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Look out, bankers! It's Lily Cole and her (Brit taxpayer-funded) WISH-PRINTING ATM

DreamWatch Millionaire model Lily Luahana Cole has been promoting her British taxpayer-supported "wishing well" website on a coast-to-coast tour of the United States. We wouldn't be doing our job if we didn't update you on its progress. So how's it doing? The United Nations and Harvard's New Age think-tank the Berkman Center both rolled …
Andrew Orlowski, 15 Apr 2014
Terminators

Who wants a ROBO-BUTLER? Google and pals do – and they've just put $2m towards it

RoTM Google has placed a bet on a robotics company that is working to create "services" robots for use in hospitals, care homes or hotels. Mountain View's investment arm, Google Ventures, handed over an undisclosed sum of money to startup Savioke, which is headed up by Steve Cousins, former CEO of PR2-maker and robotics pioneer …
Jasper Hamill, 10 Apr 2014

Cheat Win XP DEATH: Little-known tool to save you from the XPocalypse

Howto Windows XP's date with destiny has passed. As of Tuesday, Microsoft will NOT be releasing any new security updates. With one in five PCs still running Windows XP, there's a chance you are among those whose computer is now running an unsupported operating system. What now? Doing an in-place upgrade to Windows 7 isn't a good …
Liam Proven, 10 Apr 2014

'Monstrous' Apple kicked us off iAd, claimed we are its RIVAL – Brit music upstart

Apple has been accused of hobbling an up-and-coming British firm by booting it off the iAd advertising platform. Bloom FM, a Spotify-style music streaming service, claimed Apple issued the iAd ban because it now regards the London-based company as a rival. The Register understands that Apple wrote to Bloom today and claimed it …
Jasper Hamill, 9 Apr 2014
Windows 8.1 Start screen

Microsoft: Hey, small biz devs – Windows Store apps are for you, too

Build 2014 We reckon there haven't been many line-of-business apps built for Windows 8's Modern UI so far, but Microsoft has now made it easier for companies that want to do so. Most Windows 8 Apps are downloaded and installed from the Windows Store – which is why Microsoft has taken to calling them "Windows Store Apps" following the …

Tell it to me straight, vendors: Are you cheap and easy?

Is it easy? Is is cheap? These are pretty much the only two questions which interest me when talking to a vendor these days – after years of worrying about technology. Of course, if I was to produce an RFP document with simply those two questions, I’d probably be out of a job fairly swiftly. But those two questions are not …
StorageBod, 2 Apr 2014

BlackBerry sucker-punches TV star Ryan Seacrest in patent brawl

Troubled mobe maker BlackBerry has received a welcome bit of good news from a California court, which has blocked sales of a physical iPhone add-on keyboard the company says copies its hardware. A Northern California District Court judge on Monday granted an injunction that prevents the sale and import of Typo keyboards for …
Shaun Nichols, 1 Apr 2014

Our Moderately Sized Data analytics engine pooh-poohs Acer '30 second support' claims

Biz customers with broken Acer kit might want to sling a call into the technical centre: then put on the kettle and make a cuppa, because they could be on hold for a lot longer than they were expecting. Certainly longer than the half a minute average response time that Jakob Jersild Olsen, veep at Acer's commercial division EMEA …
Paul Kunert, 19 Mar 2014
Lyons Tea Shop Oxford Street, London

PAF! MPs go postal over postal location data sell-off by Coalition.gov

MPs have accused the government of short-sightedness, after it agreed to offload the Postcode Address File (PAF) as part of the sale of Royal Mail. The PAF contains location data for tens of millions of postal addresses across the nation. The parliamentary public administration committee said in a report, which scrutinised the …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Mar 2014

Miscreant menaces Meetup, minuscule money mania mashed

Meetup.com has gone public with one of the most paltry ransom demands The Register has seen – but rather than pay up to end a distributed denial-of-service (DDoS) attack, the klatch organizer instead put up with its site being repeatedly hosed offline, we're told. The website said its woes began on Thursday when it received a …

But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Monetizing is not the goal; growing is.” And with that explanation for his company’s decision to put another £11.5bn of someone else’s money through the shredder, Mark Zuckerberg fired the starting gun for the race to the next dot-com crash. Facebook’s acquisition of WhatsApp was not ludicrous, however. Nor was it genius, nor …
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Feb 2014
Suitcase bulging with cash

