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Super Bowl's SUPER BALLSUP: CBS broadcasts Wi-Fi password

The Super Bowl's security nerve centre was billed as a "secret, first of its kind" unit. But that claim was kicked into touch out of bounds after CBS accidentally screened the base's Wi-Fi password. CBS show This Morning was screening a report on the super strict security operation when the camera panned across the room to …
Jasper Hamill, 4 Feb 2014

El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

(Editorial note: We at The Register are continually exploring ways to deliver content in new and exciting formats. In response to the growing online trend for undemanding, text-light stuff with loads of big pictures, we're delighted to announce the launch of BuzzFelch - an automated aggregator which trawls the internet in search …
Lester Haines, 31 Jan 2014

Language-mangling Germans fling open Handygate to selfie-snapping whistleblowers

The suffix "-Gate" has been honoured as the German language's "Anglicism of the Year", having recently resurged in Germany more than 40 years after the Watergate scandal spawned the popular, if awkward, English tack-on. -Gate saw off strong competition from "Whistleblower", "Hashtag", "Fake" and, inevitably, the celebrated " …
Lester Haines, 30 Jan 2014
TX4 Black Cab

Google patents ROBO-TAXIS to ferry punters into advertiser's shops, restaurants, etc for free

What's holding you back from online shopping? Not being to touch or test drive the thing you desire before splashing the cash? What if someone were to drive you to the store, dealership or wherever, to seal the deal for free? Great idea, huh? Well, Google just patented it. The web ad kingpin, which designs self-driving cars and …
Shaun Nichols, 28 Jan 2014
Terminator postal worker

Robots? What a bunch of workers...

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Robots have taken over my newsagent. Well, it’s more of a general store than a traditional sweet shop, I suppose. Also, the mecha infiltration so far seems limited to the tiny Post Office counter situated between the beyond-sell-by-date tinned produce and the freezer chest full of Captain’s Table gag-fests. Yet it’s from such …
Alistair Dabbs, 24 Jan 2014

'I don't understand why they feel like they own the word CANDY'

Quotw This was the week when remote access app LogMeIn pulled its free version, uniting freeboards in a resounding cry of "Hell no! We don't pay for stuff on the internet!" The app may not have had quite the poor reception to its announcement of going from free to not-free if it hadn't a) been providing its service gratis for TEN …
A tattoo with probable syntax error

Developers: Behold the bug NOBODY can fix

A developer going by the name Spydon has done something very silly: the tattoo he requested of some code contains an error. Spydon details his problem here at Stack Overflow, where he explains “A few months ago I tattooed a fork bomb on my arm and I skipped the whitespace because I think it looks nicer without it. But to my …
Simon Sharwood, 24 Jan 2014
Sorry we're closed

French drug dealers regretfully announce 'temporary closure'

A bunch of French drug dealers demonstrated a touch of Gallic narcohumour earlier this week by announcing the "temporary closure" of their regular public point of sale. According to local paper Le Dauphiné Libéré, a poster taped to a concrete pillar under a block of flats in Grenoble's rue Albert-Thomas informed punters: " …
Lester Haines, 24 Jan 2014

German frau reports for liver transplant clutching bottle of vodka

A German woman scheduled for a liver transplant presented herself at the hospital clutching a bottle of vodka, having spectacularly failed to lay off the booze in the six months leading to the op. According to Spiegel Online (in German), a nurse at the Göttingen University Hospital had to relieve the unnamed frau of her …
Lester Haines, 23 Jan 2014

Spanish cops tweet handy dope-smuggling advice

The Spanish National Police force endeared itself to potheads on Tuesday when it obliging responded a Twitter query regarding the best way to smuggle dope through airport customs. "Contemporary cultural magazine" Jot Down asked: "If you're travelling abroad (EU) and you're carrying four joints, is it better to put them in your …
Lester Haines, 22 Jan 2014
Sheep

Hey, Silk Road dealers: Looking for new life? Pay for a biz course with Bitcoin

A British university has become the first educational establishment in the world to allow its students to pay fees using Bitcoin. However, Cumbria University admitted it has no way of checking whether pupils had earned their virtual crypto currency by stealing, through botnets, by legitimate mining and trading, or via drug sales …
Jasper Hamill, 22 Jan 2014
Large Hadron Collider Pop-up Book

