Feeds

Bootnotes > More stories

By Frank Wouters, licensed under CC 2.0

Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!

Russian boffins have lost control of a satellite containing sex-crazed geckos - like there's any other kind - sent on a mission to hold a zero gravity orgy. By Frank Wouters, licensed under CC 2.0 Not the gecko who went aboard the Foton-M4...This is one Phelsuma madagascariensis from Madagascar. Pic by Frank Wouters, licensed …
Jasper Hamill, 28 Jul 2014
(c) Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. TM Danjaq, LLC. All Rights Reserved

NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Something for the Weekend, Sir? “Excuse me, sir, may I see your passport?” You have to give credit to white-collar Americans, even the seven-foot Richard Kiel cosplay US government thug in front of me: they are so polite. The odd thing was that I haven’t reached the States yet. I haven't even boarded the plane. In fact, I am still at Heathrow and had been …
Alistair Dabbs, 25 Jul 2014
BBC iPlayer

iOS services intended solely for diagnostics: 'I don’t buy it for a minute'

QuoTW This was the week when Edward Snowden revealed that not only is the National Security Agency (NSA) snooping on everyone, violating their privacy and raking through their online information, they’re also sniggering at their nudie pics. Snowden told The Guardian that one of the “perks” of the job of snooping on everyone’s web data …

Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo

A panicked motorway driver abandoned his car after the word “Fire” scrolled across his dashboard – but it wasn't a warning system kicking in: it was the name of the Adele song he was listening to. Stopping on the hard shoulder of British motorways is illegal unless it’s an emergency but folk still do it for all kinds of bizarre …

Plucky Rockall podule man back on (proper) dry land

Brit adventurer Nick Hancock left the North Atlantic islet of Rockall on Saturday, following a marathon 43 days atop the granite outcrop which saw him claim both the solo and group occupation records. A dramatic photo tweeted by Atlantic Marine Services shows the seaborne recovery operation in progress. Atlantic Marine …
Lester Haines, 22 Jul 2014

Yahoo! Japan! launches! service! for! the! dead!

Yahoo! Japan has launched a service called “Endings” designed to help you after you die. Endings is intended to let the dying set their affairs in order before they shuffle off this mortal coil. The service allows one to set up an automated message to email to up to 200 loved ones after you're gone. The email is triggered by a …
Simon Sharwood, 22 Jul 2014
Cat yawning

Carlos: Slim your working week to just three days of toil

The world's second-richest man, Carlos Slim, has called for a radical overhaul of the world's working arrangements, suggesting a combination of three-day weeks, longer hours, and later retirement. The Paraguay.com news agency reports Slim's comments, which were made to a business conference in Paraguay called “Growing Together …
Christina Chong in Line of Duty

New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

Some meagre plot details for the new Star Wars movie have leaked online, revealed to BadAssDigest by “multiple sources” (some spoilers follow, obviously). Christina Chong in Line of Duty Newest cast member Christina Chong in Beeb TV show Line of Duty With no official word on plot from JJ Abrams, Disney or Lucasfilm, anything …

Brit Rockall adventurer poised to quit islet

Plucky Brit adventurer Nick Hancock will depart the North Atlantic islet of Rockall on Saturday - short of his intended 60-day stay but after breaking both the solo and group occupation records. Nick Hanock on Rockall with his survival podule and a small bottle of champagne 40 days atop Rockall. Cheers A couple of days ago, …
Lester Haines, 17 Jul 2014

Accused! Yahoo! exec! SUES! her! accuser!, says! sex! harassment! never! happened!

Maria Zhang, the Yahoo! executive accused of sexual harassment by former staffer Nan Shi, has filed a countersuit for defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress, claiming Shi's allegations are nothing but a pack of lies. Lawyers representing Zhang filed the cross-complaint in the California Superior Court in …
Neil McAllister, 16 Jul 2014

Japanese artist cuffed for disseminating 3D ladyparts files

NSFW A Japanese artist has been arrested for disseminating "3D printable design files" of her own genitalia, 3DPrint.com reports. Megumi Igarashi, 42, was cuffed by Tokyo Metropolitan Police for allegedly supplying virtual ladyparts via email to a "30-year-old man in Kagawa Prefecture" and "many others" back in March. Igarashi, …
Lester Haines, 15 Jul 2014