NuoDB slurps European cash for database expansion

Database pioneer Jim Starkey's latest venture NuoDB got another stamp of approval today as his upstart announced a new funding round led by European IT powerhouse Dassault Systèmes. The $14.2m bonanza was announced on Wednesday and will let NuoDB invest more in sales and marketing to help push its distributed-yet-reliable …
Jack Clark, 26 Feb 2014
The Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler

Winklevoss Twins' Bitcoin index provokes angry wails from rival

A Blighty-based Bitcoin bod has claimed the Winklevoss twins' cryptocurrency stock ticker has "taken influence" from his own open source service. The Zucker-baiters launched a website called Winkdex last week, which uses a patent-pending mathematical to formula to track the price of Bitcoin on several different exchanges. …
Jasper Hamill, 26 Feb 2014

Facebook gobbles WhatsApp for SIXTEEN BILLION DOLLARS

Facebook has announced that it will acquire mobile messaging service WhatsApp in a deal valued at $16bn. The merger was revealed in a filing with the US Securities and Exchange Commission published on Wednesday. According to the paperwork, WhatsApp will become a wholly owned subsidiary of Facebook in exchange for $4bn in cash, …
Neil McAllister, 19 Feb 2014
Scrooge McDuck

Upstart Postmates surfs $16m valley funding on backs of 'slave' couriers

San Francisco delivery company Postmates bagged $16m in funding from eager investors today – though an inspection of worker feedback shows that the startup is not as well-loved by some of its couriers. The series-B funding round will help the small biz improve its app, which people can use to bring "everything from a burrito to …
Jack Clark, 18 Feb 2014
Sinclair ZX Spectrum bluetooth keyboard with Manic Miner Art

ZX Spectrum game devs allege Elite Systems Ltd didn't pay their royalties

A number of British developers who coded games in the 1980s for the 8-bit ZX Spectrum home computer have been complaining about Elite Systems Ltd, alleging it had not made royalty payments due to them. The Lichfield, England-based outfit is run by Steve Wilcox, who describes himself as a producer for the firm, which - according …
Kelly Fiveash, 31 Jan 2014
Bletchley Park

Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

It is a simmering conflict between two rival organisations over how Blighty's rich computing history should be preserved and showcased. Now the ongoing war between Bletchley Park and the National Museum of Computing has claimed its first casualties. Tony Carroll, an elderly volunteer at Bletchley Park, was fired after daring to …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Jan 2014
Nyancoin logo

Altcoins will DESTROY the IT industry and spawn an infosec NIGHTMARE

Analysis Much has been written about how Bitcoin will affect libertarian society, banks, money and government, but there are some other effects that bear consideration: what it will do to the IT industry. Imagine you've always lusted after the highest of high end graphics cards. Why pay £500 for something that's only for improving the …
Simon Rockman, 27 Jan 2014
Funnel of cash. Credit: via SXC – http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Leonardini

MemSQL bods develop new transaction: $35m now in-pocket

The in-memory former-Facebook database jockeys at MemSQL have taken in $35m in valley lucre. The series-B funding round was announced on Wednesday and saw Accel Partners lead an investment round in the database technology. MemSQL's in-memory database is designed to run on scale-out commodity hardware, and pulls off various …
Jack Clark, 23 Jan 2014
Peter Jones, Dragon's Den star

I'm in: Peter 'Dragons' Den' Jones launches bid to buy out Expansys

Dragons' Den star Peter Jones has launched a £6.1m takeover bid of his electronics retail firm Expansys. The entrepreneur made his move after increasing his share ownership in the AIM-listed firm from 41.4 percent to more than 50 per cent. Jones bought some 110.3 million shares to become the majority owner. This means that …
Jasper Hamill, 16 Jan 2014
Iceotope

Iceotope sounds like a kids' superhero – but it's a UK server-cooler maker that just bagged £6.1m

The UK's Sheffield-based Iceotope has grabbed $10m (£6.10m) in funding to help it push its liquid-cooling server tech into more data centres. The cash injection was announced on Monday, and should let the company double in size from 16 to more than 30 employees in the next year, Iceotope chief executive Peter Hopton told The …
Jack Clark, 14 Jan 2014

