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Trolls from the film "Troll 2"

Blighty bloke: PC World lost my Mac Mini – and trolled my blog!

A British man says PC World botched his order, then staff trolled his blog after he wrote a post complaining about it. Open-source techie Darren Moore, of London, UK, says he ordered three items through the electronics retailer back in March. After learning his business account was set up to ship to the wrong address, Moore …
Shaun Nichols, 16 May 2017
shutterstock_cockerel

Giant spawn hammer on Antarctica map. Thanks, Google Waze

Updated Some anonymous clown has drawn a, well, giant spawn hammer on Antarctica by using Google’s crowdsourced map-‘n’-satnav app Waze. The offending phallus is located in “DeathToTrumpVille”, next to the “Trump Hotel is Nasty and Awful” hotel – but is curiously positioned on the descriptively monikered Long and Winding Road. …
Gareth Corfield, 15 May 2017
The TNMOC Virtual Lorenz cipher machine

Have a go with this WW2 German Lorenz cipher machine – in your browser

The National Museum of Computing has put an emulation of an "unbreakable" Second World War German cipher machine online for world+dog to admire. The Virtual Lorenz machine has been launched in honour of WW2 codebreaker Bill Tutte, the man who broke the crypto used in the twelve-rotor cipher machine. As The National Museum of …
Gareth Corfield, 15 May 2017
An Insitu Scaneagle drone being launch from a Royal Navy warship. Crown copyright

US Coast Guard: We're rather chuffed with our new Boeing spy drone

The US Coast Guard is well chuffed with its new Scaneagle drone – the same drone that the Royal Navy is ditching later this year, seemingly for lack of funds. The coastal force, which, because of chronic manpower shortages, is lending engineering personnel to the RN for keeping frontline warships at sea, deployed the USCGC …
Gareth Corfield, 12 May 2017
Airlander 10

Huge flying arse makes successful test flight

The "giant flying bum" Airlander 10 airship has successfully flown for the first time since it nosedived into the ground last summer. The airship crashed in August 2016 because its mooring lines caught on power cables, the Air Accidents Investigation Branch concluded. The resulting nosedive injured nobody but crushed the …
Gareth Corfield, 11 May 2017
Desk beer - pint at a keyboard. Photo by shutterstock

Fancy a relaxed boozy holiday? Keep well away from Great Britain

The UK is the second least free country in the European Union, according to the latest Nanny State Index rankings from the European Policy Information Centre. This septic isle is only surpassed by Finland when it comes to bans, restrictions and taxes on everyday relaxation activities. The UK scores 37.4 out of a maximum of 100 …
Gareth Corfield, 10 May 2017
London Undeground, photo by PHOTOCREO Michal Bednarek via Shutterstock

$6,000 for tours of apocalyptic post-Brexit London? WTF, NYT?

Stuffy American broadsheet the New York Times is offering disaster tourism-style package holidays of Westminster for $6,500, capitalising on Britain’s popular vote to leave the European Union. The incredible (and we mean that literally) “Brexit Means Brexit!” tour lets excessively well-heeled Americans delude themselves into …
Gareth Corfield, 09 May 2017
Value pack of two tins of Spam

Fake ruse: USA Today calls the FBI after half of its 15m Facebook Likes turn out to be bogus

You'd think the FBI has enough on its plate with the threat of terrorism, political investigations, and attempts to nobble end-to-end encryption. Now USA Today has called in the Feds after spammers bombarded its Facebook page with bogus likes. On Monday, Gannett, the publisher of the newspaper that so frequently gets stepped …
Iain Thomson, 08 May 2017
The UK's sole F-35B in flight. Crown copyright

Italian F-35 facility rolls out its first STOVL stealth fighter

Italy has assembled the first F-35B outside the US, at the same factory where British jets will eventually be overhauled. The final assembly and check out (FACO) factory in Cameri, about 99km (60 miles) northeast of Turin, delivered its first F-35B on Friday (5 May), according to a Lockheed Martin statement. Although the …
Gareth Corfield, 08 May 2017
dumb_and_dumber_648

We are 'heroes,' says police chief whose force frisked a photographer

The chief constable of Sussex Police has labelled his staff “everyday heroes” for using the UK's Terrorism Act to stop and search a photographer taking pictures of Hove Town Hall. Professional snapper Eddie Mitchell was detained for an hour by police in the south coast town on Thursday (May 4). A police employee who was not a …
Gareth Corfield, 05 May 2017

Spend your paper £5 notes NOW: No longer legal tender after today

You’ve got until the end of today to spend your old paper £5 notes before they cease to be legal tender. The individually short-lived banknotes, notorious for falling apart – particularly if left in the back pocket of your jeans after you pop them in the wash – will be replaced by the new plastic versions that have been rolled …
Gareth Corfield, 05 May 2017
Lefty's Bar from Leisure Suit Larry

What augmented reality was created for: An ugly drink with a balloon

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Dabbs (Mrs) and I are in bed. She is shaking my shoulder to wake me up. “Not again,” I groan. “I’ve done it three times already.” Disappointed, she slips out from under the duvet, dons a dressing gown and heads off by herself to locate the source of “the noise downstairs”. Hearing bumps and creaks during the hours of …
Alistair Dabbs, 05 May 2017
A bus on fire in Whaddon

Fire fighters get grinding on London man’s trapped genitalia

An East London man is breathing more easily today after fire fighters came to his rescue early this morning - they used a hydraulic pedal cutter to remove a metal ring he had slipped over his dangly bits several days before. The unnamed chap arrived at King George Hospital in the London Borough of Redbridge where staff …
Paul Kunert, 04 May 2017
Judge Dredd®. © 2017 Rebellion A/S. All rights reserved. Judge Dredd is a registered trademark. McCoy Wynne Photography

Master of Dredd: Judge inker John Higgins speaks to The Reg

Say the words "Judge" and "Dredd" and one name should rather forcefully present itself. Not Sylvester Stallone nor Karl Urban, who played the legendary futuristic lawman in two celluloid interpretations (one dreddful, one ace) of the comic book classic. No, it's John Higgins – the Liverpudlian comic book artist who helped …
Lucy Orr, 04 May 2017
Xerox_Photo_copier

Chip design chap arrested for using photocopier

An engineer from Taiwan Semiconductor Manufacturing Company (TSMC) has been arrested trying to leave the country for a new job in China. Local reports say the engineer (the only name given is his surname, Hsu), has been charged with theft of trade secrets filed by the Hsinchu district prosecutor. He was on the way to work for …

Can you spout digital bollocks? London is hiring a Chief Digital Officer

The Mayor of London is hiring a chief digital officer for the capital, advertised at a cool £107,000. The job advert on the Greater London Assembly website says: As London's CDO, working in the Mayor's Office, you will convene GLA officials, the Smart London Board, local authorities and the technology sectors to encourage …
Gareth Corfield, 03 May 2017
Two bratwurst frying in the pan

Male escort forgot pregnancy protection, scores data protection instead

A German woman who was impregnated by a male escort she apparently hired to liven up a stay in the East of the country has had her attempts to track him down trumped by the country’s rigid data protection laws. The woman booked the professional priapist for a three night sojourn in a second floor room in a hotel in the town of …
Clodagh Doyle, 02 May 2017
Trophy. Image via Shutterstock

Heroic stepmum takes one for team, sticks pot pipe up wazoo

A Florida woman was arrested for repeatedly ignoring a cop's request to hand over a pot pipe, preferring instead – according to cops – to conceal the gear in her nether regions. Police say Trudy Kay Richardson was the passenger in her step-daughter's Pontiac Grand Prix FL on 29 April at roughly 6.30pm when officer Caricia …
Paul Kunert, 02 May 2017
Mats Jarlstrom, pointing to a traffic light camera

'I feel violated': Engineer who pointed out traffic signals flaw fined for 'unlicensed engineering'

Interview Last year, Mats Järlström was fined $500 for revealing troubling flaws in the mathematical formula used to govern the timing of US traffic lights. Järlström, a Swedish electronics engineer who has lived in America for more than two decades, realized there was a design fault in traffic systems after his wife got a ticket from …
Thomas Claburn, 29 Apr 2017
Nelson from the Simpsons. Pic: 20th Century Fox

Apple fanbois are officially sheeple. Yes, you heard. Deal with it

Apple fanbois are officially sheeple. So says American dictionary Merriam-Webster. The American lexicologists added the term of endearment to their tome yesterday, a mere 72 years after its first recorded use in the English language. Helpfully, and entirely non-inflammatorily, Merriam-Webster's people gave two examples of " …
Gareth Corfield, 28 Apr 2017

China launches aircraft carrier the length of 2.1 brontosaurs

China has launched its own aircraft carrier – the first ship of its type to be built from scratch in the rising Asian superpower's yards. The yet-to-be-named warship was launched at a ceremony held in the northeastern port of Dalian, according to local media via the BBC. Al Jazeera reported that the 50,000 tonne carrier (she …
Gareth Corfield, 27 Apr 2017

iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

In the never-ending effort by Apple to think higher of itself, the computer giant has opposed a trademark featuring the silhouette of a pear. Pear Technology, which produces digital mapping software and services, applied for the pear logo in 2014 and was almost immediately challenged by Apple, which claimed it was confusingly …
Kieren McCarthy, 27 Apr 2017
End of the line (train line). Photo by Shutterstock

