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HP settles lawsuit after Mad Leo's WebOS and PC biz shenanigans

HP has agreed to pay $57m to shareholders miffed by the management of Leo Apotheker. This comes after the plaintiffs sued the firm for defrauding them by abandoning its business model. The investors launched a class action suit after former chief Apotheker shocked them, and the rest of the tech world, by announcing plans in …

BlackBerry sucker-punches TV star Ryan Seacrest in patent brawl

Troubled mobe maker BlackBerry has received a welcome bit of good news from a California court, which has blocked sales of a physical iPhone add-on keyboard the company says copies its hardware. A Northern California District Court judge on Monday granted an injunction that prevents the sale and import of Typo keyboards for …
Shaun Nichols, 1 Apr 2014
Huawei campus Shenzhen

Huawei rakes in £2 BEEELLION in profits

Chinese tech success story and NSA spy target Huawei has seen profits jump by a third over the past year to 21 billion yuan (£2bn) on the back of strong growth from its enterprise and consumer businesses. The Shenzhen-headquartered firm cemented its place as one of the Middle Kingdom’s most internationally successful technology …

Bechtolsheim's baby Arista Networks heads toward IPO

Networking startup Arista Networks is filing for an IPO as the scrappy biz tries to wrestle share away from incumbents like Cisco and Juniper. The profitable upstart filed its S-1 form with the US Securities and Exchange Commission on Monday. Arista Networks' chairman is Andy Bechtolsheim, the co-founder of Sun Microsystems. …
Jack Clark, 31 Mar 2014
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella

Microsoft CEO Nadella names his Xbox and Cloud OVERLORDS

New Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella has made two important albeit expected appointments to his executive team. The big cheese announced on Monday that his company will remove the "interim" from Scott Guthrie's role as interim executive vice-president of cloud and enterprise. Phil Spencer, the boss of in-house games developer …
Shaun Nichols, 31 Mar 2014
Hadoop Elephant

Don't touch my trunk! Intel is $740m lighter after Cloudera cash shot

Intel has shoveled $740m into Hadoop company Cloudera, giving the chipmaker an 18 per cent stake in the data analysis firm. The mammoth funding was announced on Monday following the news last week of a major strategic partnership between the x86 goliath and the software upstart, which itself followed a separate funding round of …
Jack Clark, 31 Mar 2014

Newsnight goes sour on Tech City miracle

+Sketch BBC's Newsnight decided to get a reality check on Britain's economic miracle of East London's "Tech City Cluster" on Friday, and asked me if I'd like to contribute. With a hangover and not much sleep the night before? Of course I would. Radio 4's Today and BBC2's Newsnight are invitations you don't turn down if you think you've …
Andrew Orlowski, 31 Mar 2014
Costumed pirate

UK cops: Keep yer golden doubloons, ad folk. Yon websites belong ta PIRATES

British police have launched a who's who of pirating websites in an attempt to stop advertisers from spending money with sites deemed illegal. The Infringing Website List is hoping to cut copyright-breaking websites off at the knees by stopping their top source of revenue: advertising. The database will be available to brands …
We were going to show a pic of Simon wearing it but thought you'd prefer this on instead

Facebook, you fools! Forget Oculus, you could have bought TRON-type headsets

Review It's quite exciting putting on the Durovis Dive virtual reality headset, but watching someone else do it is even better as they coo and gasp at the world in which they have become immersed. The HTC One M8 is speedy and there is no VR lag Durovis Dive set up with an HTC One M8 proved speedy with no VR lag The Durovis Dive from …
Simon Rockman, 31 Mar 2014
Sean Bean in Game of Thrones

Dish and DirecTV deal: Damned if they merge, damned if they don't

Analysis Almost like a delayed reaction, the news that Dish Network had been actively courting DirecTV once again in the US has driven up both companies’ share prices, triggered by the Comcast Time Warner Cable deal. The share price movements should have happened the day the Comcast TWC deal was mooted, but were only came about after …
Faultline, 31 Mar 2014
Tesla fire

