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Studio shot of LEGO minifigure Batman and Superman standing by a water cooler with drinks. Copyright: cjmacer Editorial Credit: cjmacer / Shutterstock.com Editorial Use Only.

Batman v Superman leads Razzie nominations

This year’s Razzie nominations - celebrating the worst that Hollywood has to offer - are in, with Zoolander No. 2 and Batman v Superman leading the pack with the most nominations. The crop of cinematic crap that make up the candidates for the 37th Annual Golden Raspberry (Razzie) Awards also features Dirty Grandpa, Gods of …
John Leyden, 24 Jan 2017

Make America, wait, what again? US Army may need foreign weapons to keep up

Making America great again may require foreign-made weapon systems, a possibility that would contravene the Trump administration's stated goal to "buy American and hire American." A Congressional Research Service (CRS) report published last week, "Selected Foreign Counterparts of U.S. Army Ground Combat Systems and …
Thomas Claburn, 23 Jan 2017
Will Wheaton circa 1990. Editorial use only

Annoyingly precocious teen who ruined Trek is now an asteroid

Actor Asteroid 391257, who rose to prominence for playing annoyingly precocious teen Starfleet member Wesley Crusher in Star Trek: The Next Generation, now has an asteroid named after him. Wheaton has gone on to earn a respected place in SciFi fandom, largely escaping fan ire about the Crusher character who even by the Trek …
Simon Sharwood, 22 Jan 2017

Seven pet h8s: Verity is sorely vexed

Stob Peter Wayner, a tech columnist, claims to have identified the seven most vexing problems in programming. According to his subheadings, these are: multithreading, closures, "too big data", np-completeness, security, encryption and identity management. Such lists are constructed to be disputed. Game on. To start with, Mr Wayner' …
Verity Stob, 20 Jan 2017

My hole is a private thing – see for yourself

Something for the Weekend, Sir? My neighbours are staring at my hole and shaking their heads disapprovingly. They were a little surprised to receive my invitation to view my orifice, and it may not be as big as theirs, but I needed their advice on how to fill it. The problem with this particular pothole is that it’s directly at the end of my drive at the …
Alistair Dabbs, 20 Jan 2017
Ferret

Assange reverse-ferrets on promise to fly to US post-Manning clemency

If US investigators were hoping WikiLeaks boss Julian Assange would be deliver himself into their hands, then they are due for a disappointment. Last Thursday, WikiLeaks tweeted that the longest-staying guest in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London would allow American prosecutors to extradite him if President Obama issued …
Iain Thomson, 20 Jan 2017
Donald Trump thumbs up photo via Shutterstock

Lord of the Dance set to deliver high kicks at Trump’s big ball

Fears that Donald Trump inauguration will be more winalot than Camelot have abated, with the news that renowned trad Irish hoofer Michael Flatley will parachute in his Lord of the Dance troupe to Friday’s virtually celeb-free inauguration. Barack Obama attracted the likes of Aretha Franklin, YoYo Ma, James Taylor and Kelly …
Clodagh Doyle, 19 Jan 2017
Photo by Cat Walker / Shutterstock

Zuck off: Facebook's big kahuna sues Hawaiians to kick 'em off their land

Updated Facebook boss Mark Zuckerberg is suing dozens of families in Hawaii to force them to give up land they've owned for generations. The Honolulu Star Advertiser reports that the Zuck's secluded sanctuary on the garden island of Kauai is at the heart of court proceedings between islanders and the billionaire exec who, by the way, …
Shaun Nichols, 19 Jan 2017
Mozilla's new logo for 2017

Meet 'Moz://a', AKA Mozilla after it picked a new logo

LOGOWATCH When Mozilla floated new logo designs last August The Reg polled readers to ask which of the eight candidates you felt would best represent the open sourcerers. You picked the design we named "Remind me again which one is the backslash and which one is a forwardslash?" And so did Mozilla, which has now announced that the logo …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Jan 2017
Illustration of a "bitcoin" dissolving into numbers. Photo by SHutterstock

Blockchain: A digital 'golden section' that's the 'gestalt of its pieces'

Logowatch From the world of fintech comes some momentous news. "We're excited to announce the next phase in the evolution of our brand: our new logo," writes Blockchain founder Peter Smith. Who? Blockchain, the company that's "on a mission to build an open, accessible and fair financial future, one piece of software at a time". If you' …
Andrew Orlowski, 18 Jan 2017
Toilet with smiling loo paper

