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Wall Street woes: Oh noes, tech titans aren't using bankers

Worstall on Wednesday There was much astonishment over at the New York Times as it explained that the big Silicon Valley tech firms, the Googles, Apples, Facebooks, aren't using the traditional services of the Wall Street bankers as they make their acquisitions. There are a number of reasons for this. As to whether this is all a good idea or not, …
Tim Worstall, 20 Aug 2014
Stock ticker board

Power of iPhone 6 hype-gasm: Apple a sniff away from record stock high

Peak Apple Apple's stock today inched toward the company's record high as investors eager for new products pushed shares over $100 apiece. It's the first time Apple stock price has hit triple figures since the company undertook an ambitious 7:1 stock split in June this year. Apple used the split to put more shares on the market and, in …
Shaun Nichols, 20 Aug 2014

Kate Bush: Don't make me HAVE CONTACT with your iPHONE

Warbling '70s pop sensation Kate Bush has urged fans not to take photos and video footage during her upcoming London gigs, which will be the singer's first live tour in 35 years. The shows at the Hammersmith Apollo kick off next week, but Bush is already fretting about poorly captured images of her concert appearances being …
Kelly Fiveash, 20 Aug 2014

Uh, Obama? Did you miss a zero or two off Samsung's Chinese supplier 'fib' settlement?

Samsung Electronics America has agreed to settle with the US Department of Justice (DoJ) over claims the company lied about where its products were made. The DoJ accused Sammy of violating the Trade Agreements Act, which requires gear purchased by the government be sourced either directly from US manufacturers or countries with …
Shaun Nichols, 20 Aug 2014
VMware logo

VMware shuffles the executive deckchairs

VMware has made a round of new executive appointments. President and chief operating officer Carl Eschenbach now also has corporate strategy and business development on his plate. Jonathan Chadwick will add chief operating officer duties to his current role as chief financial officer. He and Eschenbach will work together on “ …
Simon Sharwood, 20 Aug 2014
Troll in cross hairs

Tech patent hoarder Intellectual Ventures to lose a fifth of its trolls

Notorious patent troll license enforcer Intellectual Ventures has fallen on hard times, it seems, with Bloomberg reporting mass layoffs at the company. According to this report, 20 per cent of the company's 700 staff will be looking for other non-practising entities to work for. That would mean between 130 and 140 of the …

Rubber Ub' hub: Uber test-drives condoms, gift card, soap etc deliveries

Taxi app Uber is running drugstore deliveries to customers in the Washington DC area as part of a test to see if it can become more than an amateur cabbie collective. Uber's in-development Corner Store can be accessed from a tab in the Uber app, and allows people to order their toiletries from an Uber driver. The inventory list …
Iain Thomson, 19 Aug 2014
Video

US TV stations bowl sueball directly at FCC's spectrum mega-sale

US television broadcasters are suing the FCC over the regulator's planned auction of TV spectrum space to mobile phone networks. The National Association of Broadcasters (NAB) said it has objections to the framework the watchdog has laid out for an auction in which broadcasters sell off their spectrum space to carriers who will …
Shaun Nichols, 19 Aug 2014

Ballmer leaves Microsoft board to spend more time with his b-balls

Former Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer is today stepping down from the Windows giant's board of directors – just six months after he was succeeded by incoming chief exec Satya Nadella. Ballmer announced his retirement in August last year, but remained at the helm until Nadella took over in February. Shy-and-retiring Ballmer also …
Chris Williams, 19 Aug 2014

'Fangless' activist investor chomps up chunk of Rackspace

A so-called "fangless" activist investor has increased its grip on OpenStack cloud cheerleader Rackspace, with a view to a possible sale. Blue Harbour Group has revealed it now holds a 6.4 per cent stake in the aspiring cloud provider, or 9.1 million shares. The company is reported to have started gobbling up Rackspace shares …
Gavin Clarke, 19 Aug 2014
Call of Duty: Ghosts

Call of Duty daddy considers launching own movie studio

Videogame kingpin Activision Blizzard is reportedly considering launching its own movie studio division to turn its games into films and TV shows. Milla Jovovich in Resident Evil This movie adaptation of Resident Evil was quite popular for some reason... Videogame adaptations have had mixed success to say the least, with some …
Kindergarten Cop

Caught red-handed: UK cops, PCSOs, specials behaving badly… on social media

In the past five years a surprisingly small number of police employees in England and Wales have been sacked, retired early or forced to resign in connection with serious cockups using social media. A silly season Freedom of Information trawl* of cop shops carried out by the Press Association and reported by the BBC found 828 …
Kelly Fiveash, 19 Aug 2014
BlackBerry logo

BlackBerry slices off juiciest bits, bottles them in 'Tech Solutions'

BlackBerry has sliced off its juiciest bits and will preserve them in a new unit called “BlackBerry Technology Solutions” (BTS) that it hopes will deliver a jolt of growth. The new unit will be led by Dr. Sandeep Chennakeshu and will gain stewardship of QNX , the IoT play Project Ion, the Certicom cryptography applications and …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Aug 2014
Aphex Twin

Tor-rorists get sneaky Aphex Twin album peek in dance guru hypegasm

Richard James, aka electronic music composer Aphex Twin, has been using the power of Tor to hype his new album – and to remind computer users about their own system's security. http://syro2eznzea2xbpi.onion — Aphex Twin (@AphexTwin) August 18, 2014 The .onion link above leads to a web server hidden in the Tor anonymizing …
Iain Thomson, 18 Aug 2014
medical_doctor_health_channel

'Chinese crims' snatch 4.5 MILLION patient files from US hospitals

One of the largest healthcare providers in the US claims Chinese hackers ran riot through its systems between April and June this year – accessing names, addresses and social security numbers of millions of patients. But Community Health Systems (CHS) insists no medical records nor any financial data were grabbed by the …
Iain Thomson, 18 Aug 2014

Class war! Wikipedia's workers revolt again

Wikipedia's workers are in uproar again, this time about the cash-rich Wikimedia Foundation giving itself "superpowers" to override community decisions. As a consequence of the ruckus, the head of engineering at the Foundation has had his community admin account suspended for a month on the German Wikipedia. It's another …
Andrew Orlowski, 18 Aug 2014

Tricked by satire? Get all your news from Facebook? You're in luck, dummy

Po-faced Facebook will slap "satire" tags on links shared by its users – to help users distinguish parody pieces from the real news. Flagging up links to send-up sites on Facebook's News Feed will remain an experiment for now, though. The tag only appears in a user's News Feed after they have clicked on, for example, an Onion …
Kelly Fiveash, 18 Aug 2014
Assange

Assange™: Hey world, I'M STILL HERE, ignore that Snowden guy

Head WikiLeaker Julian Assange™ has said he is planning to leave the Ecuadorian embassy "soon", but neglected to say exactly when. In a press conference arguably designed to satisfy Assange's need for global attention more than the world media's thirst for clues about his future plans, the WikiLeaks founder dodged questions on …
Jasper Hamill, 18 Aug 2014
channel_teaser_money_top

Top money men face up to 2 YEARS in slammer for neglecting to spot crim-cash activity

Senior managers at "money service businesses" face up to two years imprisonment and an unlimited fine if their neglect leads to money laundering or terrorist financing activities, HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC) has warned. In new guidance on its supervision of money services businesses under anti-money laundering rules (65-page/ …
OUT-LAW.COM, 18 Aug 2014
Lenovo

US regulators OK sale of IBM's x86 server biz to Lenovo

US regulators have given the thumbs-up to IBM's sale of its x86-based System x server business to China's Lenovo, Big Blue announced on Friday. "The approval of the $2.3 billion sale to Lenovo enables IBM to focus on system and software innovations that bring new kinds of value to IBM clients in areas such as cognitive computing …
Neil McAllister, 16 Aug 2014
Sprint CEO Marcelo Claure

New Sprint CEO says he will lower axe on staff – but prices come first

The new CEO of US mobile operator Sprint says he's planning aggressive moves to regain market share starting next week, but the big changes he has in mind will make job cuts unavoidable. According to a report by telecoms industry news site Light Reading, Marcelo Claure, Sprint's newly minted chief exec, told employees at a …
Neil McAllister, 15 Aug 2014
Smart home