Delaware pair nabbed for getting saucy atop Mexican eatery

A jiggy Delaware pair who allegedly indulged in some hot burrito meets soft taco action atop a Mexican restaurant have been charged with a buffet of offences including "lewdness", "indecent exposure second degree" and "resisting arrest". According to Newark Delaware Police Department's Facebook presence, an officer rushed to the …
Lester Haines, 15 Jul 2014
Predator drone, credit Wikipedia

DRONE WARS: Killers, spies? Nah, they're IDEAL for snapping pics of hot models

Drones have been used for various tasks including killing opponents from afar, spying on enemy combatants or even carrying bomb-disarming kit. But a group of researchers from MIT and Cornell University have dreamed up a much more peaceful role for the snap-happy autonomous robots. Boffins have suggested that drones could serve …
Jasper Hamill, 15 Jul 2014
The inflatable approaches a swell-lashed Rockall in 2003

Rockall pod-dweller Hancock beats solo occupation record

Brit adventurer Nick Hancock has broken the Rockall solo occupation record of 40 days – set back in 1985 by ex-SAS bloke Tom McClean. Hanock tweeted his success today as he eyes the next record, which would involve surpassing the 42 days spent atop the North Atlantic granite outcrop by three Greenpeace activists back in 1997. …
Lester Haines, 14 Jul 2014

Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!

It's been a while since I've received a decent flame email, so it's hats off to one Lorne Babcock for this missive which sizzled into my inbox this morning, bemoaning the headline "Beer in SPAAAACE! London Pride soars to 28,000m"... SPAAAACE! How many A's should there be in the word space? The years go by Lester, and you do …
Lester Haines, 14 Jul 2014
Apple's invitation to its September 11 event in China

Apple: No, China. iPhone is NOT public enemy number 1

Updated Chinese state media have been warning that Apple's iPhone is a threat to national security, despite the firm's denials*. Why? It's all down to its creepy ability to track users and transmit data back to its Cupertinian overlords. A report broadcast on CCTV claimed the iPhone's "Frequent Locations" function was dangerously …
Jasper Hamill, 14 Jul 2014
Nick Hancock and his survival podule atop Rockall. Pic: Nick Hancock

Plucky Rockall adventurer prepares to leave islet

Brit adventurer Nick Hancock is preparing to leave the North Atlantic islet of Rockall, short of his planned 60-day stay but probably after he breaks the two existing occupation records. Nick Hancock and his survival podule atop Rockall. Pic: Nick Hancock Not long now: Nick Hancock and his survival podule atop Rockall Hancock …
Lester Haines, 11 Jul 2014

'Apple is TERRIFIED of women’s bodies and women’s pleasure' – fresh tech sex storm

NSFW Apple is weathering a sexism storm after its website apparently refused to engrave a raunchy poem on a newly ordered iPhone. Enraged that the California giant allowed penis, dick and similar words to be engraved on mobes – but, crucially, not clit – men and women in favour of equal opportunities have given Apple boss Tim Cook a …
Jasper Hamill, 11 Jul 2014

El Reg nips down IKEA's 'I've Got A Screw Loose Street'

Pics We're delighted to report that the Valladolid tentacle of flatpack world superpower IKEA does indeed lie on "I've Got A Screw Loose Street", and we've got the photos to prove it. Back in 2011, as construction of the 34,700m2 particle board megarepository was under way on virgin ground in Arroyo de la Encomienda, on the outskirts …
Lester Haines, 11 Jul 2014

Elon Musk to fund Tesla museum with 'ONE MEEELLION DOLLARS'

Electric-car mogul Elon Musk has agreed to help fund a museum dedicated to the late scientist Nikola Tesla, to the tune of $1m. Musk, who named his car company after Tesla, reportedly agreed to help support the museum after a phone conversation with web cartoonist Matthew Inman, creator of The Oatmeal. Popular geek Inman has …
Neil McAllister, 10 Jul 2014

Ham-fisted farmer fear: A peanut-butter-and-iPhone sandwich

Japanese farmers are claiming some shipments of grain from the USA include smartphones. The phones' presence isn't an Internet of Things play. Nor is it a new food craze. Instead, as reported by Japanese news outlet Mainichi, (through the Associated Press), it appears that US farmers are dropping their phones while they work in …
Simon Sharwood, 10 Jul 2014

