Welcome indeed to El Reg's world-beating miniature coverage of the stories that really matter - and quite a few that really don't, to be honest...
The shock truth of what really went down at LAX
Randy Brit tourist caught hanging from stairs
Todger, ring, firemen, camera, lights, action...
New photographic evidence blows lid on massive cover-up
Euro debt crisis explained in miniature
Exclusive What really went down at the faceful-of-pie hearing
NSFW We make the effort, so you don't have to
NSFW How to get it on in these high-risk times
Handy Reg step-by-step guide to achieving enlightenment
El Reg calculates the true strength of Henry's forces
Exclusive preview of international poster campaign
Tragic end to school inferno re-enactment?
Drunken Welshmen cop a pink pasting
FoTW Tehran-bound mini-WMDs fail to impress
Overheated conscript caught on camera
Shock sequence captures cyclist molestation
Exclusive snap of mindless fancy dress violence
Our man braves London's riot-ravaged streets
Exclusive snaps of Manhattan mayhem
Exclusive snaps from Vulture Central's Hans Beck bash
What really went down in Lincolnshire
Exclusive pics of Peterborough packaging pandemonium
RoTM NRA operative survives TX4 ambush
White-knuckle rollercoaster of a movie in prospect
NSFW 'Twas on the good ship Venus...
Rights? You don't have any rights
Woof, woof, bang, thud
Armed apparel supression team tackles terrorist threat
Lesbians lick Lesbians in dramatic beach landing
NSFW Happy birthday, Mr President?
The Register has this afternoon obtained shock photographic evidence of what happens if British Airways mislays your luggage and you decide to kick up a fuss about it:
For those of you who are having difficulty fully comprehending the fearful chaos inside Heathrow's new Terminal 5, inaugurated this week amid the kind of anarchy which only BAA can really pull off, we're delighted to offer this afternoon our representation of the scenes inside the building as enraged passengers storm the security gates in the vain hope that armed action might reunite them with their luggage: