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Flying Scotsman attacked by drone

Chilling evidence has emerged of trainspotters deploying drone hordes after a UAV collided with the rear carriage of the Flying Scotsman over the weekend. The legendary locomotive - which recently steamed out of a £4.2m refurbishment - was travelling on the North Yorkshire Moors Railway (NYMR) last Sunday afternoon when …
Lester Haines, 17 Mar 2016
Chipotle Burrito

Judge roasts Chipotle for firing guy who grilled bean counters on Twitter

A US judge says fast-food "burrito" chain Chipotle broke US labor laws by sacking an employee after he trashed his bosses on Twitter. The court sided with James Kennedy of Havertown, Pennsylvania, in his wrongful termination suit. Judge Susan A Flynn awarded back pay and forced Chipotle to offer to re-hire Kennedy, 38, who has …
Shaun Nichols, 17 Mar 2016
Bird strike

FAA's 'drone smash risk to aircraft' is plane crazy

US government officials' grave warnings that drones could cause a disaster above the nation's airports are overstated, a study by George Mason University has found. We're told birds are a much bigger threat to aircraft than folks' unmanned aerial systems (UASs). "We estimate that 6.12 x 10−6 collisions will cause damage to an …
Iain Thomson, 16 Mar 2016
Signpost saying Happy Sad

Bloody Danes top world happiness league

If you're feel a bit glum, then get yourself off to Denmark, which has secured top spot in the 2016 World Happiness Report. Based on responses to the Gallup World Poll, in which people were asked to rate their existence on a scale of one to 10, the Danes scored a heart-warming 7.526. Switzerland was only marginally less happy …
Lester Haines, 16 Mar 2016
Cigarette by cc 2.0 attribution generic

Want to kick butts? Go cold turkey

Those attempting to give up smoking have a better chance of success if they quit "abruptly", rather than attempting a "gradual cessation". That's the conclusion of a study of 697 adult English smokers with "tobacco addiction", who either went cold turkey or "reduced smoking gradually by 75 per cent in the 2 weeks before …
Lester Haines, 15 Mar 2016
Coffee cups image via Shutterstock

Brits shun nightclubs and CD-ROMs for lemons, coffee and woman’s leggings

Modern Britons would rather sit at home in a pair of lady’s leggings quaffing Baileys, downloading computer games and sucking lemons than grab a ham roll down the pub before going to a nightclub. At least that’s the image suggested by the latest rejig of the shopping basket of goods and services that the Office for National …
Joe Fay, 15 Mar 2016
Luke Bannister

Brit teen bags $250,000 in first World Drone Prix

Pics and video A 15-year-old schoolboy from the UK has won a first prize of US$250,000 (£175,000) after besting 31 other pilots at the first World Drone Prix in Dubai. Drone racing track in Dubai Racers, start your rotors Luke Bannister, pilot for the Tornado X-Blades Banni UK, beat home team Dubai Drone Tek into second place, by racing …
Iain Thomson, 15 Mar 2016

German lodges todger in 13 steel rings

A Munich man has set what may prove an unassailable record for the number of steel rings lodged on a penis after presenting himself at a local hospital with no less than 13 engorgement aids encircling his swollen member. Die Welt explains that the unnamed 52-year-old had endured four days of entrapment when he rolled up at …
Lester Haines, 10 Mar 2016

Woz waxwork weady to woll

Woz is going wax. An effigy of everyone's favorite geek will be officially unveiled at Comic Con in San Jose later this month and then moved to the Madame Tussauds in San Francisco's Fisherman's Wharf. The Apple co-founder was the winner of a poll last year – beating out Elon Musk, George Lucas, Larry Page, Sheryl Sandberg …

London cops hunt chimpanzee in top hat

London's finest have issued an appeal for help in tracing a chimpanzee in a top hat, which was last seen in the company of a menagerie including a sloth, a giraffe, a penguin and a couple of lions. According to the Met, the sinister creature was one 18 stuffed animals lifted from a warehouse in Wandsworth last Tuesday in a …
Lester Haines, 9 Mar 2016