Call girl injected Google exec with heroin, drank wine, left him to die – cops claim

A woman described as a high-priced escort by cops has been charged with the manslaughter of a Google executive found dead in his yacht after a heroin overdose. Alix Catherine Tichelman Mug shot ... Alix Catherine Tichelman Alix Catherine Tichelman, 26, was arrested in a sting operation on July 4 in connection with the death …
Iain Thomson, 10 Jul 2014
SOURCE:  http://www.sxc.hu/browse.phtml?f=view&id=1412135

Down-with-the-kidz Apple stuffs up with wild 'funness' claims

Apple appears to have made a shocking admission: that one of its endlessly upgraded product lines is boring. On its website, Apple said its new iPod Touch was "engineered for funness", a sarcastic term used by the yoof – generally as an adjective and/or an abstract noun... A Reg reader pointed out the fruity faux pas and …
Jasper Hamill, 9 Jul 2014

Dubai to get HUGE climate-controlled DOMED CITY and giga-mall

The ruler of Dubai has announced that the Gulf state is soon to build the world's first climate-controlled city, which will feature the largest area yet contained under a single transparent dome. The project is referred to by its organisers as "Mall of the World", and is intended to produce an city which can be traversed …
Lewis Page, 8 Jul 2014

It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

Maneesh Sethi, a developer and blogger who rose to fame after hiring a woman to slap him whenever he wasted time on Facebook, has unveiled a wearable device designed to administer electric shocks to users. The “Pavlok”, as the device is named, “uses instantaneous triggers, like vibration, beeping, and even electric shock (up to …
Nick Hancock and his survival podule atop Rockall. Pic: Nick Hancock

Storm-battered Rockall adventurer recalls 'worst experience of my life'

Brit adventurer Nick Hancock has admitted he's "never been so scared", after enduring a storm last week that blew a good part of his food supplies off the North Atlantic islet of Rockall. Hancock landed on the granite outcrop on 5 June, hoping to spend 60 days in a survival podule, in the process breaking the occupancy record of …
Lester Haines, 7 Jul 2014

Google spares founders from TERMINATORS, but not Eric Schmidt

A chap named yueq over at Y Combinator has spotted evidence that Google has decided founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin need protection from Terminators. Proof comes in the form of Google's killer-robots.txt page, which reads as follows: User-Agent: T-1000 User-Agent: T-800 Disallow: /+LarryPage Disallow: /+SergeyBrin In case …
The inflatable approaches a swell-lashed Rockall in 2003

Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer

Plucky Brit adventurer Nick Hancock has been forced to plan an early departure from the North Atlantic islet of Rockall after a storm deprived him of a large part of his vital supplies. He tweeted yesterday: Got battered by weather last night. Lost 4 barrels kit inc food. Need to come off early. Looking at options with @ …
Lester Haines, 3 Jul 2014
Makes a loud noise when stolen

Catch cack-handed baggage handlers in the act with Ericsson's SPY SUITCASE

Do you ever get the feeling that your luggage is having a better time than you on long-haul flights? An indulgence from Ericsson's engineers could let you know for sure. The Ericsson security suitcase has what is effectively a mobile phone built into it which monitors where it is and what is going on around it. If baggage …
Simon Rockman, 1 Jul 2014
Nick Hancock and his survival podule atop Rockall. Pic: Nick Hancock

Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Rockall pod-dweller Nick Hancock has now spent over three weeks atop the North Atlantic islet and was battening down the hatches on Saturday ahead of predicted stormy weather. Nick Hancock on Rockall last week Thumbs up: Nick Hancock on Rockall He wrote: "Tomorrow is supposed to be a very calm day, but as they say: the calm …
Lester Haines, 30 Jun 2014
Angry-looking cat. Pic by  Guyon Morée from Beverwijk, Netherlands. licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license

True fact: Your CAT wees ... like a racehorse

Racehorses have long been noted for the prodigious length of their - wait for it - toilet breaks. Yet boffins have claimed that all animals actually wee for the same amount of time, demolishing equines' much-vaunted status as the greatest urinators on Planet Earth. Researchers measured dozens of species to find that all animals …
Team Register, 30 Jun 2014