Tesla firms hot bottoms: TITANIUM armor now bolted to Model S e-cars

Tesla is adding a three-level shield of aluminum and titanium to the underside of its Model S e-car to eliminate the possibility of battery blazes and placate US safety authorities. In separate accidents, two of the electric rides burst into flames shortly after running over debris in the road: in each case, whatever they hit …
Iain Thomson, 28 Mar 2014

App-happy cloud bod? You'd better keep eyes on your networks

Measuring how well your application is performing is not a straightforward task. Many enterprises have multiple locations, work with cloud-based applications and have end users stationed in different parts of the world. With the future of IT infrastructure trending toward more interconnectivity and external dependencies, it …
Blackberry_bold_9000_all_sides

BlackBerry revenue slips below $1bn as users shun BB10

BlackBerry's revenue slipped below a billion dollars in the fourth fiscal quarter for the first time since 2007, as its smartphone sales continued to slide, but its losses were slightly less than expected. The ailing Canadian firm reported a net loss of nearly $6bn for the year up to the start of March and a loss of $423m for …
Baidu Logo

Judge rules Baidu political censorship was an editorial right

Chinese search giant Baidu has evaded a lawsuit launched in the US by a pro-democracy group who claimed that the search engine was illegally suppressing political speech. The New York residents, who advocate for greater democracy in China, said that Baidu was unlawfully blocking US articles and information about the democracy …
Child swearing

Say WHAT? ATVOD claims 44k Brit primary school kids look at smut online each month

Online age verification is the Tory-led coalition government's latest obsession, after it lobbied hard for flaccid network-level filtering to be introduced by the UK's biggest ISPs over the course of the last few years. To support Whitehall's latest crusade against smut, Britain's video on demand services regulator is calling …
Kelly Fiveash, 28 Mar 2014

Raised £350bn in crowdsourced funding? Tell me about it (not)

Something for the Weekend, Sir? His Girl Friday, All The President’s Men, Pravda, Broadcast News... As a journalist, I ought to be thrilled by reading books and watching dramatisations about other journalists being journalists and generally going about doing their journalisming. Yet there are few things in popular media as forlorn as a journalist talking about …
Alistair Dabbs, 28 Mar 2014
78rpm records

Pop music, tech bubble... what could go wrong? Spotify said to be closer to IPO

Spotify could be making its much-rumoured market debut as soon as six months from now, after reportedly starting talks with investment banks for an IPO. Those chatty sources "familiar with the process" told Quartz that the music streaming service was considering going public in autumn this year. The report adds fuel to a well- …

Australian National University CIO Peter Nikoletatos departs

Australian National University (ANU) chief information officer Peter Nikoletatos left his post yesterday. In response to inquiries from The Reg, ANU's media team offered the following: "The University can confirm that Peter left the ANU, by mutual agreement, yesterday. The University won’t be making any further comment." …
Simon Sharwood, 28 Mar 2014
Nadella

FINALLY Microsoft releases Office for iPad – but wait there's a CATCH

Microsoft has, after years of speculation, released some of its Office applications for Apple iPad owners – but you'll need an Office 365 subscription to use them in anything other than a lobotomized form. Nadella Nadella holds his first press conference since taking former CEO Steve Ballmer's crown The Apple App Store now …
Iain Thomson, 27 Mar 2014
balaclava_thief_burglar

SEC mulls how to save markets from hackers: How about a CRACK TEAM... of advisers?

The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) invited security and finance experts to Washington yesterday to discuss cybersecurity issues and whether companies and stock markets should be required to immediately disclose attacks and invest in protecting their systems. SEC commissioner Luis Aguilar said that the agency needed to …
Pink Floyd: The Wall

Facebook Oculus VR buyout: IT WANTS your EYEBALLS

Comment Mark Zuckerberg made his boldest and certainly most physical play for eyeballs yet on Tuesday when Facebook announced plans to acquire virtual reality startup Oculus VR - the outfit behind Rift headsets - for $2bn. It's the latest in a series of brash moves from the free content ad network. Oculus VR now joins the ranks of …
Kelly Fiveash, 27 Mar 2014

Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

El Reg readers of a more fatalistic disposition may be dismayed, but probably not surprised, to hear that Cyberdyne - the company that invented Skynet and ultimately the murderous "Terminator" machines - has just listed on the Tokyo stock exchange. Of course, it’s not the shadowy defence firm of the iconic Arnie films, which …
Phil Muncaster, 27 Mar 2014
Candy Crush Saga