Reg reader offered £999,998 train ticket from Cambridge to Horley

On the heels of an IT error leading to Great Western Rail advertising a first-class journey from Taunton to Trowbridge for £10,000 comes an exponentially more expensive offer from National Rail. Our thanks to Reg reader Andrew for sending this screenshot in, dug up from his personal chuckle archives, advertising the "cheapest …
Two beer glasses clash and splash frothy beer into the air. Cheers! Photo by Shutterstock

Man nicked trying to 'save' beer from burning building

A South Dakotan was cuffed after he repeatedly barged past police and firefighters that were trying to deal with a blaze in his apartment block so he could re-enter and rescue his most precious possession - beer. Michael Casteel was nicked on 27 March when he re-emerged from the property in Sioux Falls, clutching two cans of …
Paul Kunert, 25 Apr 2017

IT error at Great Western Railway charging £10k for 63-mile journey ticket

Great Western Rail has been advertising the bargain of a lifetime; a first-class journey from Taunton to Trowbridge for £10,000. We don't know if anybody could hate cider that much, but the extraordinarily priced direct trip was advertised from 22 May to 14 July, leaving potential customers stumping up £156 per mile. Great …

Alaska dentist 'pulled out patient's tooth while riding a hoverboard'

A dentist in Alaska has been accused of performing a tooth extraction while riding a hoverboard. Dr Seth Lookhart, 31, was hit with the claim by US state officials this week in the Alaska District Court, Third Judicial District at Anchorage, along with more than a dozen charges related to his operation of a clinic in Anchorage …
Shaun Nichols, 21 Apr 2017
The Jetsons Food Machine

(You can't) buy one now! The flying car makes its perennial return

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Stop squeezing my knob. No seriously, I've had enough. "Then you give it a squeeze." OK but not until I'm ready. "You won't get any benefit until you squeeze it," he announces to the dark, crowded room before turning back to me. "Do it now. Go on, give it a quarter-turn to the right." Reluctantly, while everyone else …
Alistair Dabbs, 21 Apr 2017
Orange juice squeezing

Hard-pressed Juicero boss defends $400 IoT juicer after squeezing $120m from investors

Meet this week's bonkers startup Juicero – the San Francisco maker of a $400 fruit juicer that's bagged $120m in funding from investors. The internet-connected gizmo has been dubbed the "Keurig for juice." Juicero founder Doug Evans went as far as comparing himself to Steve Jobs. There's just one little problem with Juicero's …
Shaun Nichols, 21 Apr 2017
1980 olympics weight-lifting champs. By RIA Novosti archive, image #484445 / Dmitryi Donskoy / CC-BY-SA 3.0

Computer games to become medal sport at Asian Games

Gold medals will be awarded to players of computer games at the 2022 Asian Games. The games are run under the auspices of the Olympic Council of Asia and, like the Olympics, offer a two-week orgy of sport. Most of the events at the Asian Games are familiar sports like track and field, aquatics, cycling and sailing, but the …
Simon Sharwood, 20 Apr 2017
Football goes into the net/ photo by shutterstock

Ex-West Ham winger charged twice over cybershenanigans

Detectives from Operation Falcon, the Metropolitan Police's cybercrime unit, have charged a footballer with two fraud-related offences. 22-year-old Blair Turgott began his career as a youth player at West Ham, and most recently played for Leyton Orient where he was celebrated for scoring what fans believed was the team's best …

Silicon Valley tech CEO admits beating software engineer wife, offered just 13 days in the clink

The CEO of a Silicon Valley startup captured on video beating his wife and threatening to kill her is, due to an offered plea deal, likely to spend less than 30 days behind bars to avoid being deported. His wife is furious about the arrangement, claiming that she had been cheated by the system and the charge of "offensive …
Kieren McCarthy, 19 Apr 2017

Drupal sci-fi sex scandal deepens: Now devs spank Dries over Gor bloke's banishment

Updated Scores of Drupal developers have formed a protest against the exiling of a project veteran who dabbled in kinky sci-fi hanky-panky. An open letter and website called Drupalconfessions.org, signed by 85 devs, calls on Drupal lead Dries Buytaert to end the exclusion of people based on their sexual appetites. The letter comes …
Shaun Nichols, 13 Apr 2017