US chap sharpens paradigm-busting scissors

The list of what the Romans ever did for us is impressive indeed, and apparently includes taking time between building aqueducts and making wine to invent the pivoting scissors, in around 100AD. What the Romans unforgivably didn't ever do, though, was crack just how to cut wire mesh with scissors without doing yourself some …
Lester Haines, 9 Mar 2016

Austrian mayor spunks €40k on virgin-eating dragon

Logowatch The mayor of the Austrian city of Klagenfurt is taking a bit of a shoeing for spunking €40,000 on a "meaningless" municipal rebrand. According to The Local, Maria-Luise Mathiaschitz of the Sozialdemokratische Partei Österreichs (SPÖ) is under the cosh for hiring Strategy Boutique Smuck, Royer & Die Eins to reimagine the city's …
Lester Haines, 9 Mar 2016

Is there anything left to ask Bill Gates? (Other than gissus a million?)

One of the things about being the world's richest man and also one of the most famous is that people tend to be interested in the minutiae of your life and in just about every thought you express. And so it is, with him recently hitting his 60th birthday, we are forced to ask: is there anything left to ask Bill Gates? On …

What a pair of ace-holes: Crooks bug gambler's car with GPS tracker, follow him and rob him

A couple of crooks planted a GPS tracking device on a gambler's car so they could follow him home and rob him at gunpoint. According to cops in Montgomery County, Maryland, the two thieves clocked the man at a casino in nearby Baltimore, tracked him home over 50 miles, and then robbed the house six days later. The pair of …
Shaun Nichols, 8 Mar 2016

Clive Sinclair Vega+ tin-rattle hits £300,000

Sir Clive Sinclair has tin-rattled his way to a wallet-bulging £300,000 towards production of the Sinclair ZX Spectrum Vega+, just three weeks after launching his Indiegogo fundraising campaign. The Vega+ is enthusiastically described as "the world's only hand-held LCD games console with 1,000 licensed games inside that can …
Lester Haines, 8 Mar 2016
Juvenile Bald Eagle

Electrified bird bum bomb shuts down US nuclear power plant

In a bizarre turns of events, a large bird shut down a nuclear power plant after it crapped on vital equipment. The Indian Point Energy Center runs two nuclear reactors in south New York state. It emerged this week that on December 14, the plant went into emergency shutdown after a power surge in its transmission lines. …
Iain Thomson, 5 Mar 2016

Brit firm unleashes drone-busting net cannon

As the world's skies darken with drones, a British firm reckons it's come up with the ultimate solution to the UAV flying menace: the mighty SkyWall100 handheld net-firing cannon. According to OpenWorks Engineering, SkyWall is "a combination of a compressed gas powered smart launcher and an intelligent programmable projectile …
Lester Haines, 4 Mar 2016

Dirty data: Tech-heavy Thames Valley scores big in adultery index

The UK’s tech hotspots have made a shockingly prominent showing in an adultery website’s list of the most adulterous towns in the UK – though some, thankfully, showed a dramatic slippage in extra-curricular activity compared to last year. Adultery site Illicit Encounter has helpfully applied a bit of big data magic to its …
Team Register, 3 Mar 2016

Spanish cops discover illegally parked flying car

Cops on the island of Gran Canaria have sensationally discovered evidence of super-advanced hot hatch technology in the form of a flying Daewoo Matiz. Las Palmas police were called in to investigate the illegally parked vehicle on Monday, and reported: "This is what they call 'high-class parking'." A fireman scales a ladder …
Lester Haines, 2 Mar 2016
Toilet roll printed with fake US $100 bills

Bill Gates can’t give it away... Still crazy rich after all these years

Tech billionaires dominate the upper reaches of the Forbes Rich list this year, which proves that while he’s good at many things, Bill Gates just ain’t cutting it at throwing away cash. Gates came in top again, with a whopping $75bn fortune. The second spot is taken by Zara boss Amancio Ortega, with $67bn, while Warren Buffett …
Joe Fay, 2 Mar 2016