Google gobbles Wi-Fi thermostat maker Nest for $3.2 BEEELLION IN CASH

Nest Labs, which touts sensors and controllers for so-called "smart homes", has been bought by Google for $3.2bn in hard cash. "Nest's founders, Tony Fadell and Matt Rogers, have built a tremendous team that we are excited to welcome into the Google family," gushed Google CEO Larry Page in a statement, heaping praise on the two …
Iain Thomson, 13 Jan 2014
Suitcase bulging with cash

Ex-Sun mafioso sleeps with the VCs: Netflix guru quits to help fund startups

Top cloud industry veteran Adrian Cockcroft has left Netflix for venture-capital firm Battery Ventures: he'll now help investors spot companies worthy of a slurp from Battery's $900m trough of valley lucre. Cockcroft announced his move on Tuesday, and we're sure that CEOs and CTOs at cloud-oriented startups around the valley …
Jack Clark, 8 Jan 2014
Cyanogenphone

Cyanogen grabs $23m, will ship mod-installed N1 smartmobe on Xmas Eve

Champagne corks will be popping in a Seattle startup this evening. Cyanogen, the company behind alternative Android distribution CyanogenMod, has banked $23m in series-B funding – and Google has given its blessing to allow a smartphone to ship with the team's operating system installed. The double whammy of funding and a phone …
Jack Clark, 21 Dec 2013

Who should be responsible for devices, apps and services?

Tech Panel Are you a user or business manager fed up with IT constantly telling you "No" when it comes to the devices and apps you need to get your job done? Are you an IT pro tired of having to deal with users wanting their latest bling connected to the network? If you fall into either of these categories, or are just trying work through …
Dale Vile, 20 Dec 2013

ARM server chip upstart Calxeda bites the dust in its quest for 64-bit glory

Updated ARM server chip designer Calxeda has shut down as one of its executives told The Register: "We simply ran out of money." The plucky company, founded in 2008, had banked $90m in funding during its lifetime, and carried the torch for taking ARM-compatible system-on-chips into servers. But in the past 30 minutes, news broke that it …
Jack Clark, 19 Dec 2013
Scrooge McDuck

MongoDB rival RethinkDB gets $8m in filthy valley lucre infusion

Upstart RethinkDB has slurped $8m as venture capitalists bet that its tech can put major NoSQL document store MongoDB out to pasture. The Series A funding round was announced on Monday and will bankroll the long-term support release of the database, along with giving the company time to develop commercial support offerings and …
Jack Clark, 16 Dec 2013
Toilet

When the lights went out: My 'leccy-induced, bog floor crawling HORROR

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Feeling old? Clapped out? Weary of the cut and thrust of everyday work? Looking for a role that pays shitloads of dosh while demanding no relevant experience or demonstrable skill, but chairmanship of the Co-Op bank remains tantalisingly out of your league due to your clean living and good character? Tough. Get back to work like …
Cloud security

Wanted: A regulation friendly version of that thing that Dropbox does

Readers' corner And in our second outing to El Reg Forums this week, we highlight this request from J.Cook, who is looking for recommendation for a regulation-friendly, cloudified file-dropping service that his company's clients can use. At the company I work for, we deal with a number of vendors who like sending us large files. These are …
Drew Cullen, 1 Dec 2013

Small-biz bosses: Want staff plans from Obama Care site? See ya in 2014!

The beleaguered US HealthCare.gov portal has been dealt yet another setback: small-business owners will not be able to use the medical insurance marketplace to buy plans for staff for another year. Known as the Small Business Health Options Program (SHOP), the service was supposed to be used by small companies with fewer than 50 …
Shaun Nichols, 27 Nov 2013
DNA

Bad genes? US watchdog halts 23andMe's handy home DNA test kits

Vanity DNA testing company 23andMe has hit a major roadblock, having been told by the US Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that it must stop selling its personal genome testing kits. Backed by Google and run by Anne Wojcicki, the estranged wife of Google cofounder Sergey Brin, 23andMe has marketed its Saliva Testing Kit and …
Neil McAllister, 25 Nov 2013
Kateeva OLED screen printer

New inkjet printer spits out cheap OLED monitors better than your inkjet prints letters

In a presentation at the Printed Electronics USA 2013 Conference in California, local startup Kateeva has shown off a new method of producing OLED screens that it claims will last twice as long as current models and be much cheaper to manufacture in bulk. Kateeva OLED screen printer Don't ask how much the toner costs... OLED …
Iain Thomson, 22 Nov 2013
Repo Man

