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Fear the JOBZILLA! 150ft STATUE of Steve planned 'lest fanbois forget'
The world's most fervent fanbois have launched a campaign to build a massive icon of Apple Godhead Steve Jobs that could end up bigger than the Statue of Liberty.
Passionate iZealots have launched a fundraising drive on crowdfunding site Indiegogo, aiming to raise $50,000 to build a life-sized statue. If they manage to raise …
'Abel, put that camera down right now! Abel, you're fired. Out!'
Quotw This was the week where we all heard AOL boss Tim Armstrong publicly fire a hapless camera-toting creative in the middle of a tense conference call about the fate of local news platform Patch.
The meeting took place last week, but the audio was leaked just a few days ago, when we were all treated to a recording of the moment the …
Osama Bin Pwned: Al Qaeda mocked in Twitter counter-jihad
Al Qaeda has come under attack from a massive troll army after asking Twitter users for ideas on how jihadis could run a PR campaign.
Using the hashtag #اقتراحك_لتطوير_اﻹعلام_الجهادي, which means “suggestions for development of jihadist media”, supporters of the Islamists' war on everyone offered various po-faced suggestions, …
Leaked photos of iPhone 5C parts portend ugly Google legal battle
Photos of cases and parts of the oft-rumored, lower-cost iPhone – which has been referred to in multiple outlets as the iPhone 5C – have flooded the interwebs in recent weeks, but a new set raises the spectre of an ugly legal battle between Apple and arch-rival Google.
We refer to an assortment of photos of what are said to be …
Nude swimmers warned of GONAD-GOBBLING FISH ON THE LOOSE
Swedish men have been told to stay out of the water after a gonad-gobbling fish known as the "ball cutter" was spotted in the wild.
The warning was issued after fisherman caught what appears to be a 21cm-long pacu fish in the Oresund Sound between Denmark and Sweden.
Related to the famous Amazonian piranha, the pacu is famous …
Oracle Team USA sailors admit breaking America's Cup rules
Larry Ellison’s beloved yacht-racing team has confessed to some naughty nautical fiddling and has voluntarily scuttled its results from recent run-up races to the America's Cup.
The chief of Ellison’s Oracle Team USA has revealed illegal modifications had been made to the team’s 45-foot AC45 catamarans by "a small number of team …
Webcam stripper strikes back at vicious 4Chan trolls after year of bullying
A webcam stripper has hit back at creepy trolls who subjected her to a sick year-long campaign of online abuse that made her cry on camera.
Nina Jaymes, 40, offers sweaty-palmed keyboard bashers the opportunity to pay her money to watch her disrobe on screen.
But the message board she uses to chat with her clients on her webcam …
Limbaugh: If you hate Apple then you're a lefty blog-o-twat hipster
Conservative radio jock Rush Limbaugh has discovered the existence of bloggers and determined they hate Apple and, thusly, Republicans.
Limbaugh reckoned love for Android, Google and Samsung is the only thing that can explain why bloggers have been laying into the iPhone and iPad maker lately. Nine out of 10 tech bloggers are …
Transdimensional rift appears above Australian bolt supplier
Shaken Oz reader Christopher Scott has been in touch to say he's just stumbled upon a transdimensional rift, spotted by Street View's all-seeing eye menacing Ringwood, Victoria:
Strange tear in the fabric of space time in the skies above Ringwood
It's difficult to ascertain just what lies beyond this sinister portal ripped …
Davros liable to criticism for huge STRAW DALEK he never built
It seems certain that evil alien mastermind Davros - who as any fule kno, created the Daleks - will soon find people criticising him harshly on the grounds that he has erected a huge Dalek made of straw in a Cheshire field as a cheesy marketing gimmick.
The gigantic corn-dolly daleks feared nothing ... except combine harvesters …
BONG goes HYPER as default.gov POWERS the FUTURE
¡Bong! Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am currently trapped inside a small magnetic levitation podule in a vacuum tunnel, along with several agitated dwarves. An NDA strictly forbids me from telling you that I am in a prototype of Elon Musk's Hyperloop. The dwarves are Elon's engineers and the location is … well, somewhere …
May the fourths be with you: Muso John Williams returns to Star Wars
Top movie muso John Williams will pen the latest Star Wars flick's music, Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy has announced.
The Oscar-winning composer, who put together the score for all six of the previous films in the saga, said he was happy to be coming back for the latest instalment.
"I've loved doing the Star Wars films …
German guardsmen growing mono-boobs from drilling with Nazi-era rifles
Tits & Guns Guardsmen serving in Germany's ceremonial display unit - the only formation which still parades with the Nazi-era service rifle - are much more likely than other soldiers to grow a single breast on the left side of their bodies, according to a medical study. Boffins looking into the matter believe that the undesired …
Robot cop called in after MAD BONGER blown up in LIQUID MARIJUANA EXPLOSION
Police in Colorado Springs were forced to call in robotic assistance last week after a devastating explosion - apparently caused by a man preparing super-strong marijuana oil - struck the city.