Schlock and .aw as Dutch net registry rebrands

LOGOWATCH Admit it, for years you've regarded the Dutch net registrar SIDN as a "fairly conservative organisation", concerned mainly with administering the .nl domain. Well, we've got news for you, because Stichting Internet Domeinregistratie Nederland, to trumpet its full title, has actually evolved into a "dynamic enterprise", whose …
Lester Haines, 1 Mar 2016
Johnny Cab

Google robo-car backs into bendy-bus in California

Alphabet has filed an accident report with the California Department of Motor Vehicles, in which it says one of its autonomous cars had a low-speed bingle with a bendy-bus. The report says its self-driving kitted-up Lexus found itself baulked by sandbags at an intersection. The car “was travelling in autonomous mode eastbound …

Intravenous hangover clinics don't work, could land you in hospital

Australia's health authorities have started cracking down on “hangover clinics” after someone's morning-after quick fix landed them in hospital. New South Wales Health kicked off the investigation over the weekend, ordering the Sydney operation to close after a visitor to the clinic was taken to St Vincent's Hospital …

Dead Steve Jobs owed $174 by San Francisco parking ticket wardens

Steve Jobs is owed $174 by San Francisco parking attendants. It's not just the deceased co-founder of Apple either. PayPal co-founder and Facebook investor Peter Thiel is owed $170; Napster co-founder and Facebook's first president Sean Parker $320; Salesforce's Marc Benioff $94. But top of the pile comes, ironically, CEO of …
Kieren McCarthy, 26 Feb 2016
The Pasadena Rose Bowl

California methane well leak filled a Rose Bowl a day

We're delighted to report that has adopted the "Rose Bowl" standard for quantifying improbably large amounts of gas. In this report on the Aliso Canyon gas well blow-out which spewed vast quantities of methane into the Californian atmosphere, before finally being capped on 11 February, the website explains that at the …
Lester Haines, 26 Feb 2016

Brit brewer opensources entire recipe archive

Scottish brewer BrewDog has agreeably released its entire recipe back catalogue, encompassing the 215 beers developed during its almost 10-year history. From humble home-brewing origins, James Watt and Martin Dickie have grown BrewDog to an international craft beer operation. Along the way, they've claimed the "world's …
Lester Haines, 26 Feb 2016

My devil-possessed smartphone tried to emasculate me

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My left testicle is bruised. Next to me, my wife is looking at me with a surprised expression. Once the stars fade from my eyes, I realise I have just screamed out loud like a little girl. Given what had just happened to my testicles, I almost became a little girl. I really must try to remember to adjust the position of my …
Alistair Dabbs, 26 Feb 2016

Barking spider prompts Spanish clan shoot-out

An exchange of air biscuits between two men prompted a shoot-out between rival Spanish Roma clans in the city of Torrent, Valencia, on Sunday night, which left three cuffed and four injured, two of them with bullet wounds. According to local news outlet Información, the ruckus kicked off in the street shortly before midnight …
Lester Haines, 25 Feb 2016
Yawning Cat by Johnc24 at Flickr, CC-20 License at

This program can detect if you're bored – which is going to make annoying ads, articles so much more annoying

Scientists at the University of Sussex, UK, have developed computer software that monitors the movements of the user to tell if they are bored with what's on the screen. The code works by measuring non-instrumental movements, the involuntary twitches and tics we all make subconsciously. If someone is mentally engaged with what …
Iain Thomson, 25 Feb 2016

Carolina cop cuffed for 'carjacking'

A former South Carolina cop has been arrested and charged with "Misconduct in Office" after allegedly pleasuring himself in his patrol car while eyeballing smut on his mobe. According to WISTV, Marshall Lee Hardin was in his vehicle next to Woodward Park in Camden, some 40km northeast of state capital Columbia, when he decided …
Lester Haines, 24 Feb 2016
Rubber gloves. Pic: How can I recycle this

Prison butt dialler finally off-hold after 12-day anal retention marathon

Australian prisoner Constantine “Kon” Gergiou's protestations that an object detected in his innards was a metal fragment left after surgery have been proven false, after he yesterday passed a mobile phone. Georgiou is a convicted triple murderer, having been found guilty of doing away with three members of a rival motorcycle …
Simon Sharwood, 24 Feb 2016
Airplane! Egg scene

