self-destruct. It's the 40th startup gobbled by web giant. The Marissa-Mayer-led Yahoo! will wind up Blink, and welcome its seven-strong team onto the Purple Palace's own staff roster. The terms of the deal have not yet been released. On its …
Jasper Hamill, 14 May 2014
Container Vessel at Sea

How to sail the stormy seas of international trade

Bono must love Japan. Most of the streets there really do have no name; instead, cities and towns are subdivided into areas, subareas and blocks. Some of those land blocks (known as banchi) aren’t listed linearly but in the order that they were registered with the government. To a westerner, it is a wonder that anything ever …
Robin Birtstone, 14 May 2014
Dell's Converged Blade Data Center stack

Hack-smacked Alphadex bought by iRack Ltd ... or is that Networks Ltd?

Exclusive Brit data hosting biz Alphadex has been rescued from administration and bought up by a new firm, though there seems to be some confusion over just which firm is its white knight. Alphadex, which went into administration after British Gas issued a winding up petition for unpaid bills last month, said in an announcement on its …
Woman looks immensely happy while staring into blank screen of unplugged monitor

Please work for nothing, Mr Dabbs. What can you lose?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “So,” murmured the blonde in the now-deserted restaurant late the other evening as she lazily traced the rim of her wineglass with her middle finger before looking up to fix her eyes on mine, “what excites you?” No, I’m not remembering this accurately. It wasn’t a wineglass but a cup of coffee and she was stirring it furiously …
Our artist's impression of a Terminator granny astride a mobility scooter

Granny's Guardian: Acorn BBC Micro hero touts OAP watchdog kit

Acorn Computers co-founder Chris Curry has popped up with Canary – a new bit of kit that keeps tabs on oldsters and alerts relatives if something goes wrong. The system is installed in an elderly person's home and uses a set of sensors to monitor temperature, movements, and even who comes to visit. While it does not use …
Jasper Hamill, 1 May 2014

Whaddaya mean, NO REFUND? But I paid in Bitcoins! Oh I see...

Something after the Weekend, Sir? Don’t tell anyone but I think I might have made an arse of myself again. It’s one thing to show oneself up among one’s peers but another to demonstrate publicly how thick I am front of people who are smarter, sharper, more successful and frankly a damn sight wealthier than me – a sector of society I generally refer to as "other …
Alistair Dabbs, 22 Apr 2014

Speaking in Tech: Social media, big brands, smut. Never mix these three!

Podcast speaking_in_tech Greg Knieriemen podcast enterprise Hosted by Greg Knieriemen, Ed Saipetch and Sarah Vela. This week, the whole crew is together to... er, get social. This week we discuss... Did you see THAT porn pic tweeted by US Airways a few days ago in response to an irate customer? If you didn't you might have been …
Team Register, 16 Apr 2014

Look out, bankers! It's Lily Cole and her (Brit taxpayer-funded) WISH-PRINTING ATM

DreamWatch Millionaire model Lily Luahana Cole has been promoting her British taxpayer-supported "wishing well" website on a coast-to-coast tour of the United States. We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't update you on its progress. So how's it doing? The United Nations and Harvard's New Age think-tank the Berkman Center both rolled …
Andrew Orlowski, 15 Apr 2014
Terminators

Who wants a ROBO-BUTLER? Google and pals do – and they've just put $2m towards it

RoTM Google has placed a bet on a robotics company that is working to create "services" robots for use in hospitals, care homes or hotels. Mountain View's investment arm, Google Ventures, handed over an undisclosed sum of money to startup Savioke, which is headed up by Steve Cousins, former CEO of PR2-maker and robotics pioneer …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Apr 2014

Cheat Win XP DEATH: Little-known tool to save you from the XPocalypse

Howto Windows XP's date with destiny has passed. As of Tuesday, Microsoft will NOT be releasing any new security updates. With one in five PCs still running Windows XP, there's a chance you are among those whose computer is now running an unsupported operating system. What now? Doing an in-place upgrade to Windows 7 isn't a good …
Liam Proven, 10 Apr 2014

'Monstrous' Apple kicked us off iAd, claimed we are its RIVAL – Brit music upstart

Apple has been accused of hobbling an up-and-coming British firm by booting it off the iAd advertising platform. Bloom FM, a Spotify-style music streaming service, claimed Apple issued the iAd ban because it now regards the London-based company as a rival. The Register understands that Apple wrote to Bloom today and claimed it …
Jasper Hamill, 9 Apr 2014
Windows 8.1 Start screen

Microsoft: Hey, small biz devs – Windows Store apps are for you, too

Build 2014 We reckon there haven't been many line-of-business apps built for Windows 8's Modern UI so far, but Microsoft has now made it easier for companies that want to do so. Most Windows 8 Apps are downloaded and installed from the Windows Store – which is why Microsoft has taken to calling them "Windows Store Apps" following the …

Tell it to me straight, vendors: Are you cheap and easy?

Is it easy? Is is cheap? These are pretty much the only two questions which interest me when talking to a vendor these days – after years of worrying about technology. Of course, if I was to produce an RFP document with simply those two questions, I’d probably be out of a job fairly swiftly. But those two questions are not …
StorageBod, 2 Apr 2014

BlackBerry sucker-punches TV star Ryan Seacrest in patent brawl

Troubled mobe maker BlackBerry has received a welcome bit of good news from a California court, which has blocked sales of a physical iPhone add-on keyboard the company says copies its hardware. A Northern California District Court judge on Monday granted an injunction that prevents the sale and import of Typo keyboards for …
Shaun Nichols, 1 Apr 2014

Our Moderately Sized Data analytics engine pooh-poohs Acer '30 second support' claims

Biz customers with broken Acer kit might want to sling a call into the technical centre: then put on the kettle and make a cuppa, because they could be on hold for a lot longer than they were expecting. Certainly longer than the half a minute average response time that Jakob Jersild Olsen, veep at Acer's commercial division EMEA …
Paul Kunert, 19 Mar 2014
Lyons Tea Shop Oxford Street, London

PAF! MPs go postal over postal location data sell-off by Coalition.gov

MPs have accused the government of short-sightedness, after it agreed to offload the Postcode Address File (PAF) as part of the sale of Royal Mail. The PAF contains location data for tens of millions of postal addresses across the nation. The parliamentary public administration committee said in a report, which scrutinised the …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Mar 2014

Miscreant menaces Meetup, minuscule money mania mashed

Meetup.com has gone public with one of the most paltry ransom demands The Register has seen – but rather than pay up to end a distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attack, the klatch organizer instead put up with its site being repeatedly hosed offline, we're told. The website said its woes began on Thursday when it received a …

But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Monetizing is not the goal; growing is.” And with that explanation for his company’s decision to put another £11.5bn of someone else’s money through the shredder, Mark Zuckerberg fired the starting gun for the race to the next dot-com crash. Facebook’s acquisition of WhatsApp was not ludicrous, however. Nor was it genius, nor …
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Feb 2014
Suitcase bulging with cash

NuoDB slurps European cash for database expansion

Database pioneer Jim Starkey's latest venture NuoDB got another stamp of approval today as his upstart announced a new funding round led by European IT powerhouse Dassault Systèmes. The $14.2m bonanza was announced on Wednesday and will let NuoDB invest more in sales and marketing to help push its distributed-yet-reliable …
Jack Clark, 26 Feb 2014
The Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler

Winklevoss Twins' Bitcoin index provokes angry wails from rival

A Blighty-based Bitcoin bod has claimed the Winklevoss twins' cryptocurrency stock ticker has "taken influence" from his own open source service. The Zucker-baiters launched a website called Winkdex last week, which uses a patent-pending mathematical to formula to track the price of Bitcoin on several different exchanges. …
Jasper Hamill, 26 Feb 2014

Facebook gobbles WhatsApp for SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS

Facebook has announced that it will acquire mobile messaging service WhatsApp in a deal valued at $16bn. The merger was revealed in a filing with the US Securities and Exchange Commission published on Wednesday. According to the paperwork, WhatsApp will become a wholly owned subsidiary of Facebook in exchange for $4bn in cash, …
Neil McAllister, 19 Feb 2014
Scrooge McDuck

Upstart Postmates surfs $16m valley funding on backs of 'slave' couriers

San Francisco delivery company Postmates bagged $16m in funding from eager investors today – though an inspection of worker feedback shows that the startup is not as well-loved by some of its couriers. The series-B funding round will help the small biz improve its app, which people can use to bring "everything from a burrito to …
Jack Clark, 18 Feb 2014
Sinclair ZX Spectrum bluetooth keyboard with Manic Miner Art

ZX Spectrum game devs allege Elite Systems Ltd didn't pay their royalties

A number of British developers who coded games in the 1980s for the 8-bit ZX Spectrum home computer have been complaining about Elite Systems Ltd, alleging it had not made royalty payments due to them. The Lichfield, England-based outfit is run by Steve Wilcox, who describes himself as a producer for the firm, which - according …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2014
Bletchley Park

Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

It is a simmering conflict between two rival organisations over how Blighty's rich computing history should be preserved and showcased. Now the ongoing war between Bletchley Park and the National Museum of Computing has claimed its first casualties. Tony Carroll, an elderly volunteer at Bletchley Park, was fired after daring to …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Jan 2014
Nyancoin logo

Altcoins will DESTROY the IT industry and spawn an infosec NIGHTMARE

Analysis Much has been written about how Bitcoin will affect libertarian society, banks, money and government, but there are some other effects that bear consideration: what it will do to the IT industry. Imagine you've always lusted after the highest of high end graphics cards. Why pay £500 for something that's only for improving the …
Simon Rockman, 27 Jan 2014
Funnel of cash. Credit: via SXC – http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Leonardini

MemSQL bods develop new transaction: $35m now in-pocket

The in-memory former-Facebook database jockeys at MemSQL have taken in $35m in valley lucre. The series-B funding round was announced on Wednesday and saw Accel Partners lead an investment round in the database technology. MemSQL's in-memory database is designed to run on scale-out commodity hardware, and pulls off various …
Jack Clark, 23 Jan 2014
Peter Jones, Dragon's Den star

I'm in: Peter 'Dragons' Den' Jones launches bid to buy out Expansys

Dragons' Den star Peter Jones has launched a £6.1m takeover bid of his electronics retail firm Expansys. The entrepreneur made his move after increasing his share ownership in the AIM-listed firm from 41.4 percent to more than 50 per cent. Jones bought some 110.3 million shares to become the majority owner. This means that …
Jasper Hamill, 16 Jan 2014
Iceotope

Iceotope sounds like a kids' superhero – but it's a UK server-cooler maker that just bagged £6.1m

The UK's Sheffield-based Iceotope has grabbed $10m (£6.10m) in funding to help it push its liquid-cooling server tech into more data centres. The cash injection was announced on Monday, and should let the company double in size from 16 to more than 30 employees in the next year, Iceotope chief executive Peter Hopton told The …
Jack Clark, 14 Jan 2014

Google gobbles Wi-Fi thermostat maker Nest for $3.2 BEEELLION IN CASH

Nest Labs, which touts sensors and controllers for so-called "smart homes", has been bought by Google for $3.2bn in hard cash. "Nest's founders, Tony Fadell and Matt Rogers, have built a tremendous team that we are excited to welcome into the Google family," gushed Google CEO Larry Page in a statement, heaping praise on the two …
Iain Thomson, 13 Jan 2014
Suitcase bulging with cash

Ex-Sun mafioso sleeps with the VCs: Netflix guru quits to help fund startups

Top cloud industry veteran Adrian Cockcroft has left Netflix for venture-capital firm Battery Ventures: he'll now help investors spot companies worthy of a slurp from Battery's $900m trough of valley lucre. Cockcroft announced his move on Tuesday, and we're sure that CEOs and CTOs at cloud-oriented startups around the valley …
Jack Clark, 8 Jan 2014
Cyanogenphone

Cyanogen grabs $23m, will ship mod-installed N1 smartmobe on Xmas Eve

Champagne corks will be popping in a Seattle startup this evening. Cyanogen, the company behind alternative Android distribution CyanogenMod, has banked $23m in series-B funding – and Google has given its blessing to allow a smartphone to ship with the team's operating system installed. The double whammy of funding and a phone …
Jack Clark, 21 Dec 2013

Who should be responsible for devices, apps and services?

Tech Panel Are you a user or business manager fed up with IT constantly telling you "No" when it comes to the devices and apps you need to get your job done? Are you an IT pro tired of having to deal with users wanting their latest bling connected to the network? If you fall into either of these categories, or are just trying work through …
Dale Vile, 20 Dec 2013

ARM server chip upstart Calxeda bites the dust in its quest for 64-bit glory

Updated ARM server chip designer Calxeda has shut down as one of its executives told The Register: "We simply ran out of money." The plucky company, founded in 2008, had banked $90m in funding during its lifetime, and carried the torch for taking ARM-compatible system-on-chips into servers. But in the past 30 minutes, news broke that it …
Jack Clark, 19 Dec 2013
Scrooge McDuck

MongoDB rival RethinkDB gets $8m in filthy valley lucre infusion

Upstart RethinkDB has slurped $8m as venture capitalists bet that its tech can put major NoSQL document store MongoDB out to pasture. The Series A funding round was announced on Monday and will bankroll the long-term support release of the database, along with giving the company time to develop commercial support offerings and …
Jack Clark, 16 Dec 2013