Candy Crush King sees IPO go sour as stock price heads south

Mobile games firm King Digital failed to take the stock market by storm Wednesday as the firm's initial public offering (IPO) saw its stock price decline by more than 15 per cent at close of trading. The company made famous for its Candy Crush mobile game had been seeking a valuation of roughly $7bn wen it offered its shares on …
Shaun Nichols, 27 Mar 2014
Emojis from Apple's beta of iOS 6

Apple vows to add racially diverse EMOJIS after MILEY CYRUS TWITTER outrage

Apple has vowed to tackle the lack of racial diversity in its emojis and will work with the Unicode Consortium to make the annoying little images more politically correct. MTV Act contacted Apple to ask them to make sure the emojis were more diverse. Currently, the human emojis are mostly pinkish. This will not do, roared MTV's …
Jasper Hamill, 26 Mar 2014
A shiny new cash point

Forget sledgehammers – crooks can CRACK ATMs with a TEXT

Mexican cybercrooks are targeting bank ATMs with malware that can be activated by a SMS message that forces compromised cash machines to spew out cash. The attack is a refinement on previous assaults using the Ploutus backdoor strain of malware that makes robbing cash machines even easier for local banditos, according to net …
John Leyden, 26 Mar 2014
Playbar speakers

Ancient telly, check. Sonos sound system, check. OMG WOAH

Oh boy! I just turned my crap 10-year-old Sony Bravia TV into a home theatre by replacing the limited speakers inside the Bravia’s enclosure with a Sonos Playbar. I'm blown away. The Playbar is a substantial piece of kit. Sonos Playbar Sonos Playbar It weighs 11.9lbs (5.4kg) and its dimensions are 3.35” high, 35.43” long and …
Chris Mellor, 26 Mar 2014
channel_partners_deal_handshake

New-wave offshorers present exotic new risks

A need to drive down costs is forcing many multinationals to look at emerging Asian offshore locations such as Indonesia and Vietnam, but IP security and privacy concerns continue to hold them back, according to a new report. Gartner’s Leading Locations for Offshore Services in Asia/Pacific 2014 report, paints a mixed picture. …
Phil Muncaster, 26 Mar 2014
Lego Minecraft

No Notch niche: Minecraft man in rift with Oculus after Facebook gobble

Minecraft creator Markus "Notch" Persson has used the occasion of Mark Zuckerberg's acquisition of Oculus VR to unload on the boy wonder's Facebook – and bid farewell to the Rift virtual-reality headset team. Perhaps at least a little miffed that Zuck's personal shoppers arrived a few weeks into an investigation about whether a …

Facebook swallows Oculus VR goggle-geeks. Did that really happen?

Facebook has bought startup Oculus VR, which makes the much-hyped virtual-reality Rift headsets, for $2bn. The acquisition comes as people spend more time with their pals in digital worlds rather than the physical realm, and Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg wants to tap into that shift. The acquisition of Oculus VR Inc was …
Jack Clark, 25 Mar 2014
Photo by Thore Siebrands Licensed under Creative Commons Attribution http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

Improbable: YOU gave model Lily Cole £200k for her Impossible.com whimsy-site

Special Report Why is the UK taxpayer funding a millionaire supermodel and actress to build a website that replicates the "Help Needed" pages of Craigslist and Freecycle? Using information gleaned from Freedom of Information requests, we’ve attempted to find out. The model and actress Lily Luahana Cole, a Cambridge University art history …
Andrew Orlowski, 25 Mar 2014

GSMA: EU net neutrality reforms are the enemy of business

Proposed reforms designed to ensure net neutrality across the European Union will hinder innovation to the detriment of businesses and consumers, according to a leading global mobile operators' association. The GSMA, which represents almost 800 mobile operators worldwide, said that EU proposals to prevent internet service …
OUT-LAW.COM, 25 Mar 2014
Kim Dotcom

Dotcom's Mega looks for a backdoor onto NZ stock exchange

Kim Dotcom’s cloud storage business Mega Ltd has announced plans to go public with a NZ$210 million (£109m) backdoor listing on the New Zealand stock exchange, which will open the firm up to a whole new level of scrutiny. Backdoor listings are usually enacted by smaller firms looking to go public without the cost and hassle of …
Phil Muncaster, 25 Mar 2014

Ray-Ban to produce Google Glass data-goggs: Cool - or Tool?