Hadron Collider urinal cake tale wins El Reg's LHC book giveaway

Compo Entrants to our soaraway somewhat-Hadron-Collider-themed writing competition have been biting their nails all week, desperate to know who has scooped the awesome "Large Hadron Collider Pop-Up Book: Voyage to the Heart of the Matter" prize. But now, their wait is over. The Reg can announce that the winner of a gleaming free copy …
Google Glass

Devs write 'film my shag' sex app for Google Glass

It's difficult to imagine anyone wanting to get down and dirty with a partner who would willingly wear Google Glass. Yet one group of app developers is betting that Glassholes not only manage to get lucky, but also have a partner willing to film the whole sordid affair. The Sex With Glass app was created at a Wearable Tech …
Jasper Hamill, 20 Jan 2014

Ancient carving of 'first human-built holy place' = Primitive Vulture Central

An ancient stone carving in modern-day Turkey is sensationally challenging the theory that the origins of Vulture Central lie in France. In 2012, we reported that a Paleolithic artist in the eastern French Pyrenees paid homage to the mighty vultures soaring above the gorges hemming the river Jonte, in the process creating the El …
Lester Haines, 20 Jan 2014
A Carbon Cult-approved toilet

Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

It's a cutesy brand of sweet marked with the tagline "kids and grown-ups love it so". But the happy world of Haribo has suddenly clouded over after tiny ursine squishy figures of the sugar-free variety reportedly caused "gastric exorcism" in dozens of Amazon reviewers. More than 100 people wrote graphic descriptions of the …
Jasper Hamill, 20 Jan 2014

Mexican drink-driver shopped to cops - by his own gobby parakeet

Cops in Mexico City who pulled over a 49-year-old driver for drink-driving were left in no doubt of the poor chap's state when his pet parakeet sang like a canary. Guillermo "N" was stopped last week at a alcohol checkpoint, cops said, but before he could even get out of the car, a voice from inside trumpeted "Está borracho, …
Lester Haines, 17 Jan 2014
Firefox Fish

Pint-glass-flashing FISHNAPPERS strike at Firefox daddy Mozilla

Tupac lives!* Aspirant mobile phone software provider and Firefox browser-maker Mozilla nearly lost its "golden staffers" just before Christmas, when Tupac and Biggie Smalls, the two goldfish from its reception, were fishnapped. Mozilla has a cool space at its Covent Garden offices which gets lent out to friendly companies and …
Simon Rockman, 16 Jan 2014
Coinye logo

'You win, Kanye': Coinye creators throw in towel after rapper sues

The short and turbulent life of Coinye, the digital cryptocurrency named after rapper Kanye West, has come to an end. The virtual currency, which launched earlier this month under the name Coinye West, has closed up shop, apparently as a result of legal pressure from the vainglorious rapper. "We're really not sure how Kanye is …
Neil McAllister, 15 Jan 2014

Mountain bike mishap man suffers SEVEN WEEK stiffie

An Irish competitive mountain biker required delicate surgical intervention after his wedding tackle came off the worse for wear after a collision with his bike, resulting in a seven-week erection. According to the Irish Medical Journal, the unnamed 22-year-old hobbled up to Dublin's Tallaght Hospital "with a five week history …
Lester Haines, 15 Jan 2014
TABBY design

Open source project gives cars the Ikea treatment

A successful demo-build video, in which a flat-pack gets turned into a driveable chassis in 41 minutes, has focussed attention on an open-source car project, OSVehicle. The project, which first went public last October, has several aims: vehicle makers could build and ship the kit car as a flat pack with their own individual …
Cat on inkjet printer

Foot-loving cat burglar nicks THREE THOUSAND individual socks

A real life cat burglar has been implicated in the theft of up to 3,000 individual socks – and a full set of women's underwear. Oscar, a Mandalay cat, has spent the past few years stealing at least one sock a day from clotheslines around Herne Bay, a suburb of Auckland, New Zealand. According to Paul Wai-Poi, the cat's owner, …
Jasper Hamill, 14 Jan 2014