Cops were alerted to the crisis following the blast, when a man - apparently in roughly the same condition as a Disney cartoon character …
Indian military pondered attack on Venus and Jupiter
Some eagle-eyed astronomers have saved the planet from possible nuclear Armageddon after the Indian army mistook Jupiter and Venus for flying intruders from China.
Two star-gazers from the Indian Institute of Astrophysics in Bangalore were sent over 1,400 miles to Ladakh near the disputed border with China at the behest of the …
'Wandering Dago' tuck truck ejected from NY race track
The owners of a fast-food truck are bemoaning their ejection from a New York horse racing track, after the powers that be deemed its snappy name "Wandering Dago" a tad offensive to Italian Americans.
Wandering Dago proprietors Andrea Loguidice and Brandon Snooks (pictured below) had secured a spot to sell their nosh to punters …
Hooker in Dudley man's car 'just helping to buy tomatoes'
Walsall magistrates found themselves strangely unconvinced by a Dudley man's claim that a prostitute found in his car was helping him buy tomatoes.
Coppers eyeballed the "known sex worker" in Muhammad Ikhlaq's Nissan Micra in Walsall on 9 May, "apparently waiting for the driver to return from a nearby cash point", as the …
IT Crowd thesp eyes giant hot-air-filled FLYING SCROTUM
Actor Chris O'Dowd is backing an audacious plan to constuct an enormous flying 'nad sack - an "impossible to ignore" hot-air-filled scrotum designed to "combat the ignorance of testicular cancer".
Here's The IT Crowd man himself giving the background to the Male Cancer Awareness Campaign's "Skyballs":
As you can see, the …
Man who pulled gun during chess game surrenders to robot cop
A man who pulled a gun on his opponent during a late-night chess game subsequently surrendered to police following the deployment of a heavily armed enforcement robot.
According to the Seattle Times, a resident in the Washington town of Bellevue had invited a neighbour over for a friendly contest of brainpower across the black- …
Curses! Reddit plan for fat old beardy to 'smell hot pop girl Taylor Swift's hair' FOILED
A campaign to get a fat, "creepy", and apparently over-aged bloke to win a contest to have his picture snapped backstage with country music popstrel Taylor Swift has backfired.
The radio station - Boston's Kiss 108 FM - running the competition issued a terse statement that brought the race to pose alongside the Grammy Award- …
For pity's sake: DON'T MOVE to the COUNTRY if you want to live
People often think that the big city is a dangerous place: they worry that they might get murdered, for instance. Being killed on purpose is more likely in town, according to new research, but it is so rare compared to dying in an accident of some type that in fact you would be much more likely to die unexpectedly in the …
Divers nearly DEVOURED by HUNGRY SEA BEASTS
Video Two divers nearly relived the Jonah myth when a pair of humpback whales surfaced, jaws first, right next to them in a dining methodology that leviathan-lovers call "lunge feeding".
"We were just floating around in the water, hoping to get some shots of the whales in the distance, when all of a sudden the sardines started going …
Burger-rage horse dumps on McDonald's: Rider saddled with fat fine
A Greater Manchester woman has found to her cost that if you turn up on horseback to a McDonald's drive-through window and are refused service, it's probably unwise to then lead your mount into the restaurant and let it crap on the floor.
The unnamed horse-lover rolled up to the fast food outlet on Bury New Road, Whitefield, on …
Darth Vader's old gaff awaits exogorth desert DUNE DOOM
Anakin Skywalker's home city Mos Espa, featured in Star Wars prequel The Phantom Menace, is about to be swallowed up by the desert.
The film set in the Sahara desert - situated near the namesake of Darth Vader's home world, the Tunisian city of Tataouine - will be soon buried by a crescent-shaped sand dune, or barchan. The dune …
Middle America pulls up sagging pants menace, belts repeat offenders
It's evident that despite the best attempts of Middle America to crack down on sagging pants - da yoof's low-slung kecks look that has right-minded citizens firing up the Twat-O-Tron - the US way of life continues to be menaced by trousers flying at half mast.
Back in 2007, the Louisiana town of Delcambre took up cudgels against …
US Marine Corps misses target, finds and bombs Nemo
A mishandled exercise is being blamed for four bombs – two inert, and two explosive but unarmed – being ditched On Australia's World-Heritage-listed Great Barrier Reef.
Two American Harrier fighter-bombers lifted off from the USS Bonhomme Richard as part of Exercise Talisman Sabre, carrying 500-pound bombs. Their target was a …
Put the 3 Rs back in British Education: Infographics, Nextification, Chemicals
¡Bong! ”The period of schooling should be shortened, education should be revolutionized, and the domination of our schools by bourgeois intellectuals should by no means be allowed to continue.” - Mao Tse-Tsung, "The Whole Country Should Become a Great School of Mao Tse-Tung's Thought", Editorial, Renmin Ribao August 1966
It is rare and …
Paypal makes man 1000x as rich as the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE
A public relations boss briefly became the world's first quadrillionaire after a PayPal slip-up made him the richest man on the planet.