Japan's terrifying techno-toilets will be made foreigner friendly, vow makers

Japan’s electronic toilet-makers have vowed to clean up the baffling symbols on their techno-khazis so anyone can crimp one off in the Land of the Rising Sun “with peace of mind”. Kitamura Yen of the Japan Rest Room Industry Association said, in a statement on that august organisation’s website, that the industry had decided …
Gareth Corfield, 18 Jan 2017
Peter Thiel

Trump fan Peter Thiel 'considering' CA Terminator role*

Peter Thiel, the only tech billionaire to back Donald Trump, is reported to be considering a run for governor of California. The PayPal co-founder and early Facebook investor is reported by Politico to be considering the move, according to unnamed Republican Party sources. If the reports are true, Thiel would be the third …
Gavin Clarke, 16 Jan 2017
Scrooge McDuck

Tech moguls dominate Oxfam's rich people Hateful 8

Five of the world's eight fattest fat cats, whose collective wealth equals that of the world's 3.6 billion poorest people – according to a new report by Oxfam – are technology billionaires. Leading the pack is the charity-committed Bill Gates, with $75bn he's honestly trying to get rid of. Carlos Slim Helú has a net worth of $ …

Flight 666 lands safely in HEL on Friday the 13th

Finnish flag carrier Finnair has successfully flown the devil to hell on Friday the 13th. Finnair flies a daily AY666 service from Copenhagen to Helsinki and operated the flight as usual last week, on Friday, January 13th, 2017. But sharp-eyed aerosexuals noticed that the plane departed gate 13 at Københavns Lufthavn, Kastrup …
Simon Sharwood, 15 Jan 2017
A handful of euro 1 cent coins

Mr Angry pays taxman with five wheelbarrows worth of loose change

Reg Standards Bureau There are supposedly two certainties in life – death and taxes – and while we've never seen death by wheelbarrow, Nick Stafford from Cedar Buff, Virginia, has sorted us out on the latter. Stafford had got into a dispute with the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) and, seemingly displeased by how difficult it was to contact the …
A man jumping off a cliff

Now that's a Blue Screen of Death: Windows 10 told me to jump off a cliff

Pic By now, Windows 10 users have grown accustomed to the photos and inspirational quotes from Microsoft adorning their lock screens. Usually, they are just pleasant landscape or architecture pics, with a randomly selected line or two of text to accompany them. Other times, however, they can be a bit unnerving. For Reg reader …
Shaun Nichols, 13 Jan 2017

Clone wars: Wrestler sues Microsoft over Gears of War character

A former football player, professional wrestler, and motivational speaker is suing Microsoft, claiming an iconic character in Redmond's Gears of War game ripped off his likeness. Lenwood "Hard Rock" Hamilton claims that he provided photos and voice recordings in 2005 for the character who would become Augustus "Cole Train" …
Shaun Nichols, 12 Jan 2017
Terry Pratchett

Terry Pratchett's self-written documentary to be broadcast in 2017

The BBC has announced that it will this year broadcast Terry Pratchett's last story: His own. Sir Terry's Alzheimer's prevented him from finishing this work, but the BBC has completed its "poignant and humorous documentary" to tell the tale of the creator of the Discworld series of fantasy novels, whose books have sold over 85 …

AWS, you crack us up. Rebrands Westminster 'Webminster'

LogoWatch Confused commuters disembarked at Westminster tube this morning to discover the station at the seat of power had been rebranded "Webminster" in a "hilarious" guerilla marketing campaign by Amazon Web Services. The one-day rebrand is part of AWS's re:Start training programme intended to educate folk on the latest software …
Kat Hall, 12 Jan 2017
Assange

Weaky-leaks: Furious fans roast Assange in web interview from hell

Video WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was blasted by fans during a live online Q&A – after he, for once in his life, refused to disclose information. The nearly five-year resident of the Ecuadorian embassy in London hopped onto Reddit's Ask Me Anything discussion board where netizens pose questions and the most popular ones rise to …
Iain Thomson, 12 Jan 2017
Cherry bakewell... thick white icing, maraschino cherry. A lot of people probably eat it without a problem or even consider it tasty. Photo by shutterstock

Crumbs. Exceedingly good cakes, meat dressing price hike in wake of the Brexit

Life is about to get more expensive for anyone in Britain that favours a French Fancy, an Angel Slice or indeed any other “exceedingly good” cake from a certain baker. The sad (for some) news reaches El Reg that Premier Foods, the parent of Mr Kipling, is poised to hike prices to retailers. “The situation on pricing differs …
Paul Kunert, 10 Jan 2017
Bodybuilder, image by jumpingsack via Shutterstock