Large Hadron Collider competition: VOTE NOW to choose the WINNER

Poll The call for Reg readers to put their most inventive hats on and summon up short stories of the most evil genius or the most awesome hero that could be spawned with the aid of the Large Hadron Collider went out - and it was answered. In a bid to lay hands on the truly incredible "Large Hadron Collider Pop-Up Book: Voyage to the …
Screen shot of Mein Kampf on Amazon.com's bestseller list

Furtive ebook readers push Hitler's Mein Kampf up the charts

Poll Only neo-Nazis and painfully self-conscious pseudo-intellectuals actually want to be caught reading a copy of Adolf Hitler's anti-Semitic diatribe Mein Kampf - which might explain why the book is riding high on ebook charts. Screen shot of Mein Kampf on Amazon.com's bestseller list In a trend first noticed by Chris Faraone at …
Team Register, 13 Jan 2014

Woman whipped gun from vagina in SPACE ALIEN spat, reports Officer Zook

An argument over space aliens ended in a cuffing for a New Mexico resident after she reportedly threatened her other half with a handgun she whipped from her vagina. Jennifer McCarthy mugshot from Santa Fe County Adult Detention Center Jennifer McCarthy poses for law enforcement The police statement of probable cause says …
Lester Haines, 10 Jan 2014

WhatsApp? Spaniards wasapean their autofotos

English and the internet continue to exert their linguistic influence over the Spanish language, although an indigenous term has been named the Fundéu BBVA's word of the year for 2013. The Fundéu BBVA - whose principal objectives include to "promote the correct use of Spanish in the media" - named escrache as its word of choice …
Lester Haines, 7 Jan 2014

Naked Aussie gets wedged in washing machine

An Aussie bloke who climbed naked into a top-loader washing machine in an attempt to surprise his other half provided a top afternoon's entertainment for local emergency services. The unnamed chap from Mooroopna, some 180km north of Melbourne, apparently decided it was a bit of a wheeze to conceal himself inside the appliance …
Lester Haines, 6 Jan 2014

Italian woman stunned by exploding artichoke

An Italian woman was left shaken but otherwise unhurt by an exploding artichoke, La Repubblica reports. The unnamed victim bought some fresh artichokes from her local supermarket in Olginate, some 40km northeast of Milan. When she laid into one with a knife, it went bang. Initially struck dumb by the shock, the poor woman …
Lester Haines, 6 Jan 2014
The Tardis in a field

Time travellers outsmart the NSA

If there are time travellers around, they're being careful not to leave their fingerprints on the Internet. That's the conclusion in a paper published at Arxiv, put together by Michigan Technical University physics professor Robert Nemiroff and PhD candidate Teresa Wilson. They searched the Internet for “prescient” signatures – …
Great white shark

Australia puts 300 sharks on Twitter

The Australian State of Western Australia (WA) has signed over 300 sharks up to Twitter. The program sees sharks tagged with gadgets that, when they come close to floating monitors located near popular beaches, detect the beasts' presence. When a tracker-equipped shark does so, alerts about its location are piped into the Surf …

Drug dealer demands jail to escape 'unbearable' missus after NYE row

An Italian court has taken pity on a desperate drug dealer who demanded jail to escape his "unbearable" wife. According to La Nazione (in Italian), 32-year-old Tunisian Walid Chaabani was under house arrest in the Tuscan city of Livorno "for crimes related to drug dealing". A New Year's Eve row with his missus prompted the perp …
Lester Haines, 3 Jan 2014
The UK's shrinking airforce

What is the difference between a drone, a model and a light plane?

Christmas is over, it’s grey outside, and you want to look at pages of blue skies, exotic locations, and smooth, aerodynamic models. Yes, you’re ready for El Reg’s dabble in the extreme end of modelling... aircraft modelling that is. Way back in the summer we were invited to a day out at Stow Maries, a refurbished WW1 aerodrome …
Joe Fay, 26 Dec 2013
GolfBoard

California OLDSTER in WILD golf course SKATEBOARDING spree

A Californian pensioner has invented a bizarre new golf buggy inspired by a skateboard, which he claims will open up this fusty sport to a younger audience. The GolfBoard is a motorised device which allows putters to pootle around the course at a speed of up to 12 miles per hour (19kmph). It was originally launched on …
Jasper Hamill, 23 Dec 2013
Bill Gates alone on sofa