Plane food sees pilot grounded by explosive undercarriage

Australia's Transport Safety Bureau has published a study analysing incidents that incapacitated pilots in flight and found that gastrointestinal issues were the runaway leader. The study only covers Australian incidents between 2010 and 2014, producing a sample size of 113 incidents at a rate of one each 34,000 commercial …
Simon Sharwood, 23 Feb 2016

Ukraine has a Eurovision pop at Russia

Ukraine looks set to put the Boom Bang-a-Bang back into the Eurovision Song Contest with a jolly ditty about Stalin's forced relocation of Crimean Tatars. According to the BBC, chanteuse Jamala's 1944 is "about the tragedy that befell her great-grandmother, when the dictator sent 240,000 Tatars on crowded trains to barren …
Lester Haines, 22 Feb 2016

German mayor's browser tabs catch him with trousers down

A German mayor has been left red faced after he posted online a screenshot of his browser without noticing open window tabs with adult material. Thomas Köppl grabbed the screenshot on his iPad with his main browser window showing a Wikipedia page about the German Constitution and posted it on his Facebook page as part of a …
Kieren McCarthy, 20 Feb 2016

No tit for tat, or should that be tat for tit ... Women selling stuff on eBay get lower bids

It's no secret that women tend to be paid less than men across many professions, and now researchers say the pay gap even extends to goods sold online. A pair of academics in Israel studying eBay auction results over a three-year period found that when selling the same items, both new and used, female sellers got a lower …
Shaun Nichols, 20 Feb 2016

Solution to tech bros' disgust of SF homeless people launched

Satire A radical augmented reality (AR) solution to the appalling problem of tech bros having to see people less fortunate than themselves on the streets of San Francisco has been launched. CLEANR is the brainchild of SF resident Jon Adams and uses wearable tech to effectively delete undesirable people from your view. Adams explains …
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Feb 2016

Loved one just died? Pah, that's nothing

It's said that the most stressful situations a human being can suffer are the death of a loved one, divorce, moving house, a major illness and losing your job. We might add to that living in Syria and, if mobe outfit Ericsson is to be believed, enduring a "time-to-content delay" when attempting to eyeball a vid on your phone …
Lester Haines, 19 Feb 2016

El Reg blows chow down at

While checking out some exercise options in inner London, as you do, we stumbled across a class devoted to resistance stretching, and whatever on God's green earth that is, its website URL suggests you'd be well advised to have a bucket handy. Welcome indeed to or "just", as our auto-correct insists on …
Drew Cullen, 19 Feb 2016
Rubber gloves. Pic: How can I recycle this

Triple-murderer prisoner keeps mobile phone in his butt for a week

An inmate of an Australian jail is on hunger strike in order to retain possession of a mobile phone he's kept inside his anus for up to a week. The inmate is believed to be Kon Georgiou, a convicted triple-murderer doing a long stretch inside Goulburn Jail's “Super Max” unit. That facility is reserved for the worst of the …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Feb 2016

Oz town suffers hairy panic attack

The good burghers of Wangaratta in rural Victoria are battling to reclaim their town from a nasty "hairy panic" attack which has seen their homes engulfed by an invading army of massed tumbleweed. According to 7 News, residents' homes have been smothered by the wandering seed heads of Panicum effusum, aka hairy panic - a …
Lester Haines, 18 Feb 2016
Boeing 737 Max

Pilot posts detailed MS Flight Sim video of how to land Boeing 737

Vid An actual airline pilot has posted a how-to video explaining the best way to land a Boeing 737. Commercial pilot Tim Morgan responded to a question posed on Q&A site Quora. “What should I do if the pilot passes out and I (with no flight training) have to land the plane?”, the question asks. Morgan's answer is footage from …
Simon Sharwood, 18 Feb 2016
New Monopoly game

New Monopoly version features an Automatic Teller Machine

Iconic vulture capitalism trainer family-friendly property trading game Monopoly has adopted an automatic teller machine in a new edition of the game. Monopoly’s had a cash-free version since about 2014, when players were offered credit cards that, when inserted into a custom device, credited them with new cash for going …
Team Register, 17 Feb 2016