Samsung slurps Internet of Home Stuff upstart SmartThings

Samsung is all set to slurp home automation platform SmartThings in another manoeuvre to prime the firm for the Internet of Stuff – if it should ever arrive. SmartThings is a platform that connects a range of consumer IoT devices for the house together into a smartphone app that works on iOS and Android. The company is a smart …
Ciscoblood

Cisco prepares to take $700m hit to make 6,000 layoffs

Cisco has said that it will be hit with $700m in charges in fiscal 2015 in the restructuring plan that will see the firm axe 6,000 employees. The company said in a regulatory filing that it expects to recognise around $250m to $350m of these charges in the first quarter of the next financial year and the rest throughout the year …

Intel teams up with rap chap 50 Cent on heartbeat headphones

The rapper 50 Cent has hooked up with Intel to get his headphone firm making kit for the health-tech wearables set. The pair plan to produce a set of cans which monitor vital stats at the same time as bombarding fit folks' ear drums. Following in the footsteps of the music producer turned Apple employee who self-identifies as " …
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014

Premier League wants to PURGE ALL FOOTIE GIFs from social media

The English Premier League is working to design new software which will stop piratical football fans uploading footage of goals to Vine or social media. It has apologised for being a "killjoy" after warning fans that spaffing images of goals all over the internet is a breach of copyright. Now it is developing software to search …
Jasper Hamill, 15 Aug 2014

eBay in talks with Bitcoin firms about payments processing

PayPal is reportedly in talks with Bitcoin firms to integrate the e-currency into its recently acquired Braintree payments system, according to the Wall Street Journal. eBay’s subsidiary has been chatting to Bitcoin facilitators like Coinbase about getting Braintree to accept the virtual cash, but has yet to reach any agreements …

You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

Something for the Weekend, Sir? On stage, the presenter barely pauses for breath as he shares his extraordinary knowledge with rapid-fire delivery. His audience is captivated, amazed, enthralled. Digital design students all, they are learning from a master of online retail what life is like at the cutting edge of user interaction, giving them a hint of the hi- …
Alistair Dabbs, 15 Aug 2014
Advanced English Dictionary

'Aaaah FFS, 'amazeballs' has made it into the OXFORD DICTIONARY'

QuoTW This was the week when so-called “sharing economy” car firms – more accurately “slightly different ways to turn a profit” car firms – Uber and Lyft got into a bit of a barney. Lyft told CNN that Uber staff were pranking the company out of profits by ordering rides and then cancelling them, as well as ordering Lyft services for a …

Orwell chap snaps in Amazon paperback claptrap yap rap

Amazon is under fire from George Orwell's estate for referencing the Nineteen Eighty-Four author in its legal battle with publishers. The web bazaar, while mired in a war of words with Hachette over book prices, invoked Orwell's name and cited comments made by the author at the dawn of paperback books. According to Amazon, …
Shaun Nichols, 14 Aug 2014
arrow pointing up

Lenovo posts an INCREASE in desktop PC and notebook sales

Lenovo, the world’s largest maker of PCs, saw its profits leap 24 per cent this spring. The China-based manufacturer reported first-quarter profits of $211m, compared to $170m for the year before. That was from revenue that jumped 18 per cent to £10.39bn. Earnings per share for the giant were up, from $1.65 to $2.03 for the …
Gavin Clarke, 14 Aug 2014
No Sale

NetApp: Revenues are down – but own brand kit wasn't to blame

Revenues down, profits up and no growth for three years: that's the picture from NetApp's first fiscal 2015 quarter results. The quarter finished on 25 July, and revenues were $1.49bn. They were $1.52bn a year ago, a 2 per cent fall, and $1.65bn in the previous quarter, 10 per cent less and a seasonal pattern. Net income for …
Chris Mellor, 14 Aug 2014
money trap conceptual illustration