It's the dream: Bill Gates chucks cash at WEE-IN-YOUR-PHONE project

Bill Gates' charitable foundation has handed British boffins a wodge of cash to help produce a urine-powered battery which can charge a mobile phone. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation has named a team at the University of the West of England, Bristol, among the five winners of Phase II of its Grand Challenges Explorations …
Jasper Hamill, 23 Dec 2013

'F*** off, Google!' Protest blockades Google staff bus AGAIN – and Apple's

Pics Buses operated by Google and Apple to ferry their staff to and from work were blockaded today by Bay Area anti-gentrification protestors. The coaches were held up in San Francisco and over the bay in Oakland – the latter a port city with a high-crime rate and relatively cheap rents, which has caused it to become a new home for …
Jack Clark, 20 Dec 2013

The Bong's NEXT-mas Message for 2012

¡Bong! Christmas is traditionally a time of reconciliation, love and humility. So it's in that spirit that I am reaching out to all of my readers, to say... "FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ALL: VICTORY IS MINE. THE BONG has WON!" I am aware that I have many critics: and many of you in the dying, meatspace world may not wish to hear this. For …
Steve Bong, 20 Dec 2013
The Winklevoss twins, Cameron and Tyler

Winklevoss: I have put my MOUTH where my MONEY IS

QuoTW It's the week before the holidays and all through the tech world barely a mouse has been stirring: but one of the Winklevoss twins did take some time out from Christmas shopping to let everyone know that they should be buying Bitcoins. Cameron Winklevoss told Redditors: Small bull case scenario for Bitcoin is a $400bn market …

COW a-BUNG HER, dude! 'Secret Santa' Bill Gates buys lass a HEIFER

Microsoft zillionaire Bill Gates has, in short, spent $500 on a cow for a Reddit.com user in the website's annual secret Santa gift swap. Pic of Bill Gates taken from Reddit Bill with the donation ... Beats the heck out of an iTunes gift card (Credit: NY1227) The software tycoon participated in the popular site's festive …
Shaun Nichols, 20 Dec 2013
Air-powered LEGO car

Lifesize, driveable AIR-POWERED LEGO CAR hits the road

Vid An Australian entrepreneur and Romanian tinkerer have built an air-powered car out of LEGO. Detailed at the modestly-named www.superawesomemicroproject.com, the car was built with funds contributed by 40 “patrons” who each stumped up an undisclosed amount to summon it into existence. Australian Steve Sammartino led the …
Simon Sharwood, 19 Dec 2013
Facebook drowning

OMG, like, TOTES AMAZEBALLS: Facebook made me fall into SHARK INFESTED SEAS

A Taiwanese woman was so engrossed in checking Facebook on her phone that she walked off a pier and fell into the sea. The woman was strolling along St Kilda pier in Melbourne at 11.30pm on Monday night when she plunged into the icy waters of Port Phillip Bay. Police launched a boat within minutes and were able to drag the …
Jasper Hamill, 19 Dec 2013

James Bond's 'shaken not stirred': Down to trembling boozer's hands, claim boffins

James Bond's famous preference for shaken martinis is probably due to the fact that his heavy drinking means that his hands tremble so much he actually lacks the coordination to stir them, according to a festive-season medical research study. "We conclude that James Bond was unlikely to be able to stir his drinks, even if he …
Lewis Page, 18 Dec 2013
tim cook apple Cook delivering the commencement address at Auburn University, ...

Apple CEO Cook breaks YEARS OF SILENCE, finally speaks to El Reg hack

Tim Cook has broken a decade of fruity silence and finally exchanged a few words with The Register. His famous, dead genius predecessor Steve Jobs famously stopped talking to us after one of our hacks took the mickey out of his bizarre pre-baldness hairstyle*. Many years of total silence, prohibition from briefings, etc …
Jasper Hamill, 17 Dec 2013

Excise Xmas prezzie indecision MISERY with El Reg’s gift guide²

Christmas is special. When else will you spending lots of money you don’t have buying things they don’t deserve for people you don’t like? That said, we all grudgingly accept that you may want to buy some presents for people this year – bah humbug – even if you haven’t an earthly what to buy them. To help you out, we’ve come up …
Nigel Whitfield, 16 Dec 2013