Luxottica, the holding company for pricey eyeware brands Ray-Ban, Oakley, Persol and even Burberry, has inked a deal that will see it design stylish versions of Google's “glass” tech specs. The eyewear company's canned statement says it will work with Google“ on the creation of innovative iconic wearable devices”. To do so the …
Simon Sharwood, 25 Mar 2014
padlock

Palo Alto Networks splashes $US200 million on Cyvera

Palo Alto Networks has announced that it's buying Tel Aviv-based Cyvera for $US200 million, including $US88 million in cash. The attraction is the Israeli company's TRAPS (Targeted Remote Attack Prevention System), an endpoint protection system for Windows machines, which PAN will add to its existing firewall and cloud security …
wall_street

Box shock stock doc clocks 250 million bucks

Box has filed its hotly anticipated initial public offering (IPO) paperwork to the US Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). The upstart's S-1 document was published this afternoon, US West Coast time, putting in motion its stock market debut. Box, which provides online file-sharing for businesses, wants to raise $250m from …
Shaun Nichols, 24 Mar 2014
IIA Logo

Australia's Internet Industry Association winds self up

Australia's Internet Industry Association is handing its members and regulatory functions to the Communications Alliance and will be wound up. The IIA has suffered erosion of its membership base over recent years, amid a flurry of mergers among Australia's tier-two telcos, and chairman Patric Fair has written to members to say …
Firefox crop circle

JavaScript mastermind Brendan Eich leaps into the Mozilla CEO seat

JavaScript inventor Brendan Eich will take over as CEO of Mozilla Corporation – which is part of the Mozilla project he co-founded 15 or so years ago. The Firefox-maker and Eich announced in blog postings that he will shift from the Moz chief technology officer chair to the chief exec's throne; acting-CEO Jay Sullivan will …
Shaun Nichols, 24 Mar 2014

AMD: Why we had to evacuate 276TB from Oracle DB to Hadoop

AMD has migrated terabytes of information from an Oracle Database installation to an Apache Hadoop stack, claiming Oracle's pricey software was suffering from scaling issues. The chip maker's chief information officer, Jake Dominguez, revealed further details of the transfer in a chat with The Reg. "Within the common Oracle …
Jack Clark, 24 Mar 2014
Broke - empty pockets

Miserly investors toss $11m at storage upstart Amplidata

Is this thin investment provisioning in action? Object storage startup Amplidata has had $11m chucked at it to grow the business – a relatively trifling amount. Amplidata develops and sells the AmpliStor object storage product, which is OEMed as Lattus by Quantum. It uses a component of its StorNext multi-tier file …
Chris Mellor, 24 Mar 2014
First official pic of Ashton Kutcher as Steve Jobs

Zuckerberg, Musk and Fake Steve Jobs invest in secretive AI firm

Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg have become some of the latest investors in secretive artificial intelligence software firm Vicarious. The SpaceX billionaire and the Facebook founder took part in a $40m funding round, the second major cash-raising from the firm in the last two years, the Wall Street Journal reported. The actor who …

Move over Microsoft: RealNetworks has a GOOGLE problem

Analysis “When you start a company that has good success, then you step away from it and it doesn’t continue on the trajectory you would like it to be on, your pride kicks in,” says RealNetworks chairman and interim chief executive Rob Glaser. Glaser was explaining why he returned to the company in mid-2012 after a two-and-a-half year …
Tim Anderson, 24 Mar 2014
Toilet

How to Poo on a Date wins odd book title of the year

Getting a date is hard enough to begin with. So what happens if cruel nature calls when things are just starting to get romantic? That's the question posed and answered by a tome titled How To Poo On A Date by Mats & Enzo, which has just won the 36th annual Diagram Prize for Oddest Book Title of the Year. The book achieved 30 …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Mar 2014