Nerd Klaxon: Barbican to host Science Fiction exhibition this summer

Interview The Barbican Centre will host a sprawling festival-style Science Fiction exhibition this summer, featuring an immersive range of exhibits from across the breadth of the genre. Curated by Swiss historian and writer Patrick Gyger, who spoke to The Register about the exhibition, the purpose was to explore Science Fiction “as an …
Apple Mac Pro

QANTAS cuts AU$4,000 from price of Mac Pro

Apple Australia's base price for the Mac Pro is AU$4,899. So when Australian airline QANTAS store for frequent flyers started offering the computer for just AU$$520.53, plus 5,000 frequent flyer points, news of the bargain quickly hit sites that track this sort of thing. A single QANTAS frequent flyer point is worth somewhere …
Simon Sharwood, 11 Apr 2017
Chicken eggs, photo via Shutterstock

T-Mobile US CEO offers kid a year's supply of chicken nuggets for switching from AT&T

The chief executive of T-Mobile US has offered a random teen on the internet a year’s supply of chicken nuggets if he switches from AT&T. Carter Wilkerson, 16, of Reno, Nevada, had previously asked American burger joint Wendy's how many retweets he would need for a year's supply of chicken nuggets. "18 million," replied Wendy …
Gareth Corfield, 10 Apr 2017
Boaty McBoatface being lowered from RRS James Clark Ross

Boaty McBoatface sinks in South Atlantic on her maiden deployment

Boaty McBoatface has slipped beneath the icy waters of the Antarctic on her first operational deployment. Happily, the little yellow submarine resurfaced again after 30 hours following a pre-programmed route devised by scientists from the University of Southampton and the National Oceanography Centre. Lowered into the Weddell …
Gareth Corfield, 07 Apr 2017
Toilet with smiling loo paper

Customer satisfaction is our highest priority… OK, maybe second-highest… or third...

Something for the Weekend, Sir? Everyone is looking at me as I break into a sweat. "Come on, come on," I mutter to my smartphone but already the harrumphing has begun. Why do English people harrumph when they're impatient? They could shout "Hurry up, fool!" or offer to help. But no, they always prefer to make a guttural hissing sound through their noses, …
Alistair Dabbs, 07 Apr 2017
A Fokker Triplane replica at Old Rhinebeck airfield, America, in September 2016. Pic: Shutterstock

Crafty Fokker: Norfolk surgeon builds Red Baron triplane replica

A German orthopaedic surgeon in Norfolk has spent £70,000 building himself a flyable full-size replica of the Red Baron's Fokker Triplane. Dr Peter Brueggemann built the First World War-era aircraft by hand – even though when he started he couldn't fly, as ITV News reported. The bright red Fokker Dreidecker I (German for " …
Gareth Corfield, 06 Apr 2017
Jamie Bartlett delivering Register Summer Lecture

Reg lecture exposes the radicals intent on remaking your society

If you think the last couple of years have been tumultuous you ain't seen nothing yet – there's a tide of tech-enabled secretive and influential movements heading your way that could completely upend and reshape society. If they get their way. That's why on 23 May, Reg Lectures will be welcoming Jamie Bartlett – author of The …
Joe Fay, 06 Apr 2017
Peter Sage, principal of Space Energy, giving a talk in 2012. He is currently imprisoned for contempt of court

Jailed biz coach accused of $17.5m HPE fraud writes to fans saying 'join me'

The jailed motivational speaker accused of diddling HPE out of 42,000 servers in a fraud spanning several years has been writing letters from prison to his "dear and amazing" fans inviting them to "join me on the journey". Peter Sage, who in January was committed to HM Prison Pentonville, in London, England, for contempt of …
Gareth Corfield, 05 Apr 2017
Life of Brian

Manchester pulls £750 public crucifixion offer

Senior clergy in Manchester, England, have cited health and safety and blasphemy concerns after nixing a plan to fill a funding gap for the city’s Easter Passion play by offering members of the public the chance to be crucified. Organisers of the annual Manchester Passion were apparently looking for innovative ways to cover …
Clodagh Doyle, 05 Apr 2017
Oscilloscope Pong

Pong, anyone? How about Pong on a vintage oscilloscope?

Warning: there's no real IT angle in a chap hacking a venerable Tektronix Type 422 oscilloscope to play Pong. It's just fun. The Frankensteinian machine is the brainchild of Glen Kleinschmidt over at the electronic hobbyist site EEVBlog. There's no “take the easy way” about Kleinschmidt's work: sure, it might be easy to …

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