Retiring Reg hack explains how bass playing = tech reporting

After 2,035 days writing 2,531 stories containing 1.65 million words (thanks, Word Counter), this aging hack is celebrating his 26th birthday by hanging up his trusty MacBook Air and slipping off into semi-retirement. It's vanishingly unlikely that I'll be around to toast birthday number 27, so this year's binary natal day …
Rik Myslewski, 27 Jun 2014

Today in IT news: iPad Fleshlight a reality

NSFW From frightening-looking prototype to reality: Fleshlight has at last, er, released its iPad faux-rifice. According to its blurb, the coyly named LaunchPAD offers a "whole new perspective on masturbation..." "Annual tablet sales are now surpassing the number of PC sales with an estimated 70 million iPads being sold across the …
Team Register, 27 Jun 2014
Angry woman on mobile

Spanish struggle to control spelling of 'WhatsApp'

Spanish is an accommodating lingo, as the recent influx of tech and net-related Anglicisms attests, but these foreign invaders often prove challenging for Castillian orthography. The general line of attack is to adapt spelling in accordance with local custom where necessary, so while "chat", as in chatear (to chat), requires no …
Lester Haines, 27 Jun 2014

Kickstarter unplugs iFind miracle battery-free locator

Kickstarter has pulled the plug on the campaign to raise funds for the iFind - described as "The World's First Battery Free Item Locating Tag". iFind's creators WeTag had raised a cool $546,852 from 9,771 backers when Kickstarter suspended funding yesterday. Critics of the project raised serious doubts about its viability, …
Lester Haines, 27 Jun 2014
NEMA 5 plug socket

USB charger is prime suspect in death of Australian woman

An Australian woman has been found dead, possibly as the result of connecting a device to a USB charger that does not comply with safety standards. The Australian State of New South Wales' Fair Trading Commissioner Rod Stowe has issued a statement warning local punters not to buy chargers that do not bear the usual panoply of …
Simon Sharwood, 27 Jun 2014

Creepy battery-operated TEDDY BEAR SEX TOY. Sadly, this is for real

NSFW What do you buy the woman that has everything? Something else, we would advise, and certainly not the latest cuddly sex toy hoping to find a place in the hearts (and between the legs) of women everywhere. Teddy Love is a "bear that will love you forever", or least until its AA batteries run out. It offers the sort of love …
Team Register, 26 Jun 2014
Star Wars: The Complete Saga

Star Wars museum to land in Chicago

Chicago will house the official museum of all things George Lucas and Star Wars. A widely-reported statement from Lucas says the director is sad the museum won't be located in his home state of California – San Francisco and Los Angeles also entered bids – but that Chicago is simply a better site. The Chicago Tribune reports the …
Simon Sharwood, 25 Jun 2014

Dutch firm passes the world's first e-spliff to the left hand side

Do you want to be as stoned as Bob Marley but keep on jammin into your middle age? Then you're in luck, because a Dutch firm is riding high after introducing the world's first ever electronic doobie. The iSpliff is designed by Dutch firm E-Njoint BV and allows no-smoke-tokers to inhale liquid cannabis, using a similar method to …
Jasper Hamill, 24 Jun 2014

Firefighters deliver trapped student from GIANT GERMAN LADYPARTS

A US foreign exchange student has become a deserved internet celeb after firefighters extracted him from a giant vagina in the southwestern German city of Tübingen. According to Erick Guzman, who kindly posted snaps of the incident on Imgur, his chum decided it was a bright idea to get down and dirty with Peruvian artist …
Lester Haines, 23 Jun 2014

Barack Obama was ALMOST EATEN by a ROBOT GIRAFFE

A British mechanical giraffe evaded American secret services, infiltrated the White House and got close enough to Barack Obama to bite his head off. The robotic beast narrowly avoided sparking World War III after appearing at an event in the White House intended to show off the work of American "makers". The President was …
Jasper Hamill, 23 Jun 2014

A future queen, the spy chief behind the Iraq 'dodgy dossier' – and a war base rendezvous

Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, has been shown around the historic home of Britain's World War II codebreaking efforts by a former MI6 chief who was instrumental in Britain's decision to invade Iraq in 2003. She visited Bletchley Park today to be greeted by the chairman of Bletchley Park Trust Sir John Scarlett, …
Jasper Hamill, 19 Jun 2014