Let's go ARM wrestling with an SEO link spammer

Many times a week we get emails from SEO link spamming bunnies asking us to add links to Reg stories, often many years old. We always say no - and mark as spam. Some get it hilariously wrong: here is an example from today’s mail-bag, inspired by our August 2016 article entitled "Little ARMs pump 2,048-bit muscles in training …
Drew Cullen, 10 Jan 2017
birthday

Happy 20th birthday to the RADIUS RFC

January 2017 marks the twentieth year since the birth of an important Internet Request for Comment – a then-new way to account for customer's use of their then dial-up services. It's been around for so long, El Reg would bet most people would need Google to tell them what RADIUS stands for – Remote Authentication Dial-in User …
Cat in tupperware image via Shutterstock

Man jailed for 3 days after Texas cops confuse cat litter for meth

Spare a thought for Ross LeBeau, who spent three days in jail when Texas cops confused cat litter for methamphetamine during a routine traffic stop. Although LeBeau has since been released without charge, he claims to have lost work as a result of the arrest, and is upset at the damage to his reputation. The Houston man had …
Runner photo, via Shutterstock

Slim pickings by the Biggest Loser: A year of fitness wearables

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Welcome back. Did you manage to take some time off over the Christmas holiday or were you (figuratively) chained to a (virtual) roomful of (literally) overheating blades? Either way, count yourself lucky simply for making it through to 2017 with your heart still beating. You are among the only humans left alive, after all, and …
Alistair Dabbs, 06 Jan 2017

Forget aircraft – now cretins are laser-blinding ferry boat crewmen

The Washington State Ferry service, on the US west coast, appears to have some high-tech enemies: a series of laser attacks have been fired at pilots on the craft that serve Seattle's Elliott Bay and the surrounding locales. On New Year's Eve the captain and the first mate of the ferry Tacoma were temporarily unsighted when …
Iain Thomson, 05 Jan 2017
Reader provided snap - lost drone. Photo by Brian Gannon

Hapless scouser scours streets for lost Crimble drone

Pic If your heart sinks every time you see a badly photocopied picture of a missing cat, we’ve got some good news. They’re about to be replaced by far better quality pics of missing drones. Photo by Brian Gannon Reg reader Brian Gannon spotted this (rather well produced) flyer outside his local Tesco superstore in Liverpool, UK …
Clodagh Doyle, 05 Jan 2017
Assange

Assange confirmed alive, tells Fox: Prez Obama 'acting like a lawyer'

Julian Assange has been interviewed for the first time in months, putting to bed rumours he'd been kidnapped, while also disputing claims that Russia contributed to WikiLeaks' offerings during the US Presidential election. In a half-hour extract of an interview with Fox News's Sean Hannity, Assange tackled allegations that it …
soylent-like substance Huel... Photo by Edward Martinson

My fortnight eating Blighty's own human fart-powder

The very phrase "food substitute" is enough to strike fear into the hearts of the Full-English loving workforce, and perhaps rightly so. Way back in the summer of 2013, former Reg man Jack Clark took one for the team by surviving on nothing but Soylent for seven nightmarish days and wrote up his experiences so that others …

Vinyl and streaming sales offset CD decline in UK music sales

Vinyl sales, which reached a 25-year high, and a continued increase in streaming offset decline in CD sales as music consumption rose last year, according to official music industry figures. Figures from the BPI out Tuesday show UK music consumption rose 1.5 per cent last year to reach 123 million albums. A total of 45 billion …
John Leyden, 03 Jan 2017
Amazon.com's new drone

Amazon files patent for 'Death Star' flying warehouse

In an image straight out of a dystopian consumerist vision of the future, Amazon has filed a patent for a huge flying warehouses equipped with fleets of drones for airborne drops. The patent describes the airborne fulfillment center (AFC) as an airship that could remain at a high altitude, at around 45,000 feet, with a fleet …
Kat Hall, 29 Dec 2016
Lester poses with the Vulture 2

The Life and Times of Lester Haines

Obit "So what are going to say about him now that he’s gone? Are you going to say he was a good man? Will you be saying he was a happy man?...  Fuck no." Lester Haines: 1960-2016 Lester Haines was born in London in September 1960, and was the eldest of five: he had three brothers and a sister. He was named in honour of Lester …
John Oates, 27 Dec 2016
Theresa May photo by Frederic Legrand COMEO via Shutterstock

What gifts did ol' kitten heels May get this year?