Super-stealth FLYING CAR prototype seen outside GOOGLE HQ

Pics Forget self-driving cars. How about flying ones? Reports have emerged of what appears to be a mysterious airborne vehicle being developed by a stealth company operating near Google's Mountain View headquarters. Zee.Aero's prototype aircraft It looks real, but does it work? Zee.Aero's mysterious prototype aircraft (Credit: Greg …
Neil McAllister, 21 Nov 2013
hands waving dollar bills in the air

Cloud upstart Apprenda plots Euro invasion with sugar daddies' $16m pot

Platform-as-a-service minnow Apprenda has raised $16m in filthy valley lucre – to help it expand overseas and compete with rivals Pivotal and Red Hat. The funding was announced on Wednesday at a time when competition in the platform-as-a-service (PaaS) market is growing, as companies blow millions of dollars on what they reckon …
Jack Clark, 20 Nov 2013
Photo of the Starship Enterprise's sick bay

A startup could've made a better Obamacare site, says CloudFlare boss

The White House claims its sickly medical insurance portal healthcare.gov is finally finding its feet – but after weeks of stability problems, one web specialist has told The Reg: a startup would have done better. The site is under fire after struggling to stay running as hundreds of thousands of Americans piled in to check out …
Shaun Nichols, 14 Nov 2013
Close-up of a woman's lips, slightly pixelated as if on a CRT TV

'A measly 3 Instagrams? NO!' Sexy selfie Snapchat spurns Facebook's $3bn

The CEO of sexting-friendly messaging service Snapchat has reportedly turned down buyout offers worth at least $3bn because he expects his company will soon be worth much more. According to a report in the Wall Street Journal, 23-year old Snapchat cofounder and chief exec Evan Spiegel barely considered a recent $3bn offer from …
Neil McAllister, 13 Nov 2013

Makerbot vows to plonk a 3D printer in every one of Uncle Sam's schools

Makerbot, one of the most visible companies behind 3D printing, has kicked off a new program that aims to get one of its mini-manufacturies in every school in America. "As a former teacher, I believe strongly in creating a new model for innovation. A MakerBot is a manufacturing education in a box," gushed Makerbot CEO Bre Pettis …
Iain Thomson, 13 Nov 2013
grab_that_cash

Will small biz get a bite of mega UK.gov IT pie? Yes: if it can pass the bulls**t sniff test

Analysis Does the UK government have a chance of being able to push 25 per cent of IT spend onto SMEs as it has promised? The correct answer is perhaps it does, but it doesn't actually matter either way. However, the reason why it doesn't matter is what's interesting to the economists among us. The exact and detailed reasons as to why …
Tim Worstall, 6 Nov 2013
SOURCE: http://www.sxc.hu/photo/959469

Startups? Silicon Valley? SHELDONVILLE? It's the dotcom bubble again!

There has probably never been a better time to launch a startup in Silicon Valley. In fact, it’s the dotcom boom era all over again. Venture capital money is washing over the land from San Francisco to well south of San Jose, along with waves of intelligent people and the easy accessibility of near unlimited reach and computing …
Old Street Roundabout, credit Wikimedia

TECH WAR: Brummies say firms 'lose out' in London's Tech City

The business bods of Birmingham have commissioned a survey designed to tempt startups away from the British capital's Silicon Roundabout scene. A group called Business Birmingham commissioned a survey whose questions highlighted the high costs of doing business in London, likely hoping attracting talent away from from the …
Jasper Hamill, 25 Oct 2013

How do you solve a problem like MariaDB? Give it $20m ... right, Intel?

MariaDB expert SkySQL has taken on $20m in filthy valley lucre to help it build a drop-in replacement database for Oracle's MySQL. The funding was announced on Tuesday and follows our story in September that revealed Google is shifting all of its internal MySQL instances over to the open-source MariaDB system due to political …
Jack Clark, 22 Oct 2013
Soylent prepared

Anti-food startup Soylent pours sugar daddies' $1.5m into its gloopy mix

Soylent, the geek-run startup that aims to defeat food by replacing all meals with a pint and a half of beige gloop, has slurped down $1.5m in filthy valley lucre. The funding was announced on Monday and will give the controversial upstart the ability to do some hiring, perhaps fund a medical trial, and investigate the …
Jack Clark, 21 Oct 2013