Chris Reynolds, from Delaware, opened up his monthly PayPal statement and was astonished to find he had suddenly been handed a whopping $92,233,720,368,547,800 - roughly 1000 times as much as …
Tweet like escaping Hell depends on it, Twitter Catholics told
The Catholic Church is handing out indulgences promising time off purgatory in exchange for a simple tweet.
The Pope previously promised that anyone attending the Rio World Youth Day would be handed a get-out-of-hell-free card, or an indulgence as they were once known. These offer forgiveness for sins, allowing the recipient the …
Man sues Apple for allowing him to become addicted to PORN
A self-confessed porn addict is sueing Apple after he claims he became so hooked on watching rude videos that his wife left him.
Tennessee man Chris Sevier, 36, has filed a 50-page complaint with the state's supreme court in which he slams the fruity firm for failing to install a blue movie filter on new devices.
He wants Apple …
'Thundering mechanical behemoth' walker mech to attack Leicester today
Vid Our hearts went pitter-pat here on the Register exoskeletons, walkers and mighty roaring machinery desk just now, when we got a press release telling us that all our dreams had come true - or some of them anyway.
It says:
Hydraulic walking machine to thunder through botanic garden
A hydraulic-powered mechanical beast will …
JOBS from beyond grave: I AM NOT A CROOK, it was an 'aikido move'
QuotW This was the week when Apple was ruled guilty as charged in the ebook price-fixing case by US District Judge Denise Cote and will now face a trial for damages.
The judge ruled that the fruity firm colluded with publishers to set the price folks should be paying for digital books and then sorted out a way to get that price. In …
'Clippy' coup felled by Microsoft twitterati
Redmond watchers discussing the corporate shake-up at Microsoft found one key figure lacking in the news: Clippy, the idiot-savant office assistant that pestered, hen-pecked, and lectured office users for a generation.
So concerned by Clippy's absence from the boardroom episode of musical chairs going on over at Microsoft was …
Daddy-o, you're all wet... baffled by your own kids on the web - survey
Parents can't figure out what their kids are up to online because they're clueless about internet lingo, a new survey has found.
The oldies are at a loss when children start chatting on about fraping or torrents and find textspeak acronyms like YOLO, LMIRL* and POS utterly impenetrable.
(If Reg readers want to check how down …
Put up your ... err ... hand for free vasectomy streamed online
Mark this one down in your diaries, Reg readers: October 18th is the first World Vasectomy Day, and if you're game you'll be able to get the snip for free by agreeing to have the operation streamed online.
The host for this spectacle will be the Royal Institution of Australia (RiAus), which thinks the day and its message of …
Germans brew up a right Sh*tstorm
Proof of the pervasive nature of the English language comes with the news that "shitstorm" has been named Germany's "Anglicism of the Year".
Our German cousins have embraced Shitstorm (capital "S", naturally, as is the local custom for nouns) as a way of describing "a public outcry, primarily on the internet".
The term rose to …
Upturned boat sails to Shed of the Year title
Take one upturned wooden boat, a few old old windows and doors, a wood burner and some 12V solar-powered lights and you've got the recipe for the 2013 Shed of the Year - a magnificent construction which saw off over 1,900 rivals to sail to the pinnacle of sheddie glory.
Alex Holland's boat-roofed shed
Clinging to the side of …
IT bloke inadvertently broadcasts smut on vast public screen
A Chinese techie who was supposed to be fixing a big screen overlooking a public square in Jilin instead accidentally broadcast 10 minutes of a Hong Kong grumble flick over the giant LED telly.
According to the Beeb, Yuan Mou kicked back to admire Forbidden Legend: Sex and Chopsticks on his laptop, blissfully unaware it was …
Modern-day Frankenstein invents CURE for BEHEADING
Italian scientists claim they have invented a method for carrying out a head transplant - a discovery that could prove life-changing for patients suffering from hitherto incurable diseases.
Boffins at the Turin Advanced Neuromodulation Group claim to have devised a new way to connect the brain to the spinal column.
The …
Jiggy Pennsylvania couple busted by 25 bike cops
A Pennsylvania couple have been cuffed after apparently picking a very unfortunate moment to engage in an al fresco coupling. The luckless pair were arrested by not one, not two, but a whopping 25 bike coppers.
According to this report, Richard McBride, 37, and Jennifer Harvey, 41, were spending time in a softball field bench in …
What's the difference between GEEKS and NERDS?
A data scientist says he has settled one of the most pressing conundra of the digital age. He has discovered the difference between geeks and nerds.
Burr Settles, software chap at crowdsourced translation platform Duolingo, rooted through millions of tweets to find the sorts of words that were used at the same time as either …
Exclusive: SNOWDEN and ME. TRUE MOSCOW story of OPEN DATA HERO
¡Bong! "Why a refrigerator? The answer does not, as some might assume, have anything to do with temperature. In fact, it does not matter particularly if the refrigerator was plugged in."
-The New York Times.
“Not piroshki again”, sighed Ed, picking wearily at the polystyrene tray. The greasy snack glistened under the harsh lights of …