Working out what to get anyone for Christmas is tricky, so you can be forgiven for falling back on broad stereotypes. A drill for dad. Perfume for the girlfriend. Wirecutters for BOFH. Spare a thought then for the ministerial gifts given to Prime Minister Theresa May, in the quarterly returns published this week. What do you …
Kat Hall, 22 Dec 2016
Rebel helmet Rogue One Russian poster

How Rogue One's Imperial stormtroopers SAVED Star Wars and restored order

It’s on: the fight over Rogue One or Force Awakens. Which was better? Which has the best bad character - is it calculating Commander Orson Krennic or bratty Kylo Ren? The better Death Star? Best action sequences? Droids? Haul up a chair, grab a drumstick: heads down for the sci-fi nerd Christmas lunch showdown. Sure, blast …
Gavin Clarke, 22 Dec 2016
softcat's christmas card - with comedy NSFW sash added by El Reg.

Softcat centrefolds wrap up for charity

Under the weight of customer demand - we presume - the powers that be at London-listed reseller Softcat this year agreed to not appear naked in the Christmas digital greetings card. A year ago, CEO Martin Hellawell and MD Colin Brown, along with six other directors, bared all to raise thousands of pounds for the fantastically …
Paul Kunert, 21 Dec 2016
A brick tunnel

Elon Musk wants to get into the boring business, literally

Elon Musk has fired off a series of Tweets suggesting he wants to get into the boring business. As in boring tunnels. The serial entrepreneur seems to have been stuck in traffic and decided the best way to get out of it, in the long term, is to do what he does best: start a company to dig into the problem from a different …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Dec 2016

Santa's sleigh gets 21st century makeover

NSF Kids Santa is going to get* a turbo charged helper this Xmas in the form a of the GS-900 gadget sleigh. For a cool £199,995 excluding VAT, Santa’s new metal bastard could be assembled to include GPS, a convertible roof, hybrid powered rocket boosters, heated seats, parking sensors and a chimney cam. If there’s enough interest in …
Paul Kunert, 16 Dec 2016
Funnel of cash. Credit: via SXC – http://www.sxc.hu/profile/Leonardini

Will Wikipedia honour Jimbo's promise to STOP chugging?

Will Wikipedia halt its guilt-inducing appeals for cash, as Jimmy Wales promised it would, once it reaches its fundraising goal for this year? This week the Wikimedia Foundation smashed through the $25m target it had set for its "December sprint" – with a full 15 days of the month left. On December 3, Wiki’s globetrotting …
Andrew Orlowski, 16 Dec 2016
Meat pie floating in space. photo composed of several shutterstock images

Meat pies in SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Pie-lovers were given a novel but unrecommended way to freeze a meaty delight this week by sending the little beauty into space*. Youtube Video The meat and potato pastry parcel - still in its tin case - was tethered to a helium balloon and dispatched from mission control in a pub car park in Roby Mill, Wigan. Bods at the …
Paul Kunert, 16 Dec 2016

Not OK Google: Tree-loving family turns down Page and pals' $7m

It seems that there is something that Google can't buy, beg or steal: a small piece of land right in the heart of its Silicon Valley campus. Like real-life versions of Up's Carl Fredricksen, the Martinelli family refuse to sell their one-acre lot even though the tech giant has offered $7m for it in order to expand its …
Kieren McCarthy, 15 Dec 2016
A British Army Watchkeeper drone lands at Parc Aberporth. Crown copyright

Poor software design led to second £1m Army spy drone crash

An Army Watchkeeper drone flown by the Royal Artillery crashed on landing after its crew selected the self-flying craft’s “master override” function, according to the official report into the accident. Thales Watchkeeper drone WK006 flopped into the runway at Boscombe Down airfield in November 2015 when its two-man crew, …
Gareth Corfield, 15 Dec 2016
Monopoly photo via Shutterstock

WINNER! Crush your loved ones at Connect Four this Christmas

With Christmas Day within sight, it’s time to dust off your Monopoly set and concentrate on your Settler’s strategy. Or, maybe, consider some new board-game purchases. It’s not just me caught up in this wave of nostalgia – venerated institution the Victoria and Albert Museum is hosting a major board game retrospective. Of late, …
Lucy Orr, 15 Dec 2016

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