Dodgy payday loan ads make up 83% of cases probed by UK's FCA

The majority of cases under investigation by the Financial Conduct Authority now involve online adverts for "cheap" credit services, the regulator has said. Some 80 per cent of the cases it has launched in the past four months involve firms that offer financial products over the internet or through mobile phones. All in all, …
Jasper Hamill, 14 Aug 2014
Fraud image

Dragons' Den man and co-CEO to work for FREE at loss-making Outsourcery

Outsourcery bosses Piers Linney and Simon Newton are relinquishing their salaries for the next 12 months in a bid to save the loss-making cloudy biz £500,000, the company told the stock market today. The desperate duo’s act is part of measures to find £4.5m in funds to keep the wolves from the door in the medium term, a move …
Paul Kunert, 14 Aug 2014
South Park: Stick of Truth

Totes AMAZEBALLS! Side boob, binge-watch and clickbait added to Oxford Dictionary

The Register is sad to report the rise of Web2.0rhea this morning, after the Oxford Dictionary added words such as tech-savvy, listicle and hyperconnected to its latest online addition. Clickbait, smartwatch, live-tweet and second screen also wheedled their way into the world's most famous lexicon. Oxford's editors explained …
Kelly Fiveash, 14 Aug 2014
frustration_anger_irritation_annoyance pain

Restatements HURT. Just ask global mega distie Tech Data how it's going for them

The world's second-largest wholesale distributor of technology products, services and solutions, Tech Data, was not the first firm to restate its financial results – and it may not be the last. But in a post-Enron world, with the associated heavy controls and accounting rules introduced after that massive accounts fraud scandal …
Felipe Costa, 14 Aug 2014
Columns of coins in the cloud

Hey, biz bods: OpenStack will be worth $3.3bn by 2018

OpenStack looks like it will inject some $3.3bn into the market by 2018, growing from $890m this year according to 451 Research's recent Open Stack Pulse 2014 report. Much of that (roughly 70 per cent) will be from public cloud providers like Rackspace and HP, but a fair amount will come from private cloud build-out. Unless …
Michael Cote, 14 Aug 2014

Avago divests another chunk of LSI to Intel

Fresh from its acquisition of LSI, Singapore-based Avago Corporation has carved out the Axxia network processor business and flogged it to Chipzilla for US$650 million. Axxia's silicon targets data centre networking applications with PowerPC and ARM architecture devices for switches and line cards. The company has around 650 …

Oz telco results season! Telstra booms, Optus slides

Telstra continues to gorge on the Australian telecommunications market at the expense of its competitors, leaving Optus with a focus on squeezing efficiencies out of its operations to stay profitable. The incumbent and number-two carrier have both announced financial results today, telling starkly different stories. Telstra's …
Ciscoblood

Cisco revenue dip means 6,000 staff to be de-assimilated

Facing rising competition, Cisco has announced another round of layoffs – 6,000 – in financial results that beat analyst expectations but were still flat. Presenting the company's latest quarter results, CEO John Chambers announced the latest round of layoffs, but was at least able to give a sliver of good news, with revenue …

Click on a Facebook ad on your mobe, then buy a thing on your PC ... Facebook remembers

Advertisers on global ad network Facebook can now pinpoint exactly which devices and computers people use to buy stuff through online ads. "Facebook already offers targeting, delivery and conversion measurement across devices. With the new cross-device report, advertisers are now able to view the devices on which people see ads …
Iain Thomson, 13 Aug 2014

Dead Steve Jobs sued by own shareholders in no-poach pact brouhaha

Apple is once again facing a lawsuit, this time from its own shareholders over its no-poaching-of-staff pacts with rivals. A lawsuit [PDF] filed in California's San Jose District Court earlier this week claims the Cupertino giant misled investors and damaged the value of the company by striking a fishy hiring agreement with …
Shaun Nichols, 13 Aug 2014
Zhang Xinzhu

Chinese regulator fires antitrust advisor over alleged kickbacks from Qualcomm

A Chinese academic has been booted from a government antitrust advisory committee amid allegations he accepted payouts from Qualcomm in exchange for giving testimony favorable to the company in an ongoing monopoly probe. State-run media outlet China News Service reported on Wednesday that Zhang Xinzhu, director of the Research …
Neil McAllister, 